Title: Killing Thing
Author: Sita Z
Genre: Angst/Drama
Rating: PG 13
AN: Thank you for your reviews!
---------------
Chapter 22
When Malcolm woke up the next morning, the sun was already high in the sky. He glanced down and saw that Trip's tousled head was still resting on his chest, like it had been when they had fallen asleep. Malcolm smiled and began to run his fingers through Trip's hair, combing it so that it stuck up like a porcupine's spines. He had never liked it when Trip used water and a comb to smooth his wayward hair, rather preferred the porcupine look; in his humble opinion it made Trip look incredibly sweet. Like right now, as he was slowly waking up, blinking at Malcolm with still sleepy eyes.
"Mornin', Mal."
Malcolm smiled. "Good morning, love. Did you sleep well?"
Trip yawned and rubbed a hand across his eyes. "Never better. Though I wouldn't say no to a fresh cup of coffee right now."
Malcolm chuckled. "I know, but I'm afraid not-so-fresh water will have to do. It's all we have."
"It'll be fine." Trip propped himself up on his elbows, and Malcolm found himself regretting the sudden loss of warmth on his chest. He grinned inwardly as he pictured himself asking for "just a few more minutes, please".
The smile on Trip's face indicated that his thought hadn't stayed unnoticed.
Sounds great, but I guess we've gotta get goin' again. Still, how 'bout back on Enterprise we could have our own little movie night, jus' the two of us?
A mental image entered Malcolm's mind; the two of them cuddled up under Trip's favorite quilt, eating popcorn out of a bowl in front of them and watching the first of half a dozen handpicked movies, with enough explosions to keep Malcolm happy and a choice of creeping zombies and romantic subplots to satisfy Trip's expectations of a good film.
Malcolm smiled. "I'd like that."
"Knew you would." Suddenly, Trip's eyes came to rest on something behind Malcolm's back, and Malcolm instinctively turned his head to see what it was.
Good morning.
The fox was sitting a few meters away, regarding them with his head cocked slightly to one side. Usually, Malcolm would have wondered how he had managed to come that close without them noticing; there were no bushes or trees at a radius of maybe fifty meters, nothing he could have used as a cover. In the meantime, however, Malcolm had learned that the Mayiari didn't need any hiding places to approach undetected. Very likely, the small being had simply appeared where it was sitting now.
"Mornin'," Trip said, and only someone who knew him as well as Malcolm did would have heard the slight tension in his voice. Malcolm had to admit that after yesterday's events, he wasn't so sure himself if he was really happy to see their old acquaintance again. Of course, the fox claimed not to be responsible - and he probably wasn't - but even so... it wasn't as if either of them had forgotten about the Mayiari's "test". Malcolm supposed that they would be thinking about it for a long time.
The fox gave no indication whether or not he was aware of the slight resentment... if that was what they were feeling. The previous day had been a rather strong reminder of how powerful this small creature really was, and even though Malcolm didn't like it, he found himself a little wary in its presence. Not afraid... but all the same, his instincts told him that this wasn't a harmless little fairy tale creature like you might see in a story book. This being had power, and although it had never shown any hostility, Malcolm didn't really want to find out what would happen if it did.
What do you want? Malcolm heard Trip's mind-voice. He sensed that the engineer hadn't really meant to ask this question - at least not so bluntly - but somehow, it had slipped out. Malcolm smiled a little. Obviously, Trip's habit of letting his mouth run away with him wasn't restricted to verbal communication.
I wanted to see how you were doing. Like before, the fox was still being his quiet, amiable self, seemingly unaware of the feelings they weren't quite able to hide. It's good to see that you are all right.
"Yes, we are," Malcolm replied, deliberately choosing to speak aloud. And if we weren't... would you care? his mind added before he could stop it.
The fox tilted his head in a characteristic gesture. Yes, I would, he answered calmly. I would have regretted it very much if the poison had been stronger than the two of you... if you hadn't passed the khansara. Still, it's not as if you couldn't have tried again.
"Tried again?" Trip repeated. "You mean..."
I mean that as long as you're still willing to try, we would give you another chance to do so. Sometimes - quite a lot of times, actually - it takes more than one... experience to complete the khansara. Not everyone shares a bond as strong as yours... which does not mean that those unions are less worthy. They simply need a little more "working on", as you would call it.
The fox smiled his strange non-smile, and Malcolm sensed that the last part had been directed at Trip. The engineer did not answer the smile, but Malcolm felt the growing anger in his partner's thought ebb away to be replaced by astonishment... a feeling they shared.
You mean... we passed the khansara?
Yes, the fox said simply. You did.
"But..." In his confusion, Malcolm switched back to verbal speech. "We..."
He remembered himself watching helplessly as the other Malcolm abused Trip... how he had sat on the shore of the lake afterwards, his fingers toying with a fist-sized rock, his mind toying with the idea of wading into the water until it came up to his chest, and bringing the rock down hard on his head, buying enough time for the water to fill his lungs and pull him down.
Trip actually flinched. Mal...
I wouldn't have done it, Malcolm answered, but he wasn't really sure if he was telling the truth. Of course, the idea seemed ridiculous now, and Malcolm wasn't even sure if you could kill yourself that way... but at the time, the thought of the blackness and cold silence at the bottom of the lake had seemed like a good thing. A good place for someone like him, who could not seem to avoid hurting the people he loved.
Stop it! Trip almost screamed, and Malcolm felt him struggle not to look too closely at the image Malcolm's mind had created. Don't you even think about... it was me hurtin' you, Malcolm! It was my fault!
And Malcolm saw in his mind how it had been - the shock, the incredulous anger, and finally, the deep sadness that had followed their "experience" at the lake.
I knew it wasn't you, Trip said, so quietly that Malcolm barely heard him even in his thoughts. Somewhere in my mind, I knew... but at first, all I could do was... run away. As always.
"Trip," Malcolm said. He reached out and cupped the other man's face in his hand. "You may have run away, but you came back. I think that's the important thing about it."
"And you were gonna come for me," Trip added softly. "When I came back... you were gonna come lookin' for me, despite of what I'd done to you."
Malcolm nodded and lowered his eyes. He still hadn't quite forgiven himself for spending an hour sitting around and brooding when Trip could have been in danger. Bloody fucking idiot...
Trip shook his head, his mind-voice gently interrupting Malcolm's self-incrimination.
No, you're not, Malcolm. And even if you are... I'm just as much of an idiot for runnin' away and leavin' you there. A careful smile appeared in his mind. Disaster Twins, remember?
Duo of Doom, Malcolm replied, a smile of his own ghosting across his lips. I guess you're right. So we failed... but at least we're both somewhat to blame for it.
You didn't fail. The fox had listened in silence to their exchange, as if he had been expecting it. You passed. The khansara is completed.
"How could we have passed?" Trip asked, a trace of anger creeping into his voice. "It wasn't exactly as if we..."
... did what we expected you to do? the fox calmly finished. Saw immediately that it was your mind - he looked at Trip - creating an image, that it wasn't you - his eyes came to rest on Malcolm - doing and saying these things? He regarded them for a while, and Malcolm saw quiet amusement in the small being's mind... the sort of amusement he had sometimes sensed in Phlox when the doctor was confronted with another display of strange human morality. There was no way for you to do so. You could not have known. But- and he smiled - you didn't let the poison consume you. You realized that there was something stronger in your minds, in the bond you share. You didn't give up.
Both of them were silent for a while. Malcolm knew he should be excited, maybe even happy - they both should be - but somehow, all he could bring himself to feel was a weary sort of relief, the same thing that he sensed in Trip's mind. Part of himself kept insisting that this was not right, that there was no way he could have passed... and yet, the small creature that looked so much like a Terran fox was telling him that he had. For a moment, Malcolm wondered if the Mayiari had known what would happen, had known it before they had even set foot on this planet... maybe even before Malcolm Reed had known that a person called Trip Tucker existed. Probably. If you could change the nature of matter, time and space shouldn't be too much of a barrier.
"So..." Trip's voice drew his attention back to the present. "If we passed, then... does this mean you're willin' to help me?"
Malcolm sensed the faint tremor in the other man's voice, although Trip was trying hard to appear calm. He turned towards the fox, inwardly poising himself for the Mayiari's answer.
The fox smiled. Yes. Yes, we are willing to help you. Another trickle of amusement passed through his mind as he turned to Malcolm. I wouldn't want to have a fight on my hands.
Trip smiled as well, and only then did Malcolm notice that he had involuntarily tensed, as if he were expecting an attack. He loosened his posture and tried to smile as well. The Mayiari's words hit a little closer to home than he liked - he had no idea what he would have done, had the fox refused to help Trip after all they'd been through.
The small being didn't seem to mind in the slightest, even smiled as it looked at Malcolm. You're a good protector, he said. You always have been. But don't worry. We're going to help him. In fact, we already have.
"But..." Trip frowned. "I don't feel any different. How..."
Return to your ship, the fox said. You will see that everything is all right.
Malcolm opened his mouth, hundreds of questions swirling through his mind, but he never got to ask any of them. Swishing his tail, the fox got up and smiled again.
Everything is going to be all right, he repeated. I wish you the best of luck.
He turned their back on them, and, before either of them could say a word, he was gone. It was a strange thing to witness, since he hadn't "faded away" like the Cheshire cat, or vanished in a cloud of green smoke... he was simply gone, as if he had never been there in the first place. Malcolm hadn't even seen it happen.
"Mal..."
Malcolm turned his head to see Trip looking at the spot where the small being had been sitting. There was a strange expression on the engineer's face.
"Do you think he... they... do you think they really did it?"
Malcolm regarded him for a second or two, then he turned around and reached for their backpack. In the side pocket, right where he had left it, was his communicator. He took it out and flipped it open, his eyes never leaving Trip as he did so.
"Reed to sickbay."
"Sickbay," Phlox' voice answered. "Is there a problem, Lieutenant?"
Malcolm paused. "I'm not sure," he said then. "Could you..."
"Of course."
A lengthy pause followed, a lot longer than it would have taken the doctor to walk over to the monitor and check Trip's bio data. Finally, the doctor returned.
"Lieutenant, are you sure the Commander's remote sensor is adjusted properly?"
Trip glanced down at the bracelet on his wrist. "It's workin' just fine," he said. "What's wrong, doc?"
Another pause followed. "Nothing, Commander," Phlox said then. "That is why I asked you to check the remote. There... is absolutely nothing wrong with you."
Slowly, Trip raised his eyes. "You mean..."
"The irregularities in your brain wave patterns are... gone," Phlox replied. "It's as if they simply vanished."
Which is exactly what has happened, Malcolm thought, a smile spreading on his face. Vanished. Gone. We did it.
The channel to the ship was still open when he dropped the communicator in the grass. Malcolm had occasionally been known to pounce on people - most of the times, the people in question were unlucky aliens who had made the mistake of invading Malcolm's "territory". This time, however, unlike the alien invaders, his target very much appreciated being pounced on, holding his arms open while he was laughing and whooping with sheer joy. The force of the impact made them both fall backwards onto the grass, where they hugged and laughed and kissed at the same time.
I love you, Malcolm heard Trip's mind-voice repeat over and over again. I love you, Mal, love you so much.
Malcolm tightened his arms around his partner and leaned down for another kiss. "I love you, too," he whispered against Trip's mouth. "And you're going to be fine. Can you believe it, you're going to be alright."
"Yeah," Trip said, smiling with his eyes and with his mind. "I'm gonna be okay."
--------------------------
It was early afternoon when they returned to the campsite, but for some reason, to Malcolm it felt as if they had been walking for half an hour at the most. As they hiked back, he could see for himself that the Mayiari had kept their promise. Not only were there no tremors or feelings of sudden weakness, but there was a bounce in Trip's step that he had missed for a long time. The engineer seemed to enjoy himself as they climbed the shallow hills of grass, refused to let Malcolm carry the backpack even for a few minutes, and even suggested that they do it "all in one go", break camp and try to reach the shuttle before nightfall.
Malcolm, who had busied himself unpacking the rations he had intended for their supper, glanced at the sky. There was not a cloud to be seen, and he was sure that the sun was going to stay up for another few hours.
It's going to be there as long as you need it, a voice at the back of his mind suggested, silencing the tactical officer who was strongly advising against crossing alien territory when it was about to get dark. A look at Trip's glowing face decided Malcolm. He stuffed the ration packs back to where they had come from, and got up again.
"Well, I guess we'd better get started then."
Half an hour later, only the ashes of Trip's improvised barbecue were any indication that two people had spent a night in the place. Their backpacks looked a lot more impressive again, loaded with tent poles, the rolled up tarpaulin and their sleeping bags, but this time, Malcolm didn't worry about smuggling most of it into his bundle. Trip was not only bursting with energy, he also seemed eager to test his newly regained strength, and Malcolm had no intention of slowing him down. Under normal circumstances, Trip's sudden, perfect convalescence might have made him suspicious, the ever-present pessimist in him arguing that the human body wasn't designed to heal in such a way, that this was nothing but a well-executed charlatanry that made Trip believe - if only for a short time - that he was feeling better when he was actually getting worse. But these weren't normal circumstances, not by far. Malcolm knew that Trip's recovery was for real, could feel it as clearly as if Phlox had shown him the data on a bio monitor. The poison had lost its strength, and although it was still there, it was no longer impeding his partner. Trip was going to be... okay.
As they began to climb the first of the hills that led into the open grassland, Malcolm found himself smiling for no reason in particular. He reached out for Trip's hand, and, unlike before, there was no faint trembling, no film of sweat that suggested that the other man was exhausting himself beyond his limitations. The hand he held was warm and dry, and Malcolm gently squeezed it, his thumb stroking across its back.
Are you sorry to leave, love?
Trip turned his head and smiled. Maybe a little. It's been nice, y'know, just the two of us.
It was all he said, but at the same time, Malcolm saw in his mind how it had been for Trip, how nervous he had been to come here, unsure about the telepathy T'Pol had mentioned, anxious about his hopes of getting better being crushed yet again. Underlying the anxiousness and tension, however, there was something else, and it made Malcolm's cheeks grow warm when he realized what it was.
Trip, you don't have to...
Trip stopped, reached out and gently cupped Malcolm's face in his hand, waiting until Malcolm met his eyes.
No, I don't have to, but I want to. And I need to, you know.
He leaned forward, and very softly, placed a kiss on Malcolm's lips.
Thank you, Mal.
TBC...
Please let me know what you think!
