Disclaimer: Hogwarts etc belongs to JKR

AN: Firstly, I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed last chapter; I know was playing up a bit, so a big thank you to all of you and especially tahwekilelohcin who went to the effort of PM-ing me when reviewing didn't work. You're all wonderful! Big smiles all round.


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Stage One

-

Department of Wizarding And Non-Wizarding Rights

Ministry of Magic

London

RE: Rehab Officers

Dear Sir/Madam

Here follows my application for the job of 'rehabilitation officer'.

Form type 24: Ex-Auror Rehab Application

Name: Martina Figgot

Occupation: Retired Auror

Previous Experience with members of Dark Side: Voldemort Wars (both), Grindewald War (tail end)

Rehabilitation in which area, Muggle or House Elf? House Elf.

Reason for above choice: More general knowledge in the area, owned one as a child.

Why should you be selected for as rehabilitation officer? I have years of experience in dealing with difficult types and hold a great deal of respect for those willing to attempt reformation. I am patient and personable but also capable of dealing well with stressful/potentially dangerous situations. My track record is excellent and I want as much as anyone to see the Wizarding World back on its feet again.

In addition to my extensive fieldwork that you'll find listed in my attached Curriculum Vitae, I'd like to state that I had quite a prominent role in the Malfoy Estate case at the end of the war, so I am well versed in the finer political and financial sides of Voldemort's war.

Yours Truly

Martina Figgot

Hermione placed the tatty application form and its accompanying CV back on her desk. She then picked up Malfoy's form. Glancing from the two and then to the grey-haired interviewee in the seat front of her she felt the grin growing on her face.

The woman was absolutely perfect.

-

She's about five foot three, she wears floral print skirts and she smells of cats.

She's also edging on sixty with a sense of humour he can only label as vicious.

Draco is not impressed.

"You want me to do what?"

She smiles at him. It's all teeth. "You heard me. There's your parchment and ink, get cracking."

Ergh, his lip curls in fascinated distain, 'cracking'.

"I think you are completely and utterly insane."

"Just do it, Mr Malfoy."

Taking a dignified breath and glaring in her general direction he drops to sit at the desk she's conjured in his cell.

"They said it was going to be a senior Ministry official, not some twisted old woman in a yellow muggle dress," he mutters.

"With you're track record I'd hardly consider you eligible to make such assumptions."

He blinks. Dementors aren't so quick with the comebacks. "What assumptions?"

"Twisted? From the man who raped, pillaged and burned all for the good of the wizarding community? Furthering civilisation, you called it?"

"…"

"…"

"I didn't rape anyone."

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry. Feel free to replace that one with murder or torture, my mistake."

He stares. My God. It's Granger incarnate.

She takes out a cigarette and lights up.

Perhaps not.

"I don't get the point of this."

She breathes a cloud of smoke at him. He coughs. "You don't have to. Consider it your penance, paying for your sins. I don't necessarily agree with it, but if you complete all the work I set, and I consider it of the standard of someone fit to return to society, then you get out. And if I'm not happy, you stay. Simple as that. You don't have to get the point."

"…"

"…"

"But lists?"

"Do you have a problem with lists?"

"… Well. Yes, actually."

"Oh yes?"

"Yes."

She bares her nicotine-yellowed teeth at him; he decides it's meant to be a smile. "And what problem is this? Are they a waste of time? Because it seems to me you have just about all the time in the world. You even told me yourself that my company is an improvement on the Dementors, so I should imagine you would rather enjoy our time together, lists or no."

"Don't smile at me like that. You look like a snake."

"A Slytherin, you mean?"

"…"

"No need to wince. Hogwarts can't hurt you …though if I were it I'd certainly try…"

He knows his frown is petulant, but he's not about to let it stop him.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"What, tormenting you? Why shouldn't I? At least I don't use thumbscrews and dark magic. You should be glad we won the war. You'd be in here either way and at least with us your limbs are still attached and you've only got one head."

His eyebrows raise, she's one hell of a bitter old woman. I'd try and set her up with Snape, but I doubt even Potter could be that cruel to him…

"Don't look so confused. We found His headquarters, remember? The ones you chickened out of giving us references for? There were plans there… about things."

Eh? "Things? What sort of things? You knew what he was going to do?"

"…"

"…"

"I told you not to smile like that."

"You're in no position to tell me anything Mr Malfoy, and yes, we knew. Though the way you carried on I'd have expected you to have too. You had us under the impression you were real inner-circle material… Another lie? Two more and we're likely to have a full page…"

"How long is this list supposed to be?"

"Change of subject? How wise."

"…"

"What have you got so far?"

He looks down at his blank parchment.

She smiles sweetly, "Of course, Mr Malfoy, take as long as you want."

-

"And you're certain this is a good idea?"

"Harry! I'm serious, this woman is incredible! I'll admit she's not much to look at, but her last job before retiring was incarcerating the entire Malfoy Estate. It's thanks to her innovative, and quite frankly inventive, techniques that Lucius was denied a trial, and it was the team she directed that caught Draco Malfoy."

"Yes, but-"

"And! She did it all without him having a clue! When she questioned him she was under Polyjuice, and her team always referred to her a 'the Boss', just to mess with the prisoners' heads. She's perfect!"

"Hermione! I thought we had an agreement with this one? I know she's well able to handle him, but can he handle her? She knows to much about him! That's not an impartial supervisor! The whole point of this was to get them safe to release back into society… not bully them until their so bitter they're likely to leap back into the Dark Arts the moment their wands are returned to them."

"A slight reversal of roles, don't you think? Shouldn't it be me lecturing you on the ethics?"

"…"

"Look, I promise, I'm not going to let this go wrong. Ha, even if I wanted to mess with Malfoy I couldn't. The success of this program could make or break my career… so many people already think I'm absolutely mad for even attempting it. I know what I'm doing, Harry. The last thing you need to worry about is me screwing this one up. It means too much."

"Just be careful, Hermione."

"I am being careful."

-

Dear Sir/ Madam

I am writing on behalf of the Department of Wizarding And Non-Wizarding Rights of the Ministry of Magic, London.

Some months ago you agreed to take on an Azkaban convict as a house elf to aid our new rehabilitation scheme and I have enclosed all information you will need for employing said elf.

I will leave naming up to you, and as agreed in your contract you will have no knowledge of its convictions. Appearance altering potions will be sent along at a later date and it is obligatory that your 'elf' takes his/hers every twelve hours. You will understand that this is to keep identity as confidential as possible and ensures that in the case of your elf leaving the premises on an errand there will be no alerting of the aurors by members of the public certain they have seen an escaped criminal wondering the streets. (The altering potion will do no more than blurring the features of the witch/wizard, so do not expect to see them appear in full house elf form.)

The elf will come accompanied with a trained supervisor, well briefed in how to deal with any unexpected situations, so if you have any enquiries you should be able to ask them, or at least contact me through them.

Your 'elf' will arrive in exactly one week (Stage One of our program insists on all applicants completing a rigorous theory exam, so we are certain they are ready to take up the job of house elf in a prospering business) and I hope he/she is everything you hoped for.

Thank you for your cooperation and enthusiasm and I look forward to hearing from you regarding the success of the scheme in months to come.

Hermione Granger

-

"So, Mr Malfoy, how is that list coming on?"

Draco glared at the parchment in front of him.

'What have house elves done for me?' the title proclaimed in scratchy black ink. Beneath it 'fuck all' had been scored out angrily and a list now spanning over two feet followed in unpractised scrawl.

He'd been in prison longer than he cared to remember, it must be edging on three years now, and this was the first time he'd held a quill. (High Security prisoners were not allowed even so much as an annual letter home.)

"Finished? You've had two hours."

He grunted in response.

The old woman clapped her hands together, "Well then, read it out, boy!"

He resisted the urge to whine, 'but it's long!' and instead picked up the sheet.

"Fine. One. Birth, they looked after my mum and stuff, though there was a mediwitch to look after me…"

"Well done, that's the one most people have been forgetting."

"Two. Cooking. Breakfast, lunch and dinner and any snacks in between."

"Yes."

"Cleaning. The whole Manor, including all the tunnels we didn't really have mapped. Three. Gardening and general maintenance of the grounds…"

"Any more?"

He glared at her. "Four. Sweeping the chimney and looking after the owls."

"Yes."

"Five. Making the beds and tidying my room."

"Ha!"

"Six. Cleaning our clothes. Seven. Lighting the fires. Eight. Decorating the house at Christmas and wrapping the presents."

"Mhmm."

"Look, it's a long list, I get it. Can I go now?"

"Nope. Orders are orders and the boss was very specific that you were to read the entire list."

"Then what?"

"Well, if I, as your supervisor, am satisfied then you're onto Stage Two, Mr Malfoy, Magical Rehabilitation: Practical Level. I know personally that she had a lot of fun planning that section of the program."

"I don't like the way you're grinning."

"You don't need to, get on with that list. This is practically an exam, you do realise that?"

"Yeah, yeah."

-

A number of hours later found Draco lounging against the bars of his cell reading in monotone.

"Four-hundred-and-sixty-three. Watering the houseplants and cleaning out the greenhouses. Four-hundred-and-sixty-four. Maintaining tapestries and portraits."

"Yes?"

"Four-hundred-and-sixty-five. Mucking out the stables. Four-hundred-and-sixty-six. Looking after and grooming the winged horses…" He looked up. "That's it. End of list."

"Well done, Mr Malfoy," said Martina. "Now get some sleep. You've got a heavy day tomorrow."

-

Dear Ms Granger,

I am pleased to inform you that Draco Malfoy has completed Stage One of his Magical Rehabilitation (House Elf specification). He passed the theory exam to a high standard (though with an awful lot of complaining) and I am satisfied that he is ready to try a little field work, in and around the community. I will have him moved to the temporary unit tomorrow where I am to brief him on what Stage Two entails.

I have kept his list/exam paper, as requested, and I wait patiently for your instructions on how to begin Stage Two.

Yours truly,

Martina Figgot

-

Ron looked up from the letter Hermione had handed him, "This is gonna be so good!"

"I dunno… I haven't so much as seen Malfoy since the war… What if he recognises me? None of them know who's organising this whole thing."

"Through Polyjuice? I doubt it." He laughed, "I just don't see why you wouldn't want them to know! This is such a damn good idea!"

"I wish you wouldn't laugh at it like that, Ron. I makes me feel like I've made a horrible mistake."

"What? In making Malfoy work through each and every point on the list? How in Merlin's name could that be a mistake? Can't you just see his face! This is so-o good!"

"Ron! Stop it!"

"Who're you giving him to, anyway?"

"That is none of your business, Ronald. The last thing we need is you wandering in to provoke him into doing something I'll regret. Just let it be, yeah?"

"Of course, Hermione."

"Don't smile at me like that. It makes me think you've not listened to a word I've said."

"Relax. I'm not gonna do anything."

"Please stop laughing, Ron."


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