---------------------So this one's a little longer. Hope you enjoy------------------------
I was about to make a witty retort when the phone rang. Ranger picked it up.
"Manoso residence," he said. Whoa. Did he just answer the phone with words other than 'yo' or 'talk'?
"No, Celia isn't here right now, but you can talk to me. I'm her brother, Ricardo. I am responsible for her kids tonight," Ranger said into the phone. He was silent while the guy on the other end gave his spiel. "Yes, I'll let her know. Thank you. Goodbye," Ranger said and hung up the phone. I stared wide-eyed at him.
"What?" he asked me, raising an eyebrow.
"You just ended a conversation," I said.
He gave me a 'whatever' look and turned and walked into the family room where Jazz and James were playing video games. He stood in front of the TV, much to their protest, and turned off the Xbox. I stood behind the couch, in the kitchen doorway to watch the show.
"What the heck was that for?" Yelled James, "We were winning!"
Ranger didn't answer James. He just glared down at Jazz.
"What'd I do?" asked Jazz with a look of pure innocence.
"You put whipped cream in another student's locker, laxatives in said student's soda, a kiwi in said student's exhaust pipe, chewed gum in said student's backpack, and if that isn't already enough, green hair dye in said student's hairspray. What the hell were you thinking?"
Jazz glared right back up at Ranger. "First of all, I didn't put gum in her backpack. That was an accident. It fell out of my mouth. Second of all, that bitch deserved everything she got."
"And what did she do to deserve it?"
"Everything."
"What did she do?" Ranger was losing his patience. I could tell. And I knew it wouldn't be good.
"She stole my friend's boyfriend, stole my paper that took me three hours to write and copied it, spread rumors about my other friend that almost got him kicked off the lacrosse team, and is all around a scurrilous whore. I was just getting revenge."
Ranger shook his head. "That's no reason to put a kiwi in her exhaust pipe. You ruined her car, which you are going to pay for. And you are going to pay for the school books you ruined. And you are going to pay for the school toilet that was clogged and ruined."
I burst out laughing at that last part. I tried to cover it up but I couldn't. That girl sounded so much like Joyce and to hear about Jazz getting revenge was music to my ears. Jazz grinned at me and looked back at Ranger.
"See? Stephanie is on my side."
Ranger shot me a glare and turned back to Jazz. "Your mother is going to go nuts. And you are suspended for the rest of the week."
"Sweet! Three day vacation!" said Jazz, throwing her arms in the air. She looked up at Ranger. "No will you please move? James and I have some Elites to get back to." And with that she reached around Ranger and turned the Xbox back on. Ranger sighed and brushed past me back to the kitchen. I followed.
"You know Babe, it's hard for me to be very disciplinary with you cracking up every two seconds."
I tried to hide the smile. I really did. "Sorry, but that girl really did deserve it."
He stared at me for a beat. "I know she did. But her mother was also thinking about pressing charges for trying to hurt her daughter. The principal told me that Jazz wasn't too stingy with the laxatives and too much of that stuff can be potentially dangerous. And I'm afraid that if Jazz gets too out of line Celia will send her to military school."
"Yikes," I said. That wouldn't be good, I guessed.
"No kidding, that's exactly what happened to me. I put a cherry bomb in another boy's locker because he stole some money from me and he was sent to the hospital."
"Jeez. How about some anger management?"
Ranger did the half smile. "I met Tank at military school. Boy did we wreak havoc on that place. I think we're in the hall of fame."
I laughed. I could just imagine a teenage Ranger and Tank running around the school, planting whoopee cushions. "Weren't you two ever punished?"
"God yes. We were belted, locked into separate rooms for hours at a time, sent to bed with no dinner, and the more creative drill instructors tied us both to chairs with signs that said 'juvenile delinquents' in the front hallway for people to laugh at."
It took me awhile to recover from this news. Finally I wiped away the tears of laughter and looked back over at Ranger. "Omigod. Batman was a hood."
Ranger flashed me the 200-watt grin. I think I almost fainted.
Ranger and I were watching Jazz's Kirby beat the stuffing out of James's Star Fox when there was another shriek from upstairs. Ranger was at the top of the stairs in a flash, almost knocking Erin's door off its hinges.
There was Erin, standing her bed, trying to untangle her hair from the ceiling fan. Apparently she had been jumping on the bed and her hair got caught. Thank god the fan hadn't been on. That would not have been good.
Ranger put his gun away and glared at Erin. "Would you stop shrieking? Every time you do that I think there's some axe-murder in the house."
Erin glared right back. "Well sorry but this kind of HURTS," she yelled.
I heard laughter behind me and turned around. Jazz and James were clinging to each other, laughing hysterically. Felix was sitting on the bed playing with Erin's barbies, completely oblivious to his surroundings.
Ranger turned to Jazz. "Go help your sister," he said.
Jazz was laughing to hard to move. So I played hero and climbed up on the bed.
I peered over the fan at the mess of hair, right at the bottom of the blade, where it meets the middle. "Jeezus Erin how did this happen?" I asked.
She glared at me. "I don't know! I was just jumping and I hit my head on the fan and it got caught!"
Her hair didn't get caught to the fan. It wrapped itself around it and clung to the fan. I pulled and tugged and brushed and tampered but that knot just held on with all its heart. Every so often Erin would squeak or shriek with pain. Jazz and James were sitting on the floor, against the wall, eating popcorn and watching. Ranger was leaning in the doorway, amusement showing clearly on his normally stoic face.
Nothing was working. The knot was not coming out.
"Sorry Erin, but I think we're going to have to cut it."
"NO!" she shrieked at the same time Jazz jumped up to go get scissors.
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no!" Erin scrabbled at the knot above her head furiously, but to no avail. Jazz handed me a pair of scissors. Erin's eyes widened in horror when she saw the scissors and wouldn't let me get near her hair.
"Erin if you don't want to live your life attached to a fan you'll let me cut it!"
She scowled. "Fine."
I carefully sliced her free, trying to make the cut as small as possible. Finally Erin was free and she shoved us all out of the room, wanting to be left alone to mourn over her 'ruined hair'.
"Jeez," I said to Ranger, "I didn't cut it that badly."
All I got was a smile.
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ps, My friend actually did the whole 'kiwi in the exhasut pipe' thing to his principal's car. cheers.
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