Disclaimer: I own nothing except my plot and characters.

A/N: My birthday was last Wednesday. Yay. Now I can buy scratch tickets. lol anyways.. oh yeah..story..I'm skipping homework to write this. lol. besides, I was absent from school today so it doesn't matter.

Note to those random people who added this and other HP fics to faves: Thank you for liking my story. If you could, would you review sometime?

This is mostly a friends chapter.

Chapter 20: Nostalgia Trips & Denial Unfolded

"I like Snape." Finally, my mouth sputtered the words of unbelievable facts to my friends.

Silence.

I repeated myself to make sure I really did say it, "I like Snape."

"What?" Ron sounds very irate, "What? You tell me to stop teasing you and you go on and say that? Bloody hypocrite! You're joking, right? You have to be kidding."

"No, I'm not kidding. I have a crush on-"

Hermione hit my arm, making me stop talking. Snape had entered the room, searching cupboards for something. My arm ached from Hermione's nudge. Ow.

Once Snape left the room a minute or two later, I finished my sentence, "Snape. I have a crush on him."

"How can you feel that way?" Gwen asked, obviously disgusted, "He's a nasty old git."

Draco smirked, and then started to laugh, "I'm...I'm sorry," He spoke between laughs, "It's just...I never...expected hahaha you to like him.."

"Oh thanks, Ferret Boy. Laugh it up... You know," I sighed, "I thought you guys would support me since this is my first real crush, and not only that but first one I've admitted to. This is besides you, Draco, of course. Besides, you were the one to start our relationship, not me."

Mention of Draco's relationship with me ignited a feeling of nostalgia. What would it be like to be in a relationship with a snake? Oh, I can't do that. I can't think about him like that. Even if half of my brain wants to.. What would it be like to be held by him? I must stop this.

"We support you," Ron sounded unusually kind, "and everything you believe. I just don't understand why it has to be him."

I let out a fake chuckle, "Ha! You think I know why I like him? I've been trying to figure it out since the Halloween dance. Geeze, Ron, you don't understand. All of you don't understand..I've tried to fight my way of liking him. I've tried denying it for the longest time-"

"Exactly.." Hermione gave me a sincere smile and pressed on, "You have been hiding it forever, Maranda. I notice when someone likes someone else. Just think of it this way; If you didn't like Snape, you wouldn't have gone through all that trouble over finding ways to patch up the trouble between you. Not only that, but what about when you danced with him last year? We all saw the way you looked at him and blushed after he taught you to waltz. True, I was dancing, but I could still see my best friend swooning over her professor."

My face burned a bright red like a stop sign. I wondered if my cheeks would fall off from being so emberassed. Everything Hermione said was true. I had denied the honesty not only from them, but myself. But, that meant...I had liked Snape slightly when I met him too. I remembered the night perfectly.

Snape had approached me, the lost soul, informing me about the Sorting Hat and which houses were which. He told me to follow him to Dumbledore's office, leading the way with his enchantically billowing black robes. The night was short, and the next day shorter with pleanty of tension. We had faught from the start...I had talked to him first, and back talked to him first, and even stood up to him before anyone else.

"I adored him." My mouth felt dry, but it didn't remain very long as I spoke with accurate honesty, "Watching him teach, learning new things-magical things, feeling somewhat significant...All because of Snape." I softened my voice and stared at the table. "I faught with him almost everyday, not realizing that I was trying only to get his attention. It took me forever to stop fighting, only because I liked it so much. I hated being punished, but fighting with Snape released tension and stress, but also made me feel close to someone for once.."

Hermione appeared to have tears in her eyes, or was that me?

"Maranda?" Hermione poked me gently, whch brought me back to Earth. I was starting to tear up.

I concluded my startling speech, "Snape was my savior, in a way. He forced me to stand up for myself. With that, I guess I began to see a new side to him, so I tried haulting all fights. Although, when he began to act nice to me, I became scared. I was no longer in control, so to speak, of when we faught or not. I knew which buttons to press to make him tick. This morning I pressed a few, but not that bad.. I don't really understand why he's pissed at me.. Anyways, that's all."

A single tear rolled down my cheek. I felt angsty. Not a feeling I liked to hold.

Draco coughed and then declared, "We love you, Maranda, no matter who you fancy."

A short laugh escaped me as more tears rolled down like droplets of rain, "Coming from you, that's rich."

"Hey now," A cheshire-cat like grin formed on Draco's lips, "Just because we had some rough times doesn't mean I don't love you. Same for Ron and everyone else."

I nodded, "I guess so."

Before I could predict it, Gwen, Hermione, Ron, and Draco gave me a group hug. It felt nice to let some tears shed and words be expressed.

"One thing, though, Maranda," Ron blurbed.

"What?"

"Please," hiding a giggle, he requested, "please don't forget to give us all the horny details once you two hook up."

"Ronald!" I shouted, "Wouldn't you not want to hear the details, or are you denying your secret lust for Snape?"

Shaking his head in disbelief, Ron replied, "No...I'm not you."

No response from me, for I was busy laughing too hard with everyone else.

0o0o0o0o

Sew my mouth together with thread and needles, replace my eyes with plastic buttons, for I might as well be a silent doll. Lately, within the past month and on, it has been so hard to talk to Snape. Ever since that day where I decided to intitiate reverse Snape-ology, things have been...back to the beginning. We haven't fought more than a few tiny disagreements, but we haven't had a real conversation since. Also, I haven't been able to teach a class on my own at all. It's like he is punishing me for something I didn't mean to do.

Which brings me to another point.. I tried to appologize to Snape the day after that, but he scowled at me and said he didn't want to hear any sorries from me. He admitted that he wished not to talk to me until 'I could handle my temper more efficiently.'

I can handle my temper... He just doesn't know that I can also control it into a bad direction.

So, being December the first, I have come to the conclusion that I need to start sticking up for myself without any reason to. I'm just going to walk up to Snape and tell him that he needs to stop ignoring me all the time so we can work together as well as we did previously.

Yeah, I'll tell him off... As soon as Christmas comes 'round. I can handle this uncomfortable situation until then.

Visiting Hagrid's on a Friday afternoon was better than on a weekend because I liked saving Saturday's for friends. Ron, Hermione, Draco, and Gwen had surprisingly not talked about Snape or my confession to them. Hermione did, however, tell me that she suggested to our friends to leave the subject alone, and eventually I would chat more about it. This was correct, for whenever Snape and I began a tiff, I would run down to one of my friends and tell them. They always helped me through the situation. I should have trusted them earlier; It might have saved me a world of trouble with the Snake by letting me rant and vent.

"Are yeh' doin' well?" Hagrid handed me some of his infamous cocoa.

I wanted to let him know how much I liked Snape, but felt it a bit odd. Despite Hagrid's amiable nature, he was family. And for some reason, talking to family, even the only one person you have left, is more strenuous than talking to friends.

My short and dishonest reply was, "I'm peachy."

Hagrid and I talked for a few about the holiday season approaching faster than a stampede, trampling on all other days of the year to make way for their presence.

"What's wrong?" Hargid could clearly see through my lies.

Calmly and rationally, I began confessing my liking of Snape to Hagrid. "Snape...I have found myself wondering and wondering about him all these days. Come to find out, I fancy him. It's odd, strange, and so weird that it makes my explanation redundant, but it's all true. I like him."

"I knew it." Hagrid blurted, which caused me to go in shock.

"You," I pointed to the burly man, "You..You knew?"

He explained, "I could tell. I saw it in the way you glanced at him and heard it in the way you spoke of him."

Taking a deep breath, I lashed out, "Boy...I must be oblivious... Everyone seemed to know except for me!"

"At least I'm truthful." Hagrid gave me a comforting smile and pat on the back.

The remainder of our conversation revolved around Snape's indesipherable behaviour, from ignoring me for no reason to acting like a seraphim. Of course, if Snape were an angel I would definitely want to go to Heaven...

Damn me and my stupid crush! Damn me!

I can handle my feelings, but I cannot tolerate the corny statements that come with it. It's like a package you open up just a tiny bit, for you know you don't want what's on the inside. But then you open the rest anyways because you are dumb. Like me. Hahaha.

Venturing back into the school, I was surprised to see Draco and Mr. Malfoy talking in the Entrance Hall. Lucius had a displeased look upon his face, so I dared not bother him nor Draco.

"Miss Maguire?" But he sure did spot me and call my name.

I answered back, "Hello, Mr. Malfoy." At first, I only waved, just in case he wanted to say hi but not actually talk to me.

"Would you join me for a moment?" Lucius wanted to see me for something, so I walked over to him and Draco. What an odd moment, being with the Ferret and Father o' the Ferret.

Asking what he wanted, I tried to sound ready for anything.

He replied with a question, "Would it be so much to ask if you could assist Draco in a small task?"

Like what? Hunting down tapioca pudding? "Sure, like what?"

"Father thinks," Draco added, "that I should ask someone's help for this chore Lockhart gave me. He just piles on work as if I had no life of my own to attend to. He's asked me to take back all the books he borrowed to the library, and then to find some more for him. The problem is, he has over ten books to borrow on his list, and I am completely sick of doing all of his work."

Inside I was laughing, but I tried to stay still. "Alright. I love the library, so there's no problem there. Umm...When are we doing this, though?"

Lucius jumped back into the conversation, "As soon as I leave, actually. Lockhart is waiting in his classroom for Draco. Truthfully, Lockhart is a bit too fruity to be bossing my Draco around all the time. I don't know where he gets the pushiness."

"Neither do I," I admitted playfully, "but he isn't all that bad. Sure, he is bossy to Draco, but that's probably because Gildie never got along with him in the first place, and now thinks he has the right to shove him around a bit. If I get enough time, I will try to say something to Lockhart about his problem."

"I appreciate that very much, Miss Maranda." Lucius jumped from my last name to first. I wish the authoritative people I knew just used my first name to make it easier.

Draco and I left for Lockhart's within a minute or so. We conversed about nothing important on the way up.

Once in the Defense Classroom, Lockhart instantly greeted me with a smile as he gave Draco a list of books. Gildie Poptart took a stack of books from his desk and handed half to me and half to Draco.

"I really appreciate your help, Miss Maguire. Draco would have done this by himself, but according to Lucius Malfoy, I give too many chores." Standing back a foot or two, Lockhart kept a solid glare at Draco. Lucius must've scared Lockhart.

My simple reply was, "No problem." And then, trying to get a good grip on the books, I added, "Lucius is a nice man. He only wants what's best for his child. Maybe, if you'll excuse my bluntness, you should stop being so harsh on Draco."

I didn't want to hear any excuses before doing chores for Poptart, because that would obliterate my do-good mood. And no, we didn't want that.