Disclaimer: I own nothing of J.K. I only own my plot and chars.

A/N: Dododododo... I've been writing a lot lately! It's fun! MWEEeee.. hahaha. I've realized things in here mirror my real life. namely the friends thing.. plot bunnies are raiding my brain, urging me to write a few new fics, but I will wait till I'm done my lazytown fics and my labby land fic.

Chapter 5: Eyes On Me

Anxiousness burned at my soul, twisting and biting at my stomach, making it's way to my heart. My breaths were short and scattered, a feeling I didn't want to witness. Tonight was the night that students arrived. I didn't want to go through with the whole ceremony. . .People enter, sit, eat, get congratulated for entering the school.. Not a big deal, but it was going to be strange sitting at the teachers' table.

The days had passed slowly, uneventfully, and quietly like a dying mouse wasting away in the bowels of a basement. Snape had comepletely cut of conversation except for orders, tidings, or a thank you here or there for my work. I probably should have initiated a chat myself, but reaching his good side had to be pushed aside to make way for the nervousness of school. Hermione and I had found it nearly impossible to catch each other for a short talk or even to say hi. The only time we saw one another was during breakfast or supper, which was our sacred catching up time. I never got to talk to Snape during these times, so Hermione and I chattered a storm. It was nice just being able to talk to my best friend whom I hadn't seen for so long. As for the rest of the friends, I saw them here or there, saying hello at breakfast and supper. I missed them terribly, so we decided to meet up a week from now to figure a plan out to visit.

Oh and forget being able to visit Hagrid! I was buried alive in work, leaving only next week free to visit. I think saturdays would be easier to see him, as I woudn't be piled with chores and jobs.

"You ready for tonight?" Snape asked me during breakfast.

I swallowed a lump of toast and replied, "Uhh..no.."

"Why not?"

The sudden contect with Snape caught me off guard, "I'm not ready to see little people. I'm not ready to see students."

"You," Snape smirked, "are not ready to see how you looked as a student. It was odd for me as well when I first began teaching. I actually think it's harder to teach than learn."

"Speak for yourself.."

"I will!" Snape raised an eyebrow and glared at me, "You haven't taught yet, so how would you know which is the more difficult task?"

I frowned, "Geeze...Sorry Mr. Touchy." Why was Snape so defensive and irritable?

Hermione was next to me, giving me that 'oh no' look.

Severus seemed ready to murder me, "You do not," His voice became louder, "don't dare disrespect me! If you cannot act your age, perhaps you are not ready to become an assistant teacher! Maybe you shouldn't even be here!"

The harsh words pierced me like a dagger to my heart. Embarassment burned me, leaving scars inside, for the entire table of professors and peers stared at Snape and I. I felt a rush of tears build up behind my hurt eyes. It was time for me to leave the Great Hall. I glanced at Hermione before preparing myself for departure. She held a certain sypathy in her eyes, but I couldn't stay and talk. I needed to escape. Half of breakfast was over, and even though it would be rude to leave, I had to. So I took a deep, calming breath and found my quick way out of the Great Hall. The journey out felt like a walk of shame, knowing everyone's eyes were on me.

I pondered about my surroundings, taking a lot into consideration. The realization of something came to me: This year would suck. I didn't want to sound all overdramatic and depressed, but it was partially true. This year was going to suck as much as it could until it sucked the happiness out of me. Snape had started with me again.. There was no reason for him to act immature. He was the one who said I wouldn't act my age, but what about him? Does Snape obtain some special advantages I don't know about? Like being able to instigate whenever he pleased?

The rest of the day was ahead of me, and I definitely got off on the wrong foot this morning. No, Snape did. He awoke on the wrong side of the bed. I swear as soon as I find out which side is the bad one, I'm going in his room and cutting that part of the bed off! Ha!

Brain...My brain has gone berserk.

One sacred place I could turn to whenever I needed some serenity was the school library. The only terrible events in there were ones from stories old and new, adventurous and brave. Yet, the brevity of tales spited me in so many ways. How I longed to remain in the fragments of far off lands and scenes of upmost interest and appeal. I yearned to become one with the characters, taste what they taste, smell what they smell, touch what they touch, and see what they see. The irony of it all...was that two years ago, I had been brougth to my fairytale, and it turned out to be more of a soap opera than anything. There were no such things as fairytales or mystical lives. Only usual lives dressed up with a bit of magic. Such a pity that we could not even breathe a happily ever after. And once upon a time, our imaginations created these utopias knowing we would never, ever, ever hold a key to ultimate happiness. ...Or true love.

Which is why I do not believe in love. It is only a creation of mankind to help deal with the sufferings given to us. Love is a lie which we force ourselves to trust only to think that there is more to birth than existence, more to existence than growing, more to growing than pain, more to pain than destruction, and more to destruction than hate. We do not want to face the pain, so we paint over it with a myth about something utterly great. But we are fools. Bitter, lonely fools who accept fabrication as a cover up for the underlying layers of hurt that we dumbly named life.

As aforesaid, the library was and is my only sanctuary, despite the deceit it feeds to our eager minds. And yet I entertained myself with romance novels to laugh in the faces it portrays. Authors have taken the lie of love and exacerbated it. So, my new favorite genre of literature is horror. Nothing passionate about it, but a strange romance dwells within the crisp pages of terror. I would read it, and envy it for not projecting any false depictions of pretend emotions.

My very detailed thoughts must end. I scare myself sometimes. Even in thought.

"Maranda!"

The voices in my head? Oh...no.. It's ok. Only Hermione. Heh...heh..(Dramatic pause in between my sarcastic laughter.)

My gaze moved from a book to Hermione, who power-walked to me. "Hey," I tried to sound calm.

She immediately began a conversation, "Snape left breakfast a few minutes after you. He gave me a strange look and seriously, I'm not even lying, actually told me to check on you. He distinctly said, and I quote, 'You had better go check on your best friend and my apprentice, if she still wants the position.' That's what he said, and I replied by telling him I would check on you. Here I am, your best friend, ready to hear what's going on."

"Wha-" I queried on the subject, "What do you mean 'ready to hear what's going on.' I'm fine. He tried instigating again so I stood up for myself as usual, just without the yelling part."

Hermione shot me a look of discontent, "You are acting odd lately. I can't pinpoint exactly what is it about you that's strange, but it's there. Anything on your mind?"

"Nothing aside from the normal contemplative inquiries swirling about."

She shook her head with a grin on her face, "You've been reading too much. So, are you alright?"

"Yeah. I'm going to stay in here for awhile and simmer down. I'll be better for tonight. Thanks for the concern." I planted a smile on my own face.

Giving me a hug, Hermione expressed her gladness that I was taking everything so well. She left the library, giving me the chance to return to my reading. But for a few moments I tried to register Hermione's observation. I was acting strange lately, according to her. How could I be acting differently without even knowing it? Besides, Hermione hadn't seen me except for in the Great Hall, so how would she know If I really was changing?

As I read deeper and deeper, I barely noticed how swiftly the day was passing. Eleven a.m turned into twelve p.m, into one, into two, and into three. The librarian even checked on me once or twice, but I was too involved to aknowledge her.

Four p.m. was close, and I had a lot to do before entering the Great Hall. I wanted to wear some of my own clothing, but from now on it was required that we wear the teachers' robes. The onyl time we could choose our own aparell would be at night, on weekends if we wanted, and if we were alone. I loved my robes, but seeing them everyday would become tiring. Also, I love the color black, but a nice dark pink or red could be nice as well. Damned regulations and rules. I suppose when I have free time, I can buy a new set of different colored robes.

Leaving the library with no books to check out surprised the librarian. She shot me a worried look as I walked out. Oh well. Time to take a shower. Hoorah ten times! Yay cleanliness! Yay smelling like a flower! Yay sarcasm towards daily obligations! I'd rather take a nap right now.

The time in the shower and getting ready seemed longer than the actual day, but I spent so little time preparing. I put on the skirt and shirt which came with the robes, and realized I didn't have to wear them every single day. I had normal black clothes, so that would we good to use every now and then. My room was slightly stuffy though, with the smell of cinnamon and apple flying about. Snape was using his insense again. But at night?

When I was ready to leave my room, the scents faded away. I exited my room, shocked as Snape was in front of my door.

"Miss Maguire, He began with a smirk and a quiet voice, "are you ready? We must enter the Great Hall together. Every professor has to have their assistant by their side. Are you still interested in being my student teacher?"

At first, I didn't know what to say. But a smile formed on my face, "I suppose. Besides, who will keep me on my feet."

Hearing my response caused him to widen his eyes for a moment. "Let's just go to the feast." Snape let his face form the usual stern expression.

We walked silently to the Great Hall, not moving inside yet. I had to ask the Snake a question.

"Why are we supposed to enter together?" I just wanted a reason.

Gazing over at me, Snape replied, "So Dumbledore is sure everyone is with the right professor."

"Oh."

We opened the doors and entered the Great Hall. I immediately noticed Hermione grinning at me. I couldn't understand why she would be happy. So, I followed Snape and we sat down in our seats. This night would be very interesting.