A friend of mine asked me how did Team Rocket travel to the Star Wars universe in the first place? I playfully poked her on the forehead, smiled, and told her to never-ever over-analyze my fics, for I retcon the hell out of this story and break a lot of freakin' rules!


#33: Death by Sonic The Hedgehog

Somehow avoiding certain death by the hands of Darth Vader and his thousands of soldiers, our heroes return to James's family mansion to recuperate and plan their next move. After stripping out of their stormtrooper uniforms, they gathered back around the table and began going through the ads once again.

"Okay okay, so that job was a huge cat-tastrophy, we'll find something better!" Meowth said to both his partners, who gave him an evil look every so often in between searches.

"We need to find something that's safer, and still within our experience range," Jessie spoke.

"True, but who exactly is going to hire a rag-tag group like us with our history?" James commented, looking up from his paper.

More time had passed, and Meowth finds another intriguing advertisement within his stack of papers.

"Hey guys, I think I found another job we could apply for!" he says to them both.

Both Jessie and James look at one another, and then back at Meowth.

"Alright, we'll give you one more chance. Where do we apply?" James asks.


Dr. Ivo (Eggman) Robotnik's Headquarters

Our three unemployed heroes arrive at a heavily mechanized fortress. A pair of robots, whose nametags read 'Scratch and Grounder', escorts them inside to their boss's office. Before them was a rather portly man with sunglasses and a large mustache.

"Ah, so you must be my new henchmen for hire?" Dr. Robotnik says upon meeting them.

"That's us. So, we read you're looking for a few good persons to take care of a hedgehog problem you have?" Jessie inquires.

"Yes, his name is Sonic, and I hate that hedgehog more than anything! Your jobs will be to exterminate it! You'll be rewarded handsomely if you succeed," Dr. Robotnik tells them.

Just then, several alarms began blaring all over the complex.

"What's going on?" James asks their new boss.

"My sensors detect that Sonic is here on my property somewhere, snooping as usually I see. Go get into my battle mechas and take him out, pronto!" Dr. Robotnik instructs them.

"Yes sir!" Team Rocket answers before heading toward the armory to prepare for battle.


Outside The Headquarters

Jessie, James, and Meowth, each in their own egg-shaped flying capsule, fly outside of the complex, where they immediately see their target running around and bashing other machines trying to stop him. Sonic screeches to a halt and takes notice in these three newbies closing in on him.

"Woah, what do we got here? Looks like Ro-butt-nik is churning out even more goons as of late. So, which one of you wants to play first?" Sonic asks, taunting them in the process.

"Hey James, this doesn't look like any ordinary Hedgehog, it can even talk like Meowth!" Jessie says to her partner.

"You're right, let me consult the Pokedex," James says, pulling it out of his pocket and aiming it at their target.


Pokedex-

"Sonic The Hedgehog, a Speed type specimen. Extremely agile and possessing an adventurous persona, this bipedal talking hedgehog is capable of reaching speeds of Mach 1. It also loves chilidogs and hates girls named Amy."


"What?" This thing is lying! No way can that thing move that quick! He's mine!" Meowth says as he presses a button on his mecha, which released a giant ball and chain from underneath. "Take this!" Meowth says, proceeding to swing his machine around to force the ball and chain to hit Sonic.

This plan fails as Sonic merely sidesteps the attack, allowing the ball to swing up and smash Meowth's cockpit, ultimately causing his entire machine to explode.

"Man, wake me up when you guys actually start trying," Sonic says, waggling his finger at the remaining two.

"You little runt! Eat this" Jessie says frustratingly as she uses her machine to begin firing several laser beams at Sonic.

Sonic counters by dodging all of her shots, running rings around her.

When Jessie's laser's ran out of juice, she stops and comes to the realization that she had shot and blown up James's machine in midst of the chaotic chain fire.

"You're too slooowwww!" Sonic calls out to her, running in place, as if asking her to try and shoot an immobile target.

"You little…you little!" Jessie growls angrily, trying to press other buttons in an attempt to fire something else at it.

While she did, Sonic proceeded to Light-Dash himself into her mecha, ramming into it with enough force to damage it. He continued to do this six more times.

"What the heck are you doing? Quit hitting my machine!" Jessie yells. "What are you trying to do, wreck it?"

Sonic smiles and leaps into the air, bashing into it for the eighth time.

"Yep!" Sonic replies.

KABLAAAM!

The eighth impact caused Jessie's mecha to explode. Sonic salutes his three defeated enemies and takes off running away from Robotnik's complex. His job was complete. As for Team Rocket, well...


I had fun with this chapter! Sonic ftw! Please review and stay tuned to the next!