Notes: Thanks for taking the time to review. And special thanks for Mariel, once again. This is post-Blood Out.
Danny trudged home in brisk, January air, thinking that if he'd ever needed a quiet night at home, tonight was the night. He'd spent most of the day completing his reports on Cole's case. The reports had been made more complicated because he'd died, and because he and Elena had taken out Orlando after he'd shot Cole. It had been the third time Danny had shot someone in the last year, and he was beginning to wonder if he was cursed. While doing his reports, he'd gone over his actions over and over. Maybe they shouldn't have let Orlando leave. Maybe he should have waited until SWAT had arrived before confronting Orlando. Danny knew he was in for several days of second-guessing himself. It had seemed like his habit lately. The only good decision he'd made in the last 24 hours was to go see Trevor. Giving Trevor his card and trying to follow through on Cole's dying wish was the only thing that made Danny feel even a little bit good about himself.
He should have gone to see Trevor first thing in the morning. Maybe if he'd done that first, then he would have had a better handle on his whole demeanor when he'd gone to the mandatory post-shooting session with Dr. Harris. Instead, he had still been feeling raw and hadn't really had a chance to prepare what he'd wanted to say.
As Danny approached Dr. Harris's office, Elena walked out.
"How'd it go?" Danny asked as she approached him.
"Fine. You know, she just wants to make sure we don't have a hair trigger finger."
"Yeah. This is my third time talking to her in the last year. At this point, she probably has hair trigger finger written across my file."
"We didn't have a choice, Danny."
"I know. Believe me, I know," he said with a sigh. "I better get in there."
"Good luck," she said as she walked down the hall.
"Dr. Harris!" Danny greeted her in a warm tone as he walked into the office. "It seems I can't get enough of you lately."
"Nor I of you. What gives?" she asked as he took a seat across from her.
"I don't know. You know? I mean, wrong place, wrong time?" he shrugged. "Elena and I didn't have a choice. Orlando had just shot our missing person."
"I read the report. I don't doubt you, but I can't help but think that this affects you. The kidnapper in the Costin case—"
"He lived, actually. He's still in the hospital, probably still glad to be in the hospital since he'll go to prison once he gets rehabbed."
"Even so, it's a lot of violence to have to endure in a short amount of time, especially after what happened last spring."
Last spring, Danny thought, everything had changed last spring.
"You're right," he answered pensively. "It is a lot to endure, and sometimes I wonder if I'm still cut out for this kind of work." He said it without thinking. He could see Dr. Harris's wheels turning.
"Thinking about a career change?"
Realizing he couldn't turn back now, he continued. "I passed the Bar exam a few months ago. I thought I wasn't ready to leave this place, but I'm getting kind of tired of watching guys bleed out in front of me, and looking for children who are being abused. Some cushy, uptown law gig is looking better and better."
"Congratulations on the passing the Bar. Does Jack know? Usually, those kinds of things make it into your file," she said as she flipped through the pages on her desk.
"I haven't told him. I haven't told anyone here. Like I said, I didn't think I was ready to leave."
"I'm surprised you didn't tell them. Except for Elena, your team has been together for a long time. I thought you guys were fairly close.
"We are close, in some ways. I mean, I'd take bullet for them, you know? But lately, we've kind of been all business with each other. I think with what happened to Viv and then…Martin…, we just kind of distanced ourselves. I don't know. It just never occurred to me to tell them." The moment he'd had with Jack at the hospital flashed in Danny's mind. He'd just wanted to tell Jack how sorry he was had been about his father dying, but Jack hadn't seemed to understand or appreciate his support. Jack hadn't even asked them to come to his father's funeral. No, Danny thought, they definitely weren't the close-knit group that they had once been.
"Speaking of Martin, how are things with him?" Dr. Harris asked.
Shaking his head, Danny answered, "Okay, I guess."
"You don't know?"
Shrugging, Danny said, "Like I said, there's more distance between all of us now. I'm not sure he trusts me in the same way that he used to." Why should he, Danny thought? It was like his mouth was working independent of his mind. He couldn't control it, and he knew he was just adding fuel to Dr. Harris's fire.
"Because of the ambush?"
Nodding, Danny ran his hand over his chin. "And what happened after. I don't do well at hospitals. I didn't really go to see him. We've never really talked about any of it. It's hard to get back to the way things used to be when…" he trailed off, not sure how to articulate it.
"When you can't get past what happened that night?" she finished for him.
"I guess, yeah."
"How are your meetings going?"
"Great. Twice a week, like clockwork."
"Good. That's an amazing accomplishment, Danny. You have a lot to be proud of," she stated with a supportive smile.
He could tell what she was doing. Positive reinforcement at its best. He felt like one of Pavlov's dogs.
"Thanks," he replied in a humble tone.
"Are you still with-"pausing, she looked in his file, "Are you still with Katie?"
"Yeah. We're good," he replied with a small smile.
"Good for you. Being in a healthy relationship can be very helpful in getting through difficult times at work."
"It's made all the difference. She keeps things in perspective for me."
She does keep things in perspective, Danny thought as he continued his journey home. He hadn't seen Katie in three days. Cole's case had made for a couple of very long nights. He'd told her she might as well stay at her place because he knew he wouldn't be home. But he knew she'd be at his place when he got home tonight. She'd told him that they had something to go to with her father, but he couldn't remember what. Whatever it was, he was hoping to convince Katie to skip out on it and stay home with him. He didn't have the energy to go out, especially not after his session with Dr. Harris. He'd completely lost his cool and revealed way more than he'd intended, leading Dr. Harris to suggest more sessions for him. He'd told her that he'd think about it, but for now, he just wanted to focus on going to his meetings. She hadn't pushed him, but he knew that if he had one more shooting in his file, she'd probably take her concerns to Jack.
Walking through his front door, Danny heard music coming from the stereo. After making his way back to the bedroom, he caught sight of Katie standing in front of the bathroom sink. Her hips swaying to the music as she applied her make-up, she was a vision in a form-fitting bustier teddy.
Casually leaning against the doorframe, Danny resisted every urge to take her by surprise. "To what do I owe this pleasure?" he asked as he continued to gaze at her.
Smiling, she met his eyes through his reflection in the mirror. "You like?" she asked in a sexy tone.
Considering he'd found her irresistible in her usual after-work attire of a tank top and track pants, he responded, "To say the least. What's the occasion?"
"You don't remember?" she asked in a less-than-surprised tone.
"I don't remember," he confirmed.
"It's a charity benefit at the Met."
Still not quite remembering the details, his brow etched into a frown.
"Dad's being honored. Remember? It's his first big public appearance since he got out. I promised him we'd be there."
"You promised him we'd be there? I'm betting it's only important for you to be there. I mean, I know he doesn't hate me anymore, but I'm pretty sure he'd like to escort his brilliant, beautiful daughter to this thing, considering his wife is under house arrest in the Hamptons," he replied, trying hard to stifle a laugh because he knew this wasn't Katie's favorite subject.
"That's not funny. And he did ask that we both be there, and I'm very much looking forward to us both going, considering the only time we ever go out is to pick up our takeout orders."
"I took you to a movie two weeks ago," he responded defensively.
Sighing heavily, Katie finally turned around and walked toward him. "You said you'd come. I asked you a few mornings ago, and you said you'd be there if you weren't working."
Finally remembering the morning in question, Danny nodded. "That was a cheap trick – asking me at that particular time. I probably would have agreed to anything," he said as he snaked his arm around her waist and pulled her to him.
"I think you should keep that morning in mind, just as a reminder of how appreciative I would be if you come with tonight," she said and then rose up on her toes to plant a soft, lingering kiss on his lips.
Pulling her closer, he nuzzled her neck and inhaled her scent. She was intoxicating, more intoxicating than any drink he'd ever had. "Is that a bribe?" he asked before kissing her again. "You know that's considered a federal offense."
"It's whatever you want it to be," she replied in a breathy tone. "I promise we'll have fun. There will be dancing," she said as she swayed against him.
"Dancing's good, but I hate to burst your bubble. I don't exactly have the threads for a benefit at the Met."
Giggling, Katie grabbed his hand and led him to the closet. "I've taken care of everything."
"You rented me a tux?" he asked with another frown when he saw the garment bag hanging from his closet door.
Giving him a horrified stare, Katie shook her head. "No. Not rented," she responded as if the thought would never have entered her mind. "Being a former Manhattan debutante still has its privileges. I have an old friend who works at Armani. The tux is on loan. And she even hooked me up with the most beautiful gown. I can't wait until you see it."
Unzipping the garment bag, Danny ran a hand over the tuxedo that was easily worth a month's salary. He'd bought some expensive suits in his life, suits he really couldn't afford, but this was way out of his league. As he looked at it, an image of Cole flashed in his mind. They both had come to live lives that they never thought were possible when they were young. And suddenly, Danny felt guilty because he was still living, and Cole had died right in front of him the night before.
"What do you think?" Katie asked, rousing him from his thoughts.
"I think this is probably way too much, and an evening at the Met probably shouldn't be in the cards for me."
"The tux isn't too much; it's a loan. And don't be silly. You'll have a great time. We'll have a great time."
Turning to her, he let his fingers tangle in her hair. "This is important to you?"
"There will be a lot of people there that I've known my whole life, people I haven't seen since before I got divorced. I want everyone to see that I am happy and you are the reason for that happiness. So yes, it is important to me, but I'd never want you to be uncomfortable. If you don't—"
Leaning down, Danny kissed her in mid-sentence. "I'm going to give the tux a spin, and see if it fits."
Her face brightening with a wide smile, Katie nodded in appreciation as she turned to finish getting ready in the bathroom.
After taking a quick shower, Danny carefully dressed. As he shrugged on the tuxedo jacket after tying his tie, he looked at himself in the mirror. It fit perfectly, and for a moment, he forgot that he really didn't belong in a suit like that. Clothes always did that for him. They'd become like an armor. He'd always felt like people wouldn't be able to see his past, if he just dressed the part of someone who came from somewhere other that the hell he'd been brought up in.
"Wow," Katie said in almost a trance-like state as she walked out of the bathroom. "Wow," she repeated as he turned to her.
"You think it fits okay?" Danny asked adjusting the tie a little.
Katie sighed. "Um…I think it more than fits okay. It looks like it was made for you," she said, biting her lip as her cheeks flushed a bit. Walking towards him, Katie reached out and ran her hands over the lapels. "Maybe we shouldn't go out. Maybe we should just stay right here," she said looking up at him in earnest.
Smiling, he leaned down to kiss her. She hadn't dressed yet, and Danny wasn't sure how she expected him stay focused. "Don't tempt me," he said as he absently unclasped the top three buttons of her bustier.
Returning his kiss, Katie mumbled, "Maybe we could be late."
Unclasping two more, Danny was coming to the point of no return. "It's your call," he said catching his breath as he pressed his forehead to hers.
With a dramatic sigh, Katie pulled away. "We probably shouldn't. At least not right now. Now later in the limo is a completely different thing," she said in a playful tone.
"You better get dressed quickly," Danny said as he carefully helped her re-clasp her bustier.
XXX
An hour later, they walked up the steps of the grand building. Katie seemed to be floating up the stairs in the flowing, black, strapless gown. Danny had never seen her this beautiful or this vibrant. Her father said as much when he greeted them at the top of the stairs.
Walking into the benefit, Danny felt his Armani armor start to fail him. His heart beating faster, Danny looked around the room at the richest and most powerful people in the city. Thinking of Cole once again, Danny was re-thinking the decision to accompany Katie. He didn't have anything in common with any of these people. Even without his checkered past, he was still just a federal employee. He knew it was silly to feel like this, so he tried very hard to keep his cool, confident exterior on display.
Dredging up the last bit of his waning strength, he smiled as Katie and her father began to introduce him to their friends.
