From
the Soul by Betty
Bokor
Sam/Daniel. Sam
needs someone to listen.
Spoilers: All
seasons, including 9 and 10.
Disclaimer: The Stargate original
characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and
Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of
entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.
From the Soul
Chapter 2
A few weeks later Daniel dumbfounded everyone as he reached an agreement –a very favorable agreement for Earth– with the Unas. Even Colonel Edwards recognized his worth as the Unas agreed to mine the naquadah in their planet and then turn it over to the SGC.
Next I had to battle my own demons as I accompanied Warrick in the Loop of Kon Garat race. Daniel was there, waiting for me, when I came back with the unfair results. It was not a crisis of a magnitude enough to warrant anything more than a dinner together and, in order to avoid crossing the boundaries we had self imposed, we invited Teal's and the Colonel too, without even discussing it beforehand. I was proud that we were capable of such self-control.
Then, the whole Avenger incident took place and, for a while there, I held my breath, as Daniel remained trapped on that forsaken planet, about to be swallowed by the rising flood.
I have to confess now that on our following mission, when we met Ishta and her people, I was assaulted by inappropriate bouts of jealousy. Even today I feel some sort of annoyance when I think of Nesa, though my mind keeps reminding me that she was only a teenager and that Daniel would have never laid a hand on her. She just made me aware of how many women, of the right age, of course, are around us and that any of them could one day lay claim on him.
It was right about then when Daniel and Bill Lee left for Honduras in search of the Telchak device and disappeared. I was starting to get desperate when I had to leave for Tartarus with my father and Teal'c. Colonel O'Neill went in search of Daniel. The events on Anubis' planet did not give us a respite and I did not have much time to dwell on Daniel's situation. By the time we made it back, he had been rescued. He had been shot in the leg and tortured, but he was alive and that was all that mattered. As soon as we were left alone in the gateroom, Jack invited me to lunch, and that rekindled my infatuation with him. I will not deny that the special attention from my CO was utterly enjoyable.
We had lunch in the cafeteria and I was feeling weightless and content, when I walked by Daniel's office and I saw him. He had been writing his report and fatigue had won him over. He was sitting at his desk, with his head on his arms, on top of the desk. He seemed to be sleeping, but he also looked agitated. I went in carefully to avoid awakening him and I heard a few words he was mumbling. He kept repeating "No, no, no." He said it softly, in a whisper, but the tone was pained and hopeless. I looked over his head at the computer screen and read the section of his report that had already been typed. It talked about torture in ways I had not imagined anyone could think of inflicting suffering in another human being. What was he made off? How could he go through those experiences time after time and still be Daniel? I almost said "the same Daniel", but I know he is not the same man I met so many years ago. He has changed. He has become physically stronger and spiritually less innocent, but the strength of his soul is still the same.
I did not want him to relive that nightmare, so I gently woke him up. He blinked a couple of times and then stared at me, as if he could not understand why I was there. So I said it, just like that other time. "Let's go home."
This time we both knew that it was not the innocent invitation of the past. It was going to happen again and we both had to acknowledge it. He just got up, picked up his jacket, and hopped to the door trying to avoid more pain for his injured leg. I drove us both. I drove to his house, so that he could stay in bed in the morning. We had no preambles. As soon as the front door closed behind us, we faced each other and we kissed. It was not the journey of discovery of the first time. Daniel just let me do. He responded to every kiss; he responded to every stroke, but I felt that his soul was hanging from a thread, fragile and wounded. In the revealing light of the late afternoon, I followed the contour of every bruise with my fingertips and I kissed every angry mark left by the torturers. I felt, more than saw, tears running down his face more than once. Daniel just let me do.
In the aftermath, we lay spooned, in silence. Neither of us slept. I felt the power of Daniel's arms as he held me tight against his body. I sensed I was his anchor one more time and I was willing to do anything to keep him from drowning. Much later he got up, showered, and fixed dinner for us. After I took my own shower, I joined him in the kitchen. We talked for the first time since we had gotten there, but not about what had happened, not even about what had gone on in Honduras or Tartarus. We avoided those subjects very carefully and we talked about everything else, including Teal'c's kiss to Ishta on the stargate ramp that had left the Colonel dumbfounded for hours. And they say that Teal'c is shy. I know that the Colonel would have been far more thunderstruck if he knew what Daniel and I were doing, but that he would never know.
That night Daniel gave me something back for every kiss, for every caress, for every touch I had given him in the afternoon. He had me consumed by such deep sensation that I do not think I was capable of anything other than reacting to his art. It felt like crossing the stargate for the first time all over again and visiting a place where I would never be allowed back, but whose memories would lighten up the rest of my days, if not haunt them. Just as Daniel must have felt after he left Abydos for the last time, after everything was lost.
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