Threads Integrated-Chapter 2
A/N: Thankyou for all your great reviews. Please keep them coming!
"Hi Mom!"
Sam let out a small yell of surprise. There, standing in front of her was the unborn imaginary daughter that her subconscious had created during her stay on the Prometheus the previous year.
"Jess," Sam said warily, at a loss for anything substantial to say to the girl. Jess looked at her expectantly, and after receiving no more words of greeting, rolled her eyes and flicked her hair behind her ears again. Sam wondered briefly where her daughter picked up this idiosyncrasy, before mentally hitting herself in the head. This wasn't really her daughter at all. Just a figment of her imagination. Nothing more.
"How are you?" Jess asked, when it became obvious that Sam was not willing to continue the conversation.
"What are you doing here?" Sam asked, more angrily than she had meant to.
"Came for a chat." Jess replied playfully, obviously not worried by her mother's irritable tone.
"What do you want Jess?" Sam asked, her patience wearing quite thin. She didn't understand why her "daughter" was even here. She had closed that particular can of worms a year ago now and had no doubt in her mind that she had made the correct decision about her life partner. So she told herself, anyhow.
"I'm hurt," Jess chastised. "I would have thought you'd be thrilled to hear from your only daughter."
"Uh Jess, circumstances have changed a little."
"Have they?" Jess asked, her playful demeanour not in the least bit disturbed by her mother's last statement.
"You're a lot more…perky than our last meeting," Sam said, her eyes narrowing. She had a suspicion that Jess had something up her sleeve.
"Oh, that's because I'm not as angry with you this time. I mean, you did take my advice."
Sam smiled. Perhaps this visit would turn out to be a pleasant one. Jess seemed pleased that she had taken her advice, after all. Except, Sam reasoned, Jess hadn't actually said she wasn't angry.
"Not as angry?"
"Well yeah, there are a few details…"
"Like what?" Sam interrupted.
"Well, remember how I said to go and marry someone and live happily ever after?" Jess asked, fidgeting with her fingers as she edged closed to her mother.
"Yeah?"
"That was only if you'd gotten over dad first."
Sam opened her mouth in consternation. She tried to ignore the back flip her stomach had just executed and instead glared daggers at her daughter, who obviously was behind on the times.
"What are you talking about?" she asked, trying to inject a laid-back air into her voice. "I've moved on…considerably"
"I see," said Jess, who, by the contemptuous look on her face, clearly didn't.
"I have!" Sam argued, intent on getting her point across. It crossed her mind for a split second that she was only trying to convince herself, but, like most thoughts she had about Jack O'Neill, she refused to grant it permission to enter her head properly.
"Right," said Jess, who seemed to be well aware of Sam's thoughts. "So, you don't love Dad anymore?" she goaded.
"It's not quite that simple Jess," Sam said, choosing, rather diplomatically, to neither affirm or deny the statement.
"Really?" Jess asked, contempt still etched in every feature of her face.
"Look," said Sam, unable to bear her daughter's know-all sneer any longer. "I love Pete. I'm going to marry him," she said, in her opinion, closing the matter.
"Sure," Jess replied, as though she actually understood. Sam's eyes widened in surprise. She even managed to smile.
"Do you love him more than dad?" Jess asked, just when it seemed Sam had won.
"Jess, that's not fair!" Sam almost shouted, horrified at what her daughter asked, and indeed, what she would have answered.
"Why? Because I already know the answer?" Jess asked.
"The answer is Pete!" Sam yelled.
"Then why are you having a conversation with a child you imagine yourself having with another man?"
For the second time, Sam was at a loss for words. Why was she having a conversation with Jack's daughter? There must have been some reason, or her subconscious would not have conjured her in the first place.
"Why are you here?" she asked finally, with no trace of warmth in her voice.
"To steer you in the right direction," Jess replied, just as candidly.
"I'm already going in the right direction," said Sam, but she was no longer convinced that what she said was really true.
"So why am I still here?"
Sam huffed in frustration. How the hell should she know what the girl was doing here?
"Do you remember what we talked about last time I visited?" Jess asked.
"Vividly," Sam said, restraining herself from rolling her eyes.
"Good. Then you'll remember what I said about being sure of things…Not living for what-ifs?"
Sam nodded. When Jess didn't continue, she shrugged. "What?"
"How many times have you thought about dad today?"
"I dunno, a few," she said shaking her head at the pointlessness of that question.
"How many times did you think about Dad replacing Pete?"
Sam's stomach leapt again.
"I haven't!" she yelled, her mind racing, trying to pinpoint a time when she may actually have done so.
"Oh? So, Pete's inconsideration towards Granpa didn't make you think of Dad?"
"No," Sam said instinctively, wondering if it was in fact a lie.
"And Neither did Kerry Johnson?"
"Who?"
"The chick that was in dad's office the other day," Jess said.
"Ah," said Sam in recognition. "No," she answered, quite sure that it was a lie.
"And you haven't at all thought what life would be like for you and Dad right now if you hadn't met Pete?" Jess asked, with a look that told Sam that she knew the right answer, regardless of the one she was given. "You do realise that it's kind of impossible to lie to me, don't you?" she asked.
Sam scoffed. "Obviously," she said.
"Mom, you gotta stop this!" said Jess, finally losing her cool. For the first time since they had met, she actually looked quite desperate to get her point across.
"Stop what?" Sam asked, becoming genuinely worried.
"Lying to yourself, lying to me, lying to Pete, lying to Dad…"
"I haven't lied to anyone!" Sam said before Jess could continue the list. This was getting beyond bearable. Jess merely glared at her. "What do you want me to do?" Sam pleaded, unsure of just what it was that Jess meant.
"Find out the truth," she answered passionately. "Stop wondering, and just find out. Mom, you can't live your married life wondering what it would be like to be with another man. It's not fair. To you or to Pete."
With one fowl swoop Sam lost any conviction she had towards her case. She had never thought of how she may have been hurting Pete before.
"I know," she said quietly, ashamed that she had been so self-centred in her decision to stay with Pete. She wondered if it had hurt Jack as much.
"So what are you going to do?" Jess prompted, like Sam should have already known the answer. As though their brains were connected (which in fact, they were), a mental image entered her head of their last meeting in which they had discussed Sam's options in finding out the truth.
Sam had imagined herself trying to find out the truth. The vision consisted of her asking her co whether he loved her or not, only to be scorned and asked to be transferred.
"No," Jess had answered. "That would be a stupid idea…just yet" she added.
"No," Sam said, realising just what Jess was suggesting she do. "No way."
"It's time Mom."
"I can't do it," said Sam, petrified to the very bone.
"Yes you can. Put it to rest once and for all."
Sam had to close her eyes to steady herself. She didn't know if she could put it to rest. The lingering feeling and its implications had lived within her for so long now.
"And if the answer is nothing?" she asked, voicing her biggest fear of all.
"Then marry Shanahan," Jess said simply. "But if it's something?"
Sam thought of what could happen if they only just acknowledged the 'something' that they shared. She gritted her teeth. It had been a fixed factor for too long to think about it realistically. There were too many possibilities, too many variables, too many forks in the road. Anything could happen. And a mathematic mind like Colonel Samantha Carter's could not take such a risk with so many variables.
"I can't do it Jess," she said, desperate for her subconscious to understand that she sincerely found it beyond her.
"Why not?" Jess asked, her eyes boring into Sam's. "Because you could find out that eight years all boiled down to nothing?"
"Wouldn't that be a good thing?" Sam asked, honestly not knowing the answer.
"I don't know. Would it? Look, I'll cut you a deal. If you can go through the next day without thinking about dad in a romantic way, you can forget everything I just said."
Sam thought it over in her head. That was simple. She was sure she had gone several months in the past without thinking about him in that context. But, then again, he was never far from her mind, if out of it at all.
"And if I can't?" she asked, both proud and embarrassed that she had the courage to voice the question.
"Then you go to him," said Jess without a moment's hesitation. "You owe him that much."
Sam nodded and gave Jess a small smile. She knew she was right. She suddenly had a very maternal urge to hug the teenager, but before she got within touching vicinity, a distant voice seemed to be pulling her away.
"Sam…Sam wake up! Sam…it's time to get up…we're going driving today remember…Sam, honey…"
And with a gentle push, Sam was dragged from her dream world back into her bed, where a man was shaking her slightly. She blinked her eyes a few times and stifled a yawn.
"Jack?" she thought, a small smile on her face. She was about to voice her question just before realising that she was awake, and that she was with Pete, not Jack; in life, not fantasy.
"Morning Pete," she said sleepily, realising that her count of romantic thoughts about Jack O'Neill hd already reached one.
