A/N:
Ooh, second last chapter! THE UTTER PH3AR.
Guess what, though?
TOHRU. I might even do one of her as well… called…
"Tohru Poop Brains: Inside the Innocence"
Muhahahaha!
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ANGST.
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I like angst.
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A world without angst would be like a world without…
Sex.
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"What is it with you and sex? Is that all you care and think about?"
"Yes, Hatori, it is. You only just realized that?"
"Yes."
"You are officially… A BOOB"
"…"
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I was later informed I am not from London, there fore I am not allowed to say "Ya Boob!". I was offended, so I tried to get my London-ese person's license thingy.
I don't speak London-ese though.
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"Ya boob!"
"Yes Yuki, you correct! I own some boobs. Want to see?"
"No Tohru, your flat chested. I'd rather stare at Haru in the shower"
"…"
'Thanks anyway, though!"
-
That stupid cat followed me to my secret base today.
Not to one with plants…
The one where I hide all my kinky items.
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"What the hell is all this stuff?"
"I use it when I rape random people from the street."
"Ah, I see. That's nice isn't it…"
"I guess. Wait, why are you being so nice?"
"(pleading look)"
"Yes. You can borrow some stuff"
"YAY!"
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I like being friendly to my mortal enemies every once in a while.
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"Yuki, it is quite unusual for you to be nice to Kyo. Is it that he treated you to some hot, steamy, love making behind the school cafeteria?"
"…No"
"Oh, are you sure? I HAVE SOME PICTURES"
"Hatori, I am not afraid. Because, I did not do it"
"Please don't speak in such a formal manor"
"…"
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MIKO MIKO NURSE.
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I hate owls.
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I had transformed and I was like running around outside, nibbling grass, when this damn owl came along and grabbed me!
-
It was male though, so I reached up and bit his dick so he dropped me.
It was good fun.
He tasted real bad though.
-
I was degraded the other day.
By…
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AYAME.
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AT SCHOOL.
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"Hello dearest brother! I have come to nuzzle you to my teat, for a winter warm treat! All shall be well when I dress you for a fair maiden, such as Tohru herself!"
"Ahh! What are you doing here? Nrrg, you freak! GET OFFA ME!"
"But brother, your hands need to be warmed with my own breath! I need to fix the gap between us, forever!"
"…"
-
Everyone was staring as if we were married.
Maybe that's because AYAME NEEDS A DAMN HAIR CUT.
-
So, in other words…
I HAD MY DIGNITY STOLEN GASP!
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"Yuki, your brother steals everyone's dignity,"
"Thanks for stating the obvious, Hatori!"
-
I just realized something.
I talk about Hatori quite a bit, don't I?
-
Maybe I have a… a… HATORI FETISH.
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NOOOOOOOOO!
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Anyone but Hatori, please!
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"Why don't you like me?"
"I never said I didn't like you, darling, I just said I wouldn't want to have a fetish for you. Your way to serious. Loosen up every once in a blue fucking moon!"
"…"
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Akito later asked me what a "Blue fucking moon" was.
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"Well, a blue fucking moon has been known to be just a legend, but it is as real as your or me! When the blue fucking moon is out, it causes everyone to suddenly want to fuck with someone else, which causes the birth rate 9 months later to be astounding! It has only happened 8 times…"
"REALLY! WOW!"
"No Akito, I was kidding. I just put the word 'fucking' in between the commonly used sentence, 'blue moon'. Idiot"
"…"
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Sometimes people's stupidity makes me wet myself with laughter.
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"Yuki… your pants are all wet and there is something smelly on my foot…"
"Well Kagura, that will teach you to be such a moron, wont it?"
"Y-Yes Yuki…"
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Is your favourite thing to do put the lives of your friends, family and colleagues in danger? Like watching them writhe and suffer in pain, for your own humorous enjoyment? Well, you've just read the right paragraph of a fic, then.
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"Yes, I happen to like to do all of the above! Please, put me down!"
"…Tohru, what the hell?"
"Umm, my name isn't Tohru it's… umm… Hello Kitty! Yeah, that's right…"
"…"
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I'm now afraid that Tohru might kill us all.
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If I died, I bet she wouldn't care.
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"I wouldn't"
"AKITO! Get out of that damn cosplay costume, NOW!"
"…Sorry Yuki…"
"Wait a second… KYO! Get out of that damn cosplay costume, NOW!"
"…Sorry Yuki…"
"Hang on… SAKI HANAJIMA! Get out of that costume, NOW!"
"Dammit! I would have got away with it if it wasn't for those meddling kids!"
"…"
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Saki Hanajima is a very scary girl.
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Have you noticed?
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You know what… I might just…
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"What?"
"I think I hear the DRUNKEN MAN FROM BREWERY LANE!"
"Gasp! That's very drunken of you!"
"Yes… yes it is…"
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The Drunken Man from Brewery Lane is a young man, who used to have a loving wife, three wonderful daughters and a good paying job at the nuclear power plant. Then he took to drinking and became an alchoholic hobo. He is a trademark person from a song, who's name I can't remember right now.
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"And I says to him I says, 'Ya want ya money? Go find it, 'cos I don't have it ya idiot head!' and he falls to the ground and… where's ma booze?"
"Hello there, Drunken Man. How are you?"
"YOU! YOU SCUM! You stole my… (hic)… my booze!"
"Yes. Yes I did"
"…"
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GOBUYMANGABOOK6OFFRUITSBASKETRIGHTNOWEVENIFYOUDON'TKNOWWHATITISJUSTDOITDAMNYOU!
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That was a notice. Read it. Decipher it. Follow what it says.
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"Yuki, some people aren't stupid like you, and read notices in fanfics and follow them"
"And your saying I am stupid because I do?"
"…I just said that"
"Did you, Kureno? Did you?"
"Yes"
"…Dammit"
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A/N:
I thought of a title for my Kyo one.
"Meow Woof Pervy Boy: Behind the Baka Neko"
I wonder if that'll fit…
