Last Summer
I'm getting tired of the sleepless nights, the hard motel beds, the constant hunts, the fatal scars, the purple bruises, some times, i just wish that one of the demons, or the spirits would just kill me, end my suffering, right now i don't care how much pain i would be in, i just want it all to end.
Of course, i can't tell any one my feelings, firstly who is there to tell, Dean? Jessica? She's gone, and that was because of me! There's no one. Dad, well he left, just like every one does, they leave, i don't know why, its like they don't want to be around me. If i was to tell Dean, my over protective, not a care in the world brother, he'd call me stupid, say things happen because they do, life sucks, we make it better. But deep down, i wonder if he feels the same. I can see the pain in his eyes, but he can hide it all with a nights sleep. Me, i fuck everything up, i can't even manage to shut my eyes, lock the world out, and just live a fantasy. No. i just have to live in pain.
Nights like this, cold but dry, make me shudder, makes the hair on my neck stand up, it feels like some one is walking over my grave, and like Dean keeps on saying lately, if i keep being reckless, and putting my life on the line, it will be him walking over my grave with a black rose. Last year scared me, summer time always does. Every one says hot weather makes people act, i don't know crazy, not me, my shield goes up, and everything seems grey. I still hear his screams, i feel his tears, and i see his blood. Looking down at my shaking hands now, blinking to make sure the crimson liquid isn't really there, it never is, just my mind playing tricks on me, i know that, but it still feels real. Deep down, it is real.
I have flash backs, when i sleep, when i blink, when ever, i always see it, i see my reaction, my smiling face, his stabbed back, his bruised face, actions have consequences, i just didn't think i would care about mine. That was then. This is now. Before Dean came to get me, before I opened up the closet and let all the cobwebs of my old life fall on me. I used to be like Dean, never had a care in the world, didn't think before i acted, just did it. Dean doesn't know, i don't think he ever will, in my mind i can see what his expression would be, concerned, disappointed, if i did tell him, what would i say, "hey dean, i used to be a crack whore, and i mugged some one, almost killed him. Just for another fix. That's why i can't sleep at night. It has nothing to do with guilt over Jessica."
But it does, she's the reason i stopped, and now she is gone, and i have no one. No. i have Dean, and i will always have Dean. But with Dean, there's always some thing that's attached, demons, more ghosts, more of everything.
I hate his stare, he is doing it again, his eyes asking the question that he is dying to, "I'm fine." i say, just in the hope that he might stop staring, but he doesn't he just grunts and starts the car. I stare away from his gaze, and just let my eyes focus on the scenery of California. "Remind me why we're here?" I ask, i know why we are here, but the silence is killing me.
"Because you need a tan." Dean smirked, as he turned the music down. Funny, a Dean response to everything, a joke. I give a fake smile, i give them a lot, i give them so much, its like i can't even tell they are fake. "Some evil hocus pocus creeping out the surfers." Dean said, this time more serious. I nod my head, and then i close my eyes, nothing but darkness. For now.
"Help. Get of me! Help!" his voice drags pain through my head. "Get of me!" He shouts again, but the figure on top of him, the figure that has a knife to his neck, stays sharp, never letting go. He mutters something, i can't hear it, but i know what he is saying, there's a scream, the figure pushes his victim to the floor, laughs, he knows it was to easy, he wipes his hands on his cream jacket, and then he reaches into the victims pocket, and pulls out his wallet, kicking him as he looks in the wallet, a couple of hundred dollar bills, to easy. Standing in the light i see who it is. Me.
"Sam." Dean says, i was asleep, it was just a dream, no, it was a memory, my memory, the memory i want to hide from the world, the memory i want to hide from Dean. "Sam, its okay, it was just a dream." His voice calms me down, i stop screaming, and i open my eyes. He looks at me, concern written all over his manly features.
"Sorry." I mumble. Why am i apologising? Because I'm a bad person. A bad brother. "So, we there?" I ask, stupid question. I look out the car window, sand and sea for miles. We're there. Dean nods, and gets out of the car, i follow quickly behind, trying to ignore the flashes from my dream, but they still cloud my eyes.
The sun that shines bright ahead of me, burns my eyes, Dean now has his dark shades on, i wish i had some shades, to block the lies from my eyes to reach people, but i don't, and by the look in my eye, i know people know what i feel, i know Dean knows.
"Sammy, Keep up." Dean's voice mocks me, he doesn't mean to, he never does. But it does. I walk faster, I'm at his side now, "What's your problem?" He asks, i don't have a problem. Well, not that he needs to know about. I shrug, and walk ahead, the beach is closed of, no one allowed in the plain water, police cables shutting it of from the rest of the world.
"So, who are we today?" I ask, Dean already knows, he has that cocky grin on his face, the grin scares me more then anything else in the world. I don't know why. It just does,
"Follow me little brother."
"What have we got here officers?" He says, he lies so naturally, maybe for him it is, or at least second nature. I try to be like him, i do. But when i lie, people can always tell, especially Dean, he is the expert when it comes to lying. The officers stare at him, their face as blank as the notes they are holding.
"Who are you?" They ask. Dean reaches into his pocket, he pulls out a badge, it looks official, I've never seen the badge before, where did he get it? Some thing i will have to ask later.
"Agent Fletcher. I'm with the state."
"Who's he?" The second officer asks, and points at me.
"He's with me." Dean says, and smirks at me. That's right. I'm with him, always with him. "So, what we got? Suicide? Murder?"
"We're not sure yet. People say she fell of her board, others say she was dragged."
"Dragged by what?" It was my turn to speak.
"We don't know. In fact, we don't know anything." The officer said. "Our captain thinks we should take the tape away. Thinks the sea's safe now. What do you think?"
"Let us check it out, go on a break. Give us an hour." Dean said, and just like that, the two officers walked of. Leaving me and Dean alone, nothing but the big ocean staring us in the face.
My head aches, my body feels unstable, I'm going to drop, i am dropping, people are staring. I'm screaming.
Deans running, running from what? Something is chasing him, something big. Teeth, long teeth. Blood covered teeth. Claw like hands. Dean drops, no, he is shot. Dean is shot. His leg is bleeding, he is on the floor, the things getting closer. His mouths opening, getting closer, he can smell Deans fear. Closer now, so close, His mouths open, crouching down, Dean screams.
A/N ... so there is part one, please tell me what you think. i know its kind of a long shot with Sam and his little problem, but its a story its not real! please review! love jen xx
