Notes – This is post-The Little Things. Thanks for your reviews. They keep me inspired to write these in a less than inspiring season. Thanks as always to Mariel.
Danny was angry. Really angry – so angry that he knew if he didn't leave the office right at that moment that he'd say or do something he'd regret later. So he walked out, leaving Martin to absorb his accusation. His adrenaline still pumping and his mind spinning, he took a few deep, cleansing breaths before stepping into a cab. After giving the cabbie the address, he flipped his phone open.
"Hey. Sorry to call so late, but I need—"
The other voice cut him off before he could finish.
"Yeah. Thanks. I'll be there in fifteen minutes."
XXX
Sitting on the porch front steps of a quaint, two-story house in Brooklyn, Danny rubbed his eyes wearily. Hearing the screen door open, he glanced back to see his sponsor, Ray, coming toward him with a steaming cup of coffee in hand. Danny looked at Ray skeptically before accepting the cup.
"Don't worry. Karla made it before she went to bed."
Nodding, Danny accepted the cup and then looked straight ahead.
"You could come inside so we don't freeze our asses off. Everyone's asleep."
"I'd rather stay out here, if that's okay," Danny responded quietly. He liked the feel of the cold air on his skin. It kept his mind alert. "Sorry to call so late."
"No worries. Everything okay with you and Katie?" he asked, taking a seat next to Danny.
Nodding again, Danny answered. "She's fine. We're fine. She actually moved in with me a couple of weeks ago. This isn't about her."
"Does she know that you're here?"
"I called her earlier to let her know I was okay. She watched the news and heard that there was a shootout in our kidnapping case today. I knew she'd be worried. I told her that I was going to stop by here. She understands what that means now."
"So this is about your case?" Ray asked. "Everything okay with the kid? I watched the news, too. They said he was returned to his parents unharmed."
"He was…unharmed. Thank God. But things got a little intense at the scene."
"You were there?"
Danny nodded in response.
"Did you take the kidnapper out?"
Nodding once again, Danny wiped the corners of his eyes. "I know this was a bad guy, but he didn't have to die. If we had followed procedure—"
"You didn't follow procedure?" he asked in a surprised tone. "That doesn't sound like you. You're always by the book."
"I know. Believe me, I know. It wasn't me. It was Martin. He…he shouldn't have been there. I should have seen it sooner. Maybe I did see, but I just ignored it."
"You're going to have to fill in the blanks here, Danny. I don't understand."
"Martin's been erratic lately. He seemed okay when he came back to work, but then a couple of months ago, it seemed as though he regressed. I remember noticing a few times, but I never really said anything. I should have asked him about it sooner. That little boy almost died tonight. Martin almost died again tonight."
"So what's the deal with Martin? What's wrong with him?"
"Painkillers, I guess. He was showing withdrawal symptoms all day. He looked like a man in need of a fix. He told me he was sick, but—"
"Did you confront him about it?"
"I had to. He denied it, of course."
"Of course. You going to turn him in?"
"I don't know. I guess that's why I needed to talk to you. It's complicated."
"He needs help. Before he can get help, he needs to admit he has a problem. You know the drill, Danny. Sometimes the only way to get an addict to admit the problem is to blow his cover."
"He has a lot to lose, Ray."
"Really? Well you could have died, too. I can think of a few people who would have lost a lot tonight. A lot more than Fitzgerald would lose if he were reported."
"I guess I should have given him an ultimatum. I was just so pissed. I had to get out of there."
"You have to think about your co-workers and yourself. He puts lives in danger everyday he comes to work like that. If you tell Jack, then Jack can make sure he gets the help he needs. They won't fire him, Danny. I see this all the time at work. If we fired every cop who had a substance abuse problem, we'd be extremely short-handed."
"His father will find out, and I'm not sure Martin could forgive me for that," Danny responded, obviously conflicted.
"We can't control things like that. You know that."
"I know."
XXX
When Danny got home, he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. Since Katie would probably wake up if he tried to lie down in bed, he decided to sit on the couch and stare at silent images on the TV screen
At four in the morning, he heard something stir in the bedroom. Then he saw the bathroom light turn on. Minutes later, Katie walked out of the room with a blanket wrapped around her.
"Why didn't you come to bed?" she asked, sitting down beside him.
"I can't sleep and didn't want to wake you."
Sighing, Katie took his hand. "How much more of this can you take?"
"What do you mean? We got the kid back."
"You shot his kidnapper, though, didn't you?" she asked, her voice full of concern.
Biting his lip, Danny nodded as he rubbed his eyes. "I didn't have a choice."
"Of course, you didn't, but all of this is taking a toll on you, baby," she said as she caressed his cheek. "Come here," she said as she guided his head on to her lap as he stretched his legs over the length of the couch. Very lightly, she ran her fingers through his hair in an effort to help him find sleep.
They stayed like that for several moments in silence until Danny spoke again.
"You were right about Martin. I should have talked to him," he said suddenly.
"What happened?"
"He's in trouble, baby," he said with a slight hitch in his voice.
"What do you mean?"
"Painkillers or maybe something else. He's on something, though, and he messed up. He almost died today. That little boy almost died today," Danny replied, clearly trying to contain his emotions.
After taking a sharp intake of breath, Katie exhaled as she leaned down and kissed his head. "You almost died today."
"I was okay. Martin was out of control."
"What did Ray say?"
"He says I should turn Martin in and not cover for him," he responded in a quiet, hesitant tone.
"I'm inclined to agree if it means you'll be safer. What are you going to do?" she asked as she traced her fingers down his cheek.
"I want to see if what happened tonight wakes him up. Maybe he'll see that he needs help. I need to give him a chance to get help on his own. I owe him that."
"Because he got hurt in the shooting?"
Danny nodded. "And because I took the path of least resistance. You were right. I should have tried to talk to him about the shooting and everything that happened after. But I just wanted it to be over. And I thought that's what he needed, too – just to get past it and get back to work. But clearly, he hasn't gotten past it and is trying to deal with it by using."
"I know this is futile saying this, but this isn't your fault. Martin could have still gone down this path, regardless of what you did or didn't do. The important thing is that you are in a position where you can help him through this now. Focus on that, Danny."
"He may not want my help after tonight. I let my anger over what happened at the scene cloud my judgment when I confronted him. And when he denied it, I kind of lost it. I mean, he could probably lie to Jack, Viv or even Sam, but I can't believe he lied to me about this and expected me to believe it," he said, voice full of desperation.
She let her fingers glide from his hair to his neck. "You need to try to get some sleep, baby. You'll have a better perspective on this in the morning, which is only just a couple of hours away. Close you eyes," she said in a gentle, soothing voice.
Closing his eyes, Danny tried his best to focus on the feel of her fingers massaging his tense neck. He tried to put the night before and Martin's problem out of his mind. He needed to get perspective on all of it, so he'd be better prepared to know what to do when he returned to work. Feeling himself calm, his final thought before falling asleep was remembering what he'd told Trevor after the Cole Warren case. "No one makes it alone. No one."
Not even Martin.
