Wild-filly: Once again, thanks to everyone who has reviewed including the people who last reviewed; Karu-san, DarkDemonMaster and Bana the Random; I really appreciate it ^_^

On a different note, I have successfully the completed the chibi-Kakashi-on- sugar-high picture ^_^ If anyone would like to view it, feel free to email me and I will send it to you – unfortunately my computer resents being told to cooperate with sites like devientart.com and refuses to upload my drawings onto something easier to use -_-

Disclaimer: Much to my disappointment, I do not own any of the Naruto cast and no one as of yet has seen fit to donate me the ownership rights *sniff*

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Okumen Gokurakuchou: Chapter 4

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Kurotaka's midnight blue eyes bored into Kakashi's own, wordlessly expressing at great length her utter contempt for him.

"How observant of you to notice".

Guntou squawked again at the incredulous ANBU member, as though he had understood the insult implied. Kakashi shook himself mentally, still trying not to laugh.

"Forgive me if I offended you in any way, but I would not have thought of seagulls as the most magnificent of birdlife".

She sneered, expression only softening as she soothed her offended bird, "that would show just how little you understand of the practicality of Guntou's race. Not only is he able to survive on a very flexible diet, but he can easily blend into his surroundings and go places without being remarked on".

"I see. More useful than a messenger hawk".

"Much more".

Well, they were agreeing on something at least. Perhaps attempted murder was moving slightly further from the possibility scale now. Kakashi replaced his weapons, tucking the kunai back into their leg holster, yet still keeping one eye on Kurotaka the whole time. The fact that she did not appear to have a weapon in hand did not encourage him any.

Pakkun yawned widely, "ok, now that you two don't appear to be at each others' throats so much I'm going to sleep ok? If I hear one yell or curse from either of you I may have to separate you for various reasons". The little dog gave Kakashi a look that the ninja did not like at all before curling up tighter and shutting his eyes.

Kurotaka looked at the dog in disbelief, glancing back at Kakashi in disgust. Obviously she had caught the same message and was as horrified as he at the suggestion. A twinge of annoyance flickered in the back of his head; surely he didn't appear that appalling to her?

Shoving the thought aside, Kakashi turned and began to make his way through the trees, "I'll return later".

There was no response behind him as Kurotaka began to set up a place near the fire, well away from were Kakashi had left his hip pouch.

After raiding the forest of what could possibly pass for dinner, Kakashi strolled back into the campsite to find that he was the only one awake. Perhaps he had been gone a while. The natural resources of the forest had not been particularly generous as first anticipated. Moving quietly so not to disturb the stupid seagull, he regained his place by his pouch and leant against the trunk of a nearby tree. Not the most comfortable way to sleep in history, but if he was not going to think that he may need a sleeping bag for the Jounin exam then that was his problem. Yawning, he glanced over at Kurotaka. It appeared that she was not in the same situation and was quite comfortable in her own black sleeping bag.

Stupid Pakkun. It was bad enough that HE was the one who had answered the summoning, but did he have to include unwanted commentary?!

*

Morning didn't come quickly enough for Kakashi's liking. Groaning as his muscles reminded him that they still weren't happy with him, he brushed the pine needles from his jacket and staggered to his feet. There was no sign of Kurotaka.

The seagull however, was still there. It looked down its beak snootily at Kakashi and returned to picking at Pakkun's dinner. As the ninja tried to remember whether or not he had left anything for breakfast he distantly heard the frenzied yelpings of Pakkun.

"YOU LITTLE PARASITE, GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY FOOD!"

Ah, sharing came so easily to the kawaii little doggy.

Guntou's only response was to peck the enraged pug on the nose and continue his feasting, causing Pakkun to yelp even louder and take a more impolite edge in his threats before launching at the bird. A flurry of feathers and fur tore around the campsite, with the odds being against Pakkun as the seagull perched on his back and tormented him mercilessly. Kakashi watched the scene as he searched for his own leftovers with an expression of sleepy amusement.

"KAKASHI! HELP ME!"

The Chuunin glanced up from where he had finally located the leftover rabbit from last night and began finishing it off with no great enjoyment, "you're doing fine on your own. Try going for the beak; that should be his weak spot".

"Oh REALLY funny Kakashi, absolutely hilarious... what the f-"

Pakkun's response was cut off abruptly as Guntou seized his cape in his beak before taking off. Even though the seagull wasn't strong enough to actually lift the dog, he was successful in dragging him several feet into the fire's cool ashes before letting go, flying higher and squawking in triumph. Sneezing in disgust, Pakkun scrambled out of the ex-campfire, covered with ash and significantly discoloured. He shot Kakashi a look of deepest loathing as he shook himself and returned to his own rabbit, or at least what Guntou had left him of it.

Kakashi shook his head, chuckling with dry humour before dusting himself off and heading towards the stream. This time it was his turn to be knocked over as Kurotaka suddenly emerged from behind a pine tree at a swift walk. She almost glared at him, but checked herself as she realised it was her fault.

"I'm sorry". She almost spat the words.

"No problem", answered Kakashi from where he lay sprawled in a clump of spiky dead vegetation. He watched her stalk off, but noticed that she had seemed a little anxious that she hadn't hurt him. Well... maybe that could be taken a couple of ways. He rolled out of the bushes and continued on to the water source, pondering over the logic behind his life in general.

As he returned to the campsite, Kurotaka was steadfastly not making eye contact with him while Pakkun also maintained his sulk. The only one to acknowledge his presence was Guntou in the form of the noble bird's melodious screech. Deciding against breaking the silence straight away for favour of the fact that no one was insulting or threatening him at the moment, Kakashi quietly retrieved his belongings and turned to Kurotaka.

"Who shall we look for first?"

Pakkun momentarily broke out of his sulk in order to take over Kurotaka's standard job of glaring at him. "I can't get the scent of anyone else, Kakashi. How often must I tell you?!"

"We don't need to find them specifically at the moment, if we could just find a town or something to get our bearings it would be fine".

Kurotaka nodded, jerking her head towards the east, "I believe there may be people beyond this forest. Some trees have been cleared not too far off". Guntou crowed and leapt into the air, greying wings fluttering higher into the clear morning sky.

Kurotaka smiled tightly, "he'll scan the area for anything nearby".

Kakashi stared, blinking slightly in disbelief, "you obviously have a very good level of communication with him".

She turned to him, face lightening as she smiled, "yeah, I suppose so".

It was so nice to see her smile without an accompanying threat or sadistic edge to the grin. Unusual, but nice. He decided not to push his luck and ruin what little harmony had emerged by trying to be sociable. Facing east to where Guntou had soared, Kakashi crashed off through the scrub, skidding slightly on the icy surface as Pakkun moodily trailed after him. Kurotaka regarded him strangely for a moment and then followed with considerably more grace over the patches of ice.

As minutes trawled into hours, it was observed that the town proved to be located further away than either of them had anticipated beforehand.

Guntou wheeled overhead, occasionally squawking to Kurotaka as they veered off course. Kakashi allowed her to lead in silence, despairing slightly at the amount of respect she had from that bird. He was currently stuck carrying Pakkun, who even now still wasn't speaking to him. It was just as well that the bird was leading them; he'd never seen such a symmetrical forest in all his years of training, not even at the dead of night during some ANBU mission. Kurotaka glanced over her shoulder back at him, white- tipped ponytail flying over one shoulder in the process.

"The town's about two kilometres or so away now, care to pick up the pace?"

"Very well"

She glared at him for no apparent reason; ah, everything was finally back to normal. Darting to the left, she nimbly scaled an aged pine tree without a backward glance and took off through the canopy. Kakashi nudged Pakkun awake, "you may want to get down now".

The little dog shifted sleepily, forgetting his sulk, "how come?"

"I'm about to start running; I doubt you'll find it easy to stay on".

"Why can't you make an effort to run more smoothly?"

"...Because I'll have to go slower and that rather defeats the purpose of trying to go faster".

"If you're such a great ninja, then take it upon yourself one day to learn how to run more smoothly", grumbled Pakkun as he leapt out of Kakashi's arms, lightly landing on the snow and following Kurotaka's path up and across the trees. Kakashi grinned despite himself and sprang from the ground, Chakra guiding his feet to invisible footholds and holding him there as he adopted a leaping, lunging gait. Not as fast as sprinting, but with this many trees, sprinting would not be very practical. It would only take one blink or distraction for you to run full-tilt into an unexpected pine tree.

Pakkun bounded directly behind Kurotaka, swerving outwards so he could run alongside. Stupid dog trying to gain favour. Kakashi chuckled quietly; better him than me be one who takes the next lot of abuse from her. He held a distinct respect for Kurotaka; her attitude probably reflected her upbringing. If she wanted to constantly take a defensive edge around him, then that was obviously something she had discovered as the best way.

Working in the ANBU for so long had taught him a lot about people – not only about their strengths and weaknesses, but also about the barest of human instinct when under pressure. Assassination does not bring out best character traits in people, nor does it leave the best memories, but it trains your mind to respond to the slightest human behaviour. The "target" of each mission will exhibit different behaviours when confronted; each reflecting the nature of their life experiences.

Even though she may have a slight reason to dislike him, her actions left him to conclude that Kurotaka's experiences around other people had seldom been pleasurable. Ok, maybe she has more than a slight reason to dislike him, but still...

An echoing squawk from Guntou jolted Kakashi from his pensive state back to the repetitive reality of leaping from branch to branch, leaves stinging his face. Pakkun had dropped back to run alongside him instead. Kakashi wondered whether or not the dog had chosen to do this of his own accord or had been "discouraged"; what a pity it would be if he had missed the scene. Kurotaka was beginning to slow the pace as Guntou winged his way lower to the canopy line. Their body language was clear enough – they were almost there.

At last a flash of irregularity in the forest seized his attention; a scrubby clearing giving way to a smooth white wall, painstakingly carved by expert stonemasons. Kakashi and Kurotaka eased to a halt on the same branch, critically examining the area.

"Definitely in Earth country. This variety of marble is only mined here".

Kakashi nodded, accepting Kurotaka's judgement along with his earlier suspicions. Pakkun sat down, scratching one ear absentmindedly, "well there shouldn't be too many hostile ninja here. I reckon from the smell this is one of the smaller towns".

"Hai?" Kurotaka glanced at Pakkun before turning to Kakashi, "all the same, we had better be cautious and not lose track of each other".

Mentally cursing as the chances of her not losing her temper at him again fell below zero, Kakashi nodded and avoided eye contact, dropping silently from the tree and wandering cautiously over to the wall. He stared down its curving length, measuring the distance to the nearest gate visually. Since there only appeared to be one entrance, this was one of today's few easier decisions.

*

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"

The furious scream rattled painfully in Kakashi's ears. Glaring at Kurotaka reproachfully while rubbing the ear closest to verbal abuse, the ANBU member sighed, "listen, we have to fit in with the townspeople as best we can to avoid suspicion. If we don't interact and utilise the general facilities as the locals do then we may come under attack".

"Utilising the public facilities does NOT mean going to the nearest bar with the intention of becoming mindlessly drunk!"

Kakashi turned his glare on Pakkun, who was standing partially behind Kurotaka's feet with a sheepish look on his face. He might have guessed that the little mutt would prove traitorous just to win favour in some chick's eye.

"Remind me never to tell you where I'm going again, Pakkun".

Pakkun wagged his tail innocently, "but you have to tell me in case we get split up and therefore, I also have to tell Kurotaka-san!"

"The next time I see a bonfire, I'm throwing the summoning scroll on it, do you hear?!"

"Oh quit bickering, both of you", growled Kurotaka, pacing the corridor outside their rooms. The innkeeper had been somewhat irritated by the presence of Pakkun and Guntou, but a couple of handfuls of coinage from the depths of Kakashi's and Kurotaka's hip pouches had quashed some of the disdain. It had been Kurotaka's turn to view the proceedings with disdain after the innkeeper suggested a room with only one bed for a reduced price as well as a suggestive glance at the two. Kakashi had to bite the fabric of his mask to stop himself from choking with laughter and then grasp Kurotaka by the sleeve of her short kimono to stop her from choking someone else.

"I promise I won't get too drunk. I'll just assimilate into society enough to gain a little information on our exact whereabouts, that's all. I swear, if I get embarrassingly drunk, I will make it up to you".

A glint flitted through her hard blue eyes, "in what way will you make it up to me?"

"uhh..." he hadn't planned this part. "I'll..." Think Kakashi, think... a real incentive not to get drunk. "I'll teach you how to summon birds".

The glint took on a different edge as Kurotaka's entire expression softened, delight radiating from every pore, "you could teach me to do that?" She was positively overjoyed, eyes wide with adoration. Kakashi began to fear that she may actually hug him in her temporary forgetting of her contempt for him.

Oh damn... why did he have to say a stupid thing like that? Now he'd be stuck drinking water for the rest of the exam. How in hell's name was he supposed to survive without alcohol for a month?

"Hai, hai, hai, but only if I get embarrassingly drunk, remember". Hastily stalking away down the passage, Kakashi cursed his existence and the logic behind it once again

Finding a bar wasn't hard. Neither was finding a nice, inconspicuous corner complete with informative drunkard. Neither was being accepted by the general population. In fact, the friendliness of the people was what was causing the problem. Strangers didn't come very often to this town, and the inhabitants were both welcoming and curious as to where Kakashi was from.

Part of their hospitality included the liberal offerings of sake. Very good sake in fact. Shame it took him so long to find out it was so great – about seven rounds later. At which point, pretty much everything seemed great.

"Heya...what was your name again?" Kakashi slurred into his shallow glass, head swinging uncertainly to face the comatose guy next to him.

"huh? Wha? I wasn't me... I swear...". With that inspirational outburst Kakashi's nearest drinking partner slumped from the bench and clattered to the unforgiving wooden floorboards, muttering slightly and twitching.

That was odd... especially the way the floor was swaying. Oh hang on, it wasn't swaying, that was just the walls wandering around knocking the floor out of the way. Well that explains everything...

This time he dragged his head in the vague direction of the bartender, "where am I?"

The bartender sighed, replacing Kakashi's empty glasses with a bill, "you're still in Shiroishi, and I think you should go home now".

"Shiroishi?"

"Shiroishi town, Earth Country, about 100 miles from the coast".

"Coast?"

The man sighed; this guy was pretty out of it. "Come on friend, let's just stop for now. It's two in the morning".

"Hmm?" The words floated through Kakashi's alcohol-soaked head and failed to elaborate on any meaning for the benefit of his brain. His feet reported that they were being pushed in some direction. He was going somewhere? He hadn't even asked his feet to move and yet they were... what a marvellous world of technology they lived in these days. The floor shuddered nastily, yet miraculously his feet maintained going forwards. Mind you, it seemed like he was being shoved more than anything. Why would he be being shoved? What had he done to offend? He hadn't gotten outrageously drunk and hung around in some bar until early hours of the morning; oh hang on...

Gritting his teeth, the barman gave the lanky Chuunin one last shove, successfully stubbing Kakashi's toe on the doorframe of the bar and tipping him down a short flight of stairs onto the street. He shook his head in slight disgust – at least the guy had brought enough money with him to pay for what drinks hadn't been handed to him and refrained from breaking the furniture, but he'd never met anyone who was so uncoordinated as far as falling down stairs goes. All the same, it had been a lot harder than usual to push him.

Tangled in an impressive knot that would have shamed a circus performer, Kakashi came, once again, to the conclusion that life sucked. His head was spinning, eyes refusing to focus as the new floor continued to spiral in a most distressing fashion and his limbs maintained themselves in the position of some sort of reef knot. He was, more or less, not having a good time. The Chuunin groaned in agony and self-pity; now he knew why he had stuck to following the drinking age limit for so long. Why hadn't anyone warned him that hangovers weren't all that hurt after consuming copious amounts of alcohol?

Chilling early morning breezes snaking through the town only added to the patheticness of the situation, as the paved street offered no shelter or warmth from the chill of mid-winter. At least it wasn't snowing... although he really shouldn't tempt fate. Silence gripped the street as its inhabitants slept peacefully. Kakashi had been the last drunk to either be shoved out or rolled under the furniture to wake up and pay later. He was completely alone; cold, tired, lost and hopelessly tangled in his own limbs at the foot of a flight of stairs with a brain resembling a sake-soaked sponge.

In the hazy mist that was Kakashi's dozing self-conscious, a soft, clipping sound punctured the silence. It almost sounded like rubber-soled shoes. He dimly attempted to focus on the sound, but the sheer thought of attempting sent his brain into a deep slumber. His eyes momentarily hovered, unblinking at the person approaching him. Charcoal black pupils met midnight blue, so dark they were almost black, before sliding to the back of his head.

In the icy street lit only by the moonlight and distant stars, a young black haired woman with glowing white tips muttered darkly to herself as she slung a passed-out silver haired ninja over her shoulder. Staggering down the street back where she had come, only the tips of her ponytail and the man's shock of silver were visible. A soft voice trailed through the chilled air, harshly accompanied by her laboured breathing as the speaker struggled to balance the moaning young man on her back.

"If you don't teach me that summoning jutsu tomorrow, I'm going to make you wish you had never been born."

*

wild-filly: ^_^ sorry this one took so long to update, I promise the next chapter will be up sooner!