Title: Family Affair
Author: Daeleniel Shadowphyre
Feedback: darkone2813 at mindspring dot com
Fandom: "Harry Potter" series, by J.K. Rowling
Genre: Angst/Drama
Rating: R (Maybe only PG-13, but R is safer.)
Notes: Please reference the prologue for the summary, disclaimer, and any other relevant information.
Distribution: Ask, and ye shall receive.
Chapter Two:
July 31, 1999
Hogwarts, Potions Lab
Professor Severus Snape entered his personal potions laboratory with a vague sense of disconnection. He wasn't sure why, but that interview with Albus had struck him in an odd way. It left him feeling slightly... managed. And he wasn't quite sure why.
With a sigh, he moved towards his personal stores and began removing the ingredients for the Wolfsbane Potion. An entire school year of brewing the potion had ingrained the recipe into his memory, but still he went to his records to look it up. Severus would not allow the impact of his interview to interfere with his potions brewing.
Harry...
Severus paused, his hand on the jar of asphodel, then sighed and stood, asphodel in hand. Remus Lupin had owled him the previous evening with regards to his son, who was turning fifteen that very day. In the owl, the werewolf-wizard had reminded him about the genetic illusions that masked Harry's true parentage. Those illusions would begin to wear off now. Severus had no way of knowing just how many changes would take place in Harry's appearance, but he was reasonably certain that the difference would be significant. And there would be questions. Oh yes, there would undoubtedly be questions.
Dread was slowly working its way from the pit of Severus's belly up his spine to the foremost of his mind. It was not Black's reaction to the news that had truly unnerved Severus, although that reaction promised to be rather spectacular. No, it was really the myriad of possible reactions he could get from Harry himself that troubled Severus. The reactions that dominated in his imagination -- the ones he secretly feared most -- were those of anger, of hatred, and of disgust. Severus had never given Harry a reason to think anything of him other than as an insufferable bastard that delighted in tormenting him. Perhaps Severus had done too thorough a job of putting distance between him and his son.
He scowled. He'd rationalized his ill-treatment of the boy in so many ways, it was hard to tell where truth ended and the lie began. He was protecting Harry from Voldemort; well, that one had just been unraveled by Albus a short time ago. He hadn't gotten over Lily's death-- never mind that Lily had been dead for ten years by the time Harry was accepted to Hogwarts. Harry looked too much like James Potter, an argument that had been struck down just as soon as Severus had remembered Remus's genetic illusions. He refused to allow himself to participate in the cosseting and worshipfulness of the entire world towards the boy-- so he had taken it to an extreme, he knew. He wanted to offer a reality check for his son, that the world didn't bend to his will as it obviously did at home-- Severus clenched his eyes shut against the memory of just what Albus had implied truly went on in that Muggle house; he was afraid that if he thought about it, there would be precious little to stop him from hunting down the Dursleys and he could not promise that one of the Unforgiveables might not be used.
And there, again, was a hint at the true reason behind Severus's almost frantic attempts to push his son away-- he really had no idea how to be a father. Merlin knew his own father had never set a good example! Certainly Austerus Snape had done a phenomenal job of demonstrating what not to do to one's own children… and it had been that very example that Severus was so afraid he might unwittingly follow. So afraid that he had almost succeeded in convincing himself that his own son would be better off living with Muggles.
With a flick of his fingers, he lit a fire beneath the large black cauldron near his worktable. The Wolfsbane Potion would require a carefully maintained heat and twelve hours of scrupulous monitoring. He needed to get started right away if he wanted to still have time to both pack and get a decent amount of sleep before embarking on this mad rescue attempt. Severus smirked-- if he wasn't careful, he just might start acting like a Gryffindor!
Well, it might not be as bad as all that….
That was yet another thing that was difficult to fake-- his "hatred" of Gryffindors. For Merlin's sake! Lily had been a Gryffindor, as had Remus. So had James, though Severus still carried a spark of bitterness towards the man. And now, his son had followed in Lily's footsteps into Gryffindor. Once again, Severus silently cursed the Fates for delivering him into this painful situation and this masquerade he had to play.
It was an awkward situation, certainly. For the most part, Severus had little trouble playing the role of the slimy Potions Professor, especially during classes. But there were times when it was deuced hard not to slip up. There had been that Saturday back in the Fall of 1997, when he had delivered Remus's Wolfsbane Potion and had found Harry in his office…
Severus knocked on the door, the pewter goblet containing the fresh batch of Wolfsbane Potion in his hand. Severus spared a moment to worry about the fact that the goblet was smoking, but shook it off quickly; it was supposed to do that, and he knew it.
"Come in," Remus called through the door. Severus pushed open the door and entered, the goblet held out before him. He stopped short when he realized that the werewolf was not alone.
Harry sat in a chair across the desk from Remus, holding a cup of tea in his hand. He was staring at Severus with such a wary expression that the Potions Master felt his chest tighten painfully before he succeeded in shoving the emotion down. He could not afford to let anything slip. Not now. Oh, why was he here, in Remus's office? For that matter, why was Severus?
"Ah, Severus," Remus was saying, pulling the Potions Master back to the moment. "Thanks very much. Could you leave it here on the desk for me?"
Oh, right. The potion. Severus set the goblet down onto the corner of the desk, looking from Remus to Harry and back again. Harry still looked wary, and almost alarmed. Remus, on the other hand, was smiling warmly. Those large brown eyes were looking at him with such compassion and understanding that he had to force himself not to look away. The look sent a flicker of alarm through Severus, however well-meaning it was. What had Remus been talking to Harry about before he had arrived?
"I was just showing Harry my grindylow," Remus answered his unspoken question. He pointed towards the tank, but Severus didn't look. Memories of a time long ago were assaulting him, here, with Lily's eyes staring out of James's face, and Remus in front of him, so understanding...
"Fascinating," said Severus, pleased that his voice had not come out as a croak, though he knew Remus could tell exactly what was going on inside his mind. He went on hurriedly, shoving the memories away for the time as he said, "You should drink that directly, Lupin."
"Yes, yes, I will," Remus said. Severus knew he understood the sudden use of his surname as an address. He went on, doggedly, trying desperately to not let Harry's presence get to him.
"I made an entire cauldron full, if you need more," he said, then suddenly realized just how much of a clue he was dropping about Remus's condition. And in front of Ha- one of the students, no less! The question was, would he figure it out? No, of course not; Severus had long since learned that humans had a tendency not to see what they had no reason to look for.
"I should probably take some again tomorrow," Remus said, seemingly unconcerned about his guest overhearing this exchange. The werewolf met the man's eyes, and a silent understanding passed between them, so like the one they had shared fourteen years before. "Thanks very much, Severus." The Potions Master knew that while his former schoolmate's words referred to the Wolfsbane Potion now cooling slowly on the desk, his eyes offered sympathy for the torment this encounter must be -- was -- putting Severus through. Remus knew. He felt the same.
"Not at all," said Severus, forcing his voice to remain steady and not betray the pain that constricted his throat and made it so hard for him to breathe. He backed out of the room, eyes never leaving Remus and Harry. As the door swung shut after him, he let out the breath that had caught in his chest and tried to collect himself on his way back to the dungeons.
He was still shaking by the time the first of the Slytherins returned from Hogsmead.
Severus could not suppress a flinch as the two-year-old memory called up other memories, many from that same year. The dementors' presence at Hogwarts had taken their toll on him in those long months, and he was... ashamed, somewhat, of his seemingly erratic behavior during that schoolyear. Guilt, too, gnawed at him for betraying the promise he had made, both to Remus and to Albus not to reveal the nature of Remus's condition to the students. In a way, it was Severus's fault that Remus had resigned, though his former schoolmate had assured him that he was forgiven. Severus still wondered how Remus could always be so quick to forgive when Severus could not.
I can hardly forgive myself
With a growl, the Potions Master resumed his task of brewing the Wolfsbane Potion. Brooding on the past, on whatever memory, was not helping to move things along. "Twelve bloody hours," he muttered to himself, grimacing. Without a doubt, he would have to put some serious effort into refining the potion over the summer. Hm. He would have to discuss the matter with Remus when he arrived.
His resolve set, Severus began to brew the Wolfsbane Potion. If he was lucky, he just might be finished before dawn.
To be continued...
