Disclaimer

I don't own Holes. I thought we already got that figured out.

Dear Mom,

Do you think I am feminine? Do I seem gay to you? I'm sorry that this is what I say in my letter, but seriously, do I seem gay? It's really bothering me and everyone else just laughs.

Send Brownies,

Greg.

Dear Mother Dearest,

Did you know that you can pop a blister that is a blister on a popped blister? Who knew! I didn't. I hope that Dad isn't too worried. I am not being molested so do tell him that. Also, did I happen to receive an envelope from Yale? If it is a big envelope, be sure to send it. If it is a small envelope, tell me I didn't get anything or I will be very sad, and I will cry, and everyone will make fun of me. We don't want that now, right? Right. I miss you, Dad and Gina. Remind Ada to keep away from my CDs and my ipod. Remember, Yale envelope.

Lots of love,

Adrienne.

To Whom It May Concern:

I have written to inform you that I am doing wonderful at camp. The lake is an amazing sight. It is gorgeous. Father would love to bring his boat on it. I have even gotten a tan! I'm excited about it. I miss you all and I love you.

Sincerely,

Alice.

Dad,

This place fucking sucks, and I hate it.

Trixie.

Dear family,

I am writing in code so that I cannot be traced. The elephant is on the high wire and the gravy tastes like French toast. I would like to dance with a chicken. Kids do not taste like raw meat. Hate is a virtue.

Killing you softly,

Tap

Dear Glenn,

I miss you! You must write me lots and lots of long letters! My cell phone died so we can't talk anymore. : ( Did you like the sad face? It is really, very sad. I miss you lots!

Love,

Giorgio

p.s. You are STILL loony!

Dear Mom and Dad,

How are you? I'm doing relatively well. I hate this place and Gina, but I am actually doing all right. Adrienne and Alice send their love. I'm not going to tell you what Trixie did. She has not stopped being lewd since we got here. But that's why we love Trixie, so no one minds. I hope to be home before Christmas. I don't know if I will with how everything is going, but I hope to. Also, when I do get home, never make me dig a hole again! I hate looking at them. I hate digging them. Adrienne and I are having a competition on blisters. Anyway, I should go. We are going to play pool! Just think, me playing pool. It's so weird!

Write soon,

Juliana.

Dear Mr. Bossman,

These interns are not keeping up with their tasks! They are worse than those interns who started themselves on fire! I swear to heaven above, sometimes I just want to choke them. They don't listen and this one is ALWAYS sassing me. I think we should have them killed when this is all done. In addition, I would like to ask if the love potion we were trying to concoct is ready for use on humans yet. If it is, I need some sent here stat. If it is not, send some anyway and I'll test it on that Pendanski loser.

I have sent the files in a different envelope.

Gina.

p.s. The Warden is a bitch. I say we should have her killed too.

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"You wrote a letter to Glenn?" Juliana asked Giorgio as the group sat in their tent eating some string cheese Tap had stashed away. "What about your parents?"

Giorgio looked through a Sports Illustrated, "They went on safari. Hey, Adrienne, would you wear this bathing suit?"

Adrienne looked at the magazine to see a skimpy black bikini, "Not if hell froze over and Lance Armstrong grew wheels."

"Heh, Lance Armstrong with wheels," Alice giggled with her pillow on her face.

"Maybe he can run Sheryl Crow over," Trixie bit off a chunk of string cheese.

"Oh, that's mean," Alice continued giggling.

"Hey, I hate that bitch," Trixie frowned.

"Safari? Your parents went on safari without you?" Juliana asked Giorgio who was holding the Sports Illustrated up like it was a penthouse.

"Oh my god. If I was straight, I swear to…." he looked over to see Juliana giving him a death glare. "Safari… right…. Well, I went on safari not too long ago with them and hated it, so they decided that they would do that for the family trip because they loved it. No biggie."

Tap crawled out from under Alice's cot with her surveillance glasses on and crawled under Greg's. Greg's pencil stopped doodling Gina's impalement on a shovel as he realized what had just happened. Juliana continued to argue with Giorgio, who would sometimes ask Adrienne if she would wear some god awful bathing suit.

"What are you doing, Tap?" Greg asked, thumping on his cot.

Tap came out from under it, "I'm checking for grenades."

Giorgio turned from Juliana's frown, "Who said grenade?"

Alice shot up, "Grenade?"

Tap looked around manically, "Grenade? Where is grenade?"

"There is no grenade, Tap. There is not going to be a grenade at Camp Greenlake, nor in our tent, so kindly get away from my cot," Greg said reproachfully.

"Shut up, Greg! I'm just looking out for everyone's well being!" Tap argued.

"There are no grenades, Tap!"

"I bet that there are!"

"Wait one minute, I just realized that we are eating string cheese, and we are in an incredibly hot place. How is this string cheese not all mushy and uneatable?" Adrienne frowned at the string cheese she held in her hand.

"I cryogenically froze it when I was nine," Tap said.

Trixie tossed her string cheese away immediately. Juliana shot up, dropping hers like it was poison. Adrienne stared at hers for a second, wrapped it back up in its wrapper and scooted it away from her. Alice sat up calmly, having finished hers shortly after she had gotten it and ingested two more since then.

"Excuse me, I have to go puke now," she said, walking out of the tent.

"What? They are still good!" Tap shrugged.

"Shut up, Tap," Greg rolled his eyes and went back to his drawing.

Alice puked in the closest hole she could find. The sound of an angry reptile came back up to her after she did so, so she ran away from the hole as fast as she could. She stopped running at about the showers and considered taking one. Then she remembered oh yeah, she's at a boys' camp, and there was no way in hell that she would be put in that position. Good old disinfecting wipes are better than a shower any day.

"Yo, Captain!" a voice called behind her.

She continued staring at the showers, not feeling quite in the mood to move.

"Captain, aren't you going to acknowledge me?" X-ray suddenly stood before her, but she didn't flinch. He waved his hand before her face. "Hello, Captain? Anyone home?"

She grabbed his arm, "Stop."

He smiled and took back his arm, "Wow, you are quick!"

She rolled her eyes, "What do you want exactly…" she remembered her persona, "Dawg?"

"Why do you do that?"

"Why do I do what, brotha?"

"You did it again!"

"What in the shiznit did I do!"

"That!"

"What?"

"You aren't black!"

"Dude, do you not see my skin color," she caught herself. "for shizzle… or something."

"It's fo' shizzle, actually."

"I am not having this conversation right now," she rolled her eyes and started to walk away.

"Wait, Captain! Captain! Captain! STOP WALKING ALREADY!"

"Nope," she called, not stopping.

He appeared in front of her again and held her shoulders so that she would keep still, "I need to talk to you."

She narrowed her eyes, "Why?"

"I need to understand what is with your tent."

"What do you mean, 'with my tent'?"

"I mean why do you all act like you are different people than you are?"

"I'm not following."

"You know, you're different."

"Still not getting it."

"I know you don't talk street. I know that Jock Strap isn't a dumb blonde, and I'm starting to think Brazen is not really a brazen hussy after all."

Alice kept her cool, although she didn't know quite what to do, "Are you done?"

"Yes."

"Well, let me inform you, brotha', that dat is who we be, a'ight?" she inwardly cringed at how horrible and rehearsed that sounded. "I'll just be going now."

"I'm not letting you go until you answer me honestly," he stayed put.

"Look over there! Mr. Sir in a bikini!" Alice pointed in the other direction. X-Ray looked, and she ran away as fast as she could, which was fast because she was the captain of the track team.

X-Ray frowned, "I have no idea why I just fell for that. I would be scarred for life if I saw that."

Gina ran by quick, looking around like a madwoman, "Where is Mr. Sir in a bikini? Where?"

With that, X-Ray decided that he was not going to think anymore and walked to the wreck room to talk to Squid.

I like letters. Yay for letters! X-Ray is very perceptive, I guess. It's going to be hard to keep fooling him, but I'm sure I will think of something. Or I'll stop writing altogether. I do kind of have a writer's block for the next chapter. Thanks to Celtic Cross, crazygurl86 and Nosilla for reviewing. All reviews are appreciated and welcome. So review everyone! Kthnx.