Wild-filly: ^_^ Thanks go to my first reviewers DarkDemonMaster,
SilverKnight7, nobody, MoonWraith and Darker Magenta for their
encouragement.
In answer to MoonWraith's constructive criticism that I will berate her about at school for, this fic more or less takes place in Kakashi's memory, so please bear in mind that I've had to fill in some details that I haven't found answers for. It's also not incredibly dark or grim at the moment BECAUSE NOTHING DARK HAS HAPPENED!!!! I'm a humour writer more than angst, and Kakashi's life isn't continually depressing in this fic at least... I hope this has helped clear up a few things ^_^
Disclaimer: *sigh* Unfortunately I still have to write these stupid things *monotone voice* As much as she would love to, wild-filly does not own Naruto, Kakashi or anyone else from the manga and anime. She does, however, own her OC and the half-empty coffee cup with a pony motif beside the computer... it's something I suppose ^_^
***
Okumen Gokurakuchou: Chapter 1
***
How long had it been? More than twelve years, certainly. The exact number of days? Ah, who knows. He'd lost track of this kind of thing even since before becoming a Jounin. There, that's when it all began, two months after his sixteenth birthday...
*
It was a just a little more than an hour after dawn, gentle spring light throwing an elegant traditional Japanese building into serene relief. Small groups of anxious Chuunin stood huddled by the bronzed entrance, automatically segregated into different villages and all feeling the slight bitter chill reminiscent of winter and of being woken so early. It was not going to be an easy day for any of them, regardless of their origins.
"Sorry I'm late. Someone moved the building".
A lanky silver-haired Chuunin casually ambled over to the apprehensive group of other Leaf Chuunin; striding easily over the dew-tipped grass, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he was more than an hour late. Not that this appeared to particularly matter, since calling all of the prospect Jounin early to the examinations appeared to be a sadistic ploy to see who could handle the stress before the exam, as well as during.
Nerves strung out to the maximum as it was, a gangling adolescent with an unflattering bowl haircut gave a yowl of frustration, "why would someone move the building exclusively to ensure that you and ONLY you are late?! You're a hopeless liar, Hatake Kakashi".
Completely unabashed, Kakashi ignored what may pass as a greeting from the hyperactive teenaged boy with a hairstyle that could serve as a mirror pacing at the side of the building, turning cheerfully instead to the others regarding him with sullen indifference.
"Good morning Masurao, Ibiki, Ebisu..... Gai"
Masurao grinned, rolling his dark eyes in a combination of annoyance and humour. Everything had been changing recently, but some things never changed; and his team-mate's complete inability to appear less than an hour after the designated meeting time was one of them. "Good morning. How could you come late to the exam you've had to wait ten years for?"
Kakashi shrugged, black eyes arching into a grin over his dark mask, "force of habit I suppose".
Ebisu straightened, absentmindedly brushing a piece of nonexistent dust from his spotless black uniform as he fixed Kakashi with a disapproving glare over his black sunglasses, "you should show our instructors a little more respect. If it hadn't been for the fact that they seem to have intentionally called us out to wait this long, you may have been instantly failed".
Masurao and Kakashi exchanged a despairing glance. Ebisu was one of those people who could do no wrong; a complete teacher's pet and seemingly immune to any and every human emotion. It was the popular goal of many Chuunin to find some way to make him ridiculously drunk without directly threatening their continued existence.
Somewhat affronted that he had been ignored, Gai scanned the area, striking one of his now infamous poses as he did so. Masurao, Kakashi and Ibiki automatically took a step off to one side, attempting to make appear as though they were part of another group. Practising these "poses" had been one of Gai favourite pastimes even during class. Masurao, Ibiki and Ebisu had no real problems with Gai as far as his attitude went. He was a nice enough person; a little odd perhaps, but not prone to homicidal urges or other unpleasant characteristics and therefore; not all that objectionable. Between Gai and Kakashi however, there was a particularly special kind of hatred.
So why did Gai and his "eternal rival", as he had dubbed the nonchalant Kakashi, hang around in the same group of Chuunin? This, along with the answer to life, the universe and everything, is more or less unknown or put in such ridiculous terms that no one knows what to make of them and ultimately gives up in disgust.
"Someone's coming!"
Kakashi sighed as Gai yelped out the message to everyone within a kilometre radius. "You don't say?"
Gai jerked around, glaring at his rival, thick eyebrows bent in an expression of fury that only intensified as Kakashi proceeded to ignore the challenge and instead began to casually rub at the vivid tattoo on his arm, yawning behind his mask.
"Very good, as much as I'd expect from my eternal rival... your attitude irritates me to no end". Gai trailed off as a group of four white-robed ninja broke through the clusters of moody Chuunin and stepped up onto a slight wooden podium, situated at the arched entrance of the aged building.
One of the ninja strode forward, easing back his hood as he moved. Spiky blond locks flicked out into the open, startling Kakashi to attention; his sensei was here.
The Fourth Hokage coughed, clearing his throat as he surveyed the sea of faces before him. He caught the eyes of his former pupils, grinning slightly before frowning. "I proudly welcome to you all to the Jounin exam. It is vital that you all understand the importance of the venture you are all about to undertake. Some of you have only recently deemed yourselves fit to enter while others have believed themselves worthy well before they were of the age limit". His azure eyes rested on Kakashi's, twinkling in humour. Kakashi grinned in spite of himself. Try telling a six year-old Chuunin genius with an ego problem that he's not old enough to become a Jounin; it took a very special kind of teacher.
The Hokage continued, "This exam however, will require skills that have taken you all most of a lifetime to achieve. Like the Chuunin exam, you will sit an initial paper test, but after that, you will have to face challenges that few of you have ever encountered".
His eyes hardened, closing coldly as he stepped backwards and another of the examiners moved into his position. This one was female, short curly hair a deep crimson against her pale hood. "You will all now be sitting the first exam in one of the classrooms behind me. Shut up and follow".
Stringing along towards the back of the mass as the Chuunin filed into the delicately decorated building, Masurao yawned widely, "charming introduction really".
Ebisu frowned disapprovingly as Kakashi snorted, backed by Gai who could never resist an opportunity to snub his eternal rival.
"Ebisu-san is right! Even in the flames of youth, you two would both do well to show our superiors due respect!"
Even Ebisu gave a slight shudder and stepped off to one side, Kakashi smacking into a Chuunin girl in his haste to get out of range.
"Watch where you're going, asshole!"
Kakashi debated glaring and defending his dignity but upon observing the livid expression on the girl's face decided that polite indignance would be safer. "I humbly apologise for my clumsiness, may I be so venturous as to beg for forgiveness?" Well... sarcasm was close enough.
He was treated to another icy glare before the other Chuunin stalked off, long black and white ponytail twitching irritably over her shoulders in her brisk gait to catch up with the rest of the class. Masurao snickered, "really smooth Kakashi..."
Unable to face his supposed best friend and hideously aware that Gai was well within earshot of this little scene, Kakashi increased the pace as the other Chuunin vanished down another winding corridor and out of sight. A classroom door lurked to the left of the passage, accompanied by a beautiful painting of a Japanese garden, complete with ornate bridge and carp pool. He burst through just in time to see Ebisu slip into an adjacent chamber and a heavy, reinforced sliding door slam shut right in front of his face. There was a profoundly final series of clicks as several blots were drawn and a swift clicking of heels that faded out of earshot.
Masurao clattered to a halt behind him, closely followed by Gai. "Oh wonderful Kakashi. In accordance to popular belief, your tardiness IS contagious", moaned Masurao in annoyance, "we're late for the first part of the Jounin exam and it's more than partly your fault!"
"Hai, hai, hai, I know. There has to be some other way in".
"No! This examination room is completely sealed to prevent cheating, even the walls are sound-proofed!"
Kakashi eyed the other Chuunin in surprise, "and you know this how?"
Gai stuck his nose in the air arrogantly, "I may not be a genius, but unlike you, rival-Kakashi, I go to great lengths to understand the situation of my surroundings!"
"Hai", agreed Masurao, "it was mentioned on the exam brochure".
Gai blushed furiously and stalked out of the room and continued down the corridor, "there is, however, a small skylight above the examination room. We may be able to attract attention from the examiners from it!"
Kakashi shrugged, "may as well try it. I honestly can't be bothered waiting another year for this".
It had hardly taken them five minutes to become hopelessly lost in the dusty upper levels of the otherwise magnificent temple that the exam was being conducted in. Masurao gave a shriek of horror as part of the fragile wooden floor crumbled beneath him, lunging for the side of the filthy room before he could plunge into the gloom below. A great cloud of ancient dust rose to greet him, accenting his black hair with fawn highlights and sending him wheezing into a corner.
Kakashi shook his head in disdain, "remind me again why we listened to you, Gai? I should have followed the better of my instincts and returned to trying to pass myself off as eighteen years old in the bookshop".
Gai laughed, striking the dreaded pose that was spoilt somewhat by the mass of cobwebs dulling the impressive reflective shine of his hair. "Hah! Unbeknownst to you, rival-Kakashi, we are in fact above the exam room right now! All we have to do is open the skylight and drop gracefully into the class!"
"If only it were that easy", grumbled Masurao, stumbling to his feet and joining the other two at the edge of the small, grubby glass window, "what kind of a moron puts a skylight leading to an attic anyway? Doesn't it defeat the initial purpose of it being a skylight?!"
Kakashi was about to respond with an equally observant remark when the floor beneath him gave a nasty creak. He looked at Gai and Masurao in horror, their own expressions confirming his fears. With a decisive ripping, tearing, the rotted floor spit right from under the resigned Kakashi's feet and sent him plunging into the row of neatly lined desks below.
Then ensued several screams, a couple of stray curses and enough dust to merit a box of smoke bombs.
Kakashi blinked, remaining exceptionally casual for someone who has just plunged through a disintegrated ceiling and onto a pile that seemed to comprise predominantly of sharp desk and flailing student. The fact that the room had been in utter silence as the occupants listened to an intensely-important lecture did not help matters. Kakashi noted that none of his limbs appeared to be broken, twisted or maimed as of yet. That was a bonus at least. The desk was adding a distinctive pain factor, but as far he could tell from all the dust that was all.
As the dust cleared, Kakashi made the observation that indeed, the desk was not all he had landed on. He was also in a rather curious position; one that had prevented him from breaking any limbs, but one that could result in arranging to have his limbs broken at a later date. Years of martial arts training had included the best methods of landing from high falls, predominantly in the form of bracing his knees and allowing his hands and arms to take a little of the momentum. Unfortunately, the desk, or more accurately, the CHAIR of the student had interrupted his decent.
The chair was now flat-backed against the floor, his hands correctly spaced on the opposite sides of the chair-back. It seemed that his knees had reorganised themselves on either sides of the chair, or once again more accurately, either sides of the student. Honestly, he'd almost flattened the same girl in the space of less than ten minutes in one day... what are the odds?
Upon closer observation, these were definitely not fortunate odds. The girl did not seem to think that this was so lucky at all. She looked positively furious. Did she recognise him? Unlikely... mind you, the mask and the hair and the general klutziness of the whole situation was a little incriminating. What does a valued ANBU member and an advanced Chuunin say to redeem himself in this kind of situation?
"Uhh... haven't we met before?"
The resounding slap had every male student cringing in his desk. From where they were peering over the ledge that Kakashi had inadvertently created during his unanticipated descent, Masurao and Gai shuddered and debated on where or not to return to the relative safety of the dust or risk going down there themselves.
Kakashi's expression was exceptionally shocked for someone who should have been smart enough not to expect any other reaction. A perfect scarlet hand- imprint was forming on his right cheek, or at least the part not covered by mask. In hindsight, he was rather impressed that not only had she managed to strike him so effectively at such close range, but also the fact she was able to strike him at all given the pinned nature of her arms.
The crimson-haired Special Jounin buried her face in her hands. Give me bloodthirsty assassins, a sealed room carpeted with poisonous reptiles or any number, any random assortment of murderous ninja; but why, oh why did it have to be managing a class of these Chuunin morons?
*
wild-filly: please review! If you have any questions regarding characters or plotline, feel free to ask... ^_^
In answer to MoonWraith's constructive criticism that I will berate her about at school for, this fic more or less takes place in Kakashi's memory, so please bear in mind that I've had to fill in some details that I haven't found answers for. It's also not incredibly dark or grim at the moment BECAUSE NOTHING DARK HAS HAPPENED!!!! I'm a humour writer more than angst, and Kakashi's life isn't continually depressing in this fic at least... I hope this has helped clear up a few things ^_^
Disclaimer: *sigh* Unfortunately I still have to write these stupid things *monotone voice* As much as she would love to, wild-filly does not own Naruto, Kakashi or anyone else from the manga and anime. She does, however, own her OC and the half-empty coffee cup with a pony motif beside the computer... it's something I suppose ^_^
***
Okumen Gokurakuchou: Chapter 1
***
How long had it been? More than twelve years, certainly. The exact number of days? Ah, who knows. He'd lost track of this kind of thing even since before becoming a Jounin. There, that's when it all began, two months after his sixteenth birthday...
*
It was a just a little more than an hour after dawn, gentle spring light throwing an elegant traditional Japanese building into serene relief. Small groups of anxious Chuunin stood huddled by the bronzed entrance, automatically segregated into different villages and all feeling the slight bitter chill reminiscent of winter and of being woken so early. It was not going to be an easy day for any of them, regardless of their origins.
"Sorry I'm late. Someone moved the building".
A lanky silver-haired Chuunin casually ambled over to the apprehensive group of other Leaf Chuunin; striding easily over the dew-tipped grass, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he was more than an hour late. Not that this appeared to particularly matter, since calling all of the prospect Jounin early to the examinations appeared to be a sadistic ploy to see who could handle the stress before the exam, as well as during.
Nerves strung out to the maximum as it was, a gangling adolescent with an unflattering bowl haircut gave a yowl of frustration, "why would someone move the building exclusively to ensure that you and ONLY you are late?! You're a hopeless liar, Hatake Kakashi".
Completely unabashed, Kakashi ignored what may pass as a greeting from the hyperactive teenaged boy with a hairstyle that could serve as a mirror pacing at the side of the building, turning cheerfully instead to the others regarding him with sullen indifference.
"Good morning Masurao, Ibiki, Ebisu..... Gai"
Masurao grinned, rolling his dark eyes in a combination of annoyance and humour. Everything had been changing recently, but some things never changed; and his team-mate's complete inability to appear less than an hour after the designated meeting time was one of them. "Good morning. How could you come late to the exam you've had to wait ten years for?"
Kakashi shrugged, black eyes arching into a grin over his dark mask, "force of habit I suppose".
Ebisu straightened, absentmindedly brushing a piece of nonexistent dust from his spotless black uniform as he fixed Kakashi with a disapproving glare over his black sunglasses, "you should show our instructors a little more respect. If it hadn't been for the fact that they seem to have intentionally called us out to wait this long, you may have been instantly failed".
Masurao and Kakashi exchanged a despairing glance. Ebisu was one of those people who could do no wrong; a complete teacher's pet and seemingly immune to any and every human emotion. It was the popular goal of many Chuunin to find some way to make him ridiculously drunk without directly threatening their continued existence.
Somewhat affronted that he had been ignored, Gai scanned the area, striking one of his now infamous poses as he did so. Masurao, Kakashi and Ibiki automatically took a step off to one side, attempting to make appear as though they were part of another group. Practising these "poses" had been one of Gai favourite pastimes even during class. Masurao, Ibiki and Ebisu had no real problems with Gai as far as his attitude went. He was a nice enough person; a little odd perhaps, but not prone to homicidal urges or other unpleasant characteristics and therefore; not all that objectionable. Between Gai and Kakashi however, there was a particularly special kind of hatred.
So why did Gai and his "eternal rival", as he had dubbed the nonchalant Kakashi, hang around in the same group of Chuunin? This, along with the answer to life, the universe and everything, is more or less unknown or put in such ridiculous terms that no one knows what to make of them and ultimately gives up in disgust.
"Someone's coming!"
Kakashi sighed as Gai yelped out the message to everyone within a kilometre radius. "You don't say?"
Gai jerked around, glaring at his rival, thick eyebrows bent in an expression of fury that only intensified as Kakashi proceeded to ignore the challenge and instead began to casually rub at the vivid tattoo on his arm, yawning behind his mask.
"Very good, as much as I'd expect from my eternal rival... your attitude irritates me to no end". Gai trailed off as a group of four white-robed ninja broke through the clusters of moody Chuunin and stepped up onto a slight wooden podium, situated at the arched entrance of the aged building.
One of the ninja strode forward, easing back his hood as he moved. Spiky blond locks flicked out into the open, startling Kakashi to attention; his sensei was here.
The Fourth Hokage coughed, clearing his throat as he surveyed the sea of faces before him. He caught the eyes of his former pupils, grinning slightly before frowning. "I proudly welcome to you all to the Jounin exam. It is vital that you all understand the importance of the venture you are all about to undertake. Some of you have only recently deemed yourselves fit to enter while others have believed themselves worthy well before they were of the age limit". His azure eyes rested on Kakashi's, twinkling in humour. Kakashi grinned in spite of himself. Try telling a six year-old Chuunin genius with an ego problem that he's not old enough to become a Jounin; it took a very special kind of teacher.
The Hokage continued, "This exam however, will require skills that have taken you all most of a lifetime to achieve. Like the Chuunin exam, you will sit an initial paper test, but after that, you will have to face challenges that few of you have ever encountered".
His eyes hardened, closing coldly as he stepped backwards and another of the examiners moved into his position. This one was female, short curly hair a deep crimson against her pale hood. "You will all now be sitting the first exam in one of the classrooms behind me. Shut up and follow".
Stringing along towards the back of the mass as the Chuunin filed into the delicately decorated building, Masurao yawned widely, "charming introduction really".
Ebisu frowned disapprovingly as Kakashi snorted, backed by Gai who could never resist an opportunity to snub his eternal rival.
"Ebisu-san is right! Even in the flames of youth, you two would both do well to show our superiors due respect!"
Even Ebisu gave a slight shudder and stepped off to one side, Kakashi smacking into a Chuunin girl in his haste to get out of range.
"Watch where you're going, asshole!"
Kakashi debated glaring and defending his dignity but upon observing the livid expression on the girl's face decided that polite indignance would be safer. "I humbly apologise for my clumsiness, may I be so venturous as to beg for forgiveness?" Well... sarcasm was close enough.
He was treated to another icy glare before the other Chuunin stalked off, long black and white ponytail twitching irritably over her shoulders in her brisk gait to catch up with the rest of the class. Masurao snickered, "really smooth Kakashi..."
Unable to face his supposed best friend and hideously aware that Gai was well within earshot of this little scene, Kakashi increased the pace as the other Chuunin vanished down another winding corridor and out of sight. A classroom door lurked to the left of the passage, accompanied by a beautiful painting of a Japanese garden, complete with ornate bridge and carp pool. He burst through just in time to see Ebisu slip into an adjacent chamber and a heavy, reinforced sliding door slam shut right in front of his face. There was a profoundly final series of clicks as several blots were drawn and a swift clicking of heels that faded out of earshot.
Masurao clattered to a halt behind him, closely followed by Gai. "Oh wonderful Kakashi. In accordance to popular belief, your tardiness IS contagious", moaned Masurao in annoyance, "we're late for the first part of the Jounin exam and it's more than partly your fault!"
"Hai, hai, hai, I know. There has to be some other way in".
"No! This examination room is completely sealed to prevent cheating, even the walls are sound-proofed!"
Kakashi eyed the other Chuunin in surprise, "and you know this how?"
Gai stuck his nose in the air arrogantly, "I may not be a genius, but unlike you, rival-Kakashi, I go to great lengths to understand the situation of my surroundings!"
"Hai", agreed Masurao, "it was mentioned on the exam brochure".
Gai blushed furiously and stalked out of the room and continued down the corridor, "there is, however, a small skylight above the examination room. We may be able to attract attention from the examiners from it!"
Kakashi shrugged, "may as well try it. I honestly can't be bothered waiting another year for this".
It had hardly taken them five minutes to become hopelessly lost in the dusty upper levels of the otherwise magnificent temple that the exam was being conducted in. Masurao gave a shriek of horror as part of the fragile wooden floor crumbled beneath him, lunging for the side of the filthy room before he could plunge into the gloom below. A great cloud of ancient dust rose to greet him, accenting his black hair with fawn highlights and sending him wheezing into a corner.
Kakashi shook his head in disdain, "remind me again why we listened to you, Gai? I should have followed the better of my instincts and returned to trying to pass myself off as eighteen years old in the bookshop".
Gai laughed, striking the dreaded pose that was spoilt somewhat by the mass of cobwebs dulling the impressive reflective shine of his hair. "Hah! Unbeknownst to you, rival-Kakashi, we are in fact above the exam room right now! All we have to do is open the skylight and drop gracefully into the class!"
"If only it were that easy", grumbled Masurao, stumbling to his feet and joining the other two at the edge of the small, grubby glass window, "what kind of a moron puts a skylight leading to an attic anyway? Doesn't it defeat the initial purpose of it being a skylight?!"
Kakashi was about to respond with an equally observant remark when the floor beneath him gave a nasty creak. He looked at Gai and Masurao in horror, their own expressions confirming his fears. With a decisive ripping, tearing, the rotted floor spit right from under the resigned Kakashi's feet and sent him plunging into the row of neatly lined desks below.
Then ensued several screams, a couple of stray curses and enough dust to merit a box of smoke bombs.
Kakashi blinked, remaining exceptionally casual for someone who has just plunged through a disintegrated ceiling and onto a pile that seemed to comprise predominantly of sharp desk and flailing student. The fact that the room had been in utter silence as the occupants listened to an intensely-important lecture did not help matters. Kakashi noted that none of his limbs appeared to be broken, twisted or maimed as of yet. That was a bonus at least. The desk was adding a distinctive pain factor, but as far he could tell from all the dust that was all.
As the dust cleared, Kakashi made the observation that indeed, the desk was not all he had landed on. He was also in a rather curious position; one that had prevented him from breaking any limbs, but one that could result in arranging to have his limbs broken at a later date. Years of martial arts training had included the best methods of landing from high falls, predominantly in the form of bracing his knees and allowing his hands and arms to take a little of the momentum. Unfortunately, the desk, or more accurately, the CHAIR of the student had interrupted his decent.
The chair was now flat-backed against the floor, his hands correctly spaced on the opposite sides of the chair-back. It seemed that his knees had reorganised themselves on either sides of the chair, or once again more accurately, either sides of the student. Honestly, he'd almost flattened the same girl in the space of less than ten minutes in one day... what are the odds?
Upon closer observation, these were definitely not fortunate odds. The girl did not seem to think that this was so lucky at all. She looked positively furious. Did she recognise him? Unlikely... mind you, the mask and the hair and the general klutziness of the whole situation was a little incriminating. What does a valued ANBU member and an advanced Chuunin say to redeem himself in this kind of situation?
"Uhh... haven't we met before?"
The resounding slap had every male student cringing in his desk. From where they were peering over the ledge that Kakashi had inadvertently created during his unanticipated descent, Masurao and Gai shuddered and debated on where or not to return to the relative safety of the dust or risk going down there themselves.
Kakashi's expression was exceptionally shocked for someone who should have been smart enough not to expect any other reaction. A perfect scarlet hand- imprint was forming on his right cheek, or at least the part not covered by mask. In hindsight, he was rather impressed that not only had she managed to strike him so effectively at such close range, but also the fact she was able to strike him at all given the pinned nature of her arms.
The crimson-haired Special Jounin buried her face in her hands. Give me bloodthirsty assassins, a sealed room carpeted with poisonous reptiles or any number, any random assortment of murderous ninja; but why, oh why did it have to be managing a class of these Chuunin morons?
*
wild-filly: please review! If you have any questions regarding characters or plotline, feel free to ask... ^_^
