A/N:
I want to suck your blood.
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The other day, I was talking on the phone to Haru.
We had…
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PHONE SEX.
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But I wont tell you about it.
Because you don't DESERVE to know.
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Uo was drinking strawberry milk yesterday, through a straw. She laughed at Kyo when he fell off his chair and it spurted out of all her bodily holes.
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Her eyes, her nose, her ears, her ass, her vagi-
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Hatori told me off for saying vagina in public. Or, half of it anyway.
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"Yuki, stop lying"
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NEVER!
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You will never stop me in my quest to defeat the evil of… evil! You will never stop my perverted thoughts from running through my head! You will never stop my random hatred for all things pure, fluffy and unmistakably orange!
NEVER, I SAY!
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"Yuki, please. No one cares"
"Shut up, Hatori!"
"…"
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What is it with people these days? Rant, rant, rant. Yack, yack, yack!
No one gives a damn about my feelings.
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"I do, Yuki!"
"Quiet Tohru, you're ruining the angsty feeling"
"…Sorry"
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It was then… the day of reckoning.
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A day where all the members of Sohma House AKA Angst Parade…
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Gathered to learn to count to angst…. AND A HALF!
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It was superbly… angst-a-fied.
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"I'm Hiro. Today, we were supposed to be learning how to count to angst an a half, but because I am a stupid little brat and don't do what I am told, I am going to give you all what I like to call a 'Tohru Lecture'. Do you people have no minds? Is that it? Can't you figure out how to count to angst and a half on your own- Ahhh!"
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I raped him good, that afternoon.
Teach him to interfere with my movie tape I was going to send to the Fox Network.
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It was going to be the best telly show ever.
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Anyway…
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I had a dream last night.
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Shigure was in it. And Kureno.
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They were wearing… tight, leather shorty shorts.
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And fish net shirts.
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It was very arousing, yet petrifying at the same time.
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So, I told it to Hatori.
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"Yuki, I don't really have time to hear about your perverted dreams right now…"
"But if had you in it! Doing a strip tease for Ayame!"
"Gasp!"
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From that day on, I learnt that it was better to lie, than to be ignored.
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I'm going to go do a strip tease on the dinner table, I think.
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"Hey! What the fuck do you think your doing?"
"A strip tease"
"…Oh"
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It was watched, filmed and taped by all.
Even though the last two are the same.
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I went in the car with Kureno and Akito, the other day too.
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"Every wonder about the social and sex lives of those little babies, Kureno?"
"Yuki, stop being foul. Only I can be! I am God!"
"Really? Where is your long white beard, soft eyes and slim figure, huh? All I can see is a fatty with boobs and despicably short, black, frizzy hair!"
"IT'S ALL TRUE"
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She had a break down.
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Kureno told me it was best I leave.
Then he remembered we were in a moving car, which no one was driving.
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"ABANDON SHIP!"
"Shutup, fool"
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I wanted to jump out the window. Damn Kureno!
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And so, my ranting finally paid off when I found out I had my own series.
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Swanky.
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SHAKE WHAT YA MUMMA GAVE YO!
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"…"
"What?"
"My Mum gave me nothing to shake, you sadistic bi-atch"
"Now, now Ritsu. Calm down"
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But in the end, it was really Rin.
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It seems the difference between a sexy, young, black haired girl and a chubby, cross dressing, yellow haired man has become nothing.
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"You sick bastard! Take a look in the mirror, for god sakes!"
"I did, Kyo. It was still broken from the last time you looked!"
"I'M TOHRU"
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It seems we are playing the name game again.
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Maybe I'm just imagining it…
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"That's most likely. You keep thinking out loud"
"PIPE DOWN HATORI"
"Okay"
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Nyaaaa!
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A/N:
-gags on own spit, while asking for some reviewers-
