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Mum's The Word
It was on the tip of Harry's tongue to implore the Fates to explain to him exactly why he couldn't have been blessed with a mother who wanted to know absolutely nothing about her gay son's relationships with other men, but knew there was no point. He'd been asking the universe to explain his mother and her behavior to him for decades at this point and never once had he gotten a reply. Punishment for sins in a previous life, perhaps. But at least he had a mother who loved and accepted him, which was more than plenty of other children could claim. His was just...unique.
"What precisely do you think there is to tell, Mother?" An avoidance technique that never worked with her, but would at least buy him a few precious seconds to consider how to respond.
"Harry. Do you really think your aunt is the only one who's gotten in contact with me concerning your very public and adorable romance with my honorary grandson? My word-that sounds so very scandalous when I say it outloud. Like we're a member of a royal family." A sound of amusement. "Of course you and Eggsy aren't blood related so it's not nearly the same thing. Not to mention you're both men which makes it-nevermind. The point is everyone wants to know what I think about my son being engaged in a steamy affair with a dashing younger man. And how am I to have an opinion if I don't have all the facts?"
"That's never stopped you before." Harry couldn't help but point out.
"Oh, hush. But not really because I need the details."
"No. You don't. What Eggsy and I-our relationship is neither yours nor anyone else's business. And I'd be most appreciative if you were to respect that."
Glancing in Eggsy's direction it belatedly occurred to Harry that maybe Eggsy would take that statement the wrong way. Shit. Talk fast, Harry, or you're most definitely sleeping alone tonight.
"You can confirm that Eggsy and I are dating. it's new. We're very happy. I am very happy."
Giving Eggsy a look that hopefully conveyed his utter sincerity Harry reached out with his free hand to pat Eggsy's thigh before returning it to his own to rest. Daisy was in the car with them after all.
The squeal of excitement his mother made over the phone about deafened him.
Pulling the phone slightly away from his ear to save it, his hearing was quite good, thank you very much, Harry let her go off on a tangent about how she'd known this would happen and how thrilled she was for him and how she couldn't wait to meet Eggsy herself.
Sighing, Harry could only imagine what was in store for them. Unless his mother fell in love with someone between now and her arrival in London. It could happen. It certainly had in the past. Though it was odd to wish that it might happen, and made Harry a tad queasy to think about. But at least she was happy for them. Would support them without question.
While also no doubt having plenty to say and imply about the fact that his lover was over half his age. Sigh.
Waiting until she had to pause a moment to catch her breath Harry quickly spoke up, stating that he was pleased that she was pleased and that they would definitely have to get together when she returned to England. Until then he hoped she enjoyed her visit with friends and not to hurry back on his account. They'd still be here when she arrived.
The sound she made indicated what she thought of that even before she used his full name.
"Sorry?"
"Are you trying to give your mother the runaround, young man?"
"Mother. I haven't been young by anyone's definitely in quite a while. Depressingly so."
"You have always been an old soul." His mother agreed, her tone suggesting she pitied that about him. "But regardless, I am your mother and as such I deserve more than such an obvious brushoff. And avoidance. Do you not want me to meet Eggsy?"
In all honesty Harry would have preferred to put that meeting off as long as possible but he couldn't say that. It would hurt her feelings terribly and it wasn't her fault that he...found her more loveable in small doses. Often very small doses when it came to her love of interfering in his personal life.
"I have no doubt that Eggsy will find you very charming. As you'll find him. I'm just...concerned that your eagerness to see me settled will lead you to put unnecessary pressure on a very new thing."
There, that was diplomatic, wasn't it?
"Really, Harry. You make it sound like I've been planning your wedding since you were a boy."
"Haven't you?"
"Well..." The way she trailed off said it all. "But that's only because you know my mother basically railroaded me into doing everything her way when I married your father. And you are my only child and lord only knows what you'd come up with if left to your own devices. There'd probably be butterflies and taxidermy everywhere."
"Given how many times you've been married I think it's safe to assume you had control over at least some of your weddings, Mother. And the theme of my wedding would not be insects and Mr. Pickles."
"Harry. It's rude to bring up those other-and a lot of them were done rather quickly so I didn't have time to plan as much as I would with you. I mean knowing you you'd insist on a properly long engagement. Though that might not be in your interest, Dear, as you aren't a spring chicken anymore. You'll be trying to keep up with a very young man after all and if you want to be at your best for your-"
"Mother!"
"What?"
Very much aware of where she'd been going with that statement Harry hoped his cheeks weren't as red as they felt. No son should know as much about his mother's love life as he did, unfortunately, and no mother should know as much about her son's sex life as his mother seemed to want to know. Or at least tease him about.
"I'm not discussing that with you. Ever. What I know about your love life is bad enough. And I am almost at the shop so unless you have something not related to me or my se-personal life, I have to say goodbye for now."
Over the phone his mother muttered that she didn't know how she'd given birth to such a prude.
Numerous responses to that came to mind but Harry wisely bit his tongue.
A loud, very drawn out and dramatic sigh nearly caused his phone to vibrate. Typical.
"Well fine. If you want to be-well, your father, God rest his prudish, straight-laced soul-that's your business. But don't think this is the end of this discussion, Harry. And I will be back in London shortly and expect you to introduce me to Eggsy immediately. Understand?"
"Yes, Mother."
"Good. Now give the boy a kiss for me. Daisy as well."
"At the first opportunity."
"Good. Kiss the boy as often as possible. It will keep you in his good books longer. Ta."
And with that his mother hung up on him.
Sigh.
"Everything all right?"
Putting his phone away Harry worked up a smile for Eggsy as he leaned back in his seat. "I love my mother. I do. But she can be quite exhausting. Particularly when she focuses her attention on my personal life."
"Givin ya trouble bout me?"
"Not in the way you're thinking. She couldn't be more thrilled that you and I are together. My mother-well she's someone who believes one can never be happy if they're alone. Hence my stepfathers and her numerous male suitors over the years. The fact that I've never been seriously involved with someone, much less married-well it's worried her for quite some time."
"My mum was like that too. When it came to men."
For a moment they shared a look of total understanding before Eggsy had to turn his attention back to the road. They were almost at the shop.
And not about to risk there being any misunderstands, a lack of communication always spelled the doom of relationships in every romantic comedy and story Harry had ever read, Harry didn't drop the topic, however tempting it was.
"So just a heads up-so you can't say I didn't warn you-she'll be descending on us in the very new future from the sounds of it. You'll want to prepare yourself as it will be rather like being a guest on a talk show at first. She'll ask you all sorts of personal questions, many of which will make both of us horribly uncomfortable, and the fact that I am her son will not, as one would hope, likely stop her from asking intimate questions as well. She claims it's her way of making it clear that she's perfectly comfortable with my sexuality and maybe it is, but it's still mortifying beyond words. And feel free to decline to answer any question she might pose. Decline as often and as firmly as you like, actually. I certainly will. Oh, and if she has a little too much to drink and starts the story about her own 'experimentation' as a girl find something that immediately requires your attention elsewhere. No one sane wants to hear that story. Ever."
Eggsy had started laughing halfway through Harry's little spiel, his whole body shaking with merriment as they pulled in behind the shop.
"I can't wait to meet her." He finally gasped out, his face split wide with a grin.
"You say that now."
"Ya can say I told ya so later." Eggsy assured him as he pulled into Harry's designated spot.
"Oh believe me...I will."
)
Once they were parked and seatbelts removed Harry and Eggsy got out of the car, Harry retrieving his briefcase and laptop bag while Eggsy freed his sister from her chair and set her on her feet. That done Eggsy turned his attention to collection the two cloth bags they'd brought with them for the visit while Harry kept an eye on their girl as she hopped around in excitement. One of the bags contained their lunches as well as Merlin's, the other full of Daisy's books, toys, and other things to keep the little girl occupied when she was out of their sight. They'd deliberately left the crayons behind though. Just in case Daisy decided the walls of Kingsman Headquarters needed brightening up.
Daisy, of course, carried Mr. Fox in with her as they headed around the building to enter the shop from the front, the little girl skipping with glee over this change to their routine. She was thrilled that she was going to spend the day at the shop with her favorite people.
Amused by her Harry and Eggsy shook their heads, thanking her very gravely when she insisted on holding each of the main doors open for them cause their hands were full. Which they rather were.
"Good girl." Eggsy praised her, giving her a wink as he allowed Harry to wave him through first.
"Thank you, Daisy." Harry added as he followed Eggsy into the shop.
Beaming with pleasure Daisy's chest was all puffed up with pride as she strutted in after them.
"Hi, Mr. Andrew!"
Making his way from across the room Andrew was all smiles as he approached them. The shop was empty at the moment, Harry noted after a quick scan, which was always a nice twist of fate when it came to a Kingsman needing to visit the special 'additions' that lurked behind the walls of each of the tailor shop's dressing rooms.
"Good morning, Miss. Daisy. How lovely to see you. And you, Eggsy, as well. Sir."
Harry and Eggsy's return greetings overlapped a little, though it didn't really matter since Daisy droned them out as she excited informed Andrew that she was going to spend the whole day at Kingsman! And play with Mr. Merwin, too!
"So I was told. I hope you shall have a lovely time." Andrew looked down at Daisy with a fond expression before straightening and turning to look in Harry's direction, inclining his head slightly. "The room is empty, Sir."
"Thank you, Andrew. All right, you two. Follow me."
Eggsy brows furrowed a bit. "Okay...bye, Andrew."
"Bye bye!"
Hurrying over to help them out Andrew got the door open, holding it open for them as Harry led the way into the 'dressing room'. Thanking Andrew again as he passed by him Harry waited until Eggsy and Daisy were inside, Andrew closing the door behind them, before he set his briefcase and such on the floor in front of him to free his hands.
"Daisy. Would you come here, please."
Having wandered over to the triple mirror situated against one wall so that she could admire her reflection, Daisy broke out into a delighted smile when Harry picked her up to situate her on his hip.
"Now, Daisy, I have to do something that might be a tad scary. I'm going to ask you to close your eyes and press your face against my chest so you can't see anything. Eggsy will be right here as well, so there's no reason for you to worry."
"Scary?" Daisy repeated, not liking the sound of that at all.
"Like a rollercoaster or someone jumping out and saying 'BOO' sort of scary." The latter was something she probably had more comprehension of. "It will only be for a minute or two, I promise."
"Oh."
Daisy looked at Eggsy for reassurance, and when he nodded Daisy scrunched her eyes tight and wrapped her arms around Harry's neck as he switched her hold on her so that she could hide her face against his chest.
Meanwhile looking around at the room, which was admittedly terribly old-fashioned and perhaps boring looking, Eggsy's raised eyebrows said it all.
For a moment Harry considered explaining, then decided that could wait a moment as he turned and pressed his hand to the mirror to initiate the transport system. Some things you just needed to experience to believe.
Thankfully he was able to turn around quick enough to fully enjoy Eggsy's reaction as the floor beneath their feet started to lower them down.
At first Eggsy just stared straight ahead at the nearest brick wall, mind seeming to take a moment to comprehend what was happening. Then his jaw dropped and eyes widened as he tilted his head back to get a sense of depth as they continued down, deeper into the earth.
"How deep does this fucking thing go?"
"Deep enough."
Eggsy's face suggested that that was not reassuring.
But they didn't have that much farther to go before they reached bottom and the small platform where one waited, if necessary, for their transportation to arrive.
"All right, Daisy. You can look now." Harry informed her, setting her on her feet as her eyes popped open immediately. Keeping them closed as long as she had had probably been quite the chore from her point of view.
Smiling as she spun around a few times and then asked Eggsy where they were, Eggsy's rueful statement that he had no idea was charming in Harry's opinion as he collected his things and then told them to go ahead and take a seat. Whichever they liked.
"Is it-it's like the tube of the future." Walking over with Daisy sticking close to his side Eggsy studied the admittedly science fiction like transportation device that would get them to Kingsman headquarters. The real one.
"In a sense, yes. In you both go."
"Love the seats, Harry." Glancing over his shoulder Eggsy grinned at him and then taking a deep breath look down to Daisy, who was studying the whole machine with wary interest. "Well let's go then, Flower. No point in sticking around here, yeah?"
"I want ta hold ya hand."
"Right." Leaning in Eggsy deposited his bags on one of the chairs and then picking Daisy up stepped into the cylinder and then took a seat with Daisy still in his lap. Cuddling her, Harry noted, much in the same way Daisy was holding onto Mr. Fox for comfort.
And since she was likely staying there Harry stepped in and then put his own items into the seat beside the one Eggsy had set his bags in. Once that was done he took the seat beside his family, issuing the order for the door to close as he did so.
"This is both seriously sick...and fucking weird as hell."
"Language. And yes. To a degree."
Huffing out a laugh, Eggsy continued to be amused by Harry's attempts to curb the boy's cursing around Daisy, Eggsy shook his head and looked out the 'window' of the tube. Not that there was anything to see but darkness.
"So where the fu-heck are we? And where we going, then?"
"Currently we are traveling under London. Our ultimate destination is Kingsman's official Headquarters."
He and Eggsy had had a discussion the night before about how well a three-year-old could keep a secret. One that it was vitally important that toddler keep. Eggsy was of the opinion that Daisy was actually quite good at keeping secrets for her age, but that being said...better not to risk it. Especially if it was the sort of secret you would want to tell everyone about, it was so juicy.
So for that reason Harry had to be careful what he said around Daisy, especially since she wouldn't be able to read, much less understand the nondisclosure agreement Eggsy would soon have to sign once they arrived at Headquarters.
"In the Magical World people know that we are far more than just a tailor shop. Which is what the human world believes us to be. And when it comes to the former the Magical community knows only what we've allowed them to 'discover'. The tip of the iceberg, so to speak."
"We went deep enough, that's for sure."
