Chapter 4: All Kinds of Agony
(Happy, Happy Birthday to my dear, sweet friend and collab partner, Sesh! Love you! *gives hugs* Your kindness and effervescence inspire me every day. You brighten everything around you. *smirks and gives birthday spanking and a pinch*)
"I need to learn…how to please my future husband!"
Renji felt a horrid, all over stinging sensation, as though his entire body had been struck again with Byakuya's lovely and deadly, petal-bladed bankai. He tried to speak, but choked on the words and stopped. Noticing his reaction, Kisuke hastily stepped in.
"Ah, you're nervous about that wedding night, eh, Tetsuya-san?" he inquired, good naturedly.
"W-well, I'm sort of nervous about everything," Tetsuya confessed, wringing his hands and looking down at them as his face reddened with embarrassment, "I wouldn't usually confess something like this, but if I do not tell someone, then I am worried that I will disappoint my husband on our wedding night, by not being able to respond properly to his affections. But, I didn't know to whom I should go. I reasoned that since Abarai-san is a close friend of my cousin's, and he has a reputation for being…erm…a charismatic and popular person, perhaps he could help me to learn what I need to know."
"Ugh, I'm not…" Renji began.
"Right, right," Kisuke interrupted, "That makes some sense."
He glanced at Renji and gave him a little nudge.
"Right, Renj?"
"Eh…erm, sorry," Renji stammered, "I've gotta…um…I feel kinda..."
"Are you all right, Renji-san?" Tetsuya asked, giving the redhead a look of concern.
Renji opened and closed his mouth a couple times before he was able to answer. "Yeah, 'm fine. Super."
He wondered how the gods could be so cruel as to decide on this being his fate. Not only was Byakuya even more out of reach than before, now his fiancé wanted...what, sex tips? His stomach churned and he felt hot.
Swallowing thickly, he focused on Tetsuya. The half-noble was looking at him with a shy hopefulness, and Renji knew what he had to do, regardless of how much it devastated him.
Ignoring the urge to throw up, Renji nodded. "Ok, Tetsuya. I'll try my best to help you."
Renji barely choked back an agonized sob at the look of anxiety, gratefulness and extreme relief that Tetsuya gave him.
I guess I know all about the fucking desperation of wanting to please someone I l…stop it! Renji chided himself, It's not love if only one person feels it. God, I so want to hit something or hate somebody, but the truth is no one fucking did anything wrong here. Byakuya fell in love with Tetsuya and Tetsuya loves him back. I didn't tell Taicho I love him, and part of me is glad, because I just woulda been humiliated, while the other part of me is screaming because it goddamned hurts so much!
"Urahara-san…" Tetsuya said tentatively, "Renji looks unwell."
He paused for a moment, blinking as he recalled Byakuya's mention of his lieutenant's tendency to drink too much in his time off.
"Oh!" he said, shaking his head apologetically, "I'm so sorry, Renji-san."
"Huh?" Renji managed, reaching down to rub his belly to ward off the throbs of nausea.
"Byakuya-sama told me once that you enjoy alcohol in your spare time."
"Yeah, well…"
"It's okay," Tetsuya assured him, "I only mentioned it because I can help you with that."
"Aw, no," Renji said, catching Kisuke's eye in a desperate plea for help, "You don' hafta…"
"I'm sure I have a hangover remedy here somewhere," the shopkeeper offered.
"Don't worry," Tetsuya said, smiling warmly, "On occasion, when Byakuya-sama is under stress, he indulges too much too, and I am the one who heals him. It will only take a few moments."
"It's okay," Renji answered, trying to wave him off, "I'm fi…"
Renji paused and his jaw dropped as a cool blue glow rose around Tetsuya's hands.
"May I?" Tetsuya asked politely.
"Ah…uh…" Renji stammered as Tetsuya's hands came closer, then made contact with the side of his face and his aching belly, "…oh…"
He was struck by how soft and smooth Tetsuya's slim hands were, making him sharply aware of his own big, calloused hands, how his rough palms often snagged his uniform. He cringed thinking how that would feel to Byakuya's delicate skin.
Soothing reiatsu emanated from the pretty healer, and again, Renji couldn't help comparing it to his own bold, tumultuous energy. Tetsuya's would feel much better when Byakuya was settling down after a long day at the office or out battling hollows. And his ability as a healer had some applications in the bedroom that Renji would never dare try because of his tendency to have his power erupt too forcibly. So, once Tetsuya knew what to do with those hands…
He clenched his jaw, working to force the thought away.
"Try to relax, Renji-san."
Renji forced his breathing to slow, but even closing his eyes couldn't help him escape from how Tetsuya looked and smelled and felt so different.
Tetsuya's skin was pale and looked tantalizingly soft and perfect, not splashed with wild, jagged markings. The redhead looked and acted more like some kind of wild animal.
Renji felt his eyes burn. No wonder his superior had never noticed him - he was apparently the opposite of what Byakuya desired in a mate, and being so close to Tetsuya only drove the realization like a sword, thrusting into his heart.
He knew he should be honored that the older man considered him his best friend, but honestly, that just drove the sword in deeper.
His belly and head were feeling a bit better under Tetsuya's treatment, but nothing could stop his racing thoughts. He lowered his eyes guiltily, knowing it was wrong to want Byakuya the way he did when his taicho's fiancé was right there, trying to help him.
Renji sighed. Now, on top of his unrequited feelings and his pain, he had to feel guilty, too? Fucking. Damn. It. All. To. Hell.
Finally, Tetsuya pulled away, smiling innocently at him. "How do you feel now?"
Like death warmed over and my heart has been ripped from my body. "Oh, I feel plenty better, thank you."
X~X
Tetsuya kept the smile on his face, even as his thoughts tangled up. I know I felt it...another presence in Renji's reiatsu.
Is Renji-san…pregnant?
It was something that only a very well-trained healer with specific knowledge of the breeder male gene would notice at such an early stage. In fact, Tetsuya couldn't be sure that Renji even knew. He looked from Renji to Kisuke and back again.
It certainly wouldn't be right to mention it in front of others. What if this is an unplanned pregnancy? They happen. And Renji-san made no mention of being in a relationship with anyone else.
If he is with child, who is the father?
This is none of my business. I know Renji-san is popular and outgoing. It could be any of his friends from the Rukongai. Byakuya-sama warned me that they lived quite differently than we do, when they were growing up. It's best to say nothing and to hope for an opportunity to carefully broach the subject only when we are alone. Perhaps this training will give me the chance, but for now, it is best left alone.
"So," Kisuke said, breaking the odd silence that had broken out in the room, "Tetsuya-san, when would you like this training to begin?"
Tetsuya blushed.
"I think it needs to be as soon as possible, because Byakuya-sama and I are nearing the end of our official courtship. And…"
Tetsuya paused, blushing more darkly. He lowered his voice and forced himself to continue.
"By council edict, because I am a mixed blood and a breeder male, I must prove prior to the wedding that I can conceive…meaning…in a few days, I will have to…we will…"
Kisuke noted the pallor that had come over Renji's face and hastily interceded.
"I think we get the picture, Tetsuya-san," he said feigning cheerfulness, "Now, how about you give us until tomorrow to get some thoughts together on how best to conduct this training?"
"Oh," Tetsuya said, blinking, "of course. Thank you both so much for helping me. I didn't know what I was going to do. I must go back to Soul Society for now, but I will see you first thing tomorrow."
Kisuke nodded. "Sounds good."
As the lovely healer left, Kisuke saw that Renji was staring after him, eyes shining with unshed tears. He moved closer to the redhead, gently laying a hand on the muscular arm. "Renji?"
Devastated auburn eyes met his, and his chest tightened. "It'll be ok, Renji. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but it will be ok. I promise."
The younger man didn't react, and Kisuke wondered if his words had even registered.
Before he could repeat the reassurance, Renji leaned close, crushing their lips together almost painfully. Kisuke sensed the desperate bid for comfort - that was something he remembered from the Rukon, that sex could be used in this way.
Ignoring a tiny part of his mind that protested being used for sex, he kissed back, parting his lips to let Renji do as he wished. The bigger Soul Reaper deepened the kiss, thrusting his tongue in forcefully and penetrating deeply, his movements needy and desperate. And as meaningless as the act should have been, it caused aching throbs in both men for it to continue.
Then Kisuke remembered they were in the office, and raised a hand to Renji's chest. The redhead groaned in protest, but stopped, meeting his eyes curiously.
He whispered, "Bedroom," and Renji grabbed his hand, dragging him to the guestroom. Kisuke inhaled deeply of Renji's scent that filled this room as the younger man locked the door, then turned to him.
He watched as Renji slowly stalked towards him, auburn eyes intense and burning with a heart rending agony. It was as if his fellow Rukon survivor could see into his soul. Renji stopped in front of him, lifting one hand to his cheek as the other untied his yukata.
Kisuke realized he was trembling slightly, and frowned inwardly. What a ridiculous reaction to have! He was not afraid, and it wasn't like Renji could hurt him. Still, the soft tremors continued.
Renji paused, concern blossoming in his features. "Kisuke?"
He nodded. "I'm fine." To prove his words, he leaned up and kissed the redhead firmly, seeking his own comfort as Renji had sought his in the office.
His companion seemed surprised, but was soon kissing back fiercely, his yukata sliding off as large, rough hands slid over his body. He lifted his own hands to caress the black markings that flowed over smooth bronzed skin.
Intoxicating…
Renji guided him to the bed without breaking the desperately passionate kiss. Kisuke found himself on his back with Renji over him. The younger man shifted between his legs, pushing them wide, and began pleasuring him while hastily preparing him.
Oh...oh gods this is incredible!
He is incredible!
His hands tangled in the wild crimson mane, holding on as Renji played his body like an instrument. Long fingers caressed him, finding his most sensitive places, making him gasp before he remembered they should probably be quiet.
Finally, Renji sat up, smiling down at him as he gestured with his hand. Kisuke rolled over, guided to his knees with his upper body resting on the bed. His breath caught as his body was filled.
"Ahh, Renji. Mo-move," Kisuke groaned, flushing at the needy sound of his words.
And move he did! The bigger Soul Reaper rocked his hips slowly at first, then picked up the pace thrusting harder, deeper and faster.
Kisuke's body was rocking from the thrusts, each powerful drive hitting his sweet spot. It felt so amazing; he'd missed this. And knowing it was Renji making him feel so goddamned good all over…
He moaned into a pillow as Renji gripped his hips and possessed him with abandon, hearing rough panting as the thrusts became more erratic. "Kis-Kisuke!"
The hushed call of his name made him quiver all over as he released onto the bed and the redhead's scorching heat filled him. Renji stayed buried inside him for a few moments, big hands kneading his hips. Then, he carefully separated their bodies, smiling as he used the soiled blanket to clean them up.
It crossed both their minds to wonder what exactly was between them.
Neither one knew the other was thinking the same thing.
"Sorry," Renji managed in a low, rough voice, "I guess that was…"
Kisuke retrieved his normal smirking expression and sat up, reaching for his yukata.
"What're you talking about?" he said off-handedly, "You didn't do anything to apologize for. I think it's pretty clear it felt good to both of us."
"Well, yeah," Renji agreed, "but…it's kinda shitty of me to…"
"What do you mean?" Kisuke huffed softly, looking away as he brushed off the concern, "Renj, I did grow up in Yoruichi's noble family, but it's pretty common knowledge that sex is a good way to find comfort from the bad stuff."
"Kis…"
"Having Tetsuya ask you to do something like that when you have more than platonic feelings for Byakuya has got to have thrown you."
"That's no excuse," Renji answered, choking a little on the words, "I mean…I know it seems like I was using you, but I…"
"Shh," Kisuke hissed softly, putting warm fingertips to Renji's frowning lips, "Let it go, okay? We…did what we wanted to. We're not with anyone, so there's no harm, right? It was just a reaction. No harm done."
"Huh…" Renji said, sounding less than convinced, "I guess you're right."
"I kinda feel like I was takin' advantage of you too," Kisuke suggested, "I know your feelings are all outta whack and you're in pain, but when you turn it on like that…damn, Red! You are a pretty fascinating beast."
"Yeah," Renji laughed sadly, his face burning nearly the color of his hair, "if I'm so great, then why doesn't Taicho notice at all?"
Kisuke shrugged.
"Byakuya's a hard one to figure out," he mused.
"Not as bad as Aizen," Renji said with a sarcastic chuckle.
"You got me there," Kisuke agreed, "We're a couple of idiots, aren't we, Red?"
"Yeah," Renji agreed sadly, "I guess we are."
