Disclaimer: I do not own Law and Order: SVU. It belongs to a genius named Dick Wolf. No profit is being made from this story.

Olivia looked up when her partner came back into the squad room. She suspected he had gone to either calm himself or explode. She hadn't heard anything that resembled a wall being punched or something heavy being thrown, so she hoped it had been the former and not the latter.

It surprised her when he didn't come back to the desk, heading instead for the captain's office and knocking on the door. He went inside after a minute, and the door shut behind him.

She allowed a worried gaze to fix on the door as it closed. For both their sakes, she hoped he wouldn't do anything stupid.

Don was surprised when Elliot continued to stand in the doorway after shutting the door, but it changed to concern when he saw the slumped posture and look of defeat on his face. He hadn't seen that in a long time.

"Elliot,' he acknowledged.

He stared at the younger man, waiting for him to come inside, but he didn't move. Cragen raised his eyebrows.

"You want to have a seat?" he continued questioningly, gesturing to the chairs.

Every so often, Elliot would come to him after a case was particularly rough. Cragen knew how proud the man was, and felt privileged to be someone he trusted to confide in. But it worried him, because it only happened when Elliot felt like he was about to lose it.

The detective sighed heavily and walked over to the offered seat, flopping down into it.

He waited again, but Elliot said nothing. Cragen had to bite back a small laugh at how much it felt like he was a father trying to pry information out of his son. Setting aside the work he had been doing, Don folded his elbows on his desk and gave Elliot his full attention.

"Something wrong?" he asked, his tone light.

The younger man sucked on his lip for a minute before meeting the captain's eyes. He looked to be considering his words carefully.

"You ever just think…what's the point?" he said finally.

The captain pursed his lips thoughtfully, but didn't speak; sensing that all he really wanted to do was vent at the moment.

Elliot sighed again, shaking his head. "We spend all of our energy trying to fool ourselves into believing we're making a difference," he continued bitterly. His looked up and pinned the captain with a hard stare. "It's a joke. We're not doing anything."

Don returned the stare and held it. Elliot was the one to break it, looking down and shaking his head again.

"Do you want to quit?" he asked point-blank, knowing full well that he had no intention of doing so. "You've been here almost 12 years…sooner or later even the best cops burn out."

Elliot looked at him with silent despair in his eyes. The captain looked at him warmly and got up, crossing around the desk to drop into the chair next to him.

"Elliot, I know you're dedicated to this job," he said. "I have no question about that. But trying to take on the world will only make you go insane. It's just not possible. You know that no matter how hard we try, we can't save everyone."

The detective's face drooped, and Cragen sighed. He placed a hand on his shoulder. "All you can do is your best. And you do…you've never let me down."

"Yeah," Elliot said roughly. "It's just….hard sometimes."

"I know," he said with conviction. "Believe me…I understand. Cases like this one stay with you. That's what makes a good cop. But you have to let it rest and concentrate on the victims we can help. That's what makes a great cop. You know as well as anyone that there's never a shortage of people who need us."

Elliot nodded. "Yeah," he repeated. Dropping his head, he scrubbed at his eyes again. He looked up a minute later and sought the captain's eyes. "Sorry."

Don smiled softly and shrugged one shoulder good-naturedly. "I understand," he said, giving his shoulder a squeeze before releasing it. "It comes with the job."

Elliot nodded, giving him a small smile. The captain returned it and got up to go back to his desk as the detective stood up.

"Thank you, Captain," he said, looking at him intently.

Cragen met the blue gaze and smiled. "Anytime," he replied, dropping his eyes back down to his work.

After listening for the door to open and hearing nothing, he lifted his head again. Elliot was still standing in front of his desk, looking at the ground. He looked to be in deep thought.

"Is…there something else, Elliot?" Don asked in confusion, his eyebrows raised.

Elliot looked at him in hesitation. "Well….yeah," he stammered awkwardly. He squinted one eye shut almost bashfully. "Actually, um…" The words drew out slowly as he was trying to figure out the best way to approach the issue.

"I was….kind of wondering if it would be alright if…if I took a break for a little while," he said. The captain's face registered surprise and he hurriedly rushed on, "Well, it's…it's just that this case really got to me. I think that I need some time to get my head together."

Cragen knew that the look on his face must have seemed shocked, but he couldn't help it.

This was coming from the man who he'd had to repeatedly threaten and force into taking leave in past cases? Psychiatric services knew him on a first-name basis….the one who often expressed "excessive rage" and "internal disturbance"…the one who they strongly recommend that Don "keep a watchful eye on" during cases….he was actually admitting to needing a break?

As if he was reading his mind, Elliot smirked suddenly. "I know, I know," he said, ducking his head sheepishly. "Call in the press… Stabler is actually admitting to weakness."

Don snapped out of it quickly, shaking his head slightly to focus. "Sorry," he said. "I admit… I am surprised." He saw the way Elliot looked at him and hastened to get serious. "I'm glad to see you putting your own health before work for a change. How much time are we talking here?"

"Uh…." Elliot shifted from one foot to the other nervously and put on his most charming face. "Two weeks?" he asked hopefully.

Cragen immediately fixed him with a look. He grimaced. "Week and a half?"

The captain shook his head, sucking on his bottom lip to keep from laughing. Elliot was looking at him like a dog whose owner had just said the word "outside". After a minute, his restraint broke and he chuckled.

"Alright, detective," he said, smiling and shaking his head again. He saw Elliot visibly relax and smile sheepishly. "A week and a half paid vacation starting….tomorrow?"

"Sure," Elliot quickly agreed, nodding. "That's great. That's great. Thank you."

Cragen made a note on his desk organizer reminding him to go into the employee database before he left. "You got someplace in mind?" he asked as he jotted with a pencil.

"Hawaii," Elliot answered quickly. The captain's head shot up in surprise. "North Shore."

Noticing the look on Cragen's face, he quickly explained, "An old friend from the Marines called me this morning. He and some buddies are headed there for two weeks and asked me to tag along."

His expression had turned worried again, as he was thinking that the captain might change his mind once he knew what he was planning to do. Cragen stared at him, and he held his breath tensely.

"Sounds like fun," he said finally. "Bring us back some pictures."

Don watched Elliot smile in relief, but it quickly faded. He looked at him in question.

"Wait," he said, his expression conflicted. "Olivia-"

The captain cut him off with a hand. "Don't worry about Olivia," he said. "She can work with Munch and Fin for a week."

"Well…maybe I should talk to her," Elliot said, shaking his head. There was anxiety in his voice now. "This might not be a good time. Maybe I should-"

"Elliot," Don interrupted, stopping him mid-sentence. He looked at him in disbelief. "For goodness sake….you're allowed to think of yourself once in a while."

Again, Elliot looked at him sheepishly. Don smiled. "Go," he said. "Relax. Have a good time. You deserve it."

The answering smile was wide and genuine. "Thank you," he repeated. "I really appreciate it, Captain."

He smiled again and nodded. Elliot took that as his cue and turned around, opening the office door.

"Hey, Captain?" he asked, sticking his head back in. A devilish smile was on his face now. "Any chance of a raise in the next day or two?"

Don scoffed in annoyed amusement and just looked at him in disgust. Elliot shrugged, grinning. "Just….thought I'd give it a shot."

The door closed. Cragen shook his head, chuckling, and went back to his work.

When he stepped out of the office, he saw that his partner was looking at him anxiously and decided to have fun with her.

He screwed up his face into a scowl and walked to their desk. Grabbing the back of his chair, he pushed it aside roughly and began angrily stacking his files, slamming each one down.

Peeking up slightly, he glanced at Olivia. She looked worried.

"What happened?" she asked in trepidation

Her eyebrows jumped when he threw his head up and glared at her. "Do you have a problem working with Munch and Fin?" he asked.

Confusion knitted her brows. "No," she answered slowly. "Why would I-?" He stared at her and watched her eyes widen as she got it.

"Oh, no," she said. She looked at him in disbelief. "You-Cragen suspended you?"

He didn't reply, and she took that as a yes. Her mouth dropped in horror. "Why?" she exclaimed. "Because of this case? Good lord….we're all upset over this!"

Elliot tried to keep it up longer, but her expression was priceless. His face broke into a smile and he laughed.

She looked at him in confusion. "What?"

"Man, you are easy," he chuckled, shaking his head.

"You…didn't get suspended?" she asked slowly.

"It's good to see you have so much faith in me, partner," he teased.

The laughter in his eyes was contagious, and she found herself grinning a minute later. "Aren't you just a barrel of laughs today," she said indignantly. "What happened? Did you find a prize in your cereal box this morning?"

He smirked. "Actually, I did, come to think of it," he cracked. "A little transformer dude."

She rolled her eyes, chuckling.

"Seriously, though," he said, sobering. "I would like to know if you have a problem working with them for a week or so."

Seeing he was now serious, Olivia immediately became concerned. "Did something happen?" she asked. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah," he said quickly. "Look, this morning I got a call from an old Marine buddy. He's taking a vacation with some colleagues and wants me to go."

"Good friend?" she asked.

"Best friend," he said immediately. Seeing her look, he quickly amended, "Well…best male friend." He flashed a grin, which she returned.

"Where you going?" she asked.

"Hawaii."

Her jaw dropped again. "Damn!" she exclaimed. "That's some vacation."

He smiled widely. "Tell me about it," he said. "But, really….if you need me to stay here, I'll call and let them know. The job comes first."

"Are you out of your mind?" she asked. "You are definitely not passing this up! I refuse to let you."

He looked at her in surprise, and she fixed him with a stern look.

"Don't give me that look," she said. "You haven't taken a vacation since we became partners, Elliot. Go have fun. I insist."

"Well….if you insist," he said, unable to keep the huge smile at bay. "Thanks. I owe you."

She smiled too. "See if you're still saying that next week when I shove all of my reports on you."

The day dragged on for Elliot. He must have checked his watch a total of fifty times. At seven pm, Olivia finally had enough.

"Go home, Elliot," she said. "I'll finish this." She gestured to the reports they had been working on since five.

He looked at her, a guilty look immediately crossing his face. "Sorry, Liv," he said in embarrassment, realizing he had been caught checking his watch again. He reached for another file. "That's the last time, I promise."

She reached across the divide and snatched the file, startling him. "No, I'm serious," she persisted. "You have an early flight…you need sleep. Go home."

He opened his mouth to argue, and she glared fiercely at him. "Don't make me kick your ass, Stabler."

His mouth fell open in surprise and he laughed out loud. "Ok, ok," he said, holding his hands up in surrender. "You win." He put down the pen.

She watched him like a hawk. "Don't even think about taking any files with you, either," she said, raising an eyebrow in challenge.

At his shocked look, she smiled smugly. "I know you, Elliot. We can survive a week without you. New York isn't going to crumble, I promise."

He glared at her, and she couldn't resist. "It'll be a vacation for us, too," she teased, grinning at his sour look.

"Go ahead, laugh it up," he said indignantly. "See if I bring you anything back."

"You better," she said threateningly. "I want one of those flower lei things…and don't even think about stopping at the gas station on the way back and getting a plastic one, either, buddy."

He smiled. "You know me too well." Stacking his files neatly, he left them on his desk and got ready to go.

"Hey," she said, as he was turning around. "You need a wake-up call tomorrow?"

She was grinning evilly, but he knew that she was also serious. "Uh…no," he said, shooting her a look. "Thanks, but I can do without you waking me up at one in the morning just to be a smartass."

"Ooh…" she said, feigning hurt. She smiled after a minute, unabashed, and he nodded.

"I know you too well, Olivia," he said, winking. "See ya."

"See ya," she echoed, grinning.

He pulled out his cell phone as he got onto the interstate. Drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, he waited as it connected.

"Hello?"

"Hey," he said to Jesse. "I got the ok from my boss."

"Awesome!" Jesse exclaimed. "This will be great man. What time does your flight leave?"

Elliot grimaced. "6 am," he said begrudgingly. "Twelve hours with no connecting flight…hey, isn't there a time difference in Hawaii?"

"Hell if I know," he scoffed. "I guess we'll find out, huh?"

Elliot laughed. "Yeah, I guess we will," he said. "What about you? When does yours leave?"

"Me and the guys are catching the red-eye from Seattle tonight at midnight," Jesse answered. "We're so ready to go it's not even funny, dude. That's better for us, at least…we won't have as much jet lag when we get there."

"Ha," Elliot scoffed dryly. "Lucky you."

"Don't worry about it," Jesse insisted. "You won't miss anything, man. We'll probably be sleeping all day anyway…I'll come pick you up once you get there tomorrow night."

"Sounds good," he replied.

There was silence for a minute. Jesse broke it. "So….what's going on, Elliot?" he asked. "I mean, God….we really haven't talked in forever. How're Kathy and the kids? How many do you have….four, right?"

Elliot felt his chest constrict momentarily. He sighed softly, turning his attention to the road for a minute. "Well…uh, the kids are fine," he ventured finally. "Maureen, my oldest, she's a sophomore at Hudson University. My middle girl Kathleen just started her senior year of high school, and Lizzie and Dickie are in eighth grade."

"Yeah….I remember them. I saw them at the hospital when they were born," Jesse said, thinking back. "Twins, right?"

"Right," he answered, smiling proudly. Talking about his kids always made him smile.

"And Kathy?" he continued, grinning teasingly. "She still as hot as I remember?"

It was a running joke between them. Elliot had showed him a picture of wife-to-be when they were in the Marines, six months before the wedding, and Jesse had joked that he was going to steal her away.

His heart throbbed painfully, but he forced a smile. "Kath-Kathy's….she's great," he said awkwardly, thinking it ironic that he actually had no idea how she was. It had been over a month since the last time they had spoken, and it was only a brief minute about a weekend with the kids that she'd had to switch.

"Uh-oh," Jesse continued to tease, hearing the hesitation in his friend's voice. "Trouble in paradise, buddy?"

The stab in his heart throbbed again, and Elliot had to bite back a harsh reply as he remembered that his friend had no idea what had happened…the last time they had spoken, he and Kathy were perfect.

"Well…..actually," he stammered awkwardly. "It's-it's kind of…." Sighing, he stopped and took a calming breath. "She left me, Jesse. Took the kids with her….we've been divorced a little over two years now."

Jesse's jaw dropped in shock, and he immediately felt guilty. "Damn, Elliot," he said after a minute. His voice was deadly serious now. "I'm sorry. I didn't…Jesus, man. I'm really sorry."

Elliot swallowed hard. "It's alright," he managed. "Shocked me too."

Jesse went silent again, cursing himself inwardly. Great going, asshole, he berated himself. "Are you….okay?" he asked awkwardly.

Swallowing again, Elliot rolled down the window a bit to cool the flush that had suddenly taken over his face. "I'll be better tomorrow," he said lightly, trying to steer the conversation away from such heavy topics.

Jesse chuckled, recognizing and accepting the tactic. "Hey, I hear ya," he said. "Just get me some coconut rum and I'll be good."

That made Elliot laugh as he remembered the boy in the corp who could never hold his liquor. "Oh, Lord," he said. "I hope you can hold your rum better than you could twenty years ago!"

Jesse laughed too, having forgotten about that. "Oh, yeah," he said, chuckling. "I'd definitely say I've improved in that area!"

The headlights reflected off of the windows as he pulled into his apartment complex. "Alright, man," Elliot said, parking. "Look, I'm home now. I'm going to jump in the shower and hit the sack."

"Sure," he agreed. "I'll see you tomorrow night, buddy. This will be great…we're going to have such a blast."

"I hope so," Elliot said, smiling. "See ya tomorrow." He heard the click in his ear and hung up himself.

It was 8:15 when he stepped inside the apartment. Crossing to the living room, he turned on the TV for background noise and went up to his bedroom.

He pulled his large military-issue duffle out of the back of his closet and tossed it onto his bed. Standing, he then surveyed the selection of clothes he had hanging up. After a minute, he wrinkled his nose and shut the closet door.

Going over to the dresser, he pulled out several t-shirts and tossed them into the bag, followed by jeans and shorts. He dug out socks and underwear, adding them to the pile, then went into the bathroom to retrieve his shaving kit.

Once that was accomplished, Elliot opened the top drawer of his dresser and began hunting for a swimsuit. Five minutes later, after emptying the entire drawer onto the floor, he had still found no swimsuit.

"Hmm," he said out loud, biting his lip in thought. Leaving the mess on the floor, he went into the closet again and searched the bottom, kicking aside shoes, belts, and a few rumpled shirts that had fallen victim to the bottomless pit. Stepping back, he thought for another minute before stepping up onto one of the shelves he had built into the wall of the closet and looking on the top of the wardrobe.

No swimsuit. "Well, fuck," he said, in bewilderment. "Where the hell is it?"

He climbed down and shut the door. It wasn't that big of a deal; he could always buy one when he got to Hawaii. Deciding that sounded better than searching all night, Elliot lifted the clothes off of the floor and shoved them back into the drawer, not bothering to fold or organize anything.

He tossed his toothbrush into the bag after brushing his teeth and zipped it up, tossing it on the floor at the foot of his bed. Taking his cell phone out of his pocket, he plugged it into the charger and headed for the shower.

A half-hour later, after turning off the downstairs light and locking the door, he crawled into bed. Reaching beside him, he set his alarm for 4:30 and turned on the TV. He flipped the lights off and settled under the blankets.

"Your dad caught you smoking, man, he said 'NO WAY!'…that hypocrite smokes two packs a day…man, living at home is such a drag…your mom threw away your best porno mag."

Elliot grunted, stretching out. His dream dissipated as noise rudely intruded.

"Your mom breaks in and says, 'WHAT'S THAT NOISE?'…aw, Mom you're just jealous, it's the Beastie Boys!"

His eyes popped open and he lay still in confusion as music blared next to his head. "Oh, shit!" he exclaimed suddenly, shooting up.

The clock said 5 am. Slapping the alarm off, Elliot shot out of bed quickly. Damn it!

Thanks to quick reflexes and a little bit of speeding, he made it to the airport in time to check his bag and get his ticket. Amazingly, his flight was scheduled to leave on time.

After finding his seat in coach, he extracted a small Walkman from his bag before shoving it in the overhead compartment. He put on the headphones and sat back, waiting for takeoff.

The flight attendant came over the loudspeaker a minute later. Elliot removed the headphones and listened as she instructed them on what to do in an emergency and told them to fasten their seatbelts.

A minute later, the engines roared, and a surge of adrenaline ran through him. It had been a long time since he had flown. When the plane began to move, he found himself clutching the armrests.

The older man sitting beside him looked at him in knowing sympathy. "My son hates to fly, too," he said to him. Elliot looked at him and smiled weakly, but his heart was hammering too quickly for him to speak.

"I always told him to close his eyes and concentrate on something else during takeoff," the man continued. He gestured to Elliot's Walkman.

The idea seemed like ludicrous to Elliot. The plane suddenly dropped a few feet as the wheels were lifted, and he gasped out loud. Quickly looking around in embarrassment, he decided he had nothing to lose and followed the man's advice. He put his headphones back on and screwed his eyes tightly shut.

One of his favorite rock songs was playing and he cranked up the volume, starting to relax. He had gone through three songs when a hand dropped onto his arm. Startled, he opened his eyes to see the older man smiling at him. He lifted the earphones off.

"You made it," he said, pointing.

Elliot turned to see clouds out the window. He turned back to face the man in surprise. "Wow," he said. "Thanks for the advice. I wasn't even thinking about it."

"It's amazing what the human mind is capable of," the man said. He smiled. "Glad I could help." He stuck out his hand and said, "Bill Sherman."

"Elliot Stabler," he said, shaking it. "How old is your son?"

"He just turned 50," Bill said. "How about you? Any kids?"

He smiled. "Yeah," he said. "Four. Two of them are twins."

The man's face lit up. "You don't say!" he said. "I have a twin."

"Really?" Elliot asked, in surprise. "No kidding."

"Yep," Bill said, nodding. "Eva and I just turned 75 last November. You believe that?"

Elliot smiled. "No way," he chuckled. "You don't look a day over 74."

Bill chuckled. "Ha," he said wryly, and raised an eyebrow. "You're a smart alec just like my son…boy's going to be the death of me." Unbuckling his seat belt, he stood up. "Excuse me." He walked off toward the restroom.

Shaking his head, Elliot chuckled and put his headphones back on. Settling back, he relaxed and began tapping his fingers against the armrest in time to the music.