Something strange was going on. It seemed that one small act of letting Sam in for an afternoon had opened up a floodgate. Eric started texting him about surfing and tech stuff that Deeks couldn't even wrap his head around. Nell sent him a really thoughtful care package full of international snacks. He'd never really had a problem with them, seeing the duo as more separate from the team. But it was still unusual for them to contact him outside of work hours.

Sam called him the morning after his new bed was built, asking how he'd slept on it. Deeks told him it was fine, since he wasn't going to admit that he woke up in a cold sweat after an hour and moved back to the couch. He'd gotten used to having the cushions against his back and being in the bed felt too exposed.

That afternoon Callen stopped by with fish tacos and Sprite, which he said would be good for his recovery. No alcohol and grilled fish instead of fried was practically a diet food in Callen's opinion. Deeks reluctantly let him in, because he couldn't say yes to Sam and no to Callen. Luckily Callen found an old football game on TV and they spent his visit watching that in mostly silence, besides a few comments about plays. Deeks picked at the food, but he was still wary of eating anything he hadn't seen prepared. There was a very low chance that anything would be tampered with, but the thought of it still affected his appetite.

All in all, it was okay. Things still didn't feel all that natural, but it would take time. As long as they didn't try to force anything too quickly, they might end up better than they had been. Deeks should've known he'd do something to screw it up.

Deeks was just scouring his cabinets and fridge for something to eat for dinner when there was a knock at the door. He groaned, letting his head flop down onto his chest. While he usually thrived on human interaction, all he wanted to do was lay around alone until he got tired enough to attempt another night in his bed. Getting agitated wasn't going to help him relax. But he told himself that he would try as long as they were, so he couldn't go into this with a bad attitude. With a forced smile on his face, Deeks opened the door.

"Kensi?"

"Hey partner." Deeks could only stare in surprise for a few moments at the sight of his partner standing in the doorway.

"You're okay? I mean, your op went okay? Obviously you're okay, since you're standing here. When, uh- when did you get back?" Deeks stammered. It had only been a few days but Deeks felt like he forgot how to act in front of her. Was she pissed about the last time they talked? Was she going to pretend everything was fine and leave them both in some awkward limbo? What was the better option?

"I finished up this morning, but then had a ton of paperwork to fill out. I thought I would surprise you."

"So you're saying that Callen knew your op was finished the whole time he was over here and he just didn't say anything?"

"Pretty much."

"That sounds like Callen," Deeks scoffed, shaking his head.

"Well, are you gonna let me in? I'm still welcome, aren't I?" Kensi teased.

"Of course, yeah. Sorry," Deeks replied, stepping back so Kensi could walk in. He watched her steps carefully, in case she was hiding some sort of injury, but he didn't see anything. She was fine, so they could go back to how they were before. Whatever that looked like now.

"So, what have you been up to without me?" Kensi asked, glancing around the room.

"Oh, you know. Parties, drugs, a little bit of street fighting," Deeks shrugged.

"The usual."

"Gotta have a routine." Kensi hummed in response. "Really though, I've just been resting. No new injuries."

"Good."

"Although, I did have a few visitors. I guess I have you to thank for that," Deeks said, keeping his voice casual and without accusation. He wasn't trying to start a fight.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I was on an op, remember?" Kensi grinned.

"Sure," Deeks smirked. "But I guess that's over, now that you're back."

"Actually…" Kensi trailed off as there was a knock at his door.

"Kensi."

"Surprise," Sam said, poking his head through the door. Callen was right behind him, holding a stack of pizzas. Sam had bags full of what looked like drinks.

"What is this?" Deeks asked, standing back as everyone made themselves at home in his living room.

"We're here to watch the game," Callen replied, walking past him to go into his kitchen.

"What game?"

"Lakers are playing," Sam grinned.

"And?"

"And we're here to watch it with you. And celebrate a successful op," Callen said, coming back into the room with plates and napkins.

"I got root beer and ginger beer," Sam announced, setting the drinks on the table next to the pizzas.

"What about beer beer?" Callen asked, turning his nose up at the selection.

"You can't mix alcohol with painkillers. And it would be rude to drink in front of Deeks," Sam pointed out.

"I'm not on painkillers," Deeks mumbled.

"Well, either way. We don't need alcohol to have a good time."

"It would probably help," Deeks grunted. Nothing about this seemed fun. It was one thing to have each of them in small doses, but this was too much, too soon. But arguing against it would just make things worse. He could grin and bear it for one night. Maybe it would start getting easier.

Deeks somehow ended up on the couch between Kensi and Sam, while Callen got his own chair, the lucky bastard. He had to admit eating the pizza was easier than he expected, since the odds were low that he would happen to choose the bad slices in an array of so many. And the soda wasn't too bad either.

He felt himself starting to relax. This is what he'd wanted all along, right? To be given a chance to be part of the team. To be included in things. This was his opportunity, so he needed to get out of his head and let it happen.

Sam was actually pretty funny when he wasn't trying to be the toughest guy in the room. And he couldn't help smiling when he heard Kensi's ridiculous snorts of laughter. They were telling stories about other basketball games they'd watched. Deeks still wasn't saying much, but he was starting to feel like one of the group.

"Remember when those frat guys lost their minds because they had money on the Spurs game and ended up spilling their drinks on that waitress?" Callen asked, shaking his head at the memory.

"And then Kensi got up and reamed them out," Sam snorted.

"Didn't she put one in a headlock?"

"They needed to be taught a lesson," Kensi defended, shrugging her shoulders.

"And who better to teach them than Badass Blye?" Sam smirked.

"When was this?" Deeks chuckled. He secretly enjoyed hearing stories about the team from before he came along, getting a better insight into who they were when he wasn't around.

"That was the night we closed the Andover case, right? When they blew up that building to cover up their drug smuggling business?" Callen replied, furrowing his brow in concentration.

"Oh man, that one sucked. But at least we got everyone out okay," Kensi muttered.

"And caught the perps," Sam added.

"Yeah," Deeks agreed, trying to keep his face blank. He remembered that case, because it had only been about a month ago. They'd finished up early that day and Hetty had been gracious enough to give them the rest of the night off. The three of them had made various comments about going home and relaxing after a stressful case. Deeks had sat on the water for a few hours, before sitting at home by himself. Evidently, the rest of them had decided to get together. His invitation must've gotten lost in the mail.

Kensi noticed his change in demeanor, because she shook her head at the other two, who were still joking about that night. It didn't matter anymore and it shouldn't have bothered Deeks. They probably did stuff together all the time. It was just stinging a bit more now that he'd gotten included out of pity.

"So Deeks, got any good bar recommendations around here? Next time we go out, you can pick the spot," Kensi offered.

"You'll have to tell me afterwards if you had fun," Deeks mumbled, grimacing as he saw Kensi's face fall. "Sorry."

"Deeks-"

"It's fine," Deeks said quickly. He didn't want to talk about how he felt like the only kid in class who didn't get invited to the big birthday party. He felt pathetic enough as it was.

"It's not."

"It doesn't matter, Kensi, so leave it," Deeks snapped. He could feel Sam and Callen's eyes on him and he hated it. Deeks hated feeling like he was being scrutinized. They would be able to pick him apart so easily.

"It does matter and I think we should talk about it," Kensi sighed, turning on the couch to face him. Kensi and Sam were bracketing him on either side, with Callen not too far behind and Deeks was starting to feel trapped. He hated that feeling and could feel the urge to lash out bubbling up.

"We really don't," Deeks insisted.

"Deeks."

"Leave it alone."

"Deeks."

"I said leave it alone!" Deeks shouted, pushing himself off the couch and stomping over to the side of the room. He couldn't breathe with them so close. Deeks was so tired of people trying to make his decisions for him. "Why are you all even here?"

"Because we want to be, Deeks," Kensi replied, looking to the others for support.

"Since when? What did I do to earn my place in the club?" Deeks shot back.

"How we acted before was wrong and we're just trying to do the right thing. To fix what we messed up."

"You didn't see me as good enough for the team before and you have the right to your opinion, but don't come in here now like anything's changed. It hasn't and it can't. Not because of this," Deeks ground out. If the foundation of their new friendship was built on what Carly did to him, he would never be able to get past it. Every nice moment would lead back to them feeling sorry for him.

"Deeks, we never said you weren't good enough," Sam argued. Deeks gaped at him, letting out a bitter laugh in shock.

"Really? That's amusing, coming from you," Deeks spat.

"Deeks-"

"No, let's play this like normal. Let's hear the jokes about how I let a girl kidnap me. I know you've been dying to get them out," Deeks challenged, holding his arms out to his sides in invitation. "Tell me how you never would've let it happen to you and how you can't trust me in the field. Tell me I'm a pathetic victim who has no place on your team. Tell me that I was never good enough and this just proves it!" Deeks was shouting by the end, letting his anger take the lead instead of his pain. That was everything he'd been thinking and it didn't make him feel better letting it all out. It just made him more vulnerable in front of the last people he ever wanted to show weakness to.

"Deeks, calm down," Kensi soothed.

"No, don't tell me to calm down. Stop telling me what to do and how to feel and how what I'm saying isn't right. You don't get to make my decisions for me," Deeks ground out. "And what I want now is for you all to leave."

"Deeks, please."

"Now," Deeks hissed, before turning and walking away without another word. He went into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him for good measure. Deeks ground his palms into his eyes, trying to tamp down his emotions. Why had something so stupid and trivial been the trigger to everything flying out of his mouth? It had been going so well, but he just had to ruin it.

They were well on their way to something better, but Deeks couldn't shut up and accept it. Couldn't accept a superficial, surface-level friendship. He just had to slip and Kensi had to push and now they were worse off than they started. And this time, Deeks had no one to blame but himself.


Author's Note: Back with my usual apology for the delay. I think the next chapter is going to start the healing process for Deeks, since he's starting to be more honest with everyone about how he's feeling. He still needs to do the same about the Carly stuff, but I think I know someone who might be able to help with that.