Welcome to a new chapter of JARRE4P!

Disclaimer: Resident Evil 4 NOT MINE. LEARN IT.

By Xysti


Leon woke up several hours later with a pounding headache. He looked up and saw that Ashley wasn't there. He started to think about banana fudge sundaes when he saw a note on the floor. He read it as such, trying as hard as he could to ignore his dyslexia and the sudden food thoughts:

You suck BANANAS. You're supposed to Ashley help escape CHICKEN NUGGETS, NOT sit there and be idiotified MUSHROOMS. Sent we've a chainsaw MONKEY bub to you kill.

He sat there and thought, Roasted muffins dashed lightly with succulent garlic sauce! That little taco! And moved toward the door. He then stopped and flipped the note over. He read that side:

Just kidding you stupid CHEESEBURGER WITH FUNKY CHEESE SLICES idiot. Go back to village the. Worry don't, everyone's dead. Go to PICKLED TURNIPS house the with the thing and the thing other. Ashley DOUGHNUTS there is too.

Serra Luis

Leon shouted, "LEMOOOON SHRIMPIES!" and ran out the door. He found a conveniently placed watermelon in front of the church. He jumped on it and bellowed thus with glee: "BACON FRITTERS, HERE AH CUUUUUUUUUME!" and rolled down the mini-hill and into the cave/house thing. He stopped suddenly at the Merchant (Henceforth known as Phil) and said, "Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssseeeee..." and his watermelon exploded. He then bought a new one for €34 (Phil finally joined the rest of Spain) and rolled away. Then Phil teleported in his freaky, freaky way to the house where Luis and the chick with the boobs were.

When Phil was gone, Leon turned around the corner. He stashed the watermelon in his "pocket of holding" (I'm a D&D fan) where he managed to keep large amounts of weaponry. He then looked mischievously at the bag of teleport powder Phil had dropped. He laughed maniacally... again... and ate it.


"And that's how I learned never to feed sushi to flying monkeys." said Luis as he sucked the soul out of his cigarette.

"What?" Ashley said, lounging in a nearby recliner while chomping on a sub sandwich.

"Uh... Exactly what I said!"

"No, not that. You were talking about your vacation on that cruise when Leon appeared and you suddenly said, 'And that's how I learned never to feed sushi to flying monkeys.'"

"Uh... (Damn you!)"

"Whatever."

Leon looked confuzzlified(I own that word!), and ate a chili burrito. It exploded... and killed... a dude...named Ted... but no one cared... so Ted started crying. Then he was eaten. By a monkey. Who became French. And exploded. And died. But he couldn't cry. Because MONKEYS DON'T CRY!

Phil was, like, "DUDE why did you steal mah powder?"

And Leon was all like, "I didn't steal your powder! OMG!"

"Then, like, how did you get here?"

"I, like, used your powder!"

"That is, like, SO neat!"

"Like, OMG, I left my watermelon back in the cave! This, like, SUCKS!"

Ashley was all like- I mean, SAID, "Yo! Luis! Why did you call us here anyway?"

Luis responded, in his awesomely bad accent, "Shh. Shh. This is priceless. I haven't heard Phil talk like a schoolgirl since 1985,"

Ashley Just said, "Whatever..." and continued eating her sandwich.

All of a sudden Dr. Salvatore(Chainsaw bub) came up behind Ashley and said, "NEERAAAAGH!" Ashley just screamed, in her annoying, annoying way, "LEEEEEEEEOOON! HEEEEELP!"

Leon just said, "Salvatore(Henceforth known as Fred)! I just, like, LOVE what you've done with the sack!"

"Do you like it? I added this GREAT frill, and it, like, looks AWESOME!"

Ashley screamed, "XYSTI! GET ME OUT OF HERE!"


Xysti woke up, took one look at the screen, and hit the SCHOOLGIRL MODE OFF button repeatedly. Then, fell back asleep.


Fred squealed, "OMG! THAT IS SOO- Uh... I mean... NEERAAAAAAARGH!"

Luis was, like, "...And he said, 'Maybe.' Can you believe it? He said- I mean, Ashley! Look out!"

Leon was curling his hair with his index finger and said "That chainsaw is SO CUUUTE! It's just- I mean, APPLE PIE!"

Phil just screamed, "OMG! SOMEBODY SAVE ME- I mean, OMG! SOMEBODY SAVE ME!" Some random dude opened the window and said, "I guess he's just like a schoolgirl anyway!" and then laughed heartily along with the laugh track. Then he exploded, as with what happens with every extra on my stories.

Fred was just about to decapitate Ashley(wouldn't that be awesome) when he just chuckled and said, "Just kidding! I'm not evil anymore!"

Leon was apprehensive. "How are we supposed to know you're telling the truth?"

The door suddenly opened and a short fat man came through. He waddled up to Leon, handed him a piece of paper, and said, "I'm Fred's lawyer. He is not evil anymore! I even got Xysti to sign a contract to put him in the fic, or I'd blackmail her!"


Xysti looked up. "I hate that bastard..." she muttered and started reading again.


"Okay, okay... Go away..." grumbled Leon.

Fred's lawyer closed his suitcase and walked away.

"That was a relief..." sighed Ashley. Just then the lawyer came back and said, "Oh yeah. Xysti also signed a blackmail-guarded form that says I can stop chapters whenever I want..."


"Bastard..." Xysti mumbled without looking up.


"...So this chapter is OVER!"


R&R, fool!