A. Note!-Ok there has been some minor confusion about the character introduction. Freya has a French accent. She was frozen just like Faye and apparently they lived on the same block. Ed is basically acting the same as she was when she was 13 but now she's aware of it and does it to annoy Jet or...anyone for that matter...but overall she's still playful. By the way, anywhere you see new character introduction, it's just a flashback. most of the chapters will be a flashback. The tense parts are the present between Spike and Faye...I think that's all...any other questions and I'll answer them as best as I can...
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Two weeks had passed since Freya was on board. It seemed that had they had an increase in bounty since she arrived. Freya would sometimes spa with Spike in the martial arts, sometimes she would teach Faye a few tricks. Faye was getting better at it by the few practices and was learning to be the huntress instead of the bait.
Although she hadn't given Freya a definite answer to her offer Faye was still contemplating it. She'd been updating her spaceship and wardrobe with the money collected. There were no more hungry nights and Spike actually took her out to dinner…well her, Freya, and Ed that is. Even if his sorry ass ditched them for the bar, at least he paid. Ah Spike… She thought sinking lower into the Jacuzzi. Freya was on the other end of the bath staring up at the open stars and Ed was blowing out air into the steam making it swirl around.
"What are you thinking about Ya-ya?" Faye asked curiously.
"'uh? Oh, just clearing my mind. Thinking about what fun it's been, to be 'ere with you guys. I kind of make me feel at 'ome. Jet the pops, Spike and you the older siblings and Ed the younger." She chuckled. "It's been a while since I've been able to pamper myself like this. And I can tell it's been the same for you. Hey, I wonder what the guys are talking about."
"Bounty!" Ed exclaimed "Jet-person is worried we might be on the struggle again pretty soon."
"That's Jet for you." Faye sighed, "He might be right though. We'll never know when we'll hit a dead streak. And knowing Spike, he might do something irrational to get back some money."
"Speaking of Spike, what's the deal between you two?" Freya paused, allowing Faye's puzzled expression to sink in. She smiled, "One minute you're saving each other's 'inds the next you're ready to rip each other's 'ead off."
Faye looked at her baffled for a second, and then grinned, "I don't know. Knowing you, you're probably thinking that we're not kosher for each other but that makes us all the more perfect."
"Whoa! I wouldn't say perfect now!" Freya exclaimed.
Edward then laughed and bantered, "Faye-Faye slipped up! Someone's feelin' for a piece of the dirty cowboy!"
"Edward, what you know about dirty cowboys! Are you taking my words, again!" Freya chuckled, and then doubling over in laughter as she watched Faye's face turn beet red.
"I know enough to say that Faye-Faye here has had a really nasty craving!" Edward snorted as she stepped out. "I'm going to eat, see you later!"
"I see we've corrupted 'er!" Freya laughed. "But seriously, you 'ave been kind of obvious. Is it that time of month again?"
Faye splashed Freya with some water, "You make me sound like a damn horny piggy! I'm not just for the record!"
"Okay! Okay, you don't 'ave to justify yourself to anyone…but Spike." Freya coughed as she inhaled a big splash of water. "You'll pay for that!"
The two splashed water back and forth until perfectly contented with the water. They sat still until Faye broke the silence:
"Freya, what is the relationship between you and Spike? He seems to take to you and be cautious at the same time."
Freya sighed, "It's a long story Faye. To make it short, I used to live with Spike, and Vicious, and Julia…It sucks much though, because I couldn't get Spike from Julia emotionally no matter what I tried. I really felt deeply for him and it all changed that one night…But that's irrelevant to you. I think it's a shame he had to experience such heartbreak." Freya paused and started again bitterly, "She's a bitch for hurting him like that… I honestly say she's just as low as I am now, even lower for what she did to him."
"Freya?" Faye started again.
"It's good though, Spike deserves a woman that would love him enough not to break his spirit." She smiled, "Faye, frankly I think that woman should be you…"
"See this where something is wrong…Normally a woman would say herself. But you said some other broad with my name…Which Faye? I don't know about this other Faye…"
"You, Faye Valentine… No one else but you…Spike deserves you, just like you do him…" Freya answered seriously, a trait seldom common in her.
"But Freya, you said-"Faye was cut off.
"I know what I said. And I've already had my time to shine in his light, but it wasn't me he wanted! You got a chance wench and I suggest you take it!" Freya snapped at her, "Besides," she said settling back down, "I already had my fuck buddy to get me by…"
"Um, maybe you're taking this Spike and me thing too seriously… It's just a phase, it'll pass."
"Yeah, 'ow long you've been telling yourself that, Faye? Huh? Was that before or after you found yourself staring at him in random moments all misty eyed?"
"Oh my gee God! Has it been that obvious?" Faye exclaimed, finally breaking, "Was it the same for your fuck buddy?"
"What! 'oney, nobody gets misty eyed over a fuck buddy! Especially a man like Vicious!"
"Oh, ok good! Because I – did you say VICIOUS! Tell me not the same syndicate Vicious!" Faye exclaimed while stepping out of the bath.
"That's the only damn Vicious I know! And you know something funny, he was actually sent to kill me. I left before he woke up the next morning." Freya answered after drying her skin. "I suppose I just used it as a distraction from his job, surprisingly, and my mind from other things. I was never really attached to him while I was with them, but then again it was him who taught me retreat my emotions from anyone. I still kind of see them both as older brothers, but Vicious more as a fuck buddy." Freya grinned pulling her turquoise peasant blouse over her head.
"It's a little hard to tell and God help me if I'm right but I think you feel some sort of emotion toward Vicious. Obviously there is some kind of relationship between you two." Faye said putting her white boots on after pulling on a mini jeans skirt.
"It's so impossible to have a relationship with that man! That's one thing I do know for a fact." Freya replied now trying to tame her curly black hair, after she was dressed.
♠
When this began
I had nothing to say
And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me
She stood in the shower listening to the shower radio blast one of the old songs she strangely remembered from earth. Faye couldn't get the picture of Spike out of her head just moments before. He looked so sincere. She thought as she lathered the sponge to scrub her skin. Faye was being cold toward him, yes, but to say he didn't deserve it would be a lie…or wouldn't it?
I was confused
And I let it all out to find
That I'm not the only person with these things in mind
Spike sat outside the door, a cigarette in mouth, staring up at the ceiling. What was he to do? He knew that Julia would be waiting for him at the space port on Mars in the next hour, but he just couldn't leave Faye like this. He was afraid she would do something irrational. But even so, Julia was his longtime love… even if she had sexual relations with his so called best friend. Julia…Vicious…And now Faye… All of them resurrected problems for him to deal with. Ones he always wanted to hide from.
Inside of me
Although they can see the words revealed
It's the only real thing that I've got left to feel
Faye stared down at the swirling water as it went down the drain. Things just weren't going right anymore for her. She didn't know how to feel. Should she be angry, on the verge of committing murder? Should she feel pain so deep that suicide be her only option? Should there be some sort of satisfaction? That at least he did it now instead of her finding out later on down the road. She looked down again. This time at the series of scars on her arms stretching vertically from the bend of her elbow to the beginning of her wrist. 'Old habits die hard.' Faye whispered in a raspy voice, that didn't sound like her.
Nothing to lose
Just stuck
Hollow and alone
And the fault is my own and the fault is my own
Spike had finished his first smoke and began another. This was his major thinking time. Take a chance at a woman who he had always tried so hard to reach…or stay with the woman who had needed him for so long. Go to the woman who claimed she repented after her mistakes… Or stay with the woman who cried over him when he wanted storm the syndicate in rage. Why so many choices? Argh! Spike knew the answers to the questions. He knew the decisions he had to make. The problem was… would he make the right ones.
I want to heal I want to feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long
Faye stepped out of the shower staring at the misted mirror. She wiped away the sweat and stared at her image. Faye smiled as she remembered the time Spike accidentally walked in on her in the bath one night. He was so dazed by his sleepy head that he couldn't decipher what he was seeing. It was a shame that he fell out right there on the spot and she had to drag him back to his room in her towel. He probably doesn't even remember that. She sighed and continued to dry her skin.
Can't erase all the pain till it's gone.
I want to heal I want to feel
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something I wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
Spike heard the shower stop but got up and went for the kitchen. He should have left already… To meet Julia, that is. As he stepped into the kitchen Spike surveyed the place before taking a seat next to Jet. Spike noticed that Jet didn't acknowledge him.
"Don't tell me I've upset you too!" Spike announced. Jet just sat there and shrugged his shoulders. "What have I done now?"
"You know what you're doing to her is wrong. She deserves you. The other one doesn't." Jet said sharply, continuing on with his tinkering of an old watch. Spike noticed that it was the same watch that Jet's lost love left him. Time never stands still…but for a broken heart…it feels like the universe has stopped forever. Spike nodded showing some recognition to what Jet said.
And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face
I was confused
Looking everywhere only to find
That it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
Faye began to oil her skin pondering whether leaving like this was right. Who was hurting more, her or him? Suddenly there was a jolt and she grabbed her heart. Definitely her, there was no doubt about it. But…but...why? She asked 'because you have to be the bigger person. What may hurt is sometimes the right thing… Even if you leave and he never sees you off, at least you know that your conscious is clear' came a distinct voice. Faye nodded in agreement. She looked over at the picture at her bed side. Spike stood in the middle with his gun pointing to the camera, smirking infamously, Faye had her arm draped over his neck grinning wildly with two fingers up to the camera, and Ed had a big slice of watermelon cut to represent her smile as her head popped up from the bottom of the picture.
Faye grimaced at the picture. She picked up the photo and flung it across the other side of the room. The picture shattered as it slid under the door. And she made no move to get it.
So undermined
But do I have the negativity
Cause I can't justify the way everyone is looking at me
Nothing to lose
Nothing to gain
Spike heard something fall and break in the hall. He looked at Jet, but Jet just said:
"I figured she'd do it at some point. It was intact longer than I imagined."
"What?" Spike asked but nothing else came from Jet. Spike slowly got up and strolled out into the hall. His white t shirt hung loosely from his frame as he bent to pick up the broken frame. At seeing the picture, Spike gasped mildly and then smiled. He ran his finger over the silhouette of Faye in the picture and then Ed. Did he lose them both over this problem? No no. Ed was with Freya learning the true skills of hacking. Their new job--hacking into the planet's government data banks. The information chip…sold to the highest bidder.
Faye…Faye, however, was his problem. In a sense Spike wanted to go to her, but then she'll just turn into the ice empress. He didn't like what he was feeling. It was like being put on the spot with an audience awaiting his next decision. Grrr… My life's not a fucking movie, Broadway musical. He thought upsettingly. He felt as empty as the picture now that it seemed to have no meaning. Humph. Broadway musical! I wouldn't even know what that is if it wasn't for Freya…He frowned… I hurt her too…and that was also because of Julia… Spike briefly recollected.
Hollow and alone
And the fault is my own and the fault is my own
I want to heal I want to feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long
Can't erase all the pain till it's gone.
I want to heal I want to feel
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something I wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
Faye strode into the kitchen head held high. She had completely passed Spike by when she found him looking down at the picture, lost in thought. Faye didn't want to give him any inclination of conversation. She didn't feel like she hated him, but had no interest to be in his presence.
She's definitely become the Ice Empress. Spike thought as he watched her go. Something suddenly caught his eye on Faye's arm and it definitely wasn't a tattoo. After waiting a few minutes he followed her into the kitchen.
I will never know
Myself until I do this on my own
"Faye?" Spike called. She ignored him continuing to pour her juice, and Jet made no move to correct her. "Faye?" he called again.
"What?" came the cold voice that made Spike flinch slightly at the tone.
"What's that on your arm?" he asked as if it were idle curiosity. Now even Jet was paying attention. Faye kept her back to him.
"It's nothing. I just got cut." In a voice that tried to make it final but Spike perused.
"It looks like you cut yourself."
"That's what I just said."
And I will never feel anything else
Until my wounds are healed
"No you didn't. You said you got cut." He stated grabbing both arms making sure she was facing him. Spike properly scrutinized the wounds. "Faye, are you c-cutting yourself." He stated slowly.
"God Damn it! I said I got cut! Why can't you just leave it as that! Always fucking prying!" She snapped at him, Jet automatically knew it was true. Spike broke:
"I just asked a question. Why are you doing it Faye? I thought you were better than this. Woman, this isn't the time to catch a fit!"
Faye went to slap him but he caught her wrist. "Sorry wrong reply. Care to try again?"
"Fuck you!" He kissed her, forcing his tongue into her mouth. Jet rocked back in his chair watching a drama unfold. Faye's body let itself fall into the kiss for that second. The next thing Spike knew he was being sired by Faye's 'Legendary Left Hand.'
I will never be anything till I breakaway from me
I will break away and find myself today
Faye was absolutely fuming at Spike's nerve. How dare he toy with her like that? Did he think this was a game! Was she supposed to fall helplessly into his arms! What the hell was Spike going to do next beg her to stay and then take off to the space port for Julia!
I want to heal I want to feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long
Can't erase all the pain till it's gone.
"Faye?" Spike started slowly. For some reason it was an impulse for him to kiss her and make it all better, but that slap signed the deal. Out of all the slaps he received, that one stung the most. It was time. "If I was to go now, and never enter your life again… will you promise me that you'd stop cutting yourself? I don't want you to hurt because of me."
She stared him down. "What the hell do you know about hurt, huh? Tell me! I never said I wanted you out of my life. I never said I cut myself because I feel bad. You're full of shit Spike! You already made your choice when you allowed yourself to forgive her! So-"she was breaking, "So your words to me are nothing. Leave Spike. Better yet I am!" Faye stomped out of the kitchen flinging the towel to the floor.
I want to heal I want to feel
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something I wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
It was time for both of them to make calls.
♠
