Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations they find themselves in. Everything else belongs to someone else and its staying that way, unfortunately. Thanks for reading and please let me know what you think!
Save A Horse, Ride a Kingsman
Given that Daisy had never had any contact with horses before Harry had anticipated that despite her initial enthusiasm she'd be a little hesitant to get close to one when actually faced with the real thing. Especially now that he'd been witness to her anxiety when it came to being around squirrels, which were quite a bit smaller than the horses waiting patiently in their stalls. What he hadn't counted on was the fact that he couldn't depend on Eggsy to help him talk Daisy into at least trying to pet one. Because Eggsy, it seemed, had never been around horses either. And once faced with them up close and personal Eggsy became quite wary of their size and especially their teeth when one happened to show them his. Or hers. Regardless...Eggsy wasn't any more eager to get close than Daisy as the two hung back and stared at the horses like they expected to be eaten at any moment.
"You do know they're herbivores, Eggsy."
"So are elephants and...and...other ones that can flatten ya."
The look on Eggsy's face suggested that elephants were the only example the other man could come up with on the fly. And while Harry could actually list off several herbivories that could easily kill an adult human if given the chance Harry thought it best not to bring them up. For obvious reasons.
"It's very safe, especially since they're in their stalls currently. I'll show you."
Walking over to the nearest one Harry gently stroked his hand over the obliging horse's head and neck for a minute or so before looking in Eggsy's direction. And sent him a look that told him to man up and get his pretty arse over here. Now.
It worked too.
Selflessly handing his sister over so that he alone would be at risk, Eggsy took a deep breath and then walked over to stand at Harry's side, everything about him screaming young man aggression and bravado. Except for the fact that he was still refusing to pet the horse.
Shaking his head, though it was rather charming in a way, Harry reached out and wrapping his fingers around Eggsy's wrist brought it up and over. Which Eggsy allowed him to do while giving him looks that suggested that if he lost fingers, Harry was going to be blamed and made to pay for it. Fair enough.
Manipulating Eggsy's hand so that his fingers brushed up against the chestnut colored horse's jaw, well away from the teeth, Harry watched as the worry was quickly replaced with interest and a real smile. Eggsy's natural curiosity and love of textures soon took over as quickly as Harry had known it would, meaning he could let go and step back without Eggsy freaking out. No, Eggsy just kept stroking the horse's head while looking quite pleased with himself.
"It's real soft."
After a quick look to confirm Harry agreed that yes, she was.
"And she can't get out less we open the door, right?"
Harry nodded.
"Okay. Okay." Nodding as he came to a decision Eggsy dropped his hand away and walked over to retrieve his still very suspicious sister from Miss. Morton. Harry didn't catch what Eggsy murmured to her but after a minute or so Eggsy came back with Daisy in his arms, her eyes going progressively bigger the closer they got as she clutched Mr. Fox to her chest like a lifesaver.
"It's all right, Flower. She ain't gonna hurt ya. She's a good horse. Me and Harry, we told her she's gotta be nice ta ya."
"And we'll be right here." Lancelot assured Daisy as she kept close to Eggsy's side, having brought up the rear so to speak. "And I can hold her head if you want."
"She might bite ya!"
"No. This horse? This is a very nice, not biting horse. I can tell."
"No bite?" Daisy asked Eggsy.
"No bite."
"You no bite!" Daisy ordered the horse, pointing at it for emphasis.
The horse didn't seem overly concerned with the toddler's threats, but that was fine since the horse didn't try to bite or even show much interest in Daisy once Eggsy got her to pet it. It just took longer before Eggsy didn't have to move her hand for her and Daisy finally started to relax a little.
She categorically refused to try and feed it anything.
They had just about talked Eggsy into giving it a try though when Miss. Morton reached into a hidden pocket in her dress and pulled out her vibrating cellphone. Grimacing at whatever it said.
"According to my mother all picnic basket participants need to report to your aunt ASAP, Sir. I have to go."
"We have to go." Looking pleased to have a legitimate excuse not to attempt feeding the horse, Eggsy was all but beaming smile wise. "Daisy's gotta go then too, right? Plus I wanna make sure they didn't mess with our baskets."
Hiding his amusement Harry agreed that they should accompany Lancelot out, yes.
"Yeah, so, bye, Horse. Was nice meetin ya and all." Eggsy gave it one last pat.
"Bye, bye, Horsie." Daisy echoed, opting to just give it a wave with her free hand.
Playing along Harry said good bye to it as well and then joined the others in heading out of the stable. "Now that wasn't so bad, was it? We'll have you both riding before you know it."
That statement earned Harry a serious headshake from Daisy. In fact it was a wonder the girl didn't give herself a neck injury in the process. Meanwhile Eggsy opened his mouth to protest the idea, but then seemed to think better of it. Though the gleam that came into the younger man's eyes warned Harry that wasn't a good thing.
"Nah, not anythin that's got more legs than me, anyway."
Oh that little bugger.
Mind filling with images of Eggsy riding his cock, because that was exactly what the cheeky sod had meant, Harry very nearly walked into a post.
Eggsy pulled him out of the way just in time.
"Careful there, Harry. Ya ain't any good ta me with a concussion, ya know."
"Terribly sorry. I was just making plans for your first lesson. Since you're a total novice."
The outrage on Eggsy's face was punctuated by Lancelot's snickering as she held open the door for them. And really it wasn't appropriate to speak this way in front of a lady or one of his employees, so he should apologize for his insinuation.
But never let it be said that Eggsy didn't have excellent recovery time. The boy's next words practically dripped with innocent sweetness.
"Ya know, ya're right, Harry. I'll have ta watch ya ride a few times, learn from a master, yeah?"
Braced for it this time, the look Eggsy had shot him beforehand had held plenty of warning, Harry was able to think about the change in position, which he was completely on board with both visually and in practice, while maintaining most of his dignity. And retain his ability to fire back without stuttering like a simpleton.
"That sounds like an excellent idea. And I really think you'll enjoy it, once you give it a try, Eggsy. And get used to the aches and pains that come with, of course." Harry gave Eggsy his most pleasant of smiles. "I'll be happy to rub you down given how sore you'll be afterwards, until your body adjusts."
Oh the way Eggsy's jaw dropped. So very, very satisfying.
Though dammit. He'd forgotten about Miss. Morton again. Eggsy really was a horrible influence.
"I'll look forward ta that." Was what Eggsy finally said when he found his voice again as they started walking down the path. "Though it shouldn't be that bad given how flexible I am. Ya wouldn't believe the positions I can get it inta, no problem. And ya know how strong a gymnast's thighs are."
All right...well played. Very well played.
If not for the smug look Eggsy was directing in his direction Harry would have quite happily focused on the other man's thighs for quite a while. But since that was the case Harry moved in so that they were as face to face as they could be given their height difference, staring each other down.
"That...flexibility will most undoubtably prove useful. Though I think you'll find that there aren't a lot of similarities between a pommel horse and something that's constantly in motion."
"I think I'll manage ta stay on."
"It's generally the getting off after the ride that beginners have problems with."
Eggsy's grin was pure wickedness now. "I'm sure ya'd help me with that though, right. Gettin off properly?"
"It'd be my pleasure."
Grinning down at Eggsy, who was grinning right back at him, Harry had just wrapped his arms around Eggsy's waist and was lowering his head when it suddenly occurred to him...
"Weren't you holding Daisy?" And oh shit, Lancelot.
Blinking, Eggsy's brows furrowed in confusion.
Together they turned their heads in the direction of the party, easily spotting Daisy and Miss. Morton on the path in front of them. They were rather far away considering that Daisy was walking and not being carried.
"When did she take Dais from me?"
"I have no idea."
Eggsy turned his head to give him a horrified look. "Ya don't think she understood..."
"No. And if she did, I can afford the best physiatrists money can buy."
Looking less than reassured, Eggsy suggested they hurry up and catch up with their 'dates'.
Harry agreed that that was probably for the best.
Unfortunately.
)
By the time they caught up with the girls Eggsy had recovered enough to start singing the chorus to a sing about 'riding my pony' under his breath that Harry surmised wasn't about riding an actual pony at all. Wisely he didn't ask. Instead he apologized for their earlier rudeness and insisted on carrying Daisy the rest of the way to make up for lost time. Thankfully both Daisy and Miss. Morton graciously accepted his and Eggsy's apologies, and once they'd rejoined the rest of the guests found them too occupied to mob them again. The focus had turned to getting ready for the auction in some capacity, so they were able to deliver both ladies to the stage that had been erected for the 'show' his aunt would soon be emceeing without difficulty. Once there Lancelot retrieved their paddles from her purse, handed them over, and then took back Daisy since she'd be in charge of looking after her until the last basket had been auctioned off.
Thankfully it seemed that while he and Eggsy had been having their 'riding' discussion Miss. Morton had been reassuring Daisy's about the auction and the two of them not being with Daisy until afterwards. Daisy wasn't thrilled at the idea, obviously, but she had bonded enough with Lancelot that she was willing to let them leave her. Though she flat out refused to let them hold on to Mr. Fox for her.
Mr. Fox stayed with her.
Not about to argue they both gave her a hug for luck and then headed out to find a good spot so that she'd be able to see them clearly when she was on stage.
"So how's this all work, then?" Eggsy asked as they walked away.
"Basically we men stand around and then lift our paddles when the lady of our choosing comes up on stage with her basket. Whoever is willing to pay the most wins, while the ladies stand there and fervently hope that their baskets are picked and that they can stand whoever buys it. And heaven help the man who isn't willing to pay the price for his lady's basket."
"Yeah, that would be a pisser."
Harry chuckled, nodding in agreement.
"So like someone's ex, or the arse no girl would ever willingly date could basically make the most popular bird here have lunch with them if they was willin ta fork up the dough?"
"Sadly, yes. Though most would hopefully have a father or some family member willing to save them."
"Like me and Rox."
"Exactly."
Eggsy was quiet for a minute.
"Should I have asked her about a limit? For how far up she wants me to go. I mean it is her money."
"I'm sure she'll give you some sort of signal if she wants you to drop out of the running."
"True. How much does a basket usually go for, anyways?"
"The starting bid used to be a hundred pounds, but that was at least a decade ago."
"Shut up!"
Harry had to laugh at Eggsy's expression. "You do recall that Merlin paid you that amount earlier for some of that fried chicken."
"Yeah, but I was gonna use a lot of it for ingredients. For food for him. He knows that, right?"
Because Eggsy looked so worried Harry assured him that that was the case. Though in reality Harry didn't think Merlin cared either way so long as Eggsy continued to feed him. The glutton.
Thinking to lessen the shock a little Harry reminded Eggsy that all the proceeds did go to charity as they made their way through the crowd until they found a decent spot amongst the other paddle holders. Most were in their twenties and thirties, with Harry definitely one of the oldest as far as he could tell. It was a young man's sport, so to speak. Though he wasn't the oldest, at least. There were a couple of fathers and even grandfathers in the crowd, prepared to rescue family members if need be. Or at least he hoped they weren't bidding for other reason. And of course Lord Cecil McAdam was there to bid on whatever basket he'd decided would provide him with the best meal. Harry knew the man bribed his aunt every year for an inside look at what was being offered so that he knew which basket would best appease his rather infamous appetite. The man put Merlin to shame.
Or maybe it was more accurate to say that Merlin lacked McAdam's gut at least. Though the way the Scotsman kept nagging Eggsy for food...
And damn. McAdams had caught him looking in his direction and was now waddling over. Possibly to comment on whatever Eggsy had made. And if that prissy Prince of Epicure said one negative thing about Eggsy's menu choices Harry was prepared to buy every basket the man attempted to purchase just so that the other man would be stuck buying one of the mundane baskets made up for those who hadn't brought their own or had failed to purchase their intended auction basket.
The man had almost reached them too when Harry's aunt saved the day as her voice came over the microphone, welcoming them all to the event and thanking them for coming. Manners meant that they all had to stop what they were doing and give her their attention, Harry listening to her spiel with appreciation for the fact that she managed to make her speech sound fresh despite the fact that she'd been doing this for decades now. She had a real flair for it.
For wheedling money out of people as well, Harry observed with a smile, as the auction kicked off with the bid starting at one hundred and fifty pounds. One did have to account for inflation, after all. And why not when people were willing to pay it as basket after basket was sold for significantly more than they were worth. Not that that was readily apparent given that the descriptions of the baskets' contents were full of 'infused with', 'prepared by Chef...' and 'imported from'. The name dropping was to be expected, even as Harry shook his head over the fact that it mattered.
Eggsy meanwhile did some muttering under his breath over the bidding and money spent, though after the fourth basket or so he fell quiet, simply watching the show with an unreadable expression. Or at least unreadable to most.
Leaning down Harry whispered into his ear. "Ridiculous, isn't it? How much effort goes into making small servings and overpriced offerings sound appetizing."
That got a snort of amusement in response.
"Mine ain't near so fancy." Eggsy whispered back to him.
"Which means it will not only be delicious, but worth every penny."
"You're biased."
"Only because I know what you're capable of in the kitchen. If it doesn't get the bids it deserves than it will be their loss and our gain."
That got him an eyeroll, but at least Eggsy was smiling again and continued to do so until the end when it was announced by Harry's aunt that that they were down to the last two baskets. Which was Miss. Morton's cue to appear onstage, her basket in one hand and Daisy's hand in her other. A gentleman Harry didn't recognize carried Daisy's basket for her, and Harry nodded in the man's direction in thanks for the assistance provided. He also tried to meet Daisy's gaze to reassure her but Daisy was barely visible now, hiding behind Lancelot's leg while Harry's aunt introduced Miss. Morton to the crowd and then started rhyming off what was in her basket.
They would dine well, Harry noted, since the plan was they would combine their baskets and share with each other. He was particularly looking forward to her shrimp pasta salad and the very nice wine she'd picked to go with it. And he did like strawberry cheesecake.
"Well here we go."
Confused for a moment Harry looked in Eggsy's direction, the paddle Eggsy's was holding clueing him in.
Time for Eggsy to save Miss. Morton from the dastardly attentions of her Mother Approved Suitor.
