Part 20
Faith stood in front of the door to Angel's apartment with her hands on her hips and a scowl on her face. She hadn't seen her friend and partner in over a week. He'd taken more of his vacation time so he hadn't been to work, and he hadn't answered any of her twenty or so phone calls either. It was beginning to piss her off. Okay, more than beginning to. She was pissed off. Even more so now because he didn't seem to have any desire to answer his door either. She knew he was home. His car was in the parking lot outside his building.

What the hell was his problem? Faith knew the answer to that: Buffy. Something had happened between them in the hospital in Sunnydale. Ever since the morning before Buffy was released, Angel had been out of sorts. That was two weeks ago, and he was still out of whack. Not that she could tell exactly since he was avoiding her. But the fact that he was avoiding her said enough. Well, she wasn't leaving until she saw him and gave him a swift kick in the ass.

Also on the menu was trying to figure out what had thrown a monkey wrench in whatever relationship existed between Buffy and Angel. Faith couldn't figure it out. She knew there was something between them. It was those two who didn't seem to get it. They were fighting it for whatever reason. She'd thought after seeing them together that first night in the hospital that they'd finally gotten a clue. Apparently not. Faith shook her head at the weirdness of it all.

Buffy wasn't saying a word either. Oh, she actually answered the phone when Faith called her at her aunt and uncle's house in Sunnydale, but whenever the subject of Angel came up, Buffy found a convenient excuse to get off the phone. So Faith hadn't been able to get answers on that end either. Between the two of them, she was going to go nuts. She wasn't going to take no for an answer this time. Angel was damn well going to talk to her.

Her fist jerked out and pounded heavily on Angel's door. "Open the fucking door, Angel! I'm not going away until you do!"

She pounded again – insistently.

"I'm not giving up, Angel!"

Pound. Pound. Pound.

"I'll pick the lock if I have to!"

Pound. Pound. Pound.

"Angel! Op-"

The door jerked open and Faith's raised fist hit air instead of wood. She stumbled forward slightly, righted herself and glared at Angel, who glared right back at her.

"Go away, Faith," he growled at her and started to swing the door closed.

Faith stuck her foot out and caught the door, forcing it to remain open. "I don't think so." She pushed passed him and into the apartment. "Thanks, don't mind if I come in," she taunted over her shoulder.

"Did you not hear me?" he snarled, throwing the door closed and stalking toward Faith.

"Jesus. Did a dumpster explode in here or something?" she exclaimed after catching a look at Angel's apartment.

It literally looked like a dumpster exploded. A couple of pizza boxes sat on the floor by the sofa. The coffee table had several Chinese take-out cartons. Soda bottles, beer bottles, and cups littered various other surfaces. A chip bag was on the floor in front of the TV, and Faith wasn't sure, but it looked like there was a candy bar wrapper in the potted palm below one of the windows. And that was only the food trash. It said nothing of the clothes tossed everywhere. Faith had never known Angel to be even remotely messy.

"Sorry, cleaning lady hasn't been by," Angel bit out, not sparing a glance at all the trash.

"You don't have a cleaning lady," she shot back, picking up a pair of boxer shorts off a lamp shade. "This is worse than I thought."

"What is?" he muttered, thinking he'd have been better off leaving Faith outside his door making a racket. Maybe one of his neighbors would have been kind enough to call the cops on her so she'd go away. Of course, since Faith was a cop, it probably wouldn't have done any good.

"You." Faith waved a negligent hand at him, rolling her eyes. "This is pathetic, Angel."

"Did I ask your opinion?" Angel snapped, grabbing the boxers out of Faith's hand and tossing them blindly into a corner of the room.

"This is getting ridiculous, Angel. What the fuck is wrong with you?" she inquired forcefully.

"There's nothing wrong. Why would you think there was?" he shot back, towering over her.

"You haven't been answering your phone for one thing. You didn't want to answer the door," she ticked off on her fingers. "And you took off from work. You never take days off."

"My shoulder hurts. I was shot, remember?" Angel tossed back, addressing the last point.

"That's bullshit and you know it," Faith retorted, knowing full well it was just an excuse. "Tell me what's going on," she asked, this time in a gentle voice, hoping to get through to him for once.

"Just go away, Faith," he said on a sigh, walking away from her and into the kitchen.

Faith followed and leaned against the counter that separated Angel's kitchen from the living room. "Come on, Angel. I'm your friend. You can talk to me." He didn't answer. "What happened between you and Buffy?"

His shoulders stiffened at the mention of her name. Buffy. Angel blew out a breath and closed his eyes. He'd been avoiding her name ever since leaving Sunnydale. It hurt too much to think of it. He really should have left Faith standing outside his door. Then he wouldn't have to be dealing with this right now. He wasn't ready to deal with it. Maybe he never would.

Angel pulled open the refrigerator and stared blankly at it's meager contents. He didn't really want anything, but it gave him something to do. Behind him, he could hear Faith tapping her fingers on the linoleum. Why wouldn't she just go away? All he wanted was to be left alone to wallow in misery. He should have known she wouldn't just let him be.

Pushing the fridge door closed, he turned back to Faith who was staring at him expectantly. Instead of answering her question, he asked one of his own. "How is she?"

"Why don't you call her and ask her?"

"She won't talk to me," he mumbled, shuffling out of the kitchen and back to the living room.

The sheer wretchedness in his tone got to Faith. It wasn't any fun prodding Angel when he was so miserable. Giving in, she finally told him what she knew about Buffy. Maybe it would help him to open up and tell her what happened between them.

"Buffy's fine. Her fingers are healing. Still sore, along with the cracked rib, but no problems. And she said most of the bruising has faded."

"She said?" he repeated, latching onto that one detail while feeling relief that Buffy was getting better. "You haven't seen her?"

"No." Faith gave a quick shake of her head, then strode over to the sofa and dropped down onto a clean spot. "She's still in Sunnydale at her uncle's place."

"Oh." He hadn't known that.

In truth, he didn't have a clue about anything dealing with Buffy since he'd left her two weeks ago. He supposed it made sense that she would stay with her family while she was healing. They would be able to help her. She obviously didn't want his help. She didn't want him around at all.

"I'm not leaving here until you tell me what's going on between you and Buffy," Faith stated, getting comfortable by propping her boots up on the coffee table in between empty cartons of take-out.

"I don't know what's going on!" he exclaimed in exasperation. And he really didn't know. One minute things were okay, the next Buffy had clammed up and pretty much kicked him out.

"Something obviously happened or you wouldn't be here, not having a clue how Buffy is." Faith looked at Angel, one eyebrow raised, daring him to deny it. He didn't. "Explain to me everything. Maybe I can help you figure it out."

Why not? Angel voiced silently. Perhaps Faith could shed some light on Buffy's behavior. He certainly didn't have any idea why Buffy had acted they way she did. Anything Faith could tell him was better than the nothing that he knew. Sighing, he tossed a pair of pants off the chair next to the couch and sat.

"I don't know what happened," he repeated his earlier assertion. "It was like one minute, she wanted me there, and the next she couldn't get me out the door fast enough."

"What do you mean? She just kicked you out?" That didn't sound like Buffy. Grant it, the relationship between Buffy and Angel was more than odd, but Faith would bet anything that Buffy was in love him with. So why would she give Angel the boot?

"No." He ran a hand through his hair and thought back to all that had happened. "She was fine with me in the hospital after we found her. I stayed in her room all night. She even asked me to stay. The next morning she seemed fine. Her aunt came and Buffy sent me home with her to eat and shower. She was still fine with me then. When I got back, she'd changed."

"How so?"

"She would barely talk to me, wouldn't look at me. It was like I was the last person she wanted to see," he frowned as he thought of how Buffy acted. He went on to explain to Faith how animated Buffy had been when talking to Oz in the hospital, but how she almost ignored him. Then he told her about the confrontation after he'd gone home with Buffy to her uncle's house, how Buffy had basically told him to leave. Even repeating it to Faith didn't help it make sense.

"That's weird." She pondered what Angel had told her. None of it made sense. "Did you ask her what was wrong?"

"Yeah. She said she was fine. And she was with everyone but me." Angel slumped back in the chair, dejected at Faith's lack of input. "I guess she just didn't want me around."

"Something had to have happened, Angel," Faith disagreed, trying to figure it all out. What could have made Buffy act that way?

"I don't know what it was." And he'd spent the last two weeks trying to understand it while haunting his apartment and eating nothing but greasy take-out.

The cell phone on Faith's belt chirped, jarring Faith from her thoughts of what could be wrong with Buffy that would make her push Angel away. She flipped open the phone and uttered a terse hello, then listened. Releasing an annoyed breath, she said goodbye and ended the call. Standing, she studied Angel for a moment.

"I gotta go. Break on a new case." She started for the door then turned back to Angel. "You need to talk to her, Angel. Make her talk to you. If you really love her, you won't give up."

Before Angel could think of a reply – his mind was stuck on Faith somehow knowing that he loved Buffy – she was out the door. He could only stare after her, wondering how she knew, and if she was right. Should he really try to talk to Buffy?


The tile was cold on Buffy's cheek, but that was the very last thing she cared about. She knew if she even tried to move to get off the floor she'd puke. If she just lay there for a few minutes, her stomach would settle. Maybe. Hopefully. And if it didn't, she'd be content to stay where she was for the rest of the day. She had no where to go. So what did it matter if she spent the whole day on the bathroom floor?

Another wave of nausea churned through Buffy's stomach. She groaned, rubbing a soothing hand over her belly. It didn't help, but it felt better than doing nothing. Buffy knew if she waited just a few more minutes it would pass. That's the way it had been so far.

Four days ago, morning sickness had struck her with a vengeance. She'd woken up one morning and had to sprint to the bathroom. Every day since started off the same way. Within a half hour of throwing up everything in her stomach she felt fine and remained that way for the rest of the day. So far, the morning sickness was the only symptom of her pregnancy Buffy noticed. But it was by far an unpleasant symptom. She wasn't looking forward to doing this for however long it decided to afflict her.

Another five minutes passed and Buffy felt her stomach settle. She slowly pulled herself up off the floor, hoping the nausea wouldn't return. It didn't, for which she was grateful. At the sink, she brushed her teeth and splashed cold water on her face. For a few minutes, she just stood there at the sink, staring at herself in the mirror.

Her hand drifted down to her perfectly flat belly. The sickness was the only sign that she was pregnant. But she knew there was a baby growing inside her. Angel's baby. Tears filled Buffy's eyes at the thought of him. He'd been gone for two weeks and she missed him terribly. She knew it was for the best, though. At least for now, until she managed to come to grips with what the doctor had sprung on her in the hospital after her kidnapping.

Buffy knew she had to tell Angel. And she would. Soon. She couldn't even contemplate not telling him at all. That would be beyond unfair. He was the father of their baby and he deserved to know. She just was not ready to deal with it yet, or how he would react. Until she was sure of herself and what she was going to do, she couldn't tell Angel. Hopefully he would understand why she'd kept it to herself for a few weeks.

With a heavy sigh, Buffy finally left the bathroom. Entering her bedroom, she was surprised to see Jenny standing by they dresser, apparently waiting for her. As soon as Buffy was fully in the room, Jenny wordlessly went to the door and closed it. She turned to Buffy and stared at her, seeming to be debating her words.

"So...," Jenny started, her voice gentle and unaccusing. "How far along are you?"

"Wh-what?" Buffy stuttered, taken by surprise at the intuitive question.

Jenny gave her a sympathetic smile. "I know all about running to the bathroom right after you get up," she said, referring to when she was pregnant less than a year ago.

"When did you figure it out?" Buffy asked, seeing that there was no sense in denying it.

"It wasn't hard," Jenny replied with a slight shrug. "Iknew there was something going on with you and Angel. You've been unusually quiet these last two weeks. It was hearing you run to the bathroom two mornings in a row that made me suspicious."

When Buffy didn't say anything, Jenny walked over to her niece and took her hands in hers. "How long have you known?"

"Two weeks," answered Buffy, her lower lip trembling from the stress of the situation. "The doctor took blood when I was in the hospital and found out."

"Have you told Angel?" Buffy shook her head no. Jenny pressed further. "Are you going to tell him?"

"I will. Soon," she reassured.

"How are you doing? I know you must be scared," Jenny said softly. She knew it had to be difficult for Buffy, being young, single, and now pregnant.

"It...it's confusing. This is the last thing I expected to happen," Buffy responded, knowing her words didn't do justice to what she was really feeling.

"You have choices, you know," offered Jenny. She wouldn't push Buffy in either direction, but she wanted to make sure Buffy knew there was more than one option for her to choose.

"I...I want to have the baby." The breath whooshed out of Buffy's lungs after saying it. Until now, she hadn't actually voiced the thought, silently or aloud. But it was true. She wanted to have this baby.

"Are you sure? Rupert and I will support you no matter what you decide. I'm sure Dawn will too. We all love you."

"I'm sure."

She was sure. Now that she'd said it, Buffy felt more confident. Yes, she wanted to have this baby. It wouldn't be easy. Having a child never was, but Buffy knew she would handle it. And with her career going so well, she knew money wouldn't be a problem. Her career itself wouldn't be either. She worked from home. It was the perfect situation. Almost. There was still...

Seeing the sad look in Buffy's eyes made Jenny's heart hurt. She knew what caused it. "Are you scared of telling Angel? Do you think he'll be angry?

"No, it's not that." At least Buffy didn't think he would be angry, but she couldn't really be sure. Her worries, though, were along a different path. "I just don't want him to do something because he feels obligated. We're not...together...like that. He doesn't love me."

Jenny wasn't so sure about that, but it likely wouldn't do any good to say otherwise. She'd seen the way Angel looked at her niece. There were definite feelings on Angel's part. Buffy would have to find that out on her own. All she could do was offer her support.

"Talk to him, Buffy. You might be surprised by what he says."

"Buffy!" came Dawn's shout from the hallway. Soon her sister was trotting into the room. "There's someone here to see you."

Who could possibly be here to see her? Buffy wondered. All her friends were in Los Angeles, and her family all lived in the house. So who was waiting for her? Before Buffy could ask Dawn, a large body appeared in the doorway. She trailed her eyes upwards, already knowing what she'd find, and came face to face with Angel. Her heart began to pound and her throat went dry. Nausea hit her like a ton of bricks, but this time she knew it wasn't because of morning sickness.

"A-angel," she choked out, her eyes darting to her aunt, hoping for help. Jenny just looked at her, silently telling Buffy what she needed to do.

"I was hoping I could talk to you, Buffy," Angel said, taking a step into the room.

The deer-in-headlights look on Buffy's face pained him, but he wasn't going to back down. He'd spent all of last night debating what Faith had advised him to do, and when he'd woken up this morning, he hadn't let himself over-think it any longer. Instead, he had showered, dressed and jumped in his car. By the time he had second thoughts, he was a third of the way to Sunnydale. Now it was too late to change his mind. And he didn't want to. He and Buffy needed to settle whatever was between them.

Startled at the request, Buffy again looked to Jenny for intervention. "I, umm-"

"We'll just leave you alone," Jenny cut off whatever excuse Buffy was about to say. She put a hand on Dawn's back and gave her a gentle push toward the door.

All too soon, in Buffy's opinion, she was left alone in her room with Angel. She couldn't seem to make herself look at him. What did he want? How would she be able to stand here so close to him and not fall apart? It was so hard being near him, but knowing she couldn't have him. Then there was the baby...Buffy shivered, fearing the talk she would have to have with him. She didn't know if she had the courage to tell him the truth yet.

"How are you?" Angel asked the foremost question on his mind.

"Better." Scooting around her bed, Buffy placed some distance between herself and Angel. "Most of the soreness is gone. The doctor said everything is healing okay."

"That's good." Though Faith had already told him Buffy was fine, it helped to hear it come from Buffy herself. It appeared as though she would make a full recovery from her ordeal. Even so, as Angel stared at her, he couldn't help noticing that Buffy seemed a little...off. Her face was pale, and for some reason, she just looked different.

"You drove all the way to Sunnydale to ask me how I was?" Buffy could have bitten her tongue after the question slipped out. Could she be any more rude?

"I...I wanted to talk to you," he stated hesitantly, knowing that the outcome of this discussion could change his life.

"Talk?" Studying Angel, Buffy felt herself break out in a sweat. He looked so serious. "About what?"

"Us," he blurted out.

"Us?" she repeated in a squeak. That was the last thing she'd expected to hear him say.

"You've been avoiding talking about anything to do with...us...for weeks," Angel relayed, not taking his eyes off Buffy. He didn't know what he hoped to see.

"I-I-I don't know what you're talking about." Of course she knew what he was talking about. She just wasn't going to admit it. The last thing she wanted was to have this 'talk'. The one where Angel said they were friends and that was all.

Angel knew she was lying. He could tell by the way her eyes darted around the room. For now, he'd not call her on it. Damned if he knew what to say to her though. This was even more difficult than he'd expected. He'd thought he would know what to say once he was face to face with Buffy, but nothing was coming to him.

The continued silence from Angel fortified Buffy's resolve. He was only trying to think of a way to let her down easy. So she would just say what so far he hadn't been able to.

"It's okay, Angel. I..." She took a deep breath and forced the words out. "I know what happened that morning in...in my kitchen was a mistake. We shouldn't have done...that. It was just the situation. We were both stressed out. I don't want it to get in the way of us being...friends."

Buffy's words felt like a thousand arrows striking him directly in the heart. He'd come to her hoping that they could possibly have a future together. He loved her. Part of him believed that she loved him as well. But apparently he was wrong. Buffy wanted them to be friends. Her proclamation hurt more than he could say and crushed every dream that had sprung to life inside him.

"Do you mean that?" he asked hoarsely, pushing the words past his lips. Really, he wanted to shake her and scream 'No! I don't want to be just friends! I want more!'.

Something in Angel's tone gave Buffy pause. Was he disappointed over what she'd said? No. He couldn't be. It was relief she'd heard. He was only glad that she'd said what he was about to, and that she understood what he was feeling. That was all.

"Yes," she reaffirmed her statement.

The droop in his shoulders couldn't be helped. If felt like there was a crushing weight over his entire body. Buffy didn't love him. That was all he could think about. Every hope he'd had before coming to Sunnydale was futile. There would be no future with Buffy. She wanted to be friends, but he couldn't contemplate that right now. Maybe later when his heart wasn't shattered he would be able to accept being just friends with Buffy, but not right now. All he wanted was to get out of this room and away from Buffy before he fell apart.

"Okay," he made himself say. "I, umm...I guess that's all there is to say, then."

"Yeah." Buffy almost choked on the word. That wasn't all there was to say. She wanted to scream out that she loved him, that she was pregnant with his baby, but her mouth remained closed. There was no way she would tell him she loved him. Not now, not ever. And she wasn't yet up to telling him about the baby. That would have to wait until she was more prepared and mentally stronger.

Angel gave a quick nod. That was it. That's all there was to it. Whatever was between them was over and done with. Time to cut his losses. He turned and strode stiffly to the door. But before he could walk through, he stopped. Something inside him wouldn't let him leave yet. A little voice inside his head was telling him to say one more thing. He tried to force the words back, but they were screaming to be said.

"Buffy?" he voiced softly, not turning around, and all the while telling himself to leave. He was only inviting more hurt if he let the words slip out, but he remained in the doorway.

"Yeah?" Buffy was glad he couldn't see her so he wouldn't see the tears in her eyes. In case he faced her again, though, Buffy turned away and stared out the window.

"I love you."

The three little words slammed into Buffy and her knees buckled. She latched onto the windowsill, heart pounding in her ears. She couldn't have...Angel hadn't just...she had to be...Angel loved her? Tears falling down her cheeks, Buffy spun around, prepared to launch herself at Angel. Except...

...he was gone.


TBC!