Yup. Chapter 16, Part One. No, this isn't the final chapter. I can't say much more about it without spoiling the ending. Since this chapter is rather short, reviewer responses will have to be brief.
YoukaiTajiyaSango, Inuyashagirl and Miroku's pet vixen: Thanks for the comments.
Ninalee-chan: As Sango herself said back in chapter 13, Miroku doesn't know what it's like to be controlled, therefore he can't really understand the strength that one needs while fighting an inner demon. There is only so much that words can do, but in Miroku's case, it is the only thing he can do. And yes, a flicker of Sango and Inuyasha's mutual relationship showed itself as a sentimental understanding for when the taijiya needed it the most.
Jenn: I actually have the final chapters typed out, they just need to be edited. :ducks to avoid various flying objects: Don't worry, they will all be posted by the end of the month! I swear!
Blusorami: :grins: Really? It was just a little thing, insignificant if you're not into romance, but I think Sango needed to hear it.
Starriecat: It depends.
Oh, this chapter is originally in Sango's POV, but as it switches from Miroku's from time to time, I thought you might get a little confused.
As Kaede chanted the incantation and the warmth passed over me, I thought I heard Miroku say something. I thought I knew what it might have been, but by the time he said it, his voice was distant and sounded blurred, even though I knew he was right beside me. Before I could say anything, I had re-entered the Dream Realm.
It was almost the exact same place as the first time. I 'arrived' in a smooth landscape with a slightly hazy fog around me, unable to see very far. There was no laughter or the sound of happy people running around just ahead, and the memories of my village didn't appear like they had the last time. Instead, there were moments 'playing' between me and Houshi-sama.
"Your concern for me means more than that of any other woman."
I turned around to see a scene of myself on a hillside. Village Sango was blushing, pretending that Miroku's gratefulness regarding his rescue from that possessed woman wasn't necessary just because it had been her that had happened to care enough about his situation to rescue him.
"You would have been fine."
Miroku reached over to place his hand on hers, and her face heated up. At that time, I had become quite fond of him, although I wasn't sure if his groping made me irritated because of the fact that he was flirting with other girls, or if it was just because his lecherous ways annoyed me. I noticed by that time that he seemed to like groping other women a lot, and that he constantly asked just about every woman at every village that he could find to bear his children, although he never once asked me. Good thing too, because I would have slapped him for asking something so stupid.
The sound of a frantic voice reached my ears. I turned around to witness the scene at Mr Hakurei, where Miroku had nearly died because of all the poison from the Saimyoushou, he had once again, sucked in to save my life.
"Houshi-sama! Houshi-sama, wake! Please, open your eyes," Village Sango protested, trying to rouse the monk.
At that time, I remembered how desperate I had been to try and wake him up. My attempts were futile, and I actually cried for a few seconds before he regained consciousness. Miroku's smooth, masculine voice drew my attention back.
"Sango… I think I overdid it this time." He held up his gloved hand, an ironic smile on his face. The one thing he had feared to kill him was actually killing him, just not in the way he had intended it to for so many years. "Please, survive this for me."
"No!" the Taijiya protested furiously, tears clinging to her eyelashes.
"You have to go on without me."
Again she shook her head, and moving closer to him. "NO! If you can't come with me, at least let me die with you!" She burst into tears, burying her face in hisneck as he patted her soothingly on her back.
I swallowed. Even if I hadn't admitted it then, I had, almost against my will, fallen in love with him. And of course, as I looked back on that time, I realized how much I truly cared for the monk. However, it had taken a huge risk on his part, nearly killing him, to make me realize how much I loved him, even if I had pretended I didn't say any of that on the way back. I still wasn't sure if he really wanted to stay with me, but I knew I wanted to be with him. He was my partner, my companion, and maybe, just maybe, my future husband. I needed him.
However, as I turned around to resume my pace, another memory appeared. One that brought back the confused feelings about Miroku about a few months after I had first started travelling with the rest of the group.
Kuranosuke.
"I have already waited years to see you. I don't mind waiting a little longer, as long as you come back to me."
He had been extremely possessive, claiming my hand in marriage as soon as he caught word that I was travelling outside of my village area. I had been uncertain of my relationship with Miroku, although I did recognize that I felt angry, almost upset, by the fact that he did not try to prevent Kuranosuke from taking my hand in marriage.
"Have a happy life."
I could tell he was feeling a bit down a few times, but every time I had tried to speak with him about the situation I would be in if I were to follow through for this 'marriage', something happened to distract and end the conversation, and then he had become occupied by something else.
I continued to walk, so buried in my thoughts about Miroku and all the events that had led our relationship up to this that I didn't notice Tsuyuki behind me. My warrior senses should have alerted me to its presence, but they failed to warn me in time, and the next thing I knew, something had collided into my back, sending me face-first into the dirt.
Before I had the chance to get up, I could feel a considerably strong weight press onto my body, restraining me further into the dirt. A cold blade pressed against the skin on the back of my neck, and a voice, a familiarly eerie voice whispered in my ear:
"Welcome back, taijiya."
I moved my right elbow back so I could place my hand against the dirt so I could get up, but Tsuyuki grabbed it and twisted it at an angle that shot a searing pain up my arm. I closed my mouth tightly, not wanting to give it the satisfaction of hearing me cry out, but a small whimper of pain left my throat.
"You left me last time, just when things were getting exciting. You couldn't stand defeat, could you?"
I did not answer, shifting and trying to squirm my way free despite the burning pain, but to no avail. Tsuyuki was me, in its own twisted way, so it still had my strength. However, it didn't have my tactics, and I didn't need to think about them to be able to use it. Most of them were instinctive, due to hours and hours of training that Father had made me do.
Straining the only flexibility I had in my position and ignoring the pain to the best of my ability, I moved my other arm up, twisted my wrist and slashed the dagger behind me. Tsuyuki moved back with a hiss of pain, and I knew I had been directing at the right target. Slowly I stood up, rubbing my shoulder and trying to ignore the sharp, stabbing pains going up and down my arm. Some small part of me briefly wondered why it hadn't just broken my arm; that would have probably meant my defeat for sure, but I didn't question it. It was going to hurt like hell when I used it, but it was still an arm, and I wasn't about to let pain prevent me from doing what I needed to do.
I unsheathed my katana, holding it as steady as possible. It wasn't easy, since my shoulder ached so much, but I had no choice. Tsuyuki glared at me, a humourless grin crossing its mouth.
"Smart, aren't you?"
"No, just flexible."
It smirked and charged at me. "Flexibility does you no good if you can't use it." Its blade slashed against mine, and I kept parrying blows. I had to find some sort of weakness, one crack in its defences, or else I would be fighting for hours. Well, maybe not for hours, but I knew that fighting in my already tired condition would wear me out quickly. Something I had said a while ago to the others flashed in my mind, bringing back my concentration.
"I guess I should get going. After all, it's only a matter of time, and it's my responsibility."
There wasn't really all that much to do. More than once since Kaede had sent her back into the Dream Realm, the others tried to get me to eat. Of course, I was way too worried to think about food. I was much more concerned with how Sango was doing against Tsuyuki.
"Miroku-sama… Miroku-sama," Kagome said, pushing the uneaten bowl of soup in front of me. She had been trying to get my attention for the past few minutes, but my focus was on Sango. I was still holding her hand, hoping that she could still sense my presence even as I knew she wouldn't be able to. "You should really try to eat something. You haven't eaten for a while."
"I will," I promised her. "Later." She let out a sigh of what might have been frustration, but before I could say that I really would, Inuyasha came in to check on things.
"How is she?" he asked.
A rush of anger and impatience about the entire situation rose in me, and I let go of her hand to turn around and glare at him. "She's battling for her mind and body, even her life. How do you think she's doing?" I snapped him.
The hanyou just snorted, unfazed. Then he left. Kagome lay a hand on my shoulder.
"Miroku-sama… I can understand that you care about her, but you don't have to be rude to Inuyasha," she told me softly.
"I'm sorry." I didn't need to explain; she saw it in my expression.
"You do have a relationship with her," she said. It was not a question, but a statement, almost a fact. I looked back at her. "You love her, don't you?" For once, she wasn't squealing in excitement about it, instead looking compassionate yet serious. "Have you told her?"
I shook my head and gazed back at Sango's face. Every so often, it seemed to tense with pain, and that bothered me greatly. Kagome had no idea how hard it was for me to just sit here and do nothing to help her while she was obviously in some sort of pain. "Not directly."
"Why not?" Kagome asked. "She needs to hear it from you."
"I don't think she's ready to hear it yet," I said softly. Kagome looked confused. "I mean, I know she cares about me, but… I don't know. She's still shy, almost cautious around me despite our relationship, and it will take time for her to get used to having someone else close to her heart. Besides, it's better to wait until after Naraku is gone to tell her that… that I love her. I don't want to tell her now, then leave her suffering if I die before we defeat him. I think that would destroy her, and I don't want to do that no matter how much I care for her."
Kagome stared at me for a moment, understanding in her eyes, then looked back at the taijiya. After a pause, she said, "Well, I hope she makes it through this. Sango-chan may be a tough opponent to beat, but she's not invincible."
"I know that more than anyone," I said, so quietly that I doubted she heard it.
What Kagome said was true. Sango was an extremely tough opponent, and I had never seen her lose to a youkai before. However, at heart Sango was not the calm warrior she appeared to be on the outside, and she was more vulnerable to angry or sad emotions than any of us. In that sense, she was fragile.
My arms ached.
I still hadn't figured out a way to breach Tsuyuki's defences, although I knew that I couldn't last much longer. My fight arm still ached from earlier, and constantly using it to swing my katana to block any strikes that might cause my death hadn't improved its condition. My leg had finally healed partially, although dull pain still coursed through it whenever I made it support the majority of my weight.
Even though it had stopped taunting me about Kohaku, it had turned to none other than the subject of Miroku, and that's what scared me most.
The fact that the Kazaana would someday take him away from me.
I know it will eventually happen, but there is a difference between knowing someone is dead, and acknowledging the fact that you can never see, hear or touch that person again. It's not something I want to face. I can't. Every time I face Kohaku, he moves, breathes and talks to me, but at the same time, he is not really alive. Even if we defeat Naraku and take Kohaku back by purifying the shard, he can't live that way. The innocent little boy I know is gone forever.
The fact that Naraku might, in the end, force me to choose between my brother and my partner.
I can't do that either. If Miroku dies before we defeat Naraku, I will save Kohaku from Naraku's clutches and tell him that nothing is his fault. I refuse to lay the blame on him because now I understand how it feels. I will lay Kohaku to rest, and then… kill myself.
Damn it, there are so many things I'm afraid of, and most of them involve the one person I truly care about that might never find out.
The clash of the demon's sword against mine brought me back to reality. Or rather, the Dream Realm. The strength behind it drove me back.
"What are your feelings for the monk?" it asked. I didn't answer. It grinned at me. "I guess I really don't have to ask. After all, I can still read your mind. For someone so strong, your emotions provide weak resistance to me. But then again, you are a warrior. You should die in honour of fighting, and not of worrying about whether or not you can save the ones you love. Your emotions will only result in your defeat, taijiya."
"Shut up."
There are so many things I fear…
"The relationship between you and the houshi is quite obvious. Despite his lecherism, you really care about him." Now it was really starting to make me angry. I knew what it was doing. It was trying, once again, to distract me by using my own inner weaknesses to enhance its victory, and I didn't like that.
"Shut up," I answered back. "You wouldn't even understand the emotions that a human can feel!"
… so many things I never had the chance to say…
"No, but I am familiar with the anger and hatred that comes when a loved one is in danger." It took a swipe at my stomach. Suddenly, without warning, it changed the direction of its swing at the last minute by flicking its wrist, and drove the blade through the top part of my leg.
There was no way I could keep from yelling in pain. The blood flew everywhere, and the pain was so strong that I fell backwards, clutching my leg and still managing to hold my katana up. The tip wavered and I almost dropped it
"You know, I could end this quickly and kill you, but I like the idea of your suffering." I backed away, a wave of exhaustion coming over me. Now what? I couldn't just keep fighting like this; eventually the loss of blood would take its toll on me. I may be a warrior, but I'm not invincible, and it's during moments like these when I am aware of it the most.
I didn't have long to wait. The colours blurred, and a wave of dizziness took over me. Before I could figure out what was happening, I felt a strange numbing sensation around my body, and my hearing dimmed.
No.
Not now.
To be continued in Part Two…
Finished typing - May 21st, 2005
Posted - August 12th, 2005
Another chapter completed. I still can't believe I've finished typing 15 chapters (although the first two were pathetic). One of these days I'll go back and re-type them out if I ever have the inspiration, which I doubt. I hope you are still enjoying the story, and if not…
:shrugs: There's really nothing I can do about that.
Chapter 16, Part 2 Preview:
Her hand tightened around her blade, and she didn't seem to be struggling in the slightest. No trembling, no visible straining. She seemed to be providing no resistance to Tsuyuki this time, and that was what scared me the most. Even if she hadn't lost, Tsuyuki was probably powerful enough by this point to prevent her from using her willpower to fight back.
I had to do something.
