Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and characters

A/N: Special thank you to Amanda for being as obsessed with my story as ever. Thank you Gwen too, for finally returning! lol. You are both the best fans ever.

Chapter 18: Snake Eyes to Snape-ology

"How beautifully morbid." My taste for Halloween did not die.

Black balloons were tied to the refreshment stands, the same colored candles were lit in the air, and black and orange streamers were everywhere. The light of the room was dim a blood red, which just made the hall perfect. Not too decorated, but appreciated just the same. The night sky ceiling was cloudy, black, and portrayed a full moon. Halloween was gorgeous.

The stares I received as Hermione and I were seen made me feel quite uncomfortable. Yet, it felt refreshing to wear something daring and bold. Hermione had to find McGonagal so she could begin the treacherous night of standing near a wall. Better yet, we were allowed to walk around once or twice to make sure no trouble was going on under our noses. Not thinking of how boring the night could be, I braved it and moved through the crowd towards Snape, who was indeed, near a wall.

"Good evening, Sir," I spoke loud enough over the orchestrated music for him to hear me.

His eyes glanced at my costume and he commented, "That costume...Are you planning on singing some heavy metal tonight and beating up Draco?"

How did I know teasing would be heard as soon as I approached him? Oh right, because he's Snape and he has the power to do that without me interfering because I am afraid of him killing me. Wow if I had said that whole thought I would've been out of breath by now.

"I don't have my Rob Zombie tape with me, so I guess I can't." A smile perched on my face, "Temptation won a battle with me. I had to wear this tonight..Just had to. I cannot stand making something to wear and then never being able to wear it ever again."

Snape said nothing as we both leaned against the wall. I knew I would be thinking about this statement all night long. Against the wall...Against the wall.. Against..the..wall.. Annoying myself? Yes.

"I'm going insane.." The sentence slipped out of my mouth.

An expression of concern swept over Snape's face. He glanced down at me, for I was leaning with my legs in front of me, causing me to lower myself a bit, and sighed. "What makes you think this?"

The ill feeling returned. Why must I always jinx myself? "I feel sick at random times of the day.. The feeling disappears for awhile, but then it comes back to haunt me. Obviously I am not coming down with the flew if I have no fever, so there is no other explanation except for pure insanity."

"You are a bit crazy, but not in the sense of mental health or problems. Is anything troubling you?"

From my point of view, the sight of Snape seeming taller than he really was made me think of my intimidation phobia again. To fix the temporary problem, I stood up straight. The brain in my head was buzzing, trying to conjure up a problem. I was unable to produce any known trouble with me, so I simply answered no. After I answered, Bianca the Bimbo approached Snake the Oxymoron.

"Professor, can I have a dance with you?" Her ugly voice asked with a lustful yearn.

With a sly, smart sneer, Snake responded, "You can have a dance with me. Only if you go to the other side of the hall and wait for me. I will be there in a few minutes. Just wait. Do not come back over here or I won't dance with you."

Bimbo-ass Bianca bounced of like an elephant, believing everything. I was, in a moment, giggling harder than a laughing hyena.

And then it hit me more forceful than a train. More enormous than a meteor. More shocking than the worst thunderstorm or earthquake. Sickness...An impossible reason for all of this ludicrous insanity. My breathing became heavier, quicker, and full of anxiety. Mouth tasteless and stale, and body trembling with confusion, incredulity, and hatred towards myself. After all of these years, all of this time, all of the events and situations that led up to my realization, I had to finally acknowledge the feeling inside. But how could I feel this way after all of my theories, my points not to believe in it? Lost for words even in my own mind.. I could not be.. I could not condole with the improper truism which lay before me. Taking in a cold, sharp breath, for I had forgotten to breathe for a moment, my feet slipped from awe and I fell to the floor with a thud.

Life had thrown me some dice, allowing them to unexpectedly and unpredictably land on snake eyes.

An outreached arm was in front of me. I grabbed onto it and struggled to stand. I inhaled intensely, gazing into the deceiving eyes which brought me into this miserable vitality.

"You okay?" His voice was silkier than ever, something I would've passed over normally.

Chokingly, I said, "Yes. Umm..The floor..it's slippery."

Slippery. Yeah, that's all..

"The night doesn't have to be this dull, you know. I'm handing you permission to visit your friends. Go before I change my mind." Snape half-smiled, which nearly killed me.

Pushing through the people on the dance floor, I eventually found my way to Hermione, who was sitting on a chair near McGonagal. It felt odd preparing myself to convince myself and my best friend of the harsh reality I tried not to face.

"Hey, Maranda, what's up? Isn't this night boring? I had an idea...We should go and dance. Who would it hurt? No one.." Hermione was cheerful when I pulled up a chair to sit with her.

My lips shook. Trepidatious claws ripped at my insides. "Mione... I've ..come to a conclusion. Horrible and disturbingly bad..But a conclusion nonetheless. It concerns Snape."

"Maranda," She took my hand in hers and declared quietly, "I'm glad that you know at last. Let me just tell you that ever since the beginning of the year, I've sensed the feelings you have towards him."

It was a slight comfort knowing the words expressing this would not need to be said. "Theories against it.. Ideas against it.. All of my phobias. I can't like him! It's not humanly possible. Except..Earlier, only a few minutes ago, it all crashed on me as waves during a violent storm. My fear of ...everything.. All a cover up? I only feel ill around him.. Not ill, but...different. Because of all the books I read, I know what to expect if the emotions ever occured. I never, for one split second, could foretell the effects to make a home in my heart or brain or whatever."

"No one ever knows when they'll start liking someone. I knew your phobias weren't phobias at all, but excuses for what your heart really desires. You said to me that you were afraid of being touched, being intimidated, and messing up on something. You said you were scared of a lot. Apparently, you know those were cover ups-Deep inside you yearn to be touched, to be intimidated in the right way, and to mess up. Messing up and fighting used to be the only way of you and Snape communicating. Now that it's basically gone, you want it back because getting close to him scares you...Right?" Mione took her hand away and waited for my answer.

I involuntarily nodded, "I'm scared. I never even shared my theories to anyone, and now I seem to be contradicting myself. What do I do?"

She sweetly grinned, "Share them. State your ideas and see if they make you feel any better. If you want to know what to do in terms of dealing with the man, just try and act as normal as always. You are good at bottling your feelings away. It isn't a good thing, but in this case it might be for you. Now, I want to ask, are you going to be alright the rest of the night?"

"I might be. If not, I'll fake sick-not that I need to-and go to bed. Hermione?"

"Hmm?"

"Thanks for being my best friend."

"Your welcome, Manic-Mara."

Feeling a lot better, I got out of my seat and walked across the dance floor and back to my wall. Snape wasn't surprised to see me back. A hatred formed towards him for being so likeable.

"Bianca was dumb enough to believe you for this long..?" A conversation was sparked by me.

"HmmHmHm.." Snape chuckled with his mouth closed and formed a smile, "You noticed that too? At least I didn't have to be the bad one and say it."

"Are you implying that I'm bad?" What was I even replying for?

He shot back, "Perhaps. Every now and then I experience the way you act negatively. All those people you've killed..."

It was clear he was trying to make me laugh, but my mood felt no amusement. "Eh. They deserved it." But I joked back anyways. Now I was at last able to see where the side of liking him was portrayed. . . Everywhere.

Nervousness flooded me like an ocean at high tide, sweeping me into the nebulous water. It had kicked in at full speed..The facts. The ways I hid it away. There was no turning back now, not after I admitted liking him to not only me, but my best friend. Sighing, I felt my arms drop to my side as I began to space out. My eyelids became heavy. Exhaustion pulled and pulled. Time for bed? Time to leave? Or was I tired of this night? All I knew was I could not hint in any way to Snape that I liked him. This whole idea had insanity written all over it, but maybe..just maybe..I could reverse it. Reverse the fondness like you reverse a spell. All I had to do was do what I did best when it came to frustration: Fight with Snake the Oxymoron.

Hermione once told me, a day or so after my amnesia left last year, that your deepest desires are seen while unconcious or in the state I was in. I guess she was right on some level. I'm not an obsessed lunatic who flirts with Snape every second, but I do like him, and am trying to become settled and comfortable repeating that to myself. I have to do that in order to accept it.

I like- Oh I can't even finish the statement in my brain.

"Miss Maguire?" Snapping back to earth, I heard Snape call my name.

I glanced up at him. I was on the floor again. "Huh? Oh, did I slip?"

"Yes, it would seem so. Do you need to lie down?" His voice was completely velvety and caring. I always noticed this when he talked seriously to me, but now it made much more sense why I thought about it.

"No. I'll just sit here until I can stand with balance again." I forced a laugh, but stopped as Gilderoy Poptart came over to us.

Poptart practically cried out, "Oh! Maranda! What are you doing on the floor?"

I already heard the hatred in Snape's statement. "She's looking for your brain, Lockhart."

Perfect time to initiate my silly reverse-Snape-ology method, "That was mean, Sir." I stood up from the floor and brushed off my fishnet tights.

"So," Gilderoy ignored the Snake, "Maranda, how are you?"

Why does everyone seem to ask that question when the worst or weirdest day is in process? "Great." I shortly replied.

A sullen, glower look on Snape's face made it obvious he would not settle for my nonsense. "Miss Maguire," He started threateningly, "may I remind you who tolerated your instigating for two years? Your comments are not required here. Hold a civil tongue."

"Well, I won't be holding your tongue then.." Honestly, I had no idea where that smart-alek remark emerged from.

Lockhart jumped in, "Ah..Maranda, why don't you take a walk. We don't want you leaving for the Hospital Wing, now would we?"

"Are you implying, Lockhart, that I would hurt Maranda?" Snape used my first name. He was getting angry. Irritated. What had I done? Oh no...Fighting... Twiddle thumbs...

"No, Severus," Even Potart was getting louder, "but you would defend yourself.. Sometimes that involves hurting others. I am only saying that you should watch where you point your wand."

"How about I point my wand up your-"

"Please!" I yelled, "Stop this! I'm sorry I started with you.. I'm.. I appologize, Professor Snape.. I appologize."

Not knowing what else to do, feeling complete disgust in my choices, I had nowhere else to go but out of the Great Hall. I ran with all my might down to my room. To the dungeons. Why did I have to drag Lockhart into the fighting? He hadn't done anything wrong! I'm shocked at this point that I don't like him too. He is a nice male figure, but not for anything but a kind-of-friendship. I would rather stand up for Gilderoy than myself, simply because I now knew how much of a terrible human being I was.

Returning to my room after a speedy shower, I layed on my bed and wrote my brains out in my journal. Every thought, feeling, emotion, idea, theory, and rant. I explained phobias, the Reverse Snape-ology method, and the fight. If I wanted to succeed in the method and plan I had, I needed to not include anyone else next time. Assuming there was a next time.

I let out a breath of both exasperation and annoyance. Whining wasn't my usual way of venting, but it was the only way I could get to sleep with some frustration gone. All I knew was that if liking Snape was this hard to get rid of, I might have to give in to the fate of snake eyes.

Roll the dice again, Maranda. Roll the dice again.