A/N:
Okay, so I went on a bushwalk today, right? I wrote the song in my head, on the walk. It made me forget about the pain, rain and leeches! Go me, ne?
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Went on a bushwalk today.
It sucked.
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Momiji kept on asking me for a piggyback.
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"No, Momiji. If you want a piggyback, go ask Kagura!"
"That's not very nice, Yuki!"
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Yeah, well, I aint nice, when it comes to fitness.
The amount I eat of that piggish Honda-girl's food, I'm surprised I'm not obese yet.
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"YUKI DON'T EVEN JOKE ABOUT THINGS LIKE THAT YOU COULD NEVER BE FAT BECAUSE YOU ARE THE PRINCE AND PRINCE'S AREN'T FAT NOOO!"
"Please, use punctuation. Not only that, think of Prince Harry! He's fat!"
"..."
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Yeah, fan club, that's what I thought... -shakes fist-
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"NOOO THE PRINCE SHOOK HIS FIST AT US!"
"..."
-
Anyway, back to the bushwalk.
Tohru was afraid she would get mauled and raped by leeches.
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I told her not to worry; nothing in their right mind would want to fuck with her.
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"-crying-"
"Stop sooking, you sook!"
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It was all rainforesty. With rain and a forest.
There was even a grave.
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"Yuki, it's bad to sit on people's graves"
"SHUTUP HONDA-GIRL! You sat on your Mum's grave when Kyo did the whole true form thing. No actually, you LIED on it. That's even worse"
"NOOO! Don't say things like that!"
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That showed her, didn't it?
Stupid Mumma's girl.
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Kagura pulled Kyo into the bushes.
I wonder what happened.
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"Yuki, it's not nice to talk about people like that"
"HONDA-GIRL, HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU HAVE TO- Oh, it's only you Hatori. Sorry, my mistake"
"..."
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Tohru is starting to wonder if she really does look like men between the ages of 17 and 27.
I told her yes.
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A leech attacked Akito, but because Akito is God, this is what happened.
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"I AM YOUR GOD! Stupid animal! Get of me! I am God, damn you!" (Akito)
"Akito, your only God to the Zodiac" (Hatori)
"...The leech isn't part of the Zodiac?" (Akito)
"..." (Everyone)
"What? How would I know?" (Akito)
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Yes. Classic example of Akito's stupidity.
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In the end, Kisa farted and the leech died.
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"I, being a doctor, find from the diagnosis that the leech died from poison gas"
"..."
"What?"
"You did a cross check examination on a fucking leech?"
"Well, leeches need autopsies too!"
"..."
-
I could never look at Hatori the same.
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Haru found a girlfriend, too.
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"Hi, little girl. Lets have sex"
"..."
"What do you mean, you aint straight!"
"..."
"FUCK YOU!"
"Haru, you're talking to a fern. Fern's aren't alive, or straight. Please, shut up"
"...Oh"
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Once we reached 500 meters from out starting point, we had already lost a Sohma.
Wish it was Tohru.
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"I... can't... can't go on! Go on... without me!"
"I'd be happy to"
"..."
"Hiro, no one cares about you"
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What? No one does! I was only telling the truth.
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Shigure and I found two huge leeches.
We put them to suck in a place we shouldn't have.
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"Yuki, Shigure. Your both bleeding from your manhood's"
"...I knew that"
"I didn't"
"SHUTUP SHIGURE"
"..."
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I couldn't have sex for a week, after that.
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My poor fangirls were restless. They really needed some money.
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"Yuki, we want to prostitute to you! We need the cash!"
"I can't have sex for a week, ladies"
"...Aww"
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Hiro caught up in the end, too.
I laughed.
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Afterwards, Kyo challenged me to a fight.
He looked all cute, because he was all sweaty from walking up the hill.
So I said, "Yeah, but can I poke your abs first?"
He gave me a weird look and walked away.
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Damn him.
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"I heard that, damn rat"
"Not my fault, sexy cat"
"WTF"
"Nothing, nothing. May I push you off the cliff?"
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Did I forget to tell you we made it to the pinnacle?
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"No, you can't"
"Aww. Party pooper"
"Naw, I just don't wanna die. Yet"
"Oh"
"I'll tell you when I do, though"
"Yay! Love you, Kyo!"
"..."
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I think I really scared him this time.
He actually wet himself.
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On our way back, we saw a beech. No, not that kind of beach.
A beech tree.
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"OH MAH AKITO A BEECH TREE"
"..."
"What?"
"Akito, no one cares about your sightings"
"I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED, TOO!"
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Strange woman.
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We went to the waterfall. Kyo hated it.
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"Stupid water"
"Why do you hate the waterfall? It's beautiful"
"Ya, but I really need to pee now"
"I recommend putting a leech where you shouldn't. It really sucks every drop out!"
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Kyo did it.
And he yelled at me.
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"DAMN YOU! THAT HURT AND NOW I AM BLEEDING!"
"And now I need hearing aids"
"..."
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I didn't really though. I wouldn't be surprised if I did, one day.
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"Mr. Sohma? Why do you need hearing aids?"
"Kyo yelled in my ear too many times as a youngster"
"..."
"What?"
"You just heard me then, when I spoke. The test is, that you shouldn't"
"...Crap"
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Once we got back to the Main House, we realized we lost Ritsu up there.
No one really cared.
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"I don't care"
"Me neither"
"Okay"
"So, anyway, this one time-"
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"Yuki?"
"Yes?"
"Please, stop having a decent conversation with yourself"
"...Sorry"
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SUCK EGGS!
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A/N:
WHAT THE HELL. That was insanity, of the highest order.
Do you agree?
