Chapter 4: Everything's Not Lost

Lucas could not believe he had allowed himself to get bothered by something else HE had said. And his attempt to connect with Nathan had been an honest one. Add that to the list of my regrets. A list which is growing rapidly and may spiral out of control. He shuddered at the thought. Traveling down the road of negativity was not going to help right now. He consigned himself to completing his role in the Scott family saga before he lost his nerve. Pulling out his cell phone, he dialed an unfamiliar number and listened to it ring. He sort of hoped there would be no answer ...

"Hello?" Deb said into her phone.

"Hi Deb, it's Lucas." He cursed himself for having to do this. It sucks doing the right thing sometimes.

"Lucas! Did you find Nathan?"

"Yeah. He's fine, just a little tired." And very ornery. Lucas braced himself for the inevitable question that had to follow. He had already decided how he would handle it.

"Where is he?" Deb inquired, a hopeful pitch creeping into her voice.

"He's in good hands. That's all I can tell you right now. It seems Nathan just needs a night of reflection." Lucas had no idea if the last part were true. He was using a lie to create a more defensible position for himself, should Deb push the issue. Or maybe superimposing my own situation onto Nathan's. Either way, he saw this as the only way he could keep his word with Deb and not completely piss Nathan off. Though it seemed it didn't take much these days to do that either.

"Lucas ... can't you tell me? I am very worried about my son ..." Deb's voice faded. She knew the battle was already over. She hadn't even really expected Lucas to call. No use fighting it. At least he was safe. She ratcheted the volume back up. "... sorry. I'll just let you go. Thanks for calling, Lucas."

"You're welcome. Could I ask you a small favor?"

"Yes?" Deb was curious.

"Don't tell Nathan I called. I've already said too much."

"Alright."

Lucas let out the small breath he had been holding. "'Bye, Deb."

"Goodbye, Lucas." Deb choked back a few tears and cursed her husband under her breath.

x x x x

Haley shook out of her trance. She spun around to glare at Nathan. "What!" he said, "You woke me up for that? What'd you expect would happen?"

"You are such an ass! Lucas was here because he was worried about you. And you sent him away without even acknowledging that."

"I don't need his pity. As a matter of fact, I don't need him at all."

"Do you need me?" Haley's eyes gleamed fiercely. She was a little past rationality now – which was rare for her. "Because Lucas and I are a package deal."

"Haley ... don't do this right now," Nathan pleaded with her. His animosity for his brother – half-brother, he reminded himself – had brought out the worst in him again.

"Do what? Demonstrate that I have a backbone? I am not some floozy cheerleading-type that you can play like a stringed instrument ... your primitive charms won't work that easily on me." Haley turned to shut the door to her room. "Get some rest, Nathan," she said monotonically as she walked out.

"Haley!" Nathan called to the closed door. He knew it was useless. He groaned and punched the pillow next to his head a couple times. I have to stop doing this. Transferring my anger about my own messed-up life onto others only ends up hurting people I care about. It makes me more like HIM everyday.

x x x x

Brooke's mind was in a fog. She couldn't understand why she wasn't the clear choice. She made all the guys swoon each time she looked in their direction. Just one look as all it usually took. So it shouldn't be that hard really. Lucas was an attractive athlete and she was a sexy cheerleader with a low standard of decency. But her "one look" hadn't worked with him. In fact, one look from him was enough to get her all out of her element. I have to be stronger than that. I can't be affected like that by some boy.

Then another voice started talking. The voice beneath the cheerleader-popularity facade. The voice beneath layers of wealthy suburban window dressing. The real Brooke Davis. That voice was small and scared, unsure of itself and still finding its way. This isn't about Lucas choosing between two girls, this is about me finally wanting to be chosen. What if I'm not good enough for him? She was annoyed she had to ask herself that. Moment of weakness, facade-Brooke decided. Perhaps I'm not ready for all this intense drama. I'm young and I need to have some fun. Not fret over some guy. Even if that guy ends up in my best friend's arms tonight. Tonight I need to be free of it all. And then her mind was clear, but for that other voice drowning amidst all her insecurities.

x x x x

Peyton's drawing was quickly taking shape. She always drew best when she connected emotionally with her material. No trouble there, she thought. It wasn't really that hard to replicate, because she saw the same scene in her head every time she closed her eyes. As her hand deftly formed three figures standing in that bedroom, a subtle change took place. The casual observer wouldn't notice anything unusual. But the two other people who had been in that room would, if they looked closely. In the image, Lucas was situated between the two best friends, facing Peyton as he had been. Peyton's back was to the observer, so her face was hidden. Brooke was just to Lucas' right. All of this was as it was just a few hours before. But mixed in with the look of tortured regret Lucas had was a small twinkle in his eyes. And this twinkle was impossibly complex; it was clearly not directed at Brooke because she couldn't see it from her position. It was for her, an expression only she could interpret. It was hope.

x x x x

Lucas replaced his phone at his side and raised his hands in a helpless gesture no one else was around to see. He had done what he said he would do. Now he really couldn't avoid the other issues in his life any longer. He wished he could talk to Haley; she was so good at helping him figure stuff out and was supportive of the twisted logic he often used to rationalize behavior. But he couldn't go back there right now. So he began walking to the only place he knew he could be alone with his thoughts: the River Court.

-Note: Chapter title from a song of the same name by Coldplay.