A/N: This is still post-Showdown. Thank you for the reviews. They do inspire me to keep writing this.


Standing outside Martin's hospital room, Danny watched Samantha as she held Martin's hand. He'd had every intention of going into Martin's room after giving Sam a few minutes alone with him, but something stopped him from going in. One minute he wanted to go in, and the next he wanted to run away. He finally made up his mind when he saw a doctor and a woman that had to be Martin's mother approaching. Quickly back-pedalling away from the window and around the corner, he hoped that the woman hadn't noticed him staring into the room.

He didn't stop until he made it into the stairwell,where he collapsed onto the top step and put his head in his hands. Taking a couple of slow, deep breaths, he tried to slow his heart rate down. It had seemed like it had been pounding all day long, ever since that moment when the ambush started. He wasn't sure how long he sat in the stairwell, but for some reason, he felt safe there. As long as he didn't move, he couldn't cause any more damage. And then he thought of Katie and how worried she'd been when he had come home earlier. Taking out his cell phone to call her, he shook his head when he realized his battery had died.

Even though he couldn't call Katie, he still didn't want to leave the stairwell, too afraid that his weak state would lead him to the nearest bar. Instead, he mentally catalogued all the events of the day: the ambush, a bloody and near-dying Martin, leaving the hospital against the doctor's advice, scaring Katie, almost killing that woman, watching Dornvald die and wishing he could have been the one to pull the trigger, and finally, Jack's abrupt tone the last time he'd spoken to him.

"Go home, Danny. Get some sleep and then I'll need you to give a detailed statement about the ambush first thing in the morning," Jack said wearily as he stood in front of the car outside the train station.

"Got it," Danny replied, as if on automatic pilot. Starting to turn to walk away, he heard Jack's voice again.

"I'm not going to file a reprimand about your carelessness today. I'll chalk it up to bad judgment on my part for letting you back in the field," he said with a hint of annoyance. "Clearly, you should have stayed in the hospital."

"I'm fine. I made a mistake—"

"You almost killed a woman. That's not just a mistake, Danny. I won't document your 'mistake,' but I am going to send you Dr. Harris."

"Jack, no. I'm fine."

"I won't put you on a desk, if you go to three sessions. After three sessions, if she clears you, then you won't have to see her again. This isn't negotiable."

Rolling his eyes, Danny nodded as he walked away from the car.

"You want to ride home?" Jack asked.

"I'll take a cab," Danny replied as he continued to walk away.

The thought of seeing a shrink made Danny's heart beat even faster. He didn't want to talk about what happened. He wanted to forget about all of it. Taking another deep breath, he rose from the stairs and made his way down to the ground floor. Looking at his watch, he realized he'd been sitting there for well over an hour. Katie would be crazy with worry, he thought, so he asked the lobby attendant if he could use the phone.

"Hello," Katie answered, before the first ring ended.

"Hey," he said weakly.

"Oh God, Danny. Are you okay? Samantha was just here looking for you. I tried to call your cell phone and the office—"

Hearing the panic in her voice, he interrupted, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't call. My cell phone died, and I kind of lost track of time. Sam was there?" he asked, surprised to find out that she'd left the hospital.

"She was worried when she didn't see you at the hospital and couldn't get you on the phone. She's headed back to the hospital now. She says Martin is doing better."

"I heard," he whispered.

"Are you coming home?" she asked not even trying to hide the desperation in her voice.

"Yeah, but I…um…I…need…I need to go to a meeting or call Ray. I'm feeling kind of mixed up right now. I just…" he couldn't finish, not sure how to describe the guilt and frustration he felt.

"It's okay. It's going to be okay. Martin will get better, baby. Go to a meeting…call your sponsor…just do whatever you need to do. I'll be here when you get back."

In that moment, a sense of relief washed over him. It was like Katie just gave him the strength to get through the next the few minutes until he could get to meeting. "I'll see you soon," he said quietly, his voice breaking slightly before hanging up the phone.

He went to a meeting. He'd called Ray who told him that there was a meeting place very near the hospital. Ray met him there, but they didn't talk much. Danny didn't know what to say. He wasn't sure what he was feeling. He thought he should be feeling better because he'd found out that Martin was going to be fine, but he still felt awful. He couldn't shake the sense of helplessness and guilt.

Ray dropped him off at his apartment. Slowly, Danny made his way up the stairs. He felt like he hadn't been home in ages,even though he knew he'd been there after the shooting. Thinking Katie would be asleep, he walked in quietly. As soon as he closed the door, he saw the light by the sofa illuminate. Watching Katie rub her eyes as she stood up from the sofa, he realized that he'd never had this before. He'd never had someone to come home to. In the past, if he'd had a rough day, he might call someone—an old girlfriend or someone that he'd hooked up with before— so that he wouldn't have to go home to an empty apartment. He didn't have to do that anymore, because now he had her.

She hesitantly walked toward him and then reached out her hand to touch his face. He let his fingers tangle in her hair as he moved closer to her. Brushing his lips against her forehead, he felt her arms wrap tightly around his neck. The same relief he'd felt earlier washed over him again. He silently cursed himself for not coming home sooner. This was what he needed. He needed her. Feeling her in his arms grounded him and helped him momentarily forget the horrid events of the day.

They didn't really say anything to each other. She didn't make him explain why he'd been so distant earlier or why he hadn't come home right away. She just let him fall asleep in her arms after they made their way over to the sofa.

XXX

Restlessly, Danny tossed and turned trying to get the images of Dornvald and Martin's blood out of his head. He abruptly woke himself up to stop the nightmare. Surprised to find himself still on the sofa, he looked around the room. He smelled coffee brewing in the kitchen. Katie had taken off his shoes and socks and covered him with a blanket. Slowly, he sat up and rubbed his eyes as he tried to will the pounding in his head to stop. The ambush kept running in his head in a constant loop. He kept asking himself what he could have done differently. He'd thought maybe if he'd checked Martin before he'd gotten out of the car, then maybe Martin wouldn't have gotten shot. Or he should have covered him while Martin backed up the car. There were a million things Danny could have done differently. Ultimately, he just wished it had been him instead of Martinthen he wouldn't have to feel this feeling that he couldn't shake.

"You're awake," Katie said as she came out of the bedroom toweling her hair dry. "I made coffee and some toast. You should probably eat something," she continued as she went into the kitchen and started to make him a plate.

"I'm okay. I need to take a shower, and then I have to go to work."

"Work?" Katie said as she turned to look at him with his full coffee cup in her hand. "You're hurt. You have a head injury. You need to take some time off."

"I have to file a report on what happened, and we're 2 agents down now. My head is fine."

Walking over to him, she set the coffee and toast in front of him as she sat down on the sofa. "You've just been through a nightmare. On the news, they said it was some kind of ambush. I don't see how you can just return to normal like nothing has happened."

Sighing heavily, he shook his head. "Baby, reporters make everything sound much more dramatic than it actually is," he lied. "I'm fine. I freaked out a little because I thought Martin-," he paused, "but he's going to be fine, and it's over. I promise. There's nothing more to worry about."

"You really scared me the other night. The way you just shut down like that. You did the same thing when you were dealing with your brother. I'm here, Danny. I can help you. Or maybe you should talk--,"

For an instant, he thought about telling her about Jack's order for him to see the FBI psychiatrist, but then he knew that would worry her even more. "I'm not shutting down. I'll tell you anything you want to know. I told you everything that happened with my brother. I haven't kept anything from you," he said with a pleading look in his eyes.

"Will you go see a doctor today and get your head checked again?"

"My head is fi—"

"Danny."

"If it will make you happy, then I will go get my head checked again."

"Good. Now please eat something," she said handing him the toast.

XXX

The first thing Danny saw when he got to work that morning was an e-mail from Jack telling him that his appointment with Dr. Harris was at 10 am – just enough time to write his report on the ambush. He was surprised at how cold and detached he was while accounting for what happened that night. Running through his head like a filmstrip, he just typed the details: the van stopping in front them, two men jumping out of the back, machine gunfire, Martin accelerating and taking out a man, then reversing and crashing, coming to after the crash to more gunshots, exiting the car and firing on instinct, killing the driver of the van, gun jamming and watching Dornvald flee in the van. He pulled all the facts out and that just left all of his questions about what he could have done differently swirling in his head.

At 10 am, he took a deep breath outside of Dr. Harris's office, and then formed a small smile on his face before knocking on her door.

"Dr. Harris," he said entering her office. "Jack said I should meet with you at 10. Is this still a good time?" he asked in an even tone.

"Of course," she answered as she looked up at him. "You looked surprisingly well for someone who has just been through hell."

Widening his smile slightly, he responded, "All's well that ends well. Martin is getting better. Dornvald is dead. And I'm ready to keep working."

"How's your head?" she asked pointing to the butterfly bandages near his temple.

"It feels much better after a good night's sleep. I have a bit of a headache, but it will pass."

"As you know, you are required to come to three sessions. This isn't unusual considering the circumstances of an agent-involved shooting and the fact that you killed one of the assailants. Jack should have taken you out of field immediately."

"We were two agents down, Dr. Harris, and I was fine. I returned fire after we were fired at…continuously. I did everything by the book," he said with as much confidence as he could muster.

"No one doubts that, Danny. That's not why you're here. How are you dealing with what happened to Martin?"

"Now that I know he's going to be okay, I'm handling it fine."

"Jack said that when he arrived on the scene you were basically trying to stop the blood from running out Martin's body. That must have been a horrible experience."

"It was…horrible. I thought he was dead," he replied in a rare moment of honesty.

"Have you seen him?"

"Martin?"

"Yes, Martin."

"Not yet. No."

"Why not?"

"Well, he…um…he has a lot family. You know, his parents, sisters, cousins and I knew Sam would want to spend some time with him. I just know he has a lot of people there who want to see him. I didn't want to interfere with that, and last night, I had to see my girlfriend. She was worried, as you can imagine. Then this morning, I had a report to file and Jack told me to come see you so I haven't really had time to see Martin. Plus, I'm not sure if he has even regained consciousness, so he wouldn't even know if I was there," he finally stopped realizing he was rambling. He took a quick breath to try to remain composed. He couldn't let Dr. Harris see how panicked he still felt.

Dr. Harris didn't respond right away. Instead, she just seemed to process all of the information he'd just given her. "You have a girlfriend?"

Smirking, Danny realized he probably shouldn't have said that. Now Dr. Harris had even more to analyze. "Yes. Her name is Katie."

"How long have you and Katie been together?" she asked as she made a note in her notebook.

"Uh…a little over a year, but she spent most of the year studying at Oxford, so really we've only been together for a few months. We've known each other forever, though."

"She must have been relieved to see you."

"Yeah. She'd been watching the news. That kind of freaked her out. But she's okay now."

"Good," she said and then took a look in the file folder on her desk. "You mentioned Martin having a lot of family. As I look at your file, I notice you don't have that same kind of support."

"You mean I don't really have a family."

"You have a brother, right?"

"Yes. He's in jail. He has a girlfriend and a son. I guess they are my only real family, and I have Katie. They're actually more than I've ever had before in my life."

"Your parents died in a car accident?" she asked like she was going down some list of questions.

Danny hesitated as he swallowed hard. He didn't want to get into this. He mentally prepared himself for trying to gloss over this part of his life as quickly as possible. "They died when I was eleven. It was a long time ago."

"You were in the car?"

This time Danny almost laughed. "Geeze, how detailed is that personnel file, Dr. Harris? Are you going to tell me what we had for dinner that night?"

"I only bring it up because you've suffered two major traumas, both involving car crashes and both times you walked away with barely a scratch. Sometimes when people experience something similar to a traumatic childhood event, the experience compounds itself and can lead to difficulty in dealing with both events as an adult."

Danny smiled and shook his head. "I barely remember the car accident with my parents. And nothing that happened in that car with Martin even remotely resembles what happened with my parents. First of all, there was no hail of gunfire when I was eleven. The situations couldn't be more different, so there is nothing really there to 'compound' the two events."

"Okay," she responded, seeming satisfied with that answer. Then she pondered another item in his file before asking, "Do you mind if I ask you if you are still in AA?"

"No, I don't mind. As I recall, I was pretty open about that when I first started here. I'm not surprised it's made it into my file," he said in an easygoing tone. "And yes, I still go to AA. Nine years and counting."

"Good for you. Have you been to a meeting recently?"

"Last night," he replied matter-of-factly.

"Were you feeling weak after the shooting and seeing Martin like that?"

"I go to meetings twice a week, Dr. Harris. On any given day, I can feel pretty weak, which is why I have a pretty tight routine. Last night, I was tired and a little amped, all at the same time. I needed to feel a little more grounded so I went to a meeting. That's not that different from the way I feel after a lot of cases, not just this one."

Danny could tell he was winning her over. He could tell that she was impressed with his responses. He only hoped he could keep it together for the rest of the session.

XXX

Shutting off his desk lamp, Danny shrugged on his jacket in preparation to leave for the day.

"Ready for the evening hospital update?" Samantha asked as she walked into the bullpen.

"Ready. Lay it on me," Danny replied as he turned to her.

"Vivian has been conscious most of the day. Jack just talked to her husband on the phone. She's already talking about coming back to work sooner, since Martin will be out for quite a while. Jack told her we'd just have to muddle through without her."

"We'll manage," Danny responded with a smile. "Martin?"

"Vital signs look good. Heonly regained consciousness a couple of times today. I'm headed over there now. You wanna come with?"

Shaking his head, Danny said, "I…I…uh…I promised Viv I'd swing by there when she was up and around. I'm sure there are a lot of people who are in line to see Martin. I can stop by when he is a little more alert."

"I'm sure he'll want to see you, Danny," Samantha said quietly. "Listen, I…I never got a chance to apologize to you about the other day. I know you were just trying to help—"

"No apologies, Sam. It was a crazy day, right?"

"Yeah," she replied. "Are you okay? I mean…you seem okay, but I can't imagine—"

"I'm fine. It's over, and I'm fine," he said again. He felt like he'd said it a thousand times. "I promise. Go see Martin. I'll check in on Viv and tell her you say hi."

"Great. Thanks. 'Night, Danny," she said as she turned to walk out.

"Goodnight," he said and then took another deep breath. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

After gathering his things, he walked out into the hall, just missing Sam's elevator on purpose so he wouldn't have to talk to her again. He regretted that when he saw Jack approaching.

"Hey, Jack."

"Hey," he said stopping in front of him. "Good report of the shooting. I sent it up to Olzcyk. There shouldn't be any investigation."

"Good. Thanks," Danny said, shifting his weight from one leg to the other and wishing the elevator would come faster.

"I talked to Lisa Harris."

"Yeah?" Danny replied trying not to sound as nervous and agitated as he felt.

"She was also pretty impressed with your progress," he said with a hint of skepticism. "You must have really kept your cool in there today."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Danny asked defensively.

"Lisa says you are in the clear. She'd like to follow up with you in a couple of weeks, but you don't have to continue with the two other sessions, unless you want to, of course."

Danny nodded. "That's good. I…uh…I mean everything is fine now, Jack. It's over."

"Yeah. I hope so," Jack replied as the elevator doors opened.

"I'm going to see Viv now," Danny said as he got on the elevator. He noticed that Jack still looked at him with doubt in his eyes. "I'll tell her you say hello."