Wander over Yonder Season 3-36

"Fellow crewmates, I have some distressing news for us all" Peepers directed at Hater and a room full of Watchdogs.

"Taco Tuesday is cancelled?", "My mother in law called?", "Captain Tim's a father?" were among the guesses heard.

"Watchdogs are getting raises?" Hater guessed. "I hope not."

"No on all of the above. The raises especially" Peepers answers. "The truth is we're going broke."

"What!?" Hater exclaims above loud Watchdog consternation.

"But not to worry, we're smart people after all" Peepers reasons. "So! We need funds! Ideas? I need to hear some ideas..."

Watchdogs eyed one another.

"...Uhh, bake sale?" a Watchdog named Bert suggests.

"We need lots of money, not chump change" Peepers counters.

"How's about we just conquer more planets?" a Watchdog named Mark contributes.

"Planetary conquest is expensive and it's what got us here to begin with" Peepers responds. "The last couple planets had very little in their bank vaults. Talk about rotten luck. Next!"

All in the room get lost in thought.

"Aaagh, this is hard! Someone think of something already" Hater complained.

Hater crossed his arms and glared at his Watchdogs. Peepers then spots a hotel brochure atop the meeting table.

"What if we take over a high-end hotel and run it?" Peepers proposes after a quick look into the brochure. Glances are exchanged. "And any wealthy customers we get, we rob them blind!" he plots further.

"...That just might be crazy enough to work!" Hater agrees. "Let's do it!"

-=episode title=-

THE SKULL INN

-=episode title=-

Several more hotel brochures were busted out and distributed.

"Ooh man, this is like we're getting ready for vacation!", "Which should we take over?", "It should be one with internet access!" floated about the meeting room.

"Oh, this one has a giant waterpark in the back. Neptune's Resort!", "'The Golden Orange' on Planet Fruita has a giant fruit farm and is known for its top-class fruit dishes!", "Well this one has a giant zoo. We can ride rhinos at this resort!"

"Rhino rides!" some Watchdogs cheer.

"'Death Ray Resort' has a giant death ray for asteroid blasting! Page 16" a Watchdog declares and all turn to that page.

"OOooooooh" many Watchdogs emit collectively.

"Giant death ray! Giant death ray!" Hater chants bouncing in his seat. "I demand a giant death ray!"

"Giant death ray it is!" Peepers agrees and soon, the Skull Ship was maneuvered towards 'Death Ray Resort', a high-class resort with impeccable lawn and flower garden and elaborate sprinkler system leading up to the front entrance. Other than a giant and frightening death ray poking out from the roof, the resort looked very much like any other resort with fancy front door and beautiful water fountain greeting any and all visitors.

"Welcome to 'Death Ray Resort'. Please enjoy your stay" neatly-dressed employees greet as they open the front doors and allow Hater's conquering Watchdog armies entry.

"Good morning gentlemen. Welcome to 'Death Ray Resort'" the receptionist at the front desk, a lady with a head of a giant pair of lips, greets Hater, Peepers, and the other heavily-armed Watchdog troops politely. "How many in your party?"

Hater turns around to start a head count.

"Uuhhh, a lot?" Hater replies.

"We're not here to book a stay, actually" Peepers jumps in with laser blaster pointed. "We're here to book a take over!"

"Ooh, I'm afraid that's only on Fridays" the receptionist explains.

"Oh... Guess we'll be back then" Hater says making to leave.

"Sir, play with this" Peepers orders handing Hater a slide puzzle. "Now reach for the sky!" Peepers orders the receptionist.

After having their personal yet valuable belongings taken, the staff at the resort from the cooks to the janitors and other employees were rounded up and locked up in the Skull Ship's jail cells. Watchdogs filled these roles shortly after.

"Alright! We're here. Now we wait for the clientele to come in and confiscate any valuables once they check in!" Peepers schemed sitting at the front desk.

"Ha! Finally done!" Hater celebrates having finished the slide puzzle. He then looks around. "What were we doing?" Hater asks Peepers.

"You were going to go check out the death ray" Peepers lies.

"Oh yeah! Sounds fun" Hater says heading off to check out said death ray. "What!? Out of order!?" he exclaims reading the small sign on the death ray. "Agh!" he lets out tearing apart the sign. "Stupid thing's out of order!" he tells Peepers upon return. "How are things on your end?"

"Not great either" Peepers says reviewing paperwork atop the front desk. "We've hijacked this place during a slow period. Out of 500 rooms, we've only got two rooms booked!"

"Well maybe we give it a little time and we'll get more coming in?" Hater speculates.

The clock on the wall ticked away the minutes.

"So, you been watching anything lately?" Hater asks Peepers.

"Not really. Always too much to do, so little time" Peepers explains.

The clocked ticked on.

"I've been looking into growing hair" Hater reveals pulling back his hood. "Which hairstyle do you think will impress the ladies?" he asks rubbing his bald skull.

"Sir, you look fine bald" Peepers assured.

"Yeah well maybe 'fine' isn't good enough in today's dating scene" Hater defends.

The clock continued ticking.

A Watchdog walked by vacuuming loudly. He shuts the vacuum off to look at Hater and Peepers for a brief moment, Hater and Peepers looking back just the same. The vacuuming then resumes.

Minutes continued to tick by. The phone atop the front desk then rings.

"Finally!" Peepers says. "Death Ray Resort! You've reached the front desk" he answers the phone call.

"Hey! Is your refrigerator running?" the person on the other line manages to get out amid what sounded like three people resisting the urge to laugh.

"Why yes, all our refrigerators are operating at peak efficiency" Peepers says proudly.

"They are? Well you better go catch them before they get away! Gahahahahaha!" the caller says as an uproar of laughter exploded. The caller then hangs up.

"What an odd call" Peepers comments.

"Peepers, I think that was a prank call" Hater says. "I've done enough in my day to know one when I hear one."

"A prank call?" Peepers asks annoyed while typing away at the front desk computer. "Well that call came from room 131. Let's go pay the occupants a visit" Peepers says grabbing his blaster.

"Oooh, sounds fun. I'm in!" Hater agrees harnessing his green powers.

In room 131 were three individuals: one bunny-like occupant with braces, a small snake atop a skateboard, and a beanie-wearing cyclops. All three were recovering from a bout of laughter.

"Hahahaha! Running fridge! Always a classic!" the bunny says wielding the phone.

"Hey, let's call that black cube next! It's been so long since we punked that guy!" the cyclops suggests.

"Yeah! Let's!" the snake agrees before the door is tackled open allowing Peepers and Hater entry.

"AAAaaaaaaah!" all three occupants scream.

"Hello you three" Peepers greets. "Heard there was a fridge problem in this room."

"Y-yeah" the bunny agrees.

"No worries" Hater says before grabbing all three. "I'm fixing that here and now."

Moments later, the fridge in the room is sent flying out of the window with the three pranksters stuffed inside.

"There you go Peeps" Hater says exiting the room alongside Peepers. "No more prank calls."

"Sir, that was satisfying to witness" Peepers says as both returned to the front desk.

"All in a day's work. We're trying to run a business after all" Hater says.

"Speaking of which, we're down clients after that ejection" Peepers confides. "We haven't had any new customers come in. We gotta try something else..."

Peepers and Hater get lost in thought once more at the front desk.

"Well I've got no ideas" Hater admits after several minutes.

Peepers suddenly pulls out a simple glass jar and a pouch labeled 'super-gro'. "Sir, bring me Captain Tim. I have an idea."

Later in the day, the Skull Ship hovered above Death Ray Resort. Two great arms sprouted out of the Skull Ship wielding a large jackhammer. After hammering at the resort's foundation, most of the resort is lifted up using a powerful tractor beam and carried away.

"Crew! Find us the nearest ship" Peepers orders the crew in the command room. "Initiate Operation Itch!"

The Skull Ship approaches a planet on which a giant enemy ship shaped like a gas grill rested. Inhabiting this ship was notorious, pig-like smuggler Ham Solo but at the moment, Little Bits was calling the ship her own, Ham Solo under her hypnotic spell. All was going smoothly until an intense itch overwhelmed her.

"What is the meaning of this!?" Little Bits demands amid frantic scratching.

"I think we have fleas" Ham Solo says in a hypnotized stupor while using a long rifle to scratch at his back.

"Fleas!?"

Looking around, Little Bits finds the ship swarmed with vicious, intergalactic fleas.

"Where did these things come fwom!?" the evil kitten demands.

A doorbell is then heard.

"Get the dooa!" Little Bits orders. At the door, Ham Solo encounters several Watchdogs in hazmat suits.

"Good afternoon sir, we're exterminators. Sensors have detected a flea infestation on this ship" one of the Watchdogs says.

"What perfect and convenient timing" Ham Solo lauds robotically during frantic scratching. "Yes. Please exterminate..."

"We will for a small, well, for a fee" a Watchdog notifies.

"Understood" Ham Solo agrees while scratching.

With Ham Solo and Little Bits out, Ham Solo's ship is covered with a giant tarp for fumigation.

"Fumigation may take a while. We recommend a stay at Death Ray Resort" one of the many Watchdogs informs pointing towards the detached resort in the tractor beam of a disguised Skull Ship, the disguise being sunglasses and mustache. "Rooms come with anti-flea shower gels and shampoos. Vital during flea season!"

"Flea season. Makes perfect sense" Ham Solo agrees.

Armed with jars of intergalactic fleas, the scam was a simple one: Flying in flying saucer-like ships known as eyepods, Watchdogs flew from one villainous ship to another infecting them with swarms of super-charged fleas. During the rendering of fumigation services, these Watchdogs then looted the ships and directed the victims towards the Death Ray Resort where additional services could be rendered and charged.

First scammed was Little Bits's hypnotized victim, Ham Solo, who covered any and all charges. Next victim was Mandrake the Malfeasant who at first thought himself too old for that flea nonsense only to learn the hard way. Emperor Awesome also fell victim to the scam and readily accepted help with the infestation: there was nothing attractive about flea infestations after all. After having changed his name for easier pronunciation, Kragthar of Kraaaaagtttthh now called himself Kevin of Kraaaaagtttthh and checked into the resort to help deal with the flea infestation in his own home.

The scheme did not limit itself to just villains as non-villains were also targeted: King Bingleborp whose great mustache hid hundreds of fleas, Prince Cashmere and his ram guards who had plenty of wool to house countless fleas, Trudi Traveler who cursed her extensive traveling for her embarrassing flea problem, and Beeza, an alien who resided like a flea on giant dog Buster and found it charming to now be suffering from fleas herself.

In an office in the Skull Ship, Peepers was counting bundles of money.

"Why didn't we try this before?" Peepers asked himself.

"Whoa!" Hater remarks impressed by the haul. "Peepers, you make a great businessman. I have to say."

"Thank you sir" Peepers says admiring their winnings.

A small bell is heard.

"Oh! That's the front desk. I'll handle it" Hater offers. "You just keep counting."

"Will do sir!"

At the front desk, Hater sees 'noise complaint' on the computer there.

At another part of the resort, Mandrake the Malfeasant was banging on a door with his staff.

"Hey! Keep it down in there!" Mandrake barked.

The door opens and Awesome pokes his head out.

"Excuse me? Old timer, you got some beef?" Awesome asks answering the door.

"I'm not here to give you any beef! I want you to keep it down!" Mandrake complains.

"PFfsshhht! You call this loud!?" Awesome retorts, music in his room at a modest volume. "This isn't even a tenth of how loud I can go."

"Well it's too loud! I'm trying to nap!"

"Nap? Don't ya sleep enough at night?" Awesome interrogates.

"No!" Mandrake declares.

"Well bad news old timer. My room, my tunes. Don't like it? Ask for a different room!" Awesome instructs harshly and makes to return to his room only for a ray to fly past him and destroy the boombox in his room.

"That'll teach ya!" Mandrake hissed.

"Bro! My boombox! You're asking for it at this point!" Awesome growls.

"Boombox? Is that what those are called? Hehehehe! I made your 'boombox' go boom! Hehehehe!" Mandrake laughed coarsely. "Now I'm gonna make you go boom!"

"You won't land a single hit!" Awesome challenged as both readied for battle.

"Whoa whoa whoa!" Hater intercepts in the nick of time. "We do not tolerate fighting here in The Death Ray Resort" he instructs the two combatants. "I'm going to need you two to take it outside" he says leading Awesome and Mandrake outdoors. "Okay, you two can fight it out now" Hater instructs before Awesome and his Fist Fighters take on Mandrake and his Robuts in a violent clash. Satisfied with a job well done, Hater re-enters the resort. "Just another day in running a business" he told himself with pride on his way back to the front desk.

Back at the front desk, Hater saw another request for room service. Hurrying towards the room, Hater there spots Ham Solo with a kitten sitting on Solo's lap.

"Hello room service" Ham Solo begins in a robotic-like voice. "I would like to buy the following expensive services for my adorable little cat."

"Meow!" the kitten emitted gently.

Giving little thought to the empty look in Ham Solo's eyes or to the Little Bits-like kitten and with notebook in hand, Hater jotted down a long list of gourmet breakfasts, lunches, and dinners as well as massage sessions and pay-per-view tv shows and even requests for fine jewelry.

"Here you go" Ham Solo says pulling out stacks of cash to pay for the services.

"Right away sir!" Hater say accepting the tall stacks. Shortly after, Watchdog chefs and masseurs enter to render services as Hater exits to head for Kevin of Kraaaaagtttthh's room.

"Say it one more time" Kevin of Kraaaaagtttthh directs, a 'my name is Kevin' pin on his chest.

"Kevin, how may I be of service?" a puzzled Hater asks again.

"One more time! Just say it one more time!"

"Kevin, how may I be of service?" Hater asks yet again.

"Thank you, that'll be all" Kevin of Kraaaaagtttthh finishes and Hater exits.

"What a weirdo... But I gotta say, running a business is kind of satisfying" Hater thought. "Money's nice too! I could get used to this. I guess I could do this for a little while longer."

Returning to the front desk, Hater was ready for anything as he leaned back and propped his feet up.

"Hello!" Hater greets reflexively at new arrivals. "Welcome to the Dea-eaeaaAAaaaah! You!"

"Hiya Hatey!" Wander greets while scratching. By his side was Sylvia who was also scratching and Dominator who seemed fine.

"Ah! Wander! What are you doing here!?" Hater demands.

"We need a room. The Domship ran into a bit of a problem" Wander reveals.

"Hog darn fleas!" Sylvia exclaims scratching. "Persistent little pests!"

"Flea problem huh?" Hater asks trying to suppress a chortle.

"Ya think!?" Sylvia snaps.

"Hey! Why aren't you scratching?" Hater asks Dominator.

"Tch! Fleas don't last long on me" Dominator says as she boastfully covers her body with green electricity briefly.

"Thanks to MY powers!" Hater reminds.

"Stop yammering and get us rooms!" Sylvia demands impatiently.

Wanting them out of his sight, Hater hands over room keys and Wander, Dominator, and Sylvia take off.

With the three nuisances gone, Hater manages to relax once more for a while.

"Sir!" Peepers shouts.

"Gah!" Hater lets out jerked out of relaxation time.

"Watchdogs are telling me Wander and Dominator are staying here! Is that true?" Peepers asks.

"Uhh, yeah. Why?" Hater asks.

"What do you mean why? Tabloids would pay a fortune for anything scandalous of theirs!"

"They will?" Hater questions.

"Yes! C'mon!"

Peepers leads Hater into a room filled with several monitors and a lone Andy the Watchdog surveying them all.

"Oh hi! Commander Peepers! Lord Hater!" Andy greets.

"Andy! Find Wander and Dominator's room! They rented the same room right?" Peepers asks.

"I'm not sure, actually" Hater admits.

"Whatever, we'll find it by browsing. Andy, browse!" Peepers demands.

"Browsing" Andy obeys and all three in the room focus on one monitor. "Camera 1, room vacant. Camera 2, Fancy Schmancys. Camera 3, a Watchdog vacuuming. Camera 4, Little Bits and her hapless victim. Camera 5, Captain Tim is tearing a bed apart. Camera 6, Star Bella and Trudi Traveler in the same room having tea. Camera 7, Zbornak in a bath tub. Camera 8, Something the So and So watching tv. Camera 9, empty. Camera 10, King Bingleborp tending to his mustache. Camera 11!"

"There they are!" Peepers exclaims as Wander and Dominator come into view. Both in the bath tub, a pink-faced Dominator was in bikini and kneeling behind Wander who had his blushing face poking out of a giant ball of shampoo lather. Dominator had her hands in the lather and was scrubbing away.

"...This invasion of privacy is so wrong" Andy laments covering his face.

"You work on the Skull Ship! You have no right to complain about right or wrong!" Peepers quips. "Now get me audio... Sir, I'd understand if you wanted to step outside right now."

Hater seemed lost in thought.

"Sir?"

"Wh-wha-?"

"Sir? Are you okay?" Peepers asks.

"Ye-yeah. I was just thinking about... bathroom tiles" Hater says.

"Bathroom tiles!?"

"Yeah. Don't you ever think of bathroom tiles?" Hater asks.

"No!" Peepers almost exclaims.

"Well I do because someone has to worry about interior decor" Hater says as audio comes through with Dominator's voice being heard first.

"Hold still" Dominator says as she scrubbed Wander firmly, "I gotta get in deep to get those nasty fleas out of your fur."

"I c-can do this myself" Wander says.

"And I wanna help. You don't wanna say 'no' to someone wanting to help do you?" Dominator asks.

"Of course not" Wander assures swiftly.

"Good because I'm enjoying this more than I thought I would" Dominator says lifting Wander's arm up to scrub underneath. "Destroying these nasty, little, blood-sucking vermin is seriously satisfying!"

"What a cute couple" Andy sighed dreamily while Peepers had a money sign for an eye.

"Hey, look at that. Someone dropped a jar in the hallway" Hater notices pointing at a monitor.

"What?" Peepers asks before masses of fleas barge into the room crawling all over the walls, ceiling, and floor.

"Aaaaah!" Peepers screams drawing his laser pistol and blasting away.

Just like it had been with all their scam victims, The Death Ray Resort was now crawling with super-charged fleas after the release of just one jar's contents. There was an immediate mass exodus of resort guests like Kevin of Kraaaaagtttthh, Star Bella and Trudi Traveler, and Ham Solo with Little Bits under his arm. Something the So and So, having once worked as an exterminator, skillfully escorted himself out with anti-flea sprays.

"This again!?" Dominator growls while armies of fleas barge into her and Wander's room. She electrocutes many as Wander deploys an Orbble bubble which thankfully proved impenetrable to the throngs of fleas.

"We should go check on Sylvia!" Wander urges.

In her room, Sylvia was just barely warding off waves of fleas with an anti-flea spray before Dominator zaps away several more and Wander pulls Sylvia into the Orbble's safety.

"Thanks! You guys are lifesavers" Sylvia thanks.

"You're most welcome!" Wander returns with a hug.

With her green electricity, Dominator blasts away masses of fleas that blocked their way out.

"Hater, buddy! We gotta get out of here!" Wander calls out to Hater who seemed to be walking not out of the resort but deeper in, fleas swarming Hater but unable to suck any blood out of bone.

"Leave me alone Wander!" Hater lashes out. "I'm not leaving witout my Tim Tim! And I'm not your buddy!"

"Can't argue with that! Let's get out of here!" Sylvia urges.

Hater makes his way towards the room where he last saw Captain Tim and kicks in the door. Inside, to his shock, he finds his pet arachnomorph overwhelmed with fleas, the fleas appearing to be extra fond of arachnomorph blood.

"Unhand Captain Tim!" Hater demands wielding electricity.

The fleas all band together to form a hand and aim a rude gesture at Hater. Hater gasps.

"Wh-what kind of fleas are you!?" Hater shouts before blasting green energy and pulling Captain Tim out from under thick flea clumps before charging out of the room.

Craving Captain Tim's blood, the fleas give chase moving about the halls of the resort like tidal waves in the ocean. Hater aims blasts behind him which the fleas morph to evade. Just the same, the fleas aim wave after wave of themselves in attempts to recapture Captain Tim.

"Dead end!?" Hater exclaims running into the end of a hall with no windows or doors. He turns to find a wall of fleas readying a pounce. "Back! Back you blood-sucking savages!" Hater shouts shooting more green energy to repel.

The masses of fleas then form a giant hand and point at Captain Tim. They also form into letters that spelled out 'hand over the arachnomorph and we will let you go'.

"No! You will never get Captain Tim! Over my dead body!" Hater counters readying more green electricity.

The fleas form two hands that seem to shrug before retreating.

"Did they give up?" Hater wondered as the fleas scattered away. "WHAT THE!?" he then lets out at a shocking sight: the fleas had returned with the resort's death ray weapon, a weapon Hater was sure was out of order.

With death ray weapon pointed at Hater, the fleas began to power it up. All but Hater and Captain Tim had by now exited the resort which, at the blink of an eye, explodes violently. Temporarily, all watching were blinded, all within range were deafened, all not heavy enough were blown away, a giant mushroom cloud rising up in the sky in the aftermath.

A giant cloud of smoke lingered in the air before dissipating to reveal the resort in ruins and a Hater within them enveloped in his green energy shield. With Captain Tim safe in his arms, Hater had not only survived but also managed to protect his beloved pet.

"Sir!" Peepers, flanked by many other Watchdogs, calls out breaking away from several of the resort's guests and running up to Hater's side. "Are you okay!?"

"I think so" a shaken-up Hater answers. "Peepers, where'd the fleas go?"

"I think I know where" Peepers answers watching masses of fleas coalescing into giant flea columns. These columns then begin approaching menacingly.

"The explosion didn't take you out!?" Hater shouts at the pests.

The fleas form a giant hand that wags its finger mockingly.

"Well you're not getting your claws on my Tim Tim!" Hater challenges hugging Captain Tim protectively.

Hater and the fleas ready for another bout just before Peepers intercepts.

"Wait!" Peepers shouts. "If it's arachnomorphs you want, feast your eyes on this!" he says holding up a travel brochure. Accepting the brochure, the fleas open it up to learn of planets overflowing with arachnomorphs and giant arachnomorph queens who would surely be filled with yummy arachnomorph blood.

The fleas lick themselves after forming into a giant pair of lips.

"Here you go~" Peepers says offering the fleas a giant container of Orbble juice.

After giving a thumbs up, the fleas depart, the starry sky filling with hundreds of bubbles filled with fleas floating away.

"Peepers, no more super-powered fleas" Hater requests.

"Unless we need to raise funds, right?" Peepers says hugging a bundle of bills.

"Exactly!" Hater agrees with a wink.

Hater, Peepers, and several other Watchdogs admire the sight above before someone behind them clears their throat. Turning to look behind them, Hater and his troops behold an angry mob of former resort guests.

"So those were your fleas were they!?" Kevin of Kraaaaagtttthh speculates.

"It all makes sense now!" King Bingleborp shrieks with rage.

"Let's get 'em!" Mandrake the Malfeasant demands among other angry utterances floating about the angry crowds.

"No refunds!" Hater shouts.

The angry crowds pull out torches and pitchforks.

"Sir, I think we should run" Peepers says.

"Good idea" Hater agrees before he and his Watchdogs were finally chased into the Skull Ship which disappeared into the cosmos above shortly after.

Wander, Dominator, and Sylvia along with Beeza, Something the So and So, and other more pacifist types meanwhile had watched the pursuit more passively.

"It appears we've been had" Beeza commented calmly. "Let us reflect."

"They actually got away with it this time. The money at least" Sylvia observed impressed.

"A broken clock's right twice a day" Dominator shrugged as she zapped a lone flea approaching Wander's foot.

Author's note: I was tempted to rewrite this chapter but I've spent enough time on it for now. Would like to come back to it later. Thanks for reading!