Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and characters.
A/N: Ok, someone look up lyrics to Madonna's Frozen because it is Snape in a nutshell. More of a HG/SS but still. I think I might do a shipping based on those lyrics. Whatdya think?
Chapter 31: A Night Of Snape
We sat in the alcove staring at the stars. I was allowing Snape any time he needed to find words to say to me. It had only been a minute since he said he would tell me, but I would give him until forever if it meant really hearing a reason for his actions.
"You confuse me, Maranda." The statement broke all silence. I listened closely and heeded his explanation, "That's what's going on. All those times where we fought, you had a chance to piss me off until I turned red in the face. Then, that day with your journal missing, I find out that my name is written all over the place because Peeve's has a blabber mouth and can't keep it to himself. You fought with me even more but allowed me to stay your...friend."
I shook my head, "But what about you? You've kissed me nearly three times! What is that all about?"
"I didn't know what else to do. It happened without me thinking or planning on it. I had no idea where it came from the first or second time."
"What about the third? New Year's Eve on the balcony. You kissed me again." I tried so hard to suppress any anger.
He gazed into my eyes and took my hand in his, "It was a sympathy kiss. I wanted to appologize for everything I had done to hurt you, but...I'm not very good with appologies. I'm too used to punishing without consequence."
"Sev," My head lowered itself, but I didn't break our gaze, "I think you're too used to being intimidating to show any sensitivity. No offense, but maybe you need a few lessons of your own."
"And you need to learn that sometimes things happen without any reason."
Raising my head again, I responded, "Believe me, I already know that. You're talking to the girl who never knows half the reasons why she does or says things. I guess I can forgive you a little bit. But I know you're waiting for my answer to your questions." I folded my hands in my lap after Snape let go. It was time to let out a few truisms.
In a quiet whisper, Snape asked, "Why are you so kind?"
"Umm..." I took one more deep breath and knew exactly what I was going to say, "Severus, I've befriended you and put up with everything for one reason that I did not know until this year. Your name was in my journal so much because you, honestly, have amazed me. You're so...in your own world. It seems like you built a wall around your heart and soul to protect you from ever getting hurt..."
"Like you, right?" Snape caught me off guard.
Again, snape had pinpointed something about me I never acknowledged. "Yes," I admitted and felt like shrinking in my seat, "I suppose you're right. I was just trying to say...You...You amaze me."
Coldly, he retorted, "Why? Is there nothing important in your life so you are left watching me for entertainment? Do I amuse you? I'm so glad I know you laugh at me."
"What?" I layed my hand on his, "No! Sev, I care about you-" That was it. I was done for. I promised to tell the truth, but knew not to go that far. I couldn't let him know. Not now, not ever.
He looked at the box of insense and lotion he gave me, "I think it's time you take your gifts and go to bed. I think loss of sleep has gotten to your head."
"Why don't you believe me? Is no one permitted to care about their friend? And I don't need to sleep; all week I slept. It's time I stayed awake and maybe you should wake up too. Obviously you're not getting any hints at all about what I'm trying to say." My temper was peeking out, which was not a good sign.
"Maranda," He shot me a mysterious glare, "You are... you're... frustrating."
I grunted and quickly blurted, "Argh! I'm frustrating? You can't even tell what I've been trying to say all night, but I can't because I'm afraid of what you'll say and do and I'm so freaking nervous around you because all you do is intimidate me but then there's a door of hope I can't even reach the handle because you won't let me!"
My breath ran out. I panted and tried to recall what I had just said. It all came out faster than a roadrunner on drugs.
"I'm trying to make you say what you want to say, and perhaps help you get over the fear of talking to me and others." He wiped the tear's streming from my eyes, "Now, please tell me what is wrong."
I sobbed and unintentionally lowered my head into his lap and closed my watering eyes. I felt his fingers run through my hair, which made me cry even more. I had never meant to cry. Not in front of him. I loved him. If I had a mother and a father, they would help me and I wouldn't be in this mess. If I hadn't come into this world, I would've never met Snape or my friends and I probably would be better off. In my orphanage I would sit, without anyone to love or crush on, no one to talk to. Yeah I would be better off.
The tears kept on flowing like tiny rivers. Years of holding in pain had finally exploded on this night. This night where I planned on confronting Snape with the truth, but got scared instead. If I were to have a boggart appear right now, it would transform into a heart, representing love, for I now fear it. Sev kept running his fingers through my hair as a comforting guesture. I had so many repressed feelings that needed to be shared. So much to say but no bravery to even start a conversation. Why did I suddenly understand Severus' mind? We were pretty much the same. We could hep each other out, but instead I have killed that option by weeping like a baby.
"Maranda," Snape had noticed I calmed down a bit, "Will you share with me if I share with you?"
My breathing was still loud, but slowing gradually. I lifted my tear-stained face from his lap and nodded, "Mmmhmm."
He reached in his pocket and took out a handkerchief, "Your nose is red."
I hid a giggle as I wiped my eyes and cheeks, "Is that as deep as the conversation is going to get?"
"I think it's cute."
My face went blank. My mind went blank. My heart jumped hyperly into my throat. Apocolypse. I stuttered, "N...Ah...But..Uhnn."
"Your turn." He acted as if he hadn't even said what he said. Seeing my surprise, Snape kindly added, "I meant what I said, by the way."
Since he shared a tiny secret, I would do the same. If I could speak correctly, that is. "Well, I soaked your lap while crying."
"That's not a secret, that's just what you did. You have to share something meaningful. I admitted-"
"I love you." There it was; The bomb of words that waited to explode.
Both Snape and I were loss for words. I had apparently taken his ability of speech away with my shocking news. For once, I actually planned on saying that, just not while he was talking. I hated interrupting people when they spoke.
Oh, Christ, I told him I loved him.
"Maranda," The Snake spoke softly, "look into my eyes and repeat what you said."
Wha-? I obeyed and gazed deeply into his eyes. I stumbled over my thoughts at first, but soon whispered, "I love you." My stomach sent out an army of butterflies to raid my body. The moment seemed like an episode of the Twilight Zone.
Severus gulped, parted his lips, and firmly stated, "I thought you didn't believe in love."
"Until you...I thought it was bologna." I prepared for the worst, "Look, don't think anything of it. I don't want to bother you with childish antics. It's just a crush, I'm sure.."
Taking my hand in his once more, Snape smiled, "If you don't think it's real, then perhaps you don't want to hear my response."
"And what would that be?" My eyes locked with his.
The black pools of eyes were now replaced with shimmering diamonds. Severus gently caressed my cheek, "Oh Merlin, I never thought I would say this to anyone again...I love you too, Maranda."
My life turned around in an instant. One second I was wishing never to have experienced feelings for Snakey-Snape, and now I was kissing the Seductive God of the Dungeons in an alcove above the dungeons. I would never say I didn't believe in love again. I had prayed for this moment secretly for so long, and now the moment was mine. The moment was ours. I was loved, a feeling unknown to me for my entire life. Except for my friends, I had never imagined anyone caring for me. All those times Snape and I fought...They had led to this moment...Fate smiled at me for once without any sign of misconduct or trickery. Severus Snape was alas mine.
He pulled away from our passionate kiss, "I do truly, madly, deeply love you. You don't even know how hard that is to say."
"Yes I do, Sev," I smiled, "You and I...We're practically the same. Except, you're more intimidating."
He suddenly straightened his back and sneered, "Five points from Gryffindor, Miss Maguire."
"Oh no!" I noticed the pitch black sky outside, "What time is it?"
He shook his head, "I don't know. Probably near midnight. We've been talking for a long time now."
"No, it took a long time for us to start talking." my smile widened, but faded as I prepared to leave. "Thank you so much for making my birthday fantastic. I have to check on Serenity. Don't want a kitten to kill my room, or my room to kill a kitten. Umm," I inquired, "Am I teaching the Advanced Potion Class tomorrow?"
With a swift nod of the head, Snape replied, "Yes, if you'd like to. Like I said, that class is hell. But if you want to wait until Monday to come back and teach, I understand. It's been a rough week for you."
"Not as tough as I expected, though. Especially since you gave me medicine. Again, I am grateful, Severus." I took my box of lavender things and gave Snape a kiss on the cheek. I started to go downstairs, but not after cheerfully saying, "Now you know why your name was in my journal so many times...Good night, sir."
I returned to my room knowing fate had planned this night a long time ago. I could feel the perfection. Not too perfect that it hit cliche, but perfect enough to have flaws and not turn out horrible. Serenity was still sleeping, so I did my best not to disturb her while climbing under my covers with my pajamas on. I had rushed to go to bed so the next day would hurry up. I was so anxious to share everything with Hermione, and to see Snape as a new man.
He was a new man to me. With all of our past fights under the table at last, we could start over and have a real friendship. True, we admitted love to one another, but knowing me and Sev, we would want to start out slow. Neither one of us seemed the type to enjoy fantasizing about falling in love. Hell, it even surprised me to get a present from Snape, which I still wore to bed. The necklace was so beautiful, and wearing it made me realize that Snape did mean what he said to me. He cares. Underneath all the black robes and frightening intimidation was a man who had real emotions like the rest of the world. Tonight not only showed me he was real, but I learned something too: I cannot, no matter how hard I try, hide from the world around me. I need to start living before it is too late. And one way of doing so was admitting to Severus how I felt. Why did I have to be so stupid and not think of this sooner?
Perhaps because I hid behind books, protecting myself with fantasy away from harsh reality. It is difficult to tell myself these things, but better late than never.
A random thought crossed my mind before closing my eyes. I had a journal last year, but I don't know where it is. Maybe I lost it at Hermione's house over summer vacation. I should check my trunk sometime soon.
As I closed my eyes, there was a knock at the door. Midnight visit?
I didn't move from my bed and softly asked, "Who is it?"
"Severus...I forgot to give you something." Wow, he wasn't in the mood to go to sleep!
"Come in. I'm too lazy to get out of bed and open the door." I sat up slowly as to not move Serenity. She was such a cute kitten.
Snape opened the door and had one hand behind his back. He came over to my bed and knelt down to my height. No, I didn't feel odd or anything having the love of my life come in my bedroom at midnight. I wasn't blushing either, I had ketchup all over my cheeks. Sarcasm is a wonderful thing. Especially when in comes in the form of a hot man named Snape.
"Here's your other present," He reached out the hand he had held behind his back. On the palm of his hand lay a lock and key, "It's for your journal. Just place it on the cover and it will attach itself. The key will only open it with your hand. It can tell by fingerprint."
I giggled and set the lock and key on my nightstand, "Thank you, Severus, but you could have just given it to me tomorrow."
"It is tomorrow." He stood up, bent over, and kissed me lightly on the lips. It felt so great to have someone love me.. I know, That's all my mind is revolving around.
And Severus left. Just like that. As proud and intimidating as the day I met him, which is how I wanted it to stay. I loved him for him, nothing more or less. I guess that's just what love is...A feeling of complete adoration for someone you are attracted to, but more intense than any brain can endure. Love...What an interesting thing to live through.
