author's note: Apologies for taking forever to update, I've been dealing with some IRL stuff- but it's Valentine's Day and when better to add another update to this story3 This time, the song recommendation is Buzzin by Alina Baraz!


Wednesday, Apr. 21

between the biomedical assistance and educational fields, but.. ch.

"…Shit."

Bubbles groaned to herself while frantically erasing the last two letters from the paper of notes she was attempting to make.

Attempting being the key word.

She needed to put a little more time and work into her thesis, as she'd barely gotten much work done on it. Yes, she still had some time- but she couldn't keep procrastinating forever. No matter how much she wanted to. She'd gotten home from her grooming class at six and, as it was her night off from patrols, immediately found her way into her pajamas and to the kitchen table. However, procrastination still found her, as it seemed anytime she went to write a word that contained the letters b-u-t , her brain would short circuit and finish her boyfriend's name. Regardless of what word it was supposed to be.

Rebuttal became rebutch, but became butch, distribution because distributch, attributed became attributch

It was getting repetitive and annoying.

Coffee and Candy had both curled up on the table next to her open books, purring away like the little motors they acted like. The man in question was at work, at his shop, and had been there since they got back to Townsville from her class. That, however, didn't stop him from occupying her thoughts like a photobomber waiting for just the right moment to pop up and ruin the picture. He seemed to occupy a lot of her thoughts lately.

Once again, the blonde tried to correct her brain and get back to finding the points she needed to make and getting the information from the right sources. This was harder than anticipated for whatever reason, though. It was hard for her to focus much, the words occasionally blurring together with her brain feeling like it was floating through a thick, dense cloud. Still, after a few long and arduous moments, she finally started to get in the groove of it.

Her sky blue eyes darted between the books and her notebook as she jotted down possible points to bring forth in her statement.

At some point, though, her purple mechanical pencil began moving on its own. Words and thoughts alike finally started coming to her mind and she just let her hand do the work. Almost like her brain had gone into automatic memory and thought recovery mode, she eventually stopped looking between the textbooks and what she was writing down. She'd come back later to double check, of course, but she'd ride the wave of thoughts as it came.

But, unfortunately, this wasn't to last.

For what felt like the eightieth time that night, she found herself getting distracted.

Only this time, instead of just writing her boyfriend's name, she'd started sketching out his likeness without once realizing. Until she thought about grabbing a black ink pen to color in his hair, she didn't once outwardly notice what she was doing. That brought her attention back to the present. The blonde stopped cold once she realized exactly what she was doing with the loose lines and the light shading. Her heart sped up and her blood flowed loudly in her ears. Her hand shook and her heart leapt up and stuck itself in her throat.

It was just a quick sketch, but more than enough to clearly see who it was supposed to be.

The little scar over his brow, his signature lopsided smile she adored- the curly hair he tried to hide by keeping it cut short and styling it to spikes…

Was this okay …?

A memory of his strong, sturdy, angular features came to mind- their shared morning on the edge of what would later become their balcony… The golds and pinks of the sunrise casting such beautiful hues across his gorgeous skin… That intense need to paint him filled her veins faster than she realized, and suddenly her hands yearned for a chance to hold another paint brush just one more time. Just one more time.

Just one…

Her fists clenched tightly.

How easily he made her forget everything that held her back.

He encouraged her to be herself - something she never thought anyone would ever want her to be. He didn't force her to listen to him carry on about it and he didn't make her listen to him when she didn't want to. He said just enough to plant the seed and stepped back to give it time to grow. And those little seeds kept taking root.

"Mitch was the only one who said it out loud to you."

Bubbles felt her breath catch in her throat.

Then, a different memory barreled into mind, forcing Butch's face out and replacing it with an equally familiar face.

"Get your head out of the clouds. Mediocre artists never go anywhere."

Her hand squeezed her mechanical pencil so tightly that it exploded, plastic bits and graphite sticks flying out from the snap.

It wasn't okay- it wouldn't be.

Not right now, it wouldn't.

She didn't want to deal with that can of worms, too.

Bubbles grabbed the paper and squeezed it into a crumpled mess on the table. She squeezed it just tight enough to have a good grip on it and yanked it out of the spiral notebook she slammed shut after the page was ruined. The sudden assault of loud sounds scared the cats into jumping up and off the table, bolting off elsewhere in the otherwise lifeless apartment. Her eyes narrowed on the crumpled paper and her teeth gnashed and grinded together.

Dammit, she internally cursed.

Then, her phone rang.

She didn't even care who it was at that point- anything, anything to keep her attention elsewhere. The specific beeping alert told her that it was the Mayor calling her- which meant there was a monster attacking the city on her day off. As much as she was absolutely annoyed by her day off being ruined by a damn monster attack again … She couldn't hide the relief that swept over her.

It was something to think of that wasn't going to give her a panic attack.

As terrifying and dangerous as these attacks were, she was much less likely to overthink about such tiny, menial things in battle.

"Where is it at?" she immediately asked upon answering the phone.

Then and there, the blonde dropped everything to rush out where she was needed. She barely took the time to change into her protective outfit rather than street clothes and she left just after hanging up with the mayor. She didn't care about anything else at that moment. No, she focused wholly on the monster and helping out her sisters, leaving behind an obviously frantically shut notebook, three textbooks and a single crumpled drawing on the table in her wake.


Bubbles gasped loudly and sat up straight in bed, her entire body jerking awake all at once.

Yet the only thing that met her was darkness.

Silence.

No screaming, no crying, no begging… Just sweet, sweet silence.

The tension in her entire body released, her hands shook violently and her exhale was more wobbly than she anticipated it being. The thick green quilt laid over her lap moved a little when Butch rolled over to face the blonde that was supposed to be sleeping soundly next to him. Not that she even noticed this- and that's perhaps the main reason the Ruff knew something was wrong. Her sudden movement had jolted him awake, yes, but as groggy as he was (from being so suddenly woken), it was her stiffness while sitting up that alerted him.

"Angel?" His slurred, tired speech startled her almost as badly as her nightmare had. It was enough to put him on alert immediately and he sat up with her. Even if she didn't notice him rolling over, she shouldn't have been so startled by his soft, soft voice. Not even the cats at the foot of the bed had reacted, so he knew he wasn't being louder than he thought he was. "Are you okay?"

She inhaled shakily, raising her hands to cover her eyes. "Yeah, yeah- sorry, I just…"

He didn't let her finish, though, and pulled her over into his lap with relative ease. Her back pressed against his chest almost flush (had it not been for her tank top, it would have been), his arms wrapped securely around her waist and his forehead rested on her shoulder. "Bad dream?"

Not once did she fight, not once did she move. If anything, the blonde leaned against her boyfriend a bit more, eager to drown her negative thoughts away with his presence. She nodded slowly, almost hesitantly. "Yeah…"

"Wanna talk about it?"

"You left," she answered before she could stop the words from just tumbling out. Her mind, fogged and clouded by sleep and whatever other forces made it near impossible for her to focus today, simply did not have the capacity to think before she spoke right now. Her brows furrowed and she shook her head a little as she thought more about it. "It was less that you left, and more that you… You stabbed me in the back when you did," she whispered.

He scoffed. "Your dream version of me sounds like an asshole."

His hands smoothed over her thighs, his touch reassuring and soothing all at the same time. She smiled weakly despite knowing he couldn't see it. "Not always. Sometimes he's super sweet. Sometimes he's handsy."

His head shot up from her shoulder. "Oh yeah? You've dreamt of me getting handsy with you, huh?" His voice, rough and gravelly and laden with sleep, was teasing and playful and trying to coax her into a better mood.

She shook her head, her heart warming from his effort rather than being embarrassed by the joke itself. "As if you haven't dreamt of me in the same way."

"Hey, we both expected that from me- I didn't expect it from you," he defended weakly.

Bubbles leaned further against him. "With how much I talk you up, talk about how hot you are, how much I touch your butt- you didn't think I had wet dreams?"

"Not about me," he clarified.

She furrowed her brows. "...You're my boyfriend, Butchie, why wouldn't I have wet dreams about you?"

"This is the strangest conversation I've ever had at four o'clock in the morning," he mumbled, earning a very quiet laugh from the blonde. It was the first laugh since her nightmare, though, so no matter how quiet and weak it was, it was still the best thing to come from her lips. "I never thought I was your type. Physically, that is. Before we got together."

"As if," she shrugged. "Even before we got together. You've got a jaw like a throne- I'd be lying through my teeth if I said I've never thought about taking a seat."

"Bubbles fucking Utonium," he whisper-scolded. It earned him another soft round of laughter, so he figured he was doing something right. "If I just had to get you this tired to hear you talk dirty to me, I would have done so long, long ago."

She shook her head before she leaned it against his head. "As if you would have. Even if you knew, you wouldn't have known what to do with me."

"Mmm.. Someone has a dirty mouth."

"I can do great things with it, though."

"Bubbles, I swear to everything-" he stressed again, stopping once he heard her laugh again. She relaxed against him even further, nearly falling boneless against him. He lay back against the pillows, pulling her back on top of him all the while. She slid off of him, instead curling up to his side and resting her head on his chest.

Their banter was nothing more than that- banter. A means to distract the blonde from whatever her nightmare consisted of and a way to lift her spirits. Though, honestly, he did still have questions he wanted to ask.

"…How did I stab you in the back?"

The lass bit her lip and shook her head. "The same way all three of my exes did."

Butch closed his eyes, understanding dawning. "It wasn't just Boomer, then."

"Mitch was the first one," she whispered on a soft whisper. "His hurt the most. Boomer… Boomer did everything right, and reacted wrong, in his situation. And Princess didn't surprise me, but it did disappoint me."

"You dated Princess?" he asked, genuinely stunned.

The little blonde was so open and happy in her other two relationships, to the point where it felt like the entire universe was made aware that little Bubbles Utonium was in a relationship. Mitch and Boomer both were touted on her arm, given those big beautiful blue eyes… But he couldn't remember the blonde hanging around Princess at all, let alone in some sort of romantic capacity. He figured she would have exclaimed about her just as much as she did her other partners.

Maybe the little blonde was better at keeping secrets than he had ever given her credit for.

Then again, with how terrified his own brother seemed to be to come out, and how quiet Buttercup was, he wondered if that also played some level or role in it… Then decided that yes, that was most likely the case.

She nodded and shrugged nonchalantly. "Yeah… Boomer was the first person I ever told that I used to get crushes on girls more than boys when I was in middle school. After our whole mess, I wanted to actually try a relationship with a woman… And Princess and I got very close in the first few years of college," she recounted softly. "I thought it might work out… But… I already couldn't completely trust her going into the relationship, so in hindsight I know it was doomed from the start… But at the time, I really loved her."

"All three, though…?" he asked, astonished.

She nodded again. "Mitch cheated on me with Brat, Boomer fell for Mike, and Princess went crawling to Brute."

"No fucking wonder you asked for mutual exclusivity," he mumbled, his arm tightening around her. Internally, though, he also couldn't help but make yet another connection. Bubbles had a very, very low sense of confidence and self worth behind the surprisingly thick and concrete mask she held up. She wasn't the leader with the brains of their group, she wasn't the toughest or the strongest, she wasn't the fastest or the most powerful… The town saw her as a mascot and cheerleader for the heroes rather than a superhero herself. Normal people shunned her from their groups- though, to be fair, normal people tended to shun most supers from their groups more often than not- including her sisters and even him and his brothers.

And her partners all cheated on her.

No fucking wonder she felt like she couldn't measure up to anyone's expectations.

"I'm sorry you've had such shit luck with partners, but that's all over now." His hands smoothed up and down her sides, slowly and oddly comforting. "I know that doesn't take the fear away, but I ain't gonna be that much of a jackass."

"I know," she whispered. "You and Boom, I trust. Boom never actually cheated, physically. Well, a single kiss- but not repeated kisses, dates or sexual stuff like the other two. He fell out of love with me but just kept me along for a short period there as to not hurt my feelings, which was a bad reaction that hurt us both more in the end… But I trust you to, hopefully, not do that last part if something does change."

Butch hummed. "I think I'm done with change for now," he whispered, holding tightly to her. "We're changing enough right now already, and we aren't something I'm looking to change any time within the foreseeable future. If a change like that does happen, I promise I will tell you… I just don't see it happening anytime at all, let alone anytime soon."

She exhaled deeply and craned her neck back just a little- just awkwardly enough- to kiss his cheek. "I'm glad. I feel the same way."

"Who was I with?"

"I don't know," she whispered. Her eyes shut while she tried to think back to the nightmare. "You wouldn't tell me. You wouldn't talk to me at all, just at me… Telling me what you wanted to say while completely ignoring anything I asked or said…" She shook her head a little. "Like you'd been possessed, really."

"I'd have to be possessed to do something stupid like that," he snorted.

She couldn't help but smile.

Butch lifted one arm to start playing with her hair, his fingers threading through her blonde tresses and scratching softly, wonderfully, against her scalp. "…Should I ask about why a doodle of my face was crumpled up now, or save that for later?"

The blonde curled closer. "…Later?"

"You don't sound so sure."

She exhaled slowly. "I just… There's already so much on my plate. I really, really don't think I have it in me to also deal with that right now…" They were silent for a moment, and she was thankful for that. It gave her a little more time to think about it, and just how to phrase it. "I know… I know I'm not alone and all, and I'm trying to be more open about that…"

"It just might be the straw that breaks your back," he finished for her, his tone understanding.

It was the sweetest tone she could have heard in that moment. It made her heart race, her hands shake and her soul sing. She didn't need to find the words- he could find them for her. She didn't need to answer everything or fill in the blanks because he understood . "Exactly, yeah."

"Later?"

"Later," she agreed. "Not while we're going through, like, seven other things at the same time."

He hummed softly and kept playing with her hair. The blonde eagerly leaned into his attention, even if the feather-light sensation of his nails against her scalp threatened to lull her back to sleep. "…Can I keep it, though?"

She stiffened a little. "…Where is it?"

"My wallet," he answered easily.

The two words were more than enough to relax her once more. "If you keep it there for now and don't bring it up again, I won't have any reason to complain since I won't see it."

He leaned to place a kiss to the crown of her head. She wasn't necessarily comfortable with the idea, but she also knew it was something he wouldn't have asked if he didn't genuinely like it. She didn't necessarily like it, but she also knew it was something they'd end up working on eventually anyway. If it was out of her sight and out of her mind, she'd leave it be. He placed a second, quicker, kiss to her forehead. "Say the word and I'll get rid of it, otherwise you won't hear me talk about it again."

She sighed in relief. "Thank you."

"You gonna be alright?"

"Yeah, I'll… I'll be fine." Neither of them were too impressed by her response. They both knew that she would, in fact, be fine- eventually.

Eventually was not now, though, and that was his concern.

He hummed. "How about we go smoke and put your ass back to sleep?"

"That sounds perfect to me."