Disclaimer: I didn't own Inuyasha before… why would I own it now?
Tashachan28: The angst keeps going. Don't ask. XD
Buddym: Well, I wasn't studying for exams then. I was just telling you my reasons for not updating each week. If I did that, I wouldn't have any chapters left to post by July! (I don't have that many pre-typed out) But I will be studying for exams very soon, which is why I haven't posted any updates for this story. Thanks for the "exam encouragement"!
Ninalee-chan: :shrugs: I thought Chapter 13 was pointless. To me, it seemed like filler because it only had some arguing (about Mushin), senseless fluff, and the explanation of Tsuyuki. That is the final explanation regarding how it was able to influence Sango's thoughts and how it was able to control her. The flashback of Mushin's death was something I added, and I liked to write out the shock and anguish that Miroku felt when he entered the clearing, rather than just ramble on about Sango's guilt. You're probably still wondering: why did I kill children? For one reason, it really torments a person when they are forced to kill another, even if it's in self-defence, and for another, not only does she have to kill innocent people, they are only children. That's a lot to take, and as you know, I will find any reason (cough:excuse:cough) to write angst. I should go back and re-write Chapters 1 and 2 just so they equal up to the rest of the story, but I'm too lazy,
YoukaiTajiyaSango: Thanks! Yes, I think you'll like this chapter.
Starriecat: One word. Exams.
Inuyashagirl: Yeah, I'm not the best person for fight scenes. In fact, the only thing I'm worse at is humour, and that's only because all the original ideas for humour have pretty much been used already. Thanks for the compliments… they gave me some much needed inspiration!
Stupid QuickEdit won't allow the fancy symbols I want to use for the POV switching… grrrrr. So, in saying that, you will have to use common sense to figure out whose POV it is (don't worry, it's rather obvious). I really don't want to waste my time while uploading this document to figure out which symbols QuickEdit will keep, so you get to use your brains. (which might be dead from exams at this point! I know mine is!)
The main storyline POV will continue on through the rest of the chapters. Keep in mind that it may switch from time to time.
When Kaede announced that the ritual mixture was ready, I felt my insides freeze. This was it.
I went in, unaware of anything else except what I was going to do and my Houshi-sama behind me.
Kagome-chan and Inuyasha were standing off to the side. Kagome-chan looked nervous about it, and Inuyasha tried to look uncaring, but I could tell that he was just as worried as the others were. Shippou was on Kagome's shoulder, asking her all sorts of questions about what was going on, but she wasn't answering them.
I sat down as Kaede handed me the cup. The mixture looked like a blend of brown and purple, not very appealing. However, I drank it, the bitter taste almost making me choke. Miroku knelt by me.
"I'll be fine," I told him, although I felt the exact opposite. He didn't look as composed as he usually was, which didn't help the matter at hand. Even if he tried to convince me that I was going to be okay, that things would return to normal after all this was over, I couldn't help thinking that he was reassuring himself more than me. Not that I could blame him. I knew he was just as scared about the whole thing as I was but that he pretended everything would be okay for my sanity.
Kaede instructed me to lie back and I did, closing my eyes as she started the chant. A wave of sleepiness overtook me, and as I struggled to stay awake, I fumbled for Miroku's hand.
"One last hug?" I pleaded, knowing full well I sounded like a little kid. Really, all I wanted to was know that he would always be near me, even if he didn't know how much I appreciated it. He smiled, and just as I felt his arms surround me, my surroundings blurred and I drifted off.
I stood in a landscape of some sort, wearing my battle outfit, my kanata sheathed at my waist. For a moment, it felt like something was missing, then I realized that my Hiraikotsu wasn't strapped onto my back. Damn. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I didn't even have my main weapon to use against my opponent…
There was no one else around, at least no one that I could see in the thin mist around me. I took a few steps forward, wondering when Tsuyuki would make itself known. After all, it had been inside my head for the past half week. The silence only made my body tense up more, and I struggled to hear any suspicious sounds nearby.
Then I heard it. The sound of laughter and people nearby. I hurried through the mist, squinting, trying to see anything beyond what was in front of me. What I saw shocked me, even though it shouldn't have. But I hadn't been expecting it.
My village was there, and I could even walk through the front gate. Everything was how I remembered it. I entered my home, and went to the back porch. I swear I felt like I had been immobilized as I watched the scene in front of me. Kohaku was throwing his sickle, trying to catch the targets and only being partially successful. He looked just like he used to, his short black hair tied up in a small ponytail, his eyes focused on his goal. A determined expression was on his face, softened by the gentle smile as he caught it. However, the blade swung upwards and he failed to catch it correctly, a thin line of blood dripping from his fingers.
"You must try harder, Kohaku. You are not paying attention," the voice of my father said. Startled, I turned and watched as he made his way down the steps beside me to supervise my brother.
The boy held his wrist with his other hand, making a face at the pain. It was just how I remembered it. I approached him. "Kohaku?" I said, my voice very quiet.
But he didn't look at me, nor did he show any sign that he had heard me. Father began to chastise him for being so careless about catching the sickle, and Kohaku hung his head, looking both embarrassed and slightly ashamed. "I'm sorry," he said, watching the drops of blood fall onto the ground.
"I'm going to go get some bandages for that cut. If you had paid attention to the direction of the sickle, we wouldn't have to do this after every practice," he scolded.
"I'm sorry, Chichi-ue. I'm trying to improve as much as I can," Kohaku protested.
Father shook his head. "If you ever hope to become one of the best fighters in this village, you'll have to improve more than that. You should ask your sister about training." He headed back inside the house for a few minutes, leaving me and my brother in silence.
I tried again. "K - Kohaku?" Again, he just stood there, evidently waiting for my father to return with the bandages. However, he spoke quietly to himself, heading over to the porch steps to sit down.
"I wish Chichi-ue would take more pride in my accomplishments instead of criticizing all of my mistakes. I try all the time to improve, but he doesn't seem to notice. Well, at least Ane-ue can destroy youkai properly. I guess I won't be as good as her, but I can make Chichi-ue proud with what I can do."
"Kohaku, he was always proud of you. He didn't tell you so you would keep trying to improve," I whispered. I wanted to take him in my arms, to feel his arms around my waist in a hug. I wanted to remember that shy affection he used to give me when we were younger. I wanted to see happiness shine in his eyes as he grew up with laughter and smiles around him. I wanted to stay here with him, tell him everything I couldn't have told him before.
It's not your fault this happened. I should have never let Father train you to be like me.
I wanted to hold him, to listen to the laughter echoing through his chest and filling my ears with the warm sound. I wanted everything to return to the way it used to be with no pain, tears, or destruction. I wanted that little boy back. I reached out as he sat down.
My fingers went right through his shoulder. Shocked and feeling that empty despair of loss that so often filled me, I stepped backward. Why couldn't I… unless, it was only a memory, and I was only allowed to observe it. But it was still my memory! Damn it!
"Kohaku…" My throat tightened as tears blurred my vision. I was so close… if only I could have prevented it from happening.
Then I came out, at least, the part of me that was in the memory. 'I' sat down on the steps, applying the bandages to Kohaku's wrist with the affection of an older sibling. I had always taken care of my younger brother when he was little, taking on the responsibility not only as an older sister but a mother, which was probably why my father didn't apply the bandages himself. The 'Sango' in the memory was wearing my village outfit, the pink and green kimono. After she finished fixing Kohaku's wrist, the two of them sat in silence.
Kohaku threw the sickle again, this time successfully catching it and toying with the chain. "Ane-ue?"
"Hmmm?" Village Sango replied, petting Kirara.
"Do demons really breathe fire and toxin as they say?"
"Sometimes."
"Then it's true." My brother sighed, his shoulders slumping. Village Sango looked mildly concerned about his negative response, looking almost curiously at him.
"What's wrong, Kohaku? Are you afraid?"
"N - no!" But his voice lacked the usual confidence he had when talking about the day that he would be able to slay demons properly. Village Sango put her hand on his shoulder and patted it comfortingly. She was speaking to him about the different types of demons they destroyed, but I wasn't listening.
He was only eleven, and he had died during his first mission. Of course he was afraid, even if he acted like he wasn't. But why hadn't I realized that the life of the taijiya was not meant for him? He had never really enjoyed fighting demons, at least not like the others did.
"Touching, isn't it?"
The voice came from behind me and the image faded. I was standing alone in the middle of a smooth landscape. I whirled around, expecting to face a spiritual creature of some sort, only to see…
Myself.
The figure that looked exactly like me stood in front of me, smirking. "Nice memories, Sango. However, it's a good thing you came, I was starting to get tired of the repeated memories of Kohaku. You rarely think about anything - or anyone - else."
I didn't say anything. It was just like staring at a moving reflection of myself in a mirror, only the figure wasn't in a mirror. The armour was the same, the stance that it held was the exact same as mine, and its voice was mine, though slightly deeper and with a hint of cold menace.
"What's the matter, Sango? Miss your brother?"
I stared at it, too busy trying to figure out a way to lower its defences. If it truly was me, then it would have the same tactics, the same strengths, and the same weaknesses…
That was going to be a problem. What were my weaknesses? I had perfected my taijiya training over the years to the point that if an enemy managed to get a blow in, it was considered a lucky hit. It had been some time since I had fought against an equal opponent. I had never imagined I would be fighting a creature like this. If I didn't know my own weak spots, how was I supposed to defeat myself?
Finally, I managed to say something, although it didn't come out in the confident manner I usually spoke. "You - you're Tsuyuki?"
"Yes and no," it answered, its eyes boring into mine. They were not a dark brown; they were a dark red, and the expression on its face was filled with utmost hatred. "I'm not you in the sense that I am not human, but as you can see, I took on your form." It flicked its wrists and I backed away, as two blades sprung out, gleaming silver and twice as long.
I unconsciously reached behind me to grab Hiraikotsu and rip this thing in half, which would undoubtedly save me a lot of battle stress, but then my fingers only grasped air, and I remembered with a slight jolt of panic: I didn't have Hiraikotsu. Trying to calm my nerves down, I unsheathed my katana, even though I didn't really want to fight. True, I was a demon slayer, a taijiya, and known for being the best slayer around, but this demon… I sensed it was different from the others.
"Stay away from me."
"Are you afraid to fight me?" Tsuyuki taunted, advancing towards me.
I didn't answer. Normally I would have loved being able to confront this demon that had been able to possess me for so long, but fighting something that looked exactly like me was just too strange. It was unnerving. I couldn't fight myself, but what choice did I have? How could I return to the others?
Kaede-sama hadn't told me how to 'wake up' from the Dream Realm.
.
I watched her, still holding her hand. I hadn't been able to tell her just how much I loved her, and now I doubted whether or not I would ever get to tell her. I had had so many chances before to tell her, yet I had never thought about telling her directly. Did she know, or did she assume I cared about her as that of a close friend?
Inuyasha went outside, pretending to be bored and annoyed by the whole thing, but we knew he was just as concerned as the rest of us. Kagome-sama stayed by me and Sango, a worried expression on her face.
"Do you think Sango-chan will make it through this?" she said.
I nodded, although I didn't believe my own words. "She'll be alright. She's strong."
"But if it can read her thoughts, since it's been inside her mind, then won't it try to use Kohaku-kun against her?" Kagome pointed out.
"I hope not," I said quietly. Sango did have a tendency to lose her resolve when things came to the subject of Kohaku, but I couldn't blame her. She said she had always been extremely close to her brother, and to see him like this, trying to kill her constantly or kill the rest of the group, was slowly tearing her apart inside.
Shippou looked at Sango's still form. "When is she going to wake up?" Before we could answer, he shot another question at us. "Why can't she just fight the demon physically?"
"Kaede-sama can't draw it out of her. It's too strong Shippou," I answered. "Because it's more like a spiritual demon, it can't be battled with in a physical fight."
Kagome picked him up, giving him a comforting hug. Kaede came over, offering each of us a bowl of stew. I don't think any of us were really that hungry at the moment.
"Miroku, when it Sango going to wake up?"
It was more like if she would ever wake up.
.
"Why did you make me kill Kirishi-san and Reichi-kun? They were only children!"
I had raised my katana, but only in defence. I really did not want to fight this creature, not when it resembled me so much.
"You like to think about Kohaku a lot, don't you?"
I said nothing, trying to block what it was saying from my mind. I would not let the memories of my brother distract me. Unfortunately, Tsuyuki had no intention of letting the subject go.
"You know," it began, unsheathing its own katana and striking out at me. On instinct, I blocked it, but the strength behind it was stronger than mine and I stumbled backwards. "Kohaku was a very peaceful boy once. Too bad Naraku took control of him. It aimed a slash at my neck, but the vicious attack was obvious in its path and I was able to move out of the way in time.
"Shut up." I knew what it was trying to do. It was trying to distract me, to keep me unfocused.
"That day, you failed to protect Kohaku. You didn't get to the lord in time, and -"
"I said shut up!" Furious by its attempts to sabotage me, I aimed an attack. However, it was an attack blinded by rage from the painful reminder that I had failed, and Tsuyuki side-stepped it easily. As I moved past it by the force of my own blow, I felt a searing pain drive into my back. It had stabbed me.
Pain was no stranger to me. When I had first started training to become a demon slayer, I got injured almost all of the time. Sometimes it was because I didn't back away in time, and other times I didn't attack in the direction I had intended to. The result was the many bruises and scars that covered my body in different places, mainly hidden by my clothing. I had been stabbed in the back by my brother's sickle and shot by a volley of arrows in the same day. I had been buried alive, only to realize hours later, that I could still breathe, that I could still push past the dirt to grasp at the air and attain another chance in life. Another chance for vengeance.
However, no matter how deep the attacks had been, no matter how many times I had been cut by the sword of an enemy who happened to get in a lucky hit or by the chained sickle that my brother held, the pain still hurt.
Forcing myself to block out the fierce pain by sheer willpower, I moved to the side just as a blade struck down where I had been just moments before.
"What a fool. You are already at a disadvantage by fighting in your own mind. Why don't you just give up so I can take control of your body and you can see your brother again?"
"No…" I stood up. The pain was not planning to recede anytime soon, and I wasn't sure how long I could fight with a deep wound in my back. I felt a warm, sticky fluid seep out of the wound and down my back. "I can't do that."
"Then I guess I'll have to make you." It raised its katana and charged at me again. This time, I was ready to defend myself.
For a short while, we traded blows, although I didn't manage to breach its defences, and it never seemed to tire.
At one point, I stopped to take a moment and breathe, sweat covering my forehead, and it slashed across my stomach, causing blood to fly out. I let out a hiss of pain, but quickly recovered. It attacked me again, almost throwing me off guard. I brought up my blade up just in time, but its strength drove me back and I fell onto the ground, drops of blood splattering everywhere. Tsuyuki struck downwards again and I rolled out of the way, the metal colliding against the ground. It grinned.
"Quick, aren't you?"
I got back up, the wound sending pains up my front and back. If I didn't figure out a way to destroy it soon, it would kill me. It charged at me. I managed to bring my blade back up in time to block, but my arms were getting tired and it forced me back against a tree trunk. My back scraped against the rough back, and a jolt of pain shot up my back from the open wound. Its katana pressed up against mine, slowly sliding up to press against my throat. The only reason the sharp metal hadn't yet cut the skin on my neck was because I was putting all my strength behind my katana to keep my opponent's weapon from killing me. It grinned, and although I would most likely lose within the next few minutes due to exhaustion and loss of blood, I would never give the demon the satisfaction of knowing what it had done to me. If I had to die within my own mind while doing this, I would find a way to bring it down with me.
The metal tip came closer, barely brushing my neck. "Sad. I thought you would have been more of a challenge."
"At least I don't use others to kill innocent people," I shot back, my voice sounding worn out. The red in its eyes darkened, then it smiled.
"You will still die, taijiya. Now you'll never be able to avenge your precious family and I can still kill all of your friends. Face it. You will not claim victory over me."
I refused to say anything, grip tightening on my katana as I struggled to keep the blade away from my throat. My muscles ached with the effort, and no matter how much I struggled… I was going to die.
Defeated by myself.
Why was it that when I needed my physical strength most, it failed me?
Completed - May 9th, 2005
Posted - June 22nd, 2005
Well, this chapter wasn't as long as I would have liked it to be, but considering that part of it was only action, I think I did fairly well. By the way, just because she sees a vision/memory of something doesn't necessarily mean she is thinking about that particular memory. It just shows automatically, like you're watching all the events in your life like a show. I didn't put that many memories in for Sango because One, I didn't want to keep adding in flashbacks, and Two, the fighting was a crucial part of this chapter, not the emotions. I was considering putting down a preview of the next chapter, but that would just ruin it. :grins: I think I'll leave you in suspense till the next chapter… which might not be posted for another 3 weeks.
Once again, reviews would be very inspiring. As in, inspirational enough to make me want to post Chapter 15. I want to post... but I'm afraid I can't. At least not until the end of July at this rate.
Please:makes puppy eyes:
