I could feel a wet warmth against my neck. Cid gave a few shudders and his grip around me tightened.
"Are you alright?" I asked, trying to turn my head to see him, but my attempts were in vain. He would not let me see his face. "Cid, please…don't…cry!" I couldn't seem to comprehend what was happening. I expected Cid to be happy but I could feel his silent sobbing against my body. It made me begin to shiver myself. "I just want to talk about it…if you don't like it then I'll just go away! Please!" I tried to push away from him, to be free from his grasp for just a moment so I could look at him. "I would never lie to you, Cid!" I said, tears welling in my own eyes. I was beginning to get weak. I wanted to collapse. I was so tired…tired and stressed. I wanted Cid to look at me…
"I…" Cid choked. "I don't…" I could feel Cid's head shaking as if he were saying no. "I don't want to hurt you…or myself…" he said quietly. His sobbing was becoming unbearable. His strength was also dwindling. I quickly pushed his arms away, turned around, and grabbed his shoulders. He cast his gaze down at our feet.
"How in the world could you hurt me, Cid?" I asked, trying to search his gaze. "I have been hurting ever since we parted after Sephiroth's final death!" I cursed under my breath. I didn't want to deal with this. This was completely unexpected.
"Don't you fuckin' think I've felt the same?" Cid said. His voice was quivering and he still would not look at me.
"Do you think I'm fucking psychic!" I asked, shaking him slightly. "When I first saw you again, I had the biggest fear that you were going to cast me away! I may look like I know many things, but a human's mind is not something I can read! I have enough trouble with myself!" This made Cid look at me, finally. His brow was furrowed and tears streaked his cheeks.
"I'm…sorry…" His sobbing had finally stopped and his tears were beginning to dry up. My grip loosened and I pushed him against me gently, hugging him. "I didn't want to change anything in you… I thought…I was changing your preference or something…"
"Don't say something so ridiculous." I was becoming light headed. "I think I need to lie down…" I mumbled, staggering away from Cid. My movements were drunken and I suddenly fell over. Cid had caught my fall, even though my body was going against the bed. He picked me up and put me on the bed correctly. As soon as my head touched the pillows I fell asleep.
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"He's been out like that all day…"
"Has it happened before?"
"Yeah… It's becomin' more frequent every god damn time I see 'im…"
There was a quiet shuffle of clothing and feet, and then I could feel a blanket lifted up over my body, covering me more.
I felt cold.
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You fucking cunt. Thought I was gone, didn't you? Thought I'd never come back. You know what I want. You know why I'm here. You're fucked now, Vinnie. You're fucked!
What do you want with me…?
Don't act innocent, Vince, you're just going to get more…
I could feel a whip against my back. Lashing my skin… The blood… My head was lowered. I was…standing in my own pool of blood… My vision was blurry and all I could do was feel an intense stinging and horrible… "AHHHHH!"
PAIN! That's what you're feeling, VINNIE! You fucking faggot! Chaos' face finally came into view. He had been behind me, but I hadn't realized anything but the whip. My face was scrunched up, trying to hold back more screams and whimpers. It was just like…
Hojo? He's dead…but I can be whomever I wish, as long as I'm in your head. Chaos gave me an evil grin, his razor sharp teeth gleaming in whatever hellish light that was emitting in the chamber I had been placed in. The whole room had been dark, but things were finally coming together… I was in a cell, one wall complete iron bars, and the walls were oozing a clear, thick liquid. Whenever the liquid would hit the disgusting, maggot floor beneath me, I could hear a splotch! But at times, all I could hear was the sound of my heart in my throat, and the drops of my blood beneath me.
Staring into Chaos's eyes, I watched his face transform into the most horrible creature I had even known. The man who had raped my darling Lucrecia…and who had stuffed me in a box.
Hojo. A Shin-Ra operative in the science department. He injected every Turk and SOLDIER with mako and sent them on their way. He had given us physicals and any other medical thing he could think of. He always took extra special care with me… Giving me more things than I had predicted.
The Chaos-Hojo went back behind me, ripping off the rest of whatever clothes I had been wearing.
If this was a dream…I wanted to wake up. Right now.
Wake up…
"AHHHH!"
Penetration. Screaming. Laughing. Hojo hadn't even…no, not Hojo… Chaos. But I was…living it all over again… Chaos hadn't even readied the hole in which he had entered. Dry skin, friction… The bleeding on my back had stopped momentarily, only to follow another heavy flow coming from lower regions. It trickled down my thigh, down my leg, creasing itself between my bloodied toes…
The pain was unbearable. A rough hand was pinching the living daylights out of my nipples. If I had opened my eyes, I probably would have seen even more blood. More pain. And the irresistible watchers from outside the cage in which I was trapped. My arms had been bonded to the ceiling and my legs had been kicked apart, chained to the floor.
And as the demon within finally came with satisfaction, the liquid had stung my insides, causing me to scream until my throat had gone dry. It wouldn't have surprised me if he chopped my body parts off right then and there…but he didn't.
That was what I wanted, pretty boy… Chaos had said, his long, devilish black tongue caressing my earlobe. I began to whimper, tears had stained my cheeks. This was what I deserved. I was a monster, was I not?
Perhaps my self-esteem was what Chaos was feeding on…but….
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"Vinnie…"
"…Vincent!"
"Hey!" A cold hand was on my forehead. It felt wet. It didn't take me long to realize it was sweat. And not theirs, mine. I began moaning quietly, turning my head and trying to roll over… But I felt a horrible pain down below and a sinking feeling finally came.
He had come out, hadn't he? But that couldn't be possible… It was all in my head. It had to be.
When I opened my eyes to look at Cid, I noticed Cloud was right behind him, one hand on his shoulder.
"I've been here for the past two days," Cloud said quietly. He looked worried.
"How long have I been out?" I asked, wincing as I faced them again.
"'bout three an' a half days… It's dark out again," Cid said, motioning his hand to the window.
"You have bruises all over your back and waist, what happened?" Cloud asked, standing up. I shook my head, how in the world could I know? But I figured it was probably me fighting myself in my sleep. That was what Chaos had managed to do, then, since he couldn't really do what he did…even if it felt as real as a stab in the hand. But worse.
Much worse.
"He was tossing in his sleep… Fell outta the bed and got banged up. I put him back, though… They were there before you got here," said Cid. And I was completely happy that the only lower region that actually did hurt was my waist. That was as far as it had gone. And…then I realized how naked I really was. Again. Cloud shook his head and turned away. He didn't understand, and I didn't expect him to. It was my own battle, and I'd deal with it myself… But if anything, I was guessing I would need Cid's help, because Chaos was obviously after something that involved me with the pilot.
I wanted to get rid of Chaos once and for all. His form was nothing, I could handle that, but when his personality came with it, that was it.
Cid had walked Cloud out of the room, said a few words, and then came back inside. I could hear the click of the pilot locking the door, and then his footsteps that followed as he walked over to the bedside. I turned my head to look at him, hair somewhat covering my face, and I forced a small smile. A depressing smile.
"I'm so sorry…" Cid said quietly. He had a sincere look on his face that made me think he would burst out crying any minute, but he never did. I didn't know what he could be sorry about, since he hadn't done anything wrong.
"What are you sorry about?" I asked, turning my head to face the ceiling. "You didn't hurt me. You didn't curse me with Chaos. You didn't rape me, either." My voice was quiet, almost stoic. But I furrowed my brow, wondering how Cid would react to this.
"It's my fault you're dealing with this, isn't it? Chaos, or whatever the fuck you call it, is prolly' pissed coz' of me. I mean…" Cid paused, looking down and then away, over at the window. He sighed as he looked back at me.
"I love you, too," he said. But as happy as I was for hearing that, my frown stayed. And so did Cid's.
"So what?" I scoffed, crimson eyes looking into his blue. But then I had suddenly realized how wrong that was. Why did I fucking say that? And I could tell as Cid was taken aback. His face had hardened and he seemed to be angry. "That's not what I meant…" I said, trying to sit up. I was leaning on my elbow, and that was the best I could do. "Your love for me…and mine for you…" I shook my head, closing my eyes. "Our love," I said, eyes open once more. "Our love might cause bad things to happen to and/or for me, but that doesn't mean I'm going to let you go just because Chaos doesn't like it. He doesn't want me to love…says I'm incapable." I collapsed on the bed again, weak already, even from just supporting myself on the bed. "Chaos can be as pissed as he wants, he isn't going to get his way."
"Chaos was attacking you last night, wasn't he?" Cid asked, sitting on the bed beside my broken down body. I closed my eyes as he said this, for it was so true…
"Who else?" I said, my eyes open again. "Chaos is the only one powerful enough to do anything to me. The only one that can come out against my will…the only one who can fuck me in my sleep," I said. My voice was hurtful…and hateful. Deep and sorrowful. I hated the sound of it. I wanted to turn myself off. If I had the button to turn life off, I'd have done it long ago.
It has only been recently that I realized how important that very button was. And it was here and now that I would never wish to have such a button ever again.
"But what can you do about it?" Cid asked, only pressing the matter because he was concerned for me. But all I could do was shrug my shoulders.
"I don't really know, yet. I'm going to have to deal with whatever torture he has in store for me…"
"Then I'll just leave you," Cid said, eyes closed tight. "If I leave, you won't be hurting anymore." But this made me laugh, and it surprised him.
"Leaving me will only make it worse. Chaos will shove it in my face, telling me this is how life works. He'll run me down until there's nothing left… And I won't have anyone to lean against. You're what keeps me here, still standing. Although, I'm not standing right at this moment…" I said, rubbing my forehead as I let out a small chuckle. This made Cid smile, but nothing else. "Chaos wants to control me and wants to make sure I never fall in love. I don't know why, and I don't really give a shit. Because it's happened, it's happening, and it won't stop. Even after you're gone, I'll still love you…and Chaos will know. And he will torment me every last fucking day, until the end of my days. There isn't any escaping. So the last thing I could possibly do, is to keep you with me…for support, but most importantly for love… I can't do this on my own…so I'm asking you… Please don't leave."
Cid had taken a while to respond. He was letting it sink in, to finally grasp it.
"I…won't leave." Cid had stood up then, even as I smiled after him, and he walked over to the nightstand, grabbing his cigarettes. "But I'm gonna go have a cigarette outside," he said, opening the glass door and stepping out onto the balcony before I could even say anything in protest. He had closed the door on me, but it wasn't like I had the strength to go out there with him…
Chaos will probably be trying his best to read my thoughts…but he can't read them until I'm talking to him… He can hear what I say, but not what I think. And I'm guessing that's my only advantage… He can't even see what I see. I guess he's just using my voice as the only escape to the outside world. Since Cid isn't leaving…maybe…
I shook my head, rolling over. It had seemed as though my bruises were already healing rapidly… Cid must have used a cure materia…
A few minutes later, Cid had come back into the bedroom. I was still somewhat conscious. I was drifting in and out of my nap. The pilot sat beside me on the bed and began to tug the sheet that was around my body down, revealing my back. I had turned my head around to see what he was doing, but I couldn't turn my head far back enough.
"They're almost gone…" Cid said, placing one hand on my waist. I had shivered at the touch, my drowsiness finally subsiding, and I shifted my body slightly so his hand would be forced to lay upon my rear. This caused a stifled gasp from myself, but what Cid had given was much better than any gasp.
The pilot was squeezing my rear, gently. His hand moved up, then down, and then squirmed around to my front, grasping my member and giving it a few lazy strokes. I began to bite my fingers. The pleasure was giving me goose bumps and sending chills down my spine. I didn't understand why he was doing this, not that I didn't like it, but because of what I figured he had been thinking. Along the lines of "this is wrong". But I never heard it…and whatever pain that had come along with those bruises were now officially gone. Cid shifted his body better on the bed, and I did the same. I was now lying on my back. All those times I had wished for this…this moment…
Heehee. :3 Hope you guys liked this chapter!
More will come…soon. But I've been really busy lately. D: I've got another fiction…that will be created soon. xD I still haven't worked on it yet, but I'm getting there. Hopefully I can add more to this soon…
