Wild-filly: Huge thanks to Darker Magenta, Max Knight, kimpster and deon for their reviews and everybody else for continuing to read despite my writing slump ;; Range of school-related annoyances to blame etc etc etc – I won't bore you with the mindlessly infuriating monotony that is school life and if you've seen any of my other fanfics, you've already read my pitiful excuses too many times as it is.

Also, I apologise sincerely to the people who have contacted me asking for the promised drawings -- Unfortunately my email server had other ideas and informed me that if I thought it was going to process all those files, then I was stupider than even it had originally thought. Well... something along those lines at least. I shall try to find other methods in my scant free time – bear with me please!

Disclaimer: Don't own, never will... I do have a couple of figurines though!

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Okumen Gokurakuchou: Chapter 7

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"I am not travelling ANYWHERE by camel".

"If you'd rather walk through an endless sprawl of desert sands, then by all means, go ahead. I'll turn your corpse into the Konoha mortuary if we pass nearby".

"I'm serious! Anything but camels!"

Kakashi turned an exasperated eye towards the stubborn Kunoichi Chuunin walking sulkily behind him. After bidding a hasty farewell to the innkeeper and seizing their belongings, the two would-be Jounin and one seagull were trudging south, looking for the border into Wind Country and arguing to pass the time.

"What have you got against camels anyway?".

"Nothing specific. I just prefer to make my own way without the assistance of gangling, filthy, ill-natured creatures".

That comment seemed just a little too open for interpretation for Kakashi's liking, but he decided to forego his own response. Just how were they going to cross the desert anyway? Running ninja-style through deep sand would not be pleasant, not to mention moronically tiring. Even travelling by the pathetic scratches referred to as trade-roads would be exhausting. The fact that both of them were completely out of funds and had no supplies of which to speak also added a definite damper on the wretched situation. On the bright side, Pakkun wasn't here to make stupid remarks.

Moodily stooping to grab a fistful of scrubby soil, Kurotaka pensively ground the grains between her fingertips, "we're definitely heading out of Earth Country, but we're still way off from the deserts. I think we're heading too far south". She squinted intently at the scant granules of sand that intermingled with the darker earth.

Kakashi halted, muttered inwardly and then spoke, "Let's just keep going. We'd need to pass through at least one of the smaller countries in order to get to Wind anyway. If we can find a village or something, then we can get our bearings". With that, he nimbly vaulted onto a dead tree, using his Chakra in order to walk up the trunk and onto the highest branch that could support his weight. The clear blue sky stretched on in an endless dome, encircling an enticing choice of forest, more forest or dying scrub that lead to yet more forest.

Kurotaka strode over to the base of the tree, kicking at the clumps of dry grass surrounding her feet, "anything?"

"Nothing noteworthy unless you're a tree spotter".

"Oh very funny. I meant which way do you think we should head?"

He blinked in amazement. She was asking for his judgement? Probably only so that when they wound up lost she could blame him entirely, but still...

"In theory we should start heading west now, but I think that our bearings may be a little off. We should have passed a border-village or something by now".

A dark blue eye twitched, "so you're saying we're lost".

"No. We are simply unaware of our exact location at this present time in comparison to our required destination".

"Meaning we're lost".

"In that many words, yes".

She sank to her knees, rocking backwards until she lay sprawled on the twiggy grass, staring up at the ceaseless blue. "Some ANBU member you are. Can't even find one of the largest bloody countries in the world".

There was a crunch of dead twigs and dried shrubbery as Kakashi leapt down beside her, buckling at the knees to sit cross-legged on the bone-dry ground, "we are assassins, trained to be silent, efficient and deadly with both kenjutsu, taijutsu and ninjutsu. Unfortunately, geography is not a prerequisite for membership".

With a snort of laughter she sat up, groggily shaking the twigs from her ponytail, "Guntou still hasn't found anything either. No buildings, no people; nothing".

The silver-haired Chuunin shook his head, surveying the countryside with mounting suspicion. Yesterday's attack had been strange; no name and no motive. Now there was nowhere. An endless sea of natural environment; or was it? Such unspoiled surroundings were supposed to be centred predominantly around Hidden Villages, due to the requirement of keeping the villages covered and providing a range of training areas. In this modern age, towns, cities and other more modern facilities were springing up like weeds, choking the countryside and ravaging natural resources. Why then, would such a great area of obvious fuel and building material be completely untouched?

"Kurotaka".

"Hai?"

"I think we're being taken for fools".

She glanced at him sharply, white-tipped hair shaken free from its cord and drifting in a sudden breeze. Her eyes narrowed in realisation and she dipped a hand down to her shuriken holster. Drawing one vivid silver blade, she contemptuously hurled the spinning weapon towards one of the nearby pines. Hissing through the air, the shuriken's path took it directly towards and through the Chakra-fuelled projection of a tree, spinning on through the gloom.

Clamping his hands into a seal, Kakashi clenched his teeth. "Cancel!" Instantly, the trees began to crumble, swirling until they spun into dark oblivion. Blinking in the new light, Kakashi drew a razor-sharp kunai and stared into the revitalised landscape that swept down into a majestic green valley.

As a thin bead of sweat trickled down his forehead to stain his face-mask, he felt Kurotaka dispel her section of the illusion as well, rising to stand by him, ready to attack.

Toying with the leather-bound handle, Kakashi scanned the new surroundings, eyes trawling the shadows for their unseen imprisoner. How foolish! To have been caught in one ninja's jutsu for so long... What could have lead to him relaxing and behaving in such an unprofessional manner? Never would he have fallen for such an amateur technique in the ANBU.

Mounted high above the two wary ninja, yesterday's puppeteer sneered at his charges. The technique had been quite faultless, even if he did say so himself, and it had worked many times before. When a Shinobi is placed in an entirely alien environment, it is much harder to tell what is or isn't real, especially when your opponent is a master illusionist.

Training Jounin was a dangerous task – the instructors and opponents faced the very real prospect of being killed by powerful, but relatively inexperienced hands in their quest for power and rank. To ensure that needless fatalities were avoided, the exam instructors were chosen not for their strength, but for their skill in making themselves appear strong; opponents would be fabricated and animated by puppets and Chakra. However, only the instructors themselves were aware of this little fact.

Kakashi twitched; a movement above. The kunai flickered in his hands, invisible in its flight. There was a soft sound of shredding fabric and a gentle flutter as a chunk of foggy cloth spiralled slowly to the bracken- coated forest floor.

Kurotaka flinched, drawing her own blade and hurling it several metres away from the path of Kakashi's own. There was a stifled grunt of pain and a shower of real leaves scattered over the Chuunins' heads. Blinking to see through the green cloud enveloping them, Kakashi strove to catch sight of their illusive foe. Two nameless attackers in two days? Too perfect to be sheer coincidence.

As the leaves settled, the forest resumed its earlier serenity; frustratingly silent.

"Where the hell has he gone?" growled Kurotaka, more to herself than Kakashi. She jerked her head irritably each way, striding over to the scrap of fabric that lay prone on the cool ground.

"That dog of yours would be useful right about now".

Kakashi snorted. Pakkun? Useful? The two words couldn't be used in the same sentence without him snickering.

She responded by glaring at him again. "Whatever makes you think that our situation is humorous? Did you get hit on the head by a branch or would you like me to arrange it for you?"

Rolling his eyes, Kakashi gritted his teeth, irritated by the sense of being ordered. "It isn't necessary to call a dog. Our hidden friend is too careless for that".

"Explain".

"I can see him – the big tree to the left of you, fifth branch from the top, under a Chakra camouflage ".

Perfect. The stormy-robed Shinobi permitted himself a small grin of triumph before surging forward, robes billowing out dramatically as he plunged towards the two ninja below him, hands a blur as they formed a stream of seals.

Startled, Kakashi barely had a chance to register what their attacker was doing, let alone what seals he was forming; such a suicidal leap into the path of two edgy ninja was the move of either a master or a moron. Kurotaka's eyes widened in recognition of the symbols, leaping to her right and shoving Kakashi onto the forest floor, rolling right over him just as a blinding flash erupted over their heads.

Spitting out a mouthful of dry and remarkably flavourless bracken, Kakashi somersaulted to his feet, springing to stand alongside Kurotaka. He afforded himself one glance away from their opponent to look at her. She seemed to be blinking a lot, deliberately avoiding looking at him. She must have got some bracken in her eye or something. Returning his attention to the grinning Shinobi before them, he was just in time to duck another strange Chakra explosion aimed at his head. Before he could lunge into his own attack, Kurotaka bounded forward, screaming in defiance, hands a ceaseless blur. Off-beat, Kakashi stumbled as he hurriedly cancelled his own leap into action, kicking up a spray of dried wood and scrambling desperately in the process of trying to stay upright.

The grey ninja hastily formed another explosion, flinging it directly in Kurotaka's path, but it didn't even deter her. The fireball exploded around her, enveloping her form completely from view and engulfing the clearing with smoke. Dodging away from the scene, the ninja tried to leap back into the cover of the scrub but found his path blocked, locked in a Chakra prison. Sprinting from the smoke storm, Kurotaka's hands flicked into a seal, sending a bolt of energy through the invisible wall and electrocuting the scrambling ninja.

A scream erupted from the shinobi's lips, startling nearby birds to flight and piercing the stupor outside the smoke. Taking this as his cue, Kakashi surged through the smoke, ears guiding him to their enemy. As he emerged from the choking cloud, he was met with the whirling blur that was his foul- tempered companion in action. Helpless in his binding prison, the grey ninja's mind raced as he tried to dispel the cage. Nothing would penetrate the prison except for the Kunoichi's vicious strikes, her eyes burning a bloody red, piercing his mind and confirming the staffroom rumours.

Kakashi couldn't see her face, enshrouded by her shadowy hair that had woven free from its tie. An impressive jutsu certainly, but a taxing one. Her strikes were coming less frequently, her breathing laboured as she strove to penetrate her captive's defensive pose. He would have to step in now. Turning her head wearily towards Kakashi, Kurotaka saw his own eyes close, hands clasped tightly into the rat seal. Thankfully, she stepped to one side as his eyes opened, Chakra tendrils rising from his skin.

"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"

Kurotaka's prison faded, as did her crimson eyes, just as Kakashi and his multiple clones attacked. The ninja tried to escape, conjuring another smoke bomb but only succeeding in blinding three of the copies. He ran straight into a bush and a cheerfully smiling clone who struck a simple blow to the back of the older man's head, sending him sailing to the ground as conscious as a rock isn't.

In a puff of yet more smoke, the copies vanished and Kakashi crouched over the limp form of their persistent attacker, keenly examining his face. No one he had ever seen before, just like yesterday. This one wasn't dead though, he'd recover in a couple of minutes, unlike most corpses.

Stumbling, cursing as she clumsily found her way through the remiscent smoke, Kurotaka blundered her way into both Chuunin and anonymous, tripping over Kakashi head-first to land sprawled on the ground before them both. The silver Chuunin face-faulted, stifling a snort as the Kunoichi blushed furiously, scrambling to her feet and glaring at him as usual.

"Who is it?"

"No one I recognise. He may have been hired to attack us".

"Could it have been a case of mistaken identity? I don't know about you, but I haven't many deadly enemies... apart from Gai maybe".

"I doubt mine would be so subtle".

"Was that sarcasm?"

"More or less. Take your pick".

"Do we just leave him here or question him when he wakes up?"

"Just leave him. If he's smart he'll take the hint and leave us alone too".

Winging his way through the smoke, looking almost like a smoke-born entity himself, Guntou made his squawking entrance, coming to a spectacular landing perched on Kakashi's head. Kurotaka smiled, eyes brightening, "He's found a village nearby".

Glaring up at the smugly-squawking parasitic life form referred to as his smugly grinning companion's pet, Kakashi reached up with one hand and gripped the bird expertly behind the neck, pinning his wings and removing him from his comfortable perch. Guntou crowed angrily, twisting his head like an owl to stab the Chuunin's unsuspecting fingers.

"You little -!"

The seagull fluttered arrogantly over to Kurotaka's outstretched hand, looking down his beak imperiously as Kakashi swore and nursed his middle finger, nipped by the unusually sharp beak of his other attacker. Kurotaka chuckled, stroking Guntou's smoky plumage affectionately, "Aaww... did you get hurt by the little birdie, fearless assassin?"

Kakashi smiled, both eyes bent into a grin. "As a matter of fact, yes. He bit me right here". With that, he jerked his middle finger aggressively in the air at her and stood up, walking into the scrub with a vaguely pleasant sense of satisfaction as he heard the other Chuunin spluttering in fury behind him.

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"You call this a village?"

"If Guntou believes there's a village here, then there's a village here".

"So we're taking a seagull's word in this particular venture".

"Yes, we are. Got a problem with it?"

"Several, but none I'll voice for the sake of my health now".

"That's better".

Staring up at the towering waterfall above them, Kakashi and Kurotaka stood at the rim of a deep pool of what appeared to be a village, according to their "guide". Kakashi knelt on the muddy bank; "Perhaps the village is only accessible by going through a tunnel underwater". Kurotaka stared at him in surprise and he grinned at her, "I take it you never read these books when you were a child".

"What books? What book mentions this kind of a scheme?!"

"I rest my case. Try the Academy books for one. You know, the ones we have to read in order to graduate the stealth and concealment section".

There was an embarrassed cough and Kurotaka stepped gingerly into the crystalline water, "Fine. Let's just get this over with; I hate swimming".

Mentally shelving this piece of information for future blackmail, Kakashi splashed into the depths, wincing at the cold. Observing Kurotaka's reluctance to step any further than knee-level, he sighed and dove into the deep blue. Darkness swirled below him, icy cold all around, stinging his eyes. The pool was deeper than he had originally thought, kicking through blue oblivion as the metres and seconds trickled past. Frog-kicking powerfully, he finally reached the murky silt, fingers exploring the darkness for a crevasse or tunnel. The silt rose in an inky cloud, obscuring his vision. His fingers scrabbled but met nothing as his lungs burned. Reversing his path, he kicked off hard against the ground, legs striking rock as he bolted for the surface.

He broke the surface, silvery droplets of water scattering as he gasped for breath, the mask stuck to his face uncomfortably, infringing on his breathing. Inwardly he cursed the wretched thing, debating ripping it off just to help his breathing. There shouldn't be any risk of Kurotaka treating him any differently... The very idea of her not glaring at him was too strange to contemplate, so he decided not to risk it. As the air revitalised his lungs he dove again, searching for the rock surface that his feet had discovered too late. Three more failed trips later, he finally found the mouth of a little gap, concealed in the area of pool behind the waterfall. Grasping his kunai holster, he fumbled for one of the knives, seized it and then drove it deeply into the rock face, sunlight reflecting from one of the angled sides of the blade. Freezing and desperate for air, he struck off the wall and broke the surface of the pool, swimming back to the rim of the pool.

Kurotaka waded over to meet him where he sat numbly on the muddy bank.

"Any luck?'

He stared unseeingly at her, reached a hand back to his hip pouch and drew from its depths a sodden bookshop gift certificate. He gazed sorrowfully at the ruined, ink-blotched paper.

"I forgot I was still carrying this". His tone wouldn't have been out of place at a funeral.

She sighed, taking the disintegrating envelope from him; "I promise I'll buy you a book when the exam's over. Did you find an entrance?"

He nodded, eyes filled with pain as he stared at the pathetic paper mess in her hands.

"Well come on then! Let's go!" But she seemed hesitant, reluctant even. He looked keenly at her; she seemed to be truly frightened of the water.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing! I'm just waiting for you".

One eye twitched. If she was willing to feign concern for him, then it must be a pretty impressive phobia.

"Why don't you like swimming?"

She froze, staring at him in disbelief. "Why ever do you accuse me of not liking swimming?

"It's not exactly hard to tell".

She sighed, gazing miserably at the pool's sparkling surface. "When I was very young, I went swimming in a river with some friends. We were seeing how long we could hold our breath when some nutcase came running out of the trees and jumped into the river. He grabbed my head and held me underwater until I blacked out. When I woke up the guy was lying dead next to me. My mother had seen the attack and killed him, but hadn't moved him". She spoke bitterly, staring grimly at the water dancing below her. "I'd never seen any example of violence in my life until that day".

He shook his head. "When did this happen?"

Her dark blue eyes were blank, "when I was about four years old I guess".

"Twelve years is a long time to hold onto a fear, even one as understandable as that". He got up from his muddy seating place and shook himself like a dog, dislodging the worst of the icy water and mud. "If this man wanted to kill you but failed, he has at least succeeded in implanting a fear in you. Do you want him to win?"

She stared at him in shock, "I'd never looked at it quite like that".

He smiled at her, "Look at what isn't initially on the surface, speaking of which, it's getting rather dark and if we want to get inside this Hidden Village, then we need to hurry, ok?" It was relatively nice to be the one giving orders for a change. She gritted her teeth and nodded, eyes wide with apprehension. Reluctantly he stepped back into the freezing water, wading out to waist depth before turning back to look at her. "Coming?"

A little of the old attitude sparked and she was instantly level with him, the water swirling past her elbows. She glared at him, "You didn't mention the temperature's arctic".

His eyes bent into an aggravating grin, "you didn't ask". As the anger in her rose, her fear would evaporate. "Hurry up then, I'm not camping out here in wet clothes no matter what you want". The ire rose in her eyes and he dived swiftly, splashing out of reach, guided by the beckoning flash of the kunai catching the sun's dying rays. With an annoyed flick of her ponytail, she plunged in after him, quickly resurfacing with a splutter. Her eyes were wide, breath heaving. Kakashi had already vanished through the tunnel; she would have to go or spend the night out here and the rest of her life regretting her decision. Blinking back a small tear, she inhaled strongly and plunged, seeking the light as tears flooded her vision and left her mind.

"And I thought I was the one who's always late. What took you so long?" A black-gloved hand reached down to her where she was treading water, shivering in cold and remiscent fear. She glared up at the persistent eye- smile and seized the hand abruptly, grinning evilly and jerking its owner back into the water instead of allowing him to pull her out. The eyes unbent and widened in horror as Kakashi plunged back into the frigid pool from which he'd come; a small lagoon within the mountain itself.

Shaking the water from his face and treading water, he turned a vengeful glare on the snickering Chuunin beside him, "That was uncalled for. You leave me no other choice". With that, he placed both hands on her head and ducked her, hastily swimming away to the edge of the pool as she gave a roar of fury and took off after him. It was amazing what your mind could overcome when it was angry enough. Scrambling up the slippery rock face to safety, he was forced to hasten his escape as Kurotaka leapt up after him.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU FOR THAT HATAKE!"

"I've heard that so many times it's lost all effect on me," he called back nonchalantly glancing back over his shoulder at just the wrong moment, managing to run full-tilt into a nearby stalactite and see nothing but lovely little stars swimming around his eyes. Crashing to the solid rock floor, his fall was broken by Kurotaka diving after him, grabbing and cushioning his head from hitting the ground. Neck wrenched at a particularly painful angle and stars still twinkling around him, he stared blearily up at her. "What was that?"

"A stalactite. You should watch where you're running if you plan to make an escape".

He groaned, sitting up and grabbing his forehead, "why am I reminded of that hangover all of a sudden?"

She rolled her eyes, "perhaps because you hit your head, you moron".

He looked through his eyes at her slyly, "what if I have amnesia?"

She glared at him, "if you had amnesia you certainly wouldn't be able to remember what it's called, baka".

Kneading his hands into his forehead he moaned, "it was worth a try at least".

She blinked in concern, "Does it really hurt that badly? Maybe you fractured your skull, hold still". She leant over and pulled his hands from his face, studying his head critically, "you haven't even broken the skin, but you'll have one hell of a bruise in the morning".

Kakashi said nothing. She was still holding his hands – a smart remark could result in them being broken.

Her eyes trawled away from his forehead, looking instead at his eyes. Charcoal black and deep blue, the same colour as the water from which they had both surfaced. She held his gaze for a few seconds before breaking away, hauling him to his feet. "You can still walk?"

"You could always carry me if you were feeling especially generous, since I'm an invalid", he replied, head swimming.

Kurotaka responded by viciously jerking his hand, tugging him towards the mouth of the cave, before releasing her tight grasp. She strode into the dark, slipping on the slimy rocks.

"You smell like a wet dog by the way".

There wasn't really anything you could say after a parting comment like that.

...........

I am officially destined to have a headache throughout this exam, despaired Kakashi inwardly as he trailed behind Kurotaka through the silent village. She seemed a little edgy, staying ahead of him the whole time as they ambled through the empty streets. This certainly was an odd place. Guntou wheeled overhead, wordlessly directly Kurotaka towards the place he had found people.

"There's a light over there!"

"No kidding. I thought it was a rock".

"Just shut up Hatake, ok?"

They cautiously approached the large building. It seemed to be a hall of some description and the only dwelling with any possible inhabitants. Kurotaka cleared her throat, striding up to the heavy oak door, rapping her knuckles sharply on the sandpapered surface.

"Hello? We're two exam students, we mean you no harm!"

He exchanged a glance with her, "Possibly they don't want guests. Not even Shinobi".

She sighed, "whatever gave you that impression".

As they turned to leave, the door slid open, engulfing the sodden, bedraggled Chuunin in a warm glow.

"Kakashi!"

Kakashi turned around in surprise, "Asuma? Why are you here?"

Asuma grinned, cigarette hanging out the side of his mouth, smoke trailing in a lazy ribbon, "same reason as you I suppose. The people here are pretty shy, but they took me in since I'm trying to complete the Jounin exam".

Kurotaka stepped back into the doorway, "how long have you been here?"

Asuma shrugged, "I was dumped in the caves outside of here on the first day, but I decided just to stay here and wait for the rest of my team to find me".

Kakashi chuckled, "that's slack even for you. I'm impressed. Do you think we'll be able to stay here for a day or so?"

Asuma laughed, "I guess so. Come on in! As long as you don't break anything or act too much like your normal self they should be fine with you staying here a while".

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wild-filly: Will update as soon as I can! Please review!