DISCLAIMER! This Harry Potter story was written for fun. All rights belong to the wonderful lady (JK Rowling) who gave the world Harry Potter to read and enjoy. Looking forward to the next movie! Yeah, Fanfiction – a great place to stretch your imagination and enjoy someone else's creativity too! New Movie coming in April! Hurrah!
In the reviews for Birdshot, a reader mentioned the idea of the dementors being sucked into the internet. The idea percolated for a few days and this story was born. In this story, Harry has an unfair advantage (too bad) with a computer and printer that work at Hogwarts. He also invents a couple of spells to help. By accident, Remus Lupin has discovered that the dial-up for the internet lures Dementors and Legilimens to their doom. When he gets forced into the Tri-Wizard Tournament, Harry Potter plots terrible revenge on his professors and the students who make his life miserable. Bashing Voldie, Dumbles, Purebloods, and Magical Britain in general. No ships. Will end in the summer after Harry's fourth year.
Chapter 1: Preview! After the End of Fourth YearIt was the day after the students left Hogwarts at the end of the year. And what a year the 1994-1995 school year had been! The Tri-Wizard Tournament ended with Magical Britain at war with Magical France, and Minister for Magic Cornelius Fudge in trouble with the muggle government, the French magical government and the Wizengamot. Albus Dumbledore hid in his office almost every minute he wasn't at the ministry trying to defuse the international situation. The ICW sided with the French – the British Wizards deserved to be beaten severely about the head and shoulders.
But at luncheon in the Great Hall, Minerva and the other professors found themselves being grilled by Madam Griselda Marchbanks searching for Albus Dumbledore to curse the Merlin out of the wizard. She demanded, "Where is that worthless wizard? He's dodged my owls, clogged my floo, and made me walk all the way from Hogsmeade to this drafty castle trying to find him!"
"What is the problem, Madam Marchbanks?" asked Hooch, drinking her tea that had long gone cold listening to the woman's diatribe.
"We've got the worst examination results for NEWTS, OWLS, and the other years in more than fifty years! 1944 was the last time tests were this bad! Sixty-five percent of students must repeat the past year at Hogwarts and all of them must take the tests again!"
Shocked to hear this news, McGonagall asked, "What's wrong with the test results?"
"The practical portions of all the exams are weak but the written portions are all a spoiled potion poured into a cracked cauldron! The purebloods in years four through seven failed! Every last one of them!"
"Did all the students fail this badly?" asked Filius Flitwick as he reviewed the written report.
"No, the muddies…the muggle-born did somewhat better. They're among the thirty-five percent that passed. But every pureblood and half-blood living in Magical Britain failed the theory and written application portions of the examinations."
"That's very strange!" McGonagall admitted.
Flitwick agreed and added, "Student essays and homework were graded with exceeds expectations across the board for most of the year. Starting in November, everyone had great homework essays. With all the demands for the tournament, I never gave it a thought."
"That's true," Pomona Sprout agreed. "Even the Headmaster from Durmstrang and Headmistress from Beauxbatons said their students exceeded expectations in written essays."
"Well, something didn't take!" Marchbanks fussed. "The Wizengamot is going to demand the heads of everyone when they discover every student in the upper years has to repeat the past year! Not to mention the delays for students not entering apprenticeships. We'll all be lucky to not be in Azkaban for a month or two!"
"What! Surely Not! Everyone?"
"Well, not Hooch who just teaches the kiddies to fly, or Tonks who teaches potions," Marchbanks admitted. "But the rest of you will!"
Filius Flitwick rose, his wand in his hand and shouted, "Alright, Sirius Black! This prank has gone too far! Are you glamoured or in Polyjuice knickers pretending to be Marchbanks!"
The elderly witch hissed and declared, "Filius Flitwick, I suggest you run back to the goblin halls and hide for the next ten years! If I get my wand on you, I don't care how many European championships you hold, I'll skin you and use your hide for new shoes!"
CHANGE SCENE && Halloween 1993It was 31 October 1993 that Remus Lupin woke up, found himself in the Shrieking Shack outside Hogsmeade and wondered what the hell he was doing back in this hell hole. His memories of the last thirteen years were clear until suddenly this past August, he was caught by an enchantment cast by Albus Dumbledore and agreed to bind himself to a contract to teach the DADA class for the 1993-1994 school year. The months of August, September, and October were fuzzy in his memory, but he remembered that he'd started excellent tuition for the students.
'Why am I here?' the werewolf wondered and began to analyse his memories. 'Sirius Black escaped from Azkaban and is loose in Britain. That's why I am here, to keep an eye out for Black.'
'And Harry…why am I finally allowed to be around Harry after all these years?' he wondered. 'And that's why I had to be bamboozled with charms so that I wouldn't talk to the boy.'
Once he was able to be up and about, Remus made his way back to his chambers and inventoried his belongings. His clothes were all used wizarding robes – things purchased from second-hand shops in Knockturn Alley. His trunk was his old trunk from his years at Hogwarts.
'Why am I dressed this way?' he wondered. 'The headmaster must want me to appear suspicious and slovenly.'
Remus thought of his wardrobe at home with good coats, pants, and shoes of sturdy make and recent fashion. An episode of apparition later, Remus had good underclothes and plain but sturdy shoes and boots.
'I've made a success of myself with research and writing. I'll make my fortune with computers, but here at Hogwarts, I have to play the role of a depressed werewolf,' he decided. The werewolf smiled with self-satisfaction at the opportunity to experiment and continue the work of his friends James and Lily Potter to get muggle electrical devices to work in magical environments.
'Lily's runes and James arithmancy will let this work…and I need to talk to Harry about these things without his friends or Dumbledore knowing.'
After the full moon in November, Remus brought his computer, monitor, and laser printer to Hogwarts. Working at night, he got the computer to operate smoothly with only a few problems for three hours at a time using magic to power the CPU, display, and printer. Lily's runes harvested the ambient music in Hogwarts to run the computer. In the private Patronus lessons he arranged to give Harry, Remus educated the boy on many facts in the life of the boy-who-lived. Harry was willing to listen and keep the secrets the DADA professor slowly shared.
Lily Evans had been a genius with runes. James Potter had loved numbers. After graduating from Hogwarts, James, Lily, and Remus began working on runes to make muggle devices work in a magical home. In the years after Hogwarts – after that horrible night in 1981 – with compulsions from Albus littered across his carcass, Remus retreated to muggle university to study electronics. He discovered computers and when laser printers appeared in the mid-1980s, Remus began to imagine revolutionizing the magical world with computers and printers.
That autumn, Harry Potter blossomed when he was away from his muggle-born 'friend' who had to be the first, best and brightest, and from his pure-blood 'friend' who whined and urged Harry to play chess and ignore lessons. Under Lupin's tutelage, Harry Potter became more self-confident and asked questions. And the boy liked the computer and printer.
Remus and Harry worked during the Christmas Holiday on a spell to transfigure the printed pages from the laser printer into parchment – the spell lasted for two months without any problem. Guiding Harry with his mum's runes and his dad's arithmancy, they accomplished the transfiguration in three days. Remus was pleased and Harry agreed but then he said, "But Snape and McGonagall will never accept a printed parchment."
"What do you mean?"
"They won't let me turn in an essay that isn't written with a quill."
"Then, we'll create a spell that transfigures the printing into scribbles."
"But I am told that I must use a quill," Harry said with a frown.
Remus turned to the laser printer, laid his hand on it, and declared, "I do hereby designate thee 'quill' from this day forward."
Before New Year's Day, with only a few prompts from Remus Lupin, third-year student, Harry Potter created a spell that transfigured the printed letters into the spidery script that the best-trained purebloods used in their essay parchments. The essays Harry delivered to the professors in January 1994 were the best he'd ever composed, and they were neatly written.
His Patronus was a stag that scared away Dementors, and his interest in his studies remained private but rewarding. Hermione and Ron protested Harry's working with Professor Lupin so constantly because Remus kept the computer and printer hidden in his private quarters. Harry argued with his 'friends' that he was learning about his parents and their studies at Hogwarts.
Then the strange incursion by the escaped convict-wizard into the Gryffindor dormitory in February put everyone on edge. That month, Remus resolved the final issues to continually power the runes that allowed the computer and printer to work in the magical rich environment of Hogwarts. The winter and spring continued with Harry working harder than ever on his lessons, trying to find common interests with Hermione and Ron, avoiding Dumbledore, and trying to determine what was going on with this escaped convict Sirius Black. Despite his willingness to talk about Lily and James, Remus appeared reluctant to talk about Black.
Remus Lupin never asked Harry about his home life in verbal conversation. However, the DADA professor did leave documents on the computer for the young wizard to read and then key in his responses. First, he wrote in these messages to Harry that all verbal conversations in Hogwarts could be reported to the headmaster.
To test this for himself, Harry experimented a few times in the winter with an argument with Ron about pureblood laws and then talking with students from Hufflepuff. In each instance, Hermione arrived the next day with new information about how Ron was correct (for once), and then she explained how the Hufflepuffs were very reluctant to form friendships with students from other houses.
A week later, Harry found a document from Remus on the computer that asked about his home life. Remus wrote, 'There were compulsions on me to stay away and because I broke the most recent ones, I am ashamed that I didn't break them years ago. Your aunt and mother were not close so I can't imagine what your home life is like. But I have arranged to let a house in your neighbourhood this coming summer so that I can help you. And I'll speak to Petunia and her husband on your future power – once you turn seventeen, there's nothing to prevent you from teaching them why mistreating them was a mistake.'
In April, Harry left a written message for Remus about Hermione's ability to attend all the classes offered for third-year students. He wrote, 'I read there's a device called a time turner that would let her double-time.'
CHANGE SCENE && HermioneHarry sat at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall waiting for one of his 'friends' to arrive. Ron was concentrating on his second helping of lunch while Harry fiddled with his sandwich and crisps. The sour pickle tasted good, and the cup of milk was already empty but refilling automatically.
'Dobby insists that I eat and if I don't, he'll bug me all afternoon,' Harry knew so he picked up the sandwich to take a bit, chew well, and then swallow. 'And I won't look at Ron eating.'
In self-defence of his sensibilities at the table, early in his third year in tutoring with Professor Lupin, Harry learned to cast a silencing charm wordlessly so that Ron would not be offended. This skill proved valuable with air-freshening charms around his friend as well. And the prankster in Harry was pleased when he found that he could cast stumble and belch charms on Draco Malfoy. In their shared potions class, Harry managed to arrange the charms to hit Draco and his two minions whenever Professor Snape walked by or when Draco sauntered to the professor's desk with his finished potion. Twice Draco's bottle broke on the stone floor, but Draco hit the floor and blooded his nose only once.
Silent, wandless casting of simple charms helped the boy to understand his magic better and encouraged him to practise other spells. While finishing his sandwich, he thought of another tactic. 'If I cast the first part of a spell silently and then finish with a flourish of wand-waving, my opponent will never know what I'm casting until it hits him.'
'Something simple like Wingardium Levios will be more effective if all they hear is Levios before they suddenly start floating in the air,' he thought with a smirk.
Hermione finally hurried into the Great Hall and Harry thought she looked harried and thin. There were dark circles under her eyes, and she almost collapsed into the space beside him. Per Harry's instructions, Dobby popped a glass of milk and a plate of healthy food in front of Hermione and while she looked askant at the amount of lunch on her plate, Harry whispered, "Eat. I have a secret book for you if you eat a good lunch."
"A book? What kind of book?" she asked.
"Eat. Eat it all and you get the secret book."
Hermione started eating the meal and only after Harry leaned close to whisper, "Slow down or I'll tell everyone you're turning into Ron Weasley with bushy hair."
Smirking, Hermione did slow down eating and when a lovely dessert of strawberries and cream popped in front of her, she ate it without sharing though Harry had his own serving. When the last of the plates, cutlery and cups vanished, Hermione turned to Harry and said, "Okay, give it up."
Reaching into his book bag while other students left the Great Hall, Harry said, "I found this interesting seventh-year project in a hidden place here in the castle. Seeing as how the author is someone named 'A. Dumbledore', I thought you'd be interested in reading his hypothesis and suggested test."
"Let me see!" Hermione insisted as Harry handed over the bound parchments that were over a century old. After a moment, the young witch said, "Harry, you must give this to Madam Pince in the library to preserve…"
Then her voice stopped when she read the title page – "Testing Long Term Detrimental Effects of Persistent and Prolonged Use of Time-Turners".
Without another word, Hermione glanced through the thirty or so pages before reading the concluding paragraph.
'The ideal subject for this test is, of course, a muggle-born student with a burning desire to succeed in Magical Britain. They would not have any relative who would notice the decline in the subject's health and even if they did notice and object, we can simply ignore or obliviate the memory from their mind. After a full year, the muggle-born will never recover their full magical power. Again no great loss because they will be sent back into muggle-land after graduation. The muggle-born will lose weight and sleep not realising they should schedule more sleep time and eat greater amounts of food each day to counterbalance the extra energy being expended. This experiment will contribute to the greater good.'
Harry watched Hermione turn back to the first page and begin reading, her finger moving along the spidery handwriting of Albus Dumbledore from when he was a seventeen-year-old wizard, 120 years earlier. To prevent anyone from disturbing his friend, Harry cast his strongest notice-me-not spell on her, the spot at the table and finally himself. They sat undisturbed for an hour while Hermione read young Dumbledore's hypotheses, his preliminary experiments with a time turner obtained from the Department of Mysteries by the school's headmistress for his experiments.
Finally putting the parchments down, Hermione frowned and said, "I wonder if he simply forgot what he wrote all those years ago."
"Hermione, do you have a time-turner?"
She didn't answer so Harry continued, "Did anyone – McGonagall or Dumbledore or anyone else – counsel you about eating more food or getting more sleep?"
"No, McGonagall only said to let no one know and not meet myself while double-timing my day."
"I think the headmaster is near the end of his life. He's 137 years old which is old for a wizard. And he wants to have a final piece of intellectual glory to add to his Curriculum Vitae. That paper he published – twelve uses of dragon's blood – was a long time ago. So was the defeat of that Grindelwald fellow."
Her voice rising slightly, Hermione asked, "And he wanted to prove this…this thesis using an otherwise useless muggle-born, like me?"
Harry said nothing while Hermione sat back considering her options. Finally, he said, "You can't trust McGonagall. She tells Dumbledore everything about our adventures."
He ignored the blush that rose up Hermione's neck and face while going in for the kill, "How many classes are you taking?"
"All of them," she replied.
"Even muggle studies?" asked Harry, astonished with this news.
Smirking, Hermione quipped, "It's a good history class on life in 1880 Britain."
"Thinking about the ones you like and the ones you don't like, which can you pass the exam now without any more work? Pick out the best classes and keep going to them but don't use that thing anymore."
"I'll put it in my trunk tonight and never use it again. McGonagall hasn't checked on it a single time this year. I just have to return it before we leave on the last day."
Motioning toward the seventh-year project, she asked, "What will you do with that piece of garbage?"
"It's a piece of history, I guess. Shouldn't I give it to Madam Pince to protect and catalogue in the library?"
Her face an interesting conflict of emotions, Hermione said, "I don't know. It turned me into a magical experiment! An experiment like a lab rat!"
She rose slowly and said, "Harry, thank you for sharing this with me. I've got some thinking to do this afternoon."
Waiting until Hermione left the Great Hall, Harry slipped the parchments back into his bookbag, lifted his notice-me-not spells and wandered toward the library.
'I wonder what else I can find in the library and use to help someone?' he asked himself, watching everyone out of the corners of his eyes. The Slytherins and Ravenclaws had been too quiet as of late and he expected an ambush by Malfoy and his goons any day now. He pulled out the marauder's map and decided, 'I'll use alternate route 47 to get to the library this afternoon.'
End of Chapter
