Chapter 8
For a moment, she just stood in his living room, a pensive, inward look in her eyes. But, whatever it was,she then seemed to shrug it off like a bad memory. She shook her head and moved forward towards his bedroom. It was a self-confident, casual, easy-going, very ‚Valentine' Beka who stepped through the door.
Dylan eyed his XO suspiciously, as she approached his bedcarrying something like a middle-sized bowl, while precariously balancing a tray with a water bottle and a glass in her other hand.
„What's this for?" he asked her, indicating the bowl.
„Well," she began cautiously, „Trance told me that your medication involves pretty heavy stuff, directed solely against the radiation effects. She doesn't want to add anything more to it than absolutely necessary, so there won't be much of the ‚good things' to neutralize your other symptoms."
„Meaning?"
„Meaning that you will get your pills against the headaches, your sore joints and muscles, the nauseaand so on only before you go to sleep, just to let you rest more peacefully."
„And?"
„And there might be some ‚colateral damage'."
„Like what?"
„Like the nausea returning in full force." She looked a little troubled as she saw him struggling to grasp the full meaning of her words, understanding finally sinking in on his tired face.
„You're not thinking about sticking around my place while I retch, do you?" he asked, a horrified expression in his eyes as he saw her nodd affirmatively. Dylan firmly shook his head in refusal. „No, you don't. And I won't."
„I do. And you will."
„You wish!"
„No, Dylan, I do not wish. Nevertheless, it's what's going to happen. So you better come to terms with it."
„I can make it to the bathroom."
„Probably. This here," she waved her hand towards the bowl, „is just in case..."
The blond captain held his glare, refusing to look away as Dylan first tried to stare her down and then... just... blushed?
Beka Valentine was surprised, so surprised in fact that she felt her feet nearly giving way under her. She quickly sat down on the bed next to an utterly embarrassed Dylan, who had turned his face away from her. That was incredible. Incredibly funny, too. Beka could hardly prevent a small giggle from escaping her lips.
„Having fun?"
„Well, try see this from where I'm standing. Sitting here with Captain Terrific, rebuilder of the CW, designated hero of three galaxies, the space reincarnation of Robin of Sherwood and acting Don Juan of the Known Worlds, who just turned pink..." she peered at his face inquisitively, „scratch that, still is pink at the thought of having someone hold his hand while sick." She nodded with a big grin. „Oh yeah, I'm having fun. It is funny!"
Silence fell.
„Robin of Sherwood?"
„Ask Harper. It's an Earth thing."
„I know Robin of Sherwood." More silence settled in, before Dylan spoke up again.
„Don Juan?"
„Ask Harper. It's an..."
„... Earth thing, I know. Don't need to. I also know of Don Juan." He stared at her, so she just stared back.
„Don Juan?"
„Mhm," Beka nodded with utmost conviction.
„That bad, huh?"
„Worse."
„I didn't realise... I mean... I mostly don't even follow it through."
„You don't?" She sounded genuinely surprised.
„Nope."
„So why do you go through all this trouble?"
He merely shrugged his shoulders.
„You know," Beka pensively stated, „I sometimes forget how much you and Harper actually have in common..." A furtive look at his face almost made her giggle again. By the Divine... what now?
„What are you doing?"
„What does it look like, Beka?"
„Ahem... pouting?"
„I'm not pouting!"
„I didn't say you are," she replied calmy. „I merely observed that this is, what it looks like." Relieved, she noticed the shadow of a smile starting to spread on his lips. Standing up, she picked up a blanket and spreaded it on him.
„Come on, Beka, you really don't have to do this," he protested as she bent down to firmly tuck him in.
„Dylan, has it ever occured to you that I might actually really, really want to do this?" She watched him as he swallowed hard.
„Why should you?"
„It's what people do, when they – care." Sitting down next to him again, she firmly took hold of both his hands, keeping them in a tight grip, as if afraid he might withdraw them otherwise. „Listen to me, Dylan." Beka gazed into his eyes, half expecting to see him pulling back like a scared off horse. „We've known each other for four years now. In all this time you have seen me through some pretty rough days, and there are more of these ahead of us, I'm sure." Beka paused a little, but not enough for Dylan to be able to stop her. Making her grasp on his hands even stronger, she went on in an intensive voice, her head bent close to his.
„It was you, who promised to see me through the flash, you supporting me with Rafe and Sid, you again to stand by me after Bobby – and other... less than fortunate adventures."
„You mean stupid picks," he couldn't refrain himself from throwing in.
„Hey, this is my speech. I get to choose the adjectives. Anyway: you came up with a scheme to save Abel, you fought Tyr and the Abyss over me, not following Rhade's advice to just ‚throw me out the next airlock'. Oh yes," she confirmed, seeing his eyes widen with surprise, „I know of it, you two were arguing your heads off right over my bed, I heard each and every word of it."
„Gee, Beka, I didn't realise. I'm sorry..."
„Don't be. You saved me," the Maru's captain replied very matter-of-factly, her eyes not leaving his for so much as a single second. „Yet in all this time, Dylan, while you proved yourself as my friend in so many ways, you never came clear to show me – show any of us, who you really are."
A weary, intrigued grin appeared on his face.
„Never formally introduced myself, now, have I?" His hand went up to his forehead in mockingly mimicking a military salute. „Captain Dylan Hunt of the Andromeda Ascendant reporting for duty, Ma'am."
„Not funny, soldier! I already know, what you are, Dylan, it's who you are that I want, that I need to find out. You know my past, Harper's background, Rev's dreams, you even had a glimpse or two regarding Trance's ‚mysterious ways'; and you perfectly understood both Tyr's and Rhade's minds right from the start. Now you might think this happened because you're such a clever, sensitive guy, but guess what, Dr Freud? I think it mostly happened, because sometime down the road, we decided to let you in. You, on the other hand, only let us know about you, what you deem fit."
„This is a warship, Beka. Warship captains inform their crew on a ‚need to know'-basis. This is what captains do. And I'm the captain here, period."
„YOU are Dylan Hunt. And WE are more than just your crew. WE are all you have left to live for."
Dylan loudly blew out his breath. „I've got to admit it Beka, if this is supposed to be a pep talk, you're doing one hell of a job here."
Beka ignored his angry remark.
„You were betrayed by your closest friends, lost your home, your time, your dreams. That must have done something to you, but as you never showed me much of the way you were, I cannot tell how you've turned out to be the way you're now. Your family, your friends, your loves, how did they affect you?" She felt the hand she no longer held so tight to anymore slightly tremble in her grasp.
„Well," Dylan remarked in a hoarse voice, „you can always guess, can't you?"
„Not unless I know where you really come from."
„A black hole?" he offered in a poor attempt to joke.
„Your home? Your parents? Your pals?"
„You mean, the ones I failed, left to die, couldn't protect? Is this really the box you want me to open?" The sudden bitterness in Dylan's voice almost let Beka shiver.
„No one blames you, you know," she tried to comfort him.
„I blame myself, Beka. And I can't help it, although I certainly wish I could," Dylan confessed to her with a miserable, barely audible sob.
„Maybe we could. Why don't you let us try?"
„I don't know if I can," was Dylan's honest answer. „I lived through a whole bunch of crap, and I survived it – quite honourably, I think." His eyes, that had been roaming through the room, returned to her face, while he withdrew his other hand and pushed himself up on his elbows. „I'm a soldier, Beka, and while scars on a soldier might come with the territory, they seldom speak of a territory well-covered. So: you want me to show my battlescars to others to prove – what exactly? The number of times I failed to do my job right? I really don't know about that."
„Good Gracious, Dylan, we are all scarred. But in the end, all that matters is that it is us wearing those scars, not the other way around." Her eyes locked onto his, Beka searched for a hint that proved that she had finally managed to strike a nerve with him. His eyes were clouded, blurred, yet he held his own, refusing to let the drops fall. And then he blinked, just once, and a single tear rolled down his cheek to a corner of his mouth. As his tongue came out to catch it, Beka couldn't help but laugh about this boyish gesture.
„It tickled," he shrugged, embarrassed and suddently looking almost ridiculously young. And as she once more got hold of his hand, he simply settled for just returning her open, direct expression. They remained looking into each other's eyes for quite some time, and finally he nodded - a small, almost imperceptible nod, but filled with strength by the calmness that suddently descended into his eyes.For the first time the man in front of her seemed at peace, not haunted, not angry, not distressed, not even evasive. Just at peace.
By now, Beka could see that Dylan was even more spent, so she lightly rose to her feet. Bending down to him, she smiled into his eyes.
„Someone once told me, Dylan Hunt, that there is darkness in every one of us, and that on this ship, we hold the line against the night."
His eyelids half closed and heavy with exhaustion, he recognized her words and smiled back at her. Unable to uphold himself much longer, he sank back on his pillows, resigning himself to merely close his hand around her wrist.
„Don't leave, Beka, please don't leave!"
„You know I won't!"
A faint smile on his lips, his eyes already shut, his voice but a whisper, Beka more guessed than actually heard his last words before he fell asleep.
„I just didn't want to impose myself on you... But I always noticed... Your warmth, your friendship... your loyalty... I couldn't do without..." His breath slowed down to a regular, calm pace as sleep took over.
Brushing a hand one last time through his hair, Beka Valentine smiled again.
„Why, Captain Hunt, who would have thought you cared?"
The end
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