Disclaimer: I do not own Faith or any of the other Buffy and Angel characters mentioned in my story. Joss does.

Author notes: So I changed it to weekly visits, which would be more likely to have happened. Thanks to all that reviewed.


The Slightest Things

"Sometimes the slightest things change the direction of our lives, the merest breathe of a circumstance, a random movement that connects, like a meteorite striking the earth. Lives have swiveled and changed direction on the strength of a chance remark" The Power of One


I'm sitting here with my feet planted on the floor, one elbow resting on my knee biting my nails. My mother always smacked me every time I did that when I was little.

She never seems to mind when I'm quiet, I guess she likes sitting there with her notebook, wearing a jean skirt and pale peach shirt. I never though I'd miss the simple task of being able to change clothes. I grew up barely having anything and I still find so many things I took things for granted.

Every once in awhile I look up and catch her staring at me. I can kind of see why people become shrinks. Trying to figure out what's going on in other people's heads. I kind of wonder what she thinks about me. Does she look at me like any other murder? Or does she think of me differently, because of what she's heard?

"There's too much time to think in here" I say "but I guess that's kind of the point of all"

"Maybe" she says

"Isn't that why I'm here talking to you?"

"Do you think that's why you are here talking to me"

I felt my muscles tense up, always my first reaction when I'm annoyed. It always felt better to just hit and be done with it. My hands are in fists, I close my eyes and try and control my breathing.

I saw her grasp her notebook a little bit tighter when she saw my fists, she shifted in her chair, but still never took her eyes off me. I guess she has to be tough working in a place like this. Thinking like that calmed me down a little so I could talk. "Why can't you just answer my questions, without asking another one" I say as I look her in the eyes.

She was still holding on the notebook tighter then usual. "If I don't ask questions, then no will answer them" she replies.

"That's vague" I answer

"You brought up the question, this time Faith" she says pushing a piece of hair behind her ear. "Why do you think you are here talking to me?" she asks finally letting go of the notebook.

I didn't even notice that she was squeezing the hand that held her pen in fist until I saw her lay it down palm up with the pen lying between. I look at the ground then I roll my eyes back up to look at her. "I'm here because I've done bad things and you have to try and find out why" I reply pointing at her. "And make me figure out why, so you can change me into a better person."

She doesn't say anything just looks at me. "Aren't you supposed to say "umm interesting" or something?" I ask

"Umm interesting" she replies

I let out a little laugh. She looks at me uncrosses her legs and puts her pen down. "Part of that is right…but I can't change you Faith"

I sit up and look into her eyes and then look away.

"That is your decision…You have to want too" she says

I rub my hand over face and close my eyes. "Choices…I didn't ask for this" I say quietly

"What?"

"I shouldn't be here" I say looking out the window

"You don't think you belong here?"

"I belong here…I'm just not supposed to be"

"Where are you supposed to be?" she asks

"I'm not who I should be" I reply who I'm supposed to be I say to myself.

"Who should you be?"

A hero I think to myself. I can see her looking at me, almost begging me to answer, her eyes trying to bore into me. Lady you don't want to see into my soul...I'm not sure I want too.

Maybe she'll think I'm crazy now. Cause the mental hospital idea is looking good again, padded walls so I can't hurt anyone any more.

I stand up and walk towards the door thinking again. Violence was always my answer for everything. Preying on the weak, cause I know I'm stronger, which makes it more depressing. Cause what they say is true, I have turned into to my mother after all.

TBC…..