Chapter 5- Rekindled Feelings
'What am I doing? I'm supposed to be trying to forget her, not having tea in her living room!'
These were the thoughts that ran through Harry's mind as he took a seat on Ginny's couch. The whole house screamed femininity, from the flowers that graced the table, to the scent that lingered in the air. The place was a nice balance of order and chaos, it was purely Ginny. It was clear that she lived alone, and he found his hear swelling because of it. That meant she was not in a serious relationship, if she was in any relationship at all.
Even as a part of him tried to think of an excuse to leave, another part of him was overjoyed at being near her again, even if she was angry, and that was the part of him that was winning.
She looked at him, her face contorted into a half-frown, half-smile as she set two cups of tea on the coffee table. It was like she was having trouble deciding whether she should be happy or not.
"I'll be right back. I need to go and change into something dry."
She cast him another half-smile before walking into the next room. Harry sighed, wondering what the chances were that he could escape before she returned. Still, he was completely still as his eyes followed her backside through the door, only moving to glance around the room again when the door closed with a snap.
Ginny sighed softly as she rummaged in her closet. She wanted to look nice, to show him just what he had given up, but she didn't want it to appear obvious that that was what she was doing. She finally decided on and outfit, and after changing into it she started to work on her hair.
Harry was just starting to wonder what could possibly be taking her so long when the door opened and she stepped out. His mouth went dry and his heart began to pound as he took in her appearance greedily.
His first impression when he had seen her in Diagon Alley was a suspicion that she was even more beautiful than she had been five years previous. Now it was clear that he had been mistaken. It was not a suspicion, something he had dreamed up because he was finally near her again, it was a fact.
'Bloody hell…'
Her soft red hair was still cascading softly down her back, but now it made a pleasant contrast with the emerald green shirt she was wearing. He ran his eyes over her again, taking in every detail of her appearance, noticing the way her knee length black skirt accented her legs. He dragged his protesting eyes away from her body and to her face as she sat down next to him. He was trying to figure out how she could take such a casual outfit and make it seem so elegant, when she spoke.
"So… did it work?"
She sipped her tea, the half-smile fading and a bitter, twisted one replacing it.
"Did what work?"
Her twisted smile grew wider; her hurt and anger reflecting clearly in those brown eyes he was drawn to.
"Did you forget them? Did you forget your past? Did you manage to do it?"
His heart plummeted at her words, at the bitter resentment in her voice and at the hurt in her eyes. Where was the happy girl that he used to know? Where had the vibrant and giggly redhead gone? She seemed to see his question as he thought it and she sipped her tea again, speaking softly.
"That girl you used to know? The girl you're looking for? She's gone Harry, you killed her years ago, and you still haven't answered my question."
He looked at the floor, not wanting to answer her, knowing he would only make it worse if he did. The only problem; she could see the answer on his face.
"I told you it wouldn't work. I told you that you couldn't forget your past."
Her voice was still low and he sighed.
"I know you did. I realize that, but there were other reasons I left."
She looked at him, her eyes were intense.
"Tell me. Why did you leave, why didn't you come back?"
He watched her for a minute.
"I- I can't tell you, I won't tell you."
She stared at him, the anger in her eyes growing.
"Do you love me?"
It was such a simple question, and it had a devastating impact on him. He did, he did love her… but he couldn't tell her. So, he said nothing.
They stared at each other, a familiar heat building up inside of them, they both tried to fight it, but within seconds they were kissing.
'What am I doing? He doesn't love me… he doesn't give a damn… he doesn't care…'
Her mind was telling her to stop, but her body didn't seem to listen.
'What are you doing? This is Harry… he doesn't love you… he broke your heart…'
She kissed him deeper, pulling him to her.
'I need to stop, she doesn't want this…. I don't want this, not anymore… she's part of my past…'
But Harry wasn't having any luck with stopping either. Finally, Ginny managed to break away, trying to focus as he kissed her neck.
"Harry… what- what are we doing?"
It was all she could manage to get out before he brought his face back up to hers, crashing their lips together in a fiery kiss.
"I don't know… but it feels right…"
She was lying flat on the couch now, and he shifted so as not to crush her as they kissed. Her mind went haywire with warning.
'Stop, stop now! This is bad, this is very bad!'
She didn't listen, too overcome with lust to worry about where they were heading, where this kiss was leading them.
"T-Tell me you want me…"
Her voice was choked and she let out a sharp cry as he nipped at her neck, at that sensitive spot just below her ear.
"I want you…"
Harry's reply came breathlessly as he captured her lips again.
"Tell me… tell me you love me…"
She needed to hear it, she hadn't heard it in so long, and at the moment she was certain that he still did, she waited for the words, expecting them…
"Oh god Ginny, I…"
But the words never came. He wanted to tell her, he wanted to say it, a part of him really did, but he was silenced by the part that was too afraid of what would happen, the part that had worked too hard to stay away from his past.
'So… he wants me… but he doesn't love me…'
Her eyes rapidly filled with tears at the realization that he hadn't said it. With a strength she didn't know she had, she pushed him off of her and sat up.
"Get out."
Those two words just about killed him, and the feeling of guilt, shame and pain washed over him stronger than ever when he realized that she was crying.
"Ginny, I…"
He didn't know what to say to her.
"Get out. You don't love me. You want me, but you don't love me. You are nothing more than a liar. You lied to me five years ago when you said you would always love me; you lied to me before that, when you promised me that we would be together again after it was all over. Now get out of my house!"
She was shaking with suppressed fury as she stood up, reaching for her wand. Harry had a fleeting image of a marvelous bat-bogey hex and he too stood up.
"Ginny please, let me explain…"
She had drawn her wand.
"Get out."
He didn't move. He stood there, watching her.
"Please Gin…"
Before he knew what was happening he was flying towards the door, it flew open to allow him to leave, and then it slammed shut and he collided painfully with the wet ground. He knew he'd messed up big this time, she was furious enough to force him out of her home. He turned on the spot, apparating back to Grimmauld Place, his haven for the past five years.
He opened the door and walked inside, now he was furious too… furious with himself for being so stupid. He wanted to go back and talk to her, but he knew she wouldn't listen. She was too stubborn.
He collapsed onto a chair, his head in his hands, his mind reliving the kiss. It had been amazing, despite her anger. Somehow, he felt that her anger had made it all the more intense… he sighed, already wondering when he'd see her again, and knowing that the smoldering feelings he'd had for the past five years had rekindled, burning warmer and brighter than ever before.
