A/N:

It's 6:05am right now. You better forgive the crappiness. I've been awake 10 damn minutes.

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I've been awake ten minutes…

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…And I'm already jerking off to Kyo's porn.

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"Your making a racket in there! Shutup!"

"Stop listening, Tohru!"

"I'M KYO!"

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I've always wondered what would happen if I took up smoking.

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Lets ask Shigure.

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"What would happen if I took up smoking?"

"You'd be wasting away at the environment with the toxic gases, you would kill more people than sharks, with those fumes and you would stink like a hobo"

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I'm doing it.

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The other day, we all went to Macca's for lunch.

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I went on the playground with Kyo.

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We discussed how everything in the playground seemed to be imitating boners.

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"Look! Even the slide has balls"

"And the stairs and pubic hair"

"That's that stupid non-grip stuff"

"Hey look, a kitty litter tray"

"WHERE!"

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Eww.

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SEXUAL ASSULT!

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"Where?"

"Why, right here of course!"

"Sir, you cannot ring the police and say we are sexually assaulting you"

"…"

"HEY! What do you think your doing! That thing doesn't go THERE! Ahhh! Ooh… a little to the left. Ahh, that's it… mmm…"

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Gay sex is a wonderful thing.

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HEY LOOK! Cotton candy on a stick.

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It's been a few years since I lathered up my penis with this and got a random person to deep throat it all off.

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Who should we pick today?

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"Hey, yum! Can I have some?"

"Since when have we been to friendly to each other at random?"

"Since that girl starting writing this fic"

"…Damn her"

"Can I have a uhh… lick?"

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Of course you can, Kyo. Just take it slowly. Have you done this before?

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"Where you just talking?"

"Uh-huh"

"I have done this before, ya know"

"WHO TO?"

"Secret…"

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While he's doing that, I'm gonna try and work out who it was. Crossing out all the girls and cross dressers, that leaves us with Haru, Hiro, Shigure, Hatori and Kureno.

It wouldn't have been Shigure, Hatori or Haru, I don't think. He doesn't really like them. Nor would it have been Kureno. So unless it was my brother or Ritsu, I conclude Kyo deep throated Hiro Sohma.

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"Was it Hiro?"

"Wwwwwrrrg?" (Trans: "What?")

"Take my dick out of your mouth and answer"

"…Sorry. Umm, Hiro? Nah way! He's got damn puberty issues"

"Who then"

"Don't laugh"

"I wont"

"…Well, he was teaching me about things like puberty one day, when was about… 12? Yeah, so, he said "Oh darling, I need to get an erection before I can show you!" and I said "How?" and then, "Stick this in your mouth!". It's was disgusting, I tell ya"

"That doesn't explain who"

"Who did I live with when I was 12?"

"…Kazuma?"

"You got it"

"O.O"

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Damn, Kyo's filthy…

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…makes me wanna rape him.

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"Do you have a hip?"

"No, do you have a dick, little girl? Pull down your pants and I'll check"

"Sutre thing Mr. Man!"

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Mr. Man, eh? This sounds like a job for a super hero.

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"FEAR NOT, CITIZENS! FOR I AM… MR. MAN!"

"Oh Mr. Man! You make us girls so horny!"

"Thankyou. Come again"

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I bashed a dog up for peeing on a post. I whacked him good.

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Where's the mail!

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"Mail?"

"Yes. Where are all the males?"

"Umm…"

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Why doesn't anyone understand me?

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TAKE THAT, EVIL SPACE CHICKENS!

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"I'm not an evil space chicken. I'm Kureno"

"Sorry. Didn't realize"

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"Yuki?"

"Yes?"

"This whole time you've been…"

"Thinking out loud? That's common"

"No, you've been…"

"Masturbating in the bus mall?"

"NO JUST LET ME FINISH!"

"Fine Kisa, calm down"

"I'm Tohru! Anyway, you've been screwing Kyo"

"…What? Where's Kyo?"

"You knocked him out and mounted him earlier"

"…"

"I think he's waking up…"

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Damn. I better run.

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A/N:

How disturbing. This story seems to be disturbing.

I DISTURB YOU ALL!