Chapter 6: YOU WERE WATCHING ME SLEEP!
You know the drill… READ IT!
Tsuyayaka: … I take it that means you liked it?
Just Plain Insane: I knew coffee and random humor was a bad mix…
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
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"Raoul!" Sue chased after the stupid fop, throwing her hockey stick at him to trip him. Raoul fell to the ground, clutching his knee and screaming like a girl.
"THAT HURT!"
"What in the hell are you doing, running around like a chicken with your head cut off, eh?" Sue shouted, slapping him upside the head.
"I must defeat the evil villain and save Christine from his clutches!" Raoul bellowed.
"… Villain?" Sue repeated.
"The Phantom." The fop re-iterated.
"But he's Canadian." Sue pointed out. "He can't be a villain…"
"BEHOLD!" Raoul pointed to his shoes.
"… What?"
"They have been chewed thoroughly." Raoul cried, ripping the shoe off and holding it in Sue's face. "This can only be the work of one madman… THE PHANTOM OF THE COUNTRY CLUB… eh?"
Sue snorted. "Those are beaver bites, you moron."
"Do you mean to tell me," Raoul asked, "That the Phantom was bitten by a rabid beaver and now he has beaver powers?"
"No," Sue said slowly, "I'm telling you that a regular old beaver has chewed on your shoes. Now… where in the world would you get an idea like… that stupid idea you just sprouted off at me?"
Raoul brought his Spiderman comic out.
"Dear god…"
"Soon, he'll have a theme song, and there will be no hope for us!" Raoul cried. "It will go like this: Beaver man, beaver man, does whatever a beaver-"
At that moment, Sue was forced to do a quite un-Canadian thing: she knocked Raoul on his ass unconscious.
"This can't end well."
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At that moment, Christine was getting ready to go to her Father's gravesite. She did this about once a month and, while she was there, she talked to him like an imaginary friend. It was a little sad, really, but I suppose when you're a trusting Canadian girl and people are telling you jokes about the Angel of Hockey and whatnot, you'll talk to your dead father like an imaginary friend.
Little did Christine know that the Phantom was posing as the dogsledder that was to take her to her father's snowy grave. She went out and sat on the sled, handing the cloaked person some money, and said, "To my father's grave."
"… Could you be a little more specific?" the man asked, looking through the money, "I've never- OH, A LOONIE!"
Christine gave him the exact location of the graveyard, and off they went.
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"Oh, my head…" Raoul muttered, rubbing his empty skull.
"Mom! He's awake!" Meg, who had been sitting near the fop, shouted.
Raoul screamed and pointed at her, "YOU WERE WATCHING ME SLEEP!"
Meg rolled her eyes. "I'm just making sure you don't choke to death on your own drool."
"YOU'RE A PERVERT WHO WAS WATCHING ME SLEEP! … Eh?"
Meg gritted her teeth. "Shut… up…"
Raoul got up and looked around. "Where's Christine?"
"Off visiting her father's grave." Meg muttered, "Why, what-"
Raoul went running off.
"… Shiznit…"
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Raoul was feeling very flashy and heroic when he got on the pure white pony and rode it all the way to the cemetery without falling off once. Unfortunately, when he got there, he found that Christine was talking to her father's grave like an idiot.
"And then, we watched the playoffs together, and he shared his poutine with me, eh?" Christine clapped her hands. "He's really the nicest Phantom I ever met. I hope that stupid Raoul doesn't ruin this for me, because I want to get to know this Phantom better, and-"
"You really think I'm nice?" the Phantom walked out from behind a nearby mausoleum.
"Yes!" Christine shouted, not unhappy in the least to see him there.
"CHRISTINE!" Raoul shouted, pulling out his plastic sword, "GET AWAY FROM THAT… THAT CREATURE! I'm here to save you, eh?"
Christine turned and groaned. "Oh, god, not him again!"
"Don't worry about it, eh?" The Phantom said, "I'll take care of this."
"Thanks, eh!" Christine said brightly, "You're my hero!"
The Phantom smiled, and then whistled and cried the three most frightening words that Raoul had ever heard.
"PHANTOM BEAVER ATTACK!"
And at that moment, the masked nemesis ran out from the trees and jumped on Raoul, giving him a string of the nastiest purple nurples that Raoul had ever felt. He screamed in agony, tears of pain running down his face.
"CHRISTINE, SAVE ME FROM THIS… THIS CREATURE!"
But, Christine was too busy chatting with the Phantom to notice the fop's pain. And then, something wonderful happened, something that will cause all phangirls all over the world to go, "Awww", even though this is just a random Canadian parody phic.
Christine gave the Phantom a hug.
The Phantom's face went through a series of expressions: surprise, joy, and, most importantly, love. He took Christine in his arms then and returned the hug while the fop struggled with the beaver from hell.
Then, while all the Phangirls where squealing in joy, the Phantom and Christine went to the dogsled, gave the dogs some treats, and then went off to the Opera House/ Hockey rink, leaving Raoul to struggle alone under the all-consuming powers od the Phantom Beaver.
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