Chapter Fourteen - Karma
"Jack, Tony, glad you're back."
"Thanks Ryan."
They settled into the conference room, preparing to be briefed on what had transpired in their absence.
"I take it everything went well?"
They both nodded simultaneously.
"Good, now that you're here there are a few things I'd like to discuss..."
Ryan pulled out an unnaturally thick file folder and Tony inwardly groaned. Back to work it was then...
"And now, about Michelle..."
Ryan looked up at both of them. Jack frowned and Tony's eyes narrowed.
"I thought everything went well?" Jack asked.
"It did, that's what I want to talk to you about. I don't think we're utilizing Michelle to her full capacity."
Tony felt relieved. Michelle would be happy to know how well Ryan thought she'd done. "What else do you want me to put her on?" he asked, completely oblivious as to what was coming. Jack didn't seem to take this so easily, and he watched Tony carefully, trying to warn him against any outbursts about to come.
"Nothing. I want to give her some more work to do in the field. I think she could be a real - "
"Michelle's not a field agent, I need her at CTU." Tony's breaths were coming fast now.
"I agree but I think that in some cases it might be better if Jack had someone reliable to take out there with him...I want Michelle to attend a course geared towards new recruits now that your back, get her familiar with some of the procedures, refine some of her skills...I'm sure you're aware she hasn't been in the field for a long time..."
Ryan continued to babble and did not seem to notice the daggers Tony was shooting him. Jack was trying to non-verbally send messages for Tony not to lose his cool unless he wanted his relationship realized. Tony took the hint and let out an exasperated sigh. Just because Ryan wanted Michelle trained didn't mean she would be going out in the field. Tony and Jack would be the one's who decided that in the end.
"Fine, we'll get Michelle trained." Tony finally looked at Ryan directly.
"Good. I'll be in touch with details about where she needs to go, and when training starts, in the next couple of days. Inform Michelle and we'll get the process started."
Ryan was gone before Tony could say anything else. Jack scrutinized him carefully.
"You want me to tell her?"
Tony shook his head. "I'll do it."
"I'm sure we won't have to send her out there unless it's absolutely necessary."
Jack rose and made his way towards the door.
"Yeah."
Tony stood and followed.
On his way back up the stairs Tony stopped at Michelle's station. He leaned in closely as she keyed away at her computer.
"I need to talk to you when you get a second."
Michelle nodded and signaled she'd be up in a minute. True to her word, Tony had barely sat down behind his desk when Michelle glided into the room.
"What's up?"
Tony ran his tongue over his teeth before starting to speak, figuring out the best way to break the news.
"You seem to have made a good impression on Chappelle..."
Michelle beamed and tilted her head to get a better look of his face. "Really?"
Tony did not return her excitement. He knew she wouldn't be happy once she discovered what the approval of Ryan Chappelle entailed.
"He wants you to take a course that'll give you some more training in field work."
He looked up at Michelle expecting to see her horrified response. There was nothing of the sort; quite on the contrary, she still looked as excited as ever.
"You're happy about this?" Tony wasn't.
"Well it's not like I haven't done field work before Tony...and if Chappelle trusts me enough to put me in the field-"
"Chappelle doesn't put you in the field." Tony informed her furiously. "I do..."
His voice wavered and Michelle seized the opportunity.
"Chappelle's not having me trained so you can keep me at CTU...he's gonna want you to send me out there eventually. He'll be expecting you to..."
Tony was being unreasonable, he knew it. But the thought of Michelle in the field, out there, where so many things could go wrong, where he wasn't there to look out for her...he couldn't let it happen.
"Tony." Michelle tempted him to look at her, while she approached his desk and stood over him confidently.
"I'm doing this. And if they need me in the field I'm going to go...because it's my job." She told him firmly. Tony met her eyes.
"Okay?"
"Yeah," Tony's gaze fell to his hands in front of him. "Anyways I'd better get started on this stuff..." he indicated to the pile of paperwork on his desk.
Michelle did not say another word, but turned around and left the room.
Tony avoided Michelle for the rest of the day and it just about killed her. He was not angry with her; she knew that, he was angry with the circumstances. Deciding it was better to let him stew over this in peace, she did not push anymore.
As the end of the day neared, Michelle started to wonder what would happen when they left work. Would they go home together? Would Tony want to be by himself? After only one night back in each other's company Michelle prayed he wouldn't leave her again. She couldn't stand the thought of another night without him, not when he was only a few minutes away...Not when he was choosing not to be with her. Perhaps all would be decided when they arrived at her apartment. They had taken the same car after all.
The drive was deathly silent. Tony stared blankly at the road and Michelle wondered what he was actually seeing...
When the car stopped in front of her building she turned to look at him for some sort of response. Tony had not moved, not even to unbuckle his seatbelt.
Michelle was starting to feel like this was getting a bit ridiculous. Tony had no reason to be ignoring her because Chappelle wanted her trained. It wasn't her fault after all. Doing field work came with the territory and they both knew that. Tony had even gone out a few weeks ago, practically giving her a heart attack and she had not said a thing! She'd accepted it! His surly expression was becoming aggravating. She was no longer sympathetic towards him, she was angry. Besides, it was her choice, not his...
"Are you coming?" she asked coldly.
Tony did not respond.
"Tony look, I didn't ask for this but now that it's happened I'm not backing away from it. It's a good opportunity for me. The fact that Chappelle thinks I can do it says a lot..."
Still no response.
"It is not your choice to make. If I want to go through with this training..."
"I know I know. I can't stop you if you want to do it..."
"That's right." Michelle looked back at him fiercely.
Tony ran his fingers through his hair as Michelle climbed out of the car.
"I'm going in..." she informed him.
"I think I'm gonna take a drive."
Michelle shook her head in disgust. "Fine." she slammed the door closed.
It was late and Michelle was no where near close to falling asleep. She'd had no word from Tony since he'd left her outside the building.
She continued to pace back and forth across the room, unable to stand in one spot. Maybe he had gone back to his apartment...maybe she should call him? What if he was still out?
A key in the door made Michelle stop moving. She listened carefully, the sound unfamiliar to her. Tony entered and dropped his things on the hall table, oblivious to Michelle's presence. As he turned the corner to the kitchen he saw her and stopped walking.
"I figured you'd be in bed."
She shrugged. . "Well, I'm not."
Tony toyed with the zipper on his jacket until Michelle could no longer take the silence. "Look Tony, I'm sorry I got upset...trust me I know how hard it is to - "
"Forget it..."
Michelle looked up from the fingers that were laced in front of her. Tony moved across the room and lifted her chin.
"Things have been going pretty fast..."
Michelle kinked her jaw to one side. "Yeah, they have."
"I...I just..."
"It's a little overwhelming sometimes..." Michelle told him truthfully. "But I love you...so...I guess I don't care."
"I just," Tony sighed; frustrated he couldn't verbalize his thoughts. "I just never thought...I don't..." Michelle looked at him encouragingly. "I don't like it when I'm not there to protect yo-"
"I don't need you there all the - "
"I know you don't." Tony closed his eyes and then snapped them back open, calm again. "I know you don't." he repeated in barely a whisper. "But I can't stand the thought of anything happening to you."
"Tony you're not the only person in this relationship who has to worry about things like that..." Her voice was soft but her words were firm.
"I know that too...but I also know that I never thought I'd love you...anybody... this much...and I do. So I am sorry if I..." he hung his head and scratched the back of his neck.
"Can we just go to bed?" Michelle moved a hand to his face. "Please?"
Tony nodded and drew her in, trying to soak up as much as he could of the feeling of Michelle in his arms.
On the tenth day since Chappelle had brought up the notion, Michelle was on her way to Division to attend the first part of her seminar on field work. After all her protesting and insistence that she do this, saying goodbye to Tony that morning caused a pang of anxiety to wash over her. The seminar was one offered to new recruits specializing in Field Ops; Michelle would be, more likely than not, the only person there who hadn't done anything that even remotely resembled field work in a good year. She was out of shape, she deduced, but despite lengthening her runs everyday, there was not much more she could change under such short notice.
She entered the building with the air of someone who deserved and was prepared to be there just as much as the next person. It was the half-truth. Walking to the room where the "theoretical" portion of the training was to take place took far longer than expected, elevating Michelle's nerves. Tony had mocked her when she told him about the theory lecture, saying the fieldwork wasn't something you could learn listening to some guy talk about it...
"We'll see who has the last laugh when I'm through with you Almeida." she'd remarked snidely before locking herself in the bathroom for a long luxurious shower. Leaving Tony feeling as though he'd not only missed out on all the hot water, but the better part of an hour he could've been spending in there with her.
That morning though, she swore she fell in love with him all over again. As they were parting ways at their respective cars, Tony had pulled her in, grazing her ear with his lips.
"Nervous?"
Michelle had shuddered. "Of course not..." she lied.
Tony had raised an eyebrow and nuzzled her cheek.
"Alright," she sighed. "Maybe just a little."
He shook his head and hugged her tightly. "Don't be, you'll do great."
As she climbed into her car he had waved and called "I'll see ya tonight." through the open window.
And now, here she was. With a final deep breath, determined not to show anything that remotely resembled to fear to whoever was on the other side of the door, Michelle pushed it open and entered the room.
A few pairs of eyes turned to look at her and Michelle inwardly groaned. The thought had never crossed her mind but now that she was here, she realized how naive she had been for not considering it.
Of the fifty some odd people in the room, more than three-quarters of them were young, early 20-something, muscle rippling guys. Reluctantly, she situated herself between two empty chairs, as to avoid being overcome by the amount of testosterone in the room. She quickly did a scan for another female. Anything to avoid her being singled-out...There were two. A tall, lean black woman with leg muscles that easily put Michelle to shame, and an auburn-haired, short one with freckles, and hair pulled back in what Michelle could only define as an unnecessarily tight ponytail. Fumbling with her own appearance Michelle forced herself to harden her expression. It was becoming all too familiar that being on equal playing field with these people was a lot more intimidating than she remembered. She was now used to being considered management, being someone to report to... There was none of that here. No one knew or cared under who's authority she was taking the course. It was every man for himself.
A few more sets of eyes seemed to take turns shifting in her direction and Michelle couldn't help but wonder if it was her imagination, or if they were staring at her. There was no time though, for at that moment the instructor entered the room and began his obviously well prepared speech on the use of lethal force. Emphasizing that field operative agents were not trained to shoot-to-kill at all costs. There were always extenuating circumstances under which the death of hostile could destroy an investigation.
Michelle rolled her eyes. This was pointless. She knew this perfectly well, she'd more or less ran the damn office of CTU Los Angeles for a week! This was for rookies, not for someone with her hands-on experience and training. She worried Tony was short-handed, that he wouldn't be able to get through everything without her assistance. It was completely irrational but she hated the idea of being kept locked up in some stupid classroom when she could be doing something useful.
She told Tony so when she called him at lunch.
"Tony, this is insane. I'm not going to spend every morning this week being barked at by some retired agent who probably hasn't worked at Division in at least ten years. It's a waste of time; I should be at CTU, doing something productive..."
"If you want to be trained for Field Ops Michelle, you have to take the course. That was Chappelle's condition."
"Chappelle would not want me here..." she insisted. "Can't you at least try to get a hold of him, see if there's another way to do it?"
Tony sighed, it was true. If Michelle wasn't learning anything worth while he'd much rather have her back at CTU.
"What's your schedule look like after lunch?"
"Practical..."
"And for the rest of the week?"
"Same thing..." she glanced around the cafeteria quickly to make sure no one was overhearing her conversation.
"Tony please...what if I just come back after lunch...at least I can be at CTU in the mornings then..."
"I'll call Chappelle, okay?"
"Thank you."
Michelle glanced around the cafeteria quickly, searching for the most unoccupied bench. A few of the recruits seemed to know each other and had formed a small clique at one table, where they roared and joked in obnoxiously loud voices.
The 'popular table' Michelle laughed. She settled herself on the far end of one bench with her cup of coffee, unaware it was situated right by the trash can. Just as she was starting to wish she'd brought a laptop along to do some work, a water bottle went soaring past her ear, spraying her with its remnants and soaking the shirt she was wearing. Michelle looked up, livid. These were the newest wave of government agents? How badly she wanted Jack to whip them into shape...
She picked the bottle up off the floor, seething through her teeth, while one of the better looking of the bunch shouted:
"Next time duck, sweetheart!"
Michelle scowled and took another sip of her coffee, which had thankfully not been knocked over. Never had she known agents to be like this. These people weren't equipped to work in the field; they were barely equipped to handle a knife and fork. Either that or they shifted personas about as quickly as the wind shifted direction, for during the instructor's lecture they had remained perfectly silent, some going so far as to scribble down a few notes.
Grateful that lunch was over, Michelle made her way to the separate building that housed the firing-range. A new instructor, a much more physically apt one, was ordering everyone to pick up a pair of earmuffs, a hand gun, and stand in a line beside one of the stations. Much to Michelle's dismay she found herself soon surrounded by the same recruits who had sent the water bottle sailing in her direction a few minutes earlier. Michelle covered her ears in hopes of drowning out any sort of new remarks anyone would feel necessary to share with her, and instead loaded her gun.
The first set of people stepped up to the enclosed glass and took aim. Their instructions were deliver a non-fatal shot to the target's right shoulder blade. In Michelle's group, the first shot went directly through the make-shift person's heart.
She shook her head as the guy made his way back to the line, shrugging it off as though anyone could make the same mistake. The instructor stopped everyone before the next group could get a shot off and lectured them again, much to Michelle's horror, about how important it was to be able to wound, and not kill, a hostile.
The next group of people did not do much better. The shots were still off the mark, and came way to close to causing what one would consider "fatal" damage. The third and fourth rounds of people were equally as bad.
Finally it was Michelle's turn. Her stomach twisted uncomfortably, not entirely accustomed to the weight of a loaded gun in her hand. It had been a long time...This is why you're here...she reminded herself as she stepped out of line.
A voice behind her called, "don't hurt yourself sweetheart!" as she entered the glass casing. Michelle ignored it and took aim, focusing on the sound of her slow, deliberate breaths. On the instructor's command she pulled the trigger, hitting her mark dead on.
It was the second time today all eyes were on her, as everyone realized someone had actually hit the right spot. As she placed the safety back on her gun and returned to the line the instructor snapped, "I want to see more of that!" at everyone else.
Michelle felt the faintest hint of a smile threaten to spread over her face. Tony would be proud.
The drill lasted a horrendously long amount of time, as far as Michelle was concerned, but she had to admit everyone seemed to be getting a lot better. Only a few people had managed to hit their target the first time round from what she could see, herself, and two or three of the guys at the other end of the room. The fact that she'd out-shot everyone in her group did not seem to invoke the kind of response Michelle would've liked. If anything it only increased the harassment she experienced for the remainder of the exercise.
Disgusted, once again, at the inappropriateness of their behavior, Michelle made her way upstairs for their second break of the day. She had just pulled out her phone to place another call to Tony when yet another snide remark was sent her way.
"Who ya callin' honey? Hot date?"
Michelle was seriously considering pulling rank, and having the next person who dared breathe a word to her arrested on the spot, when a figure appeared at her side.
"And that's why he's repeating this course for the third time...can't keep his mouth shut..." came the voice.
Michelle turned around to see who had spoken. It was one of the other recruits who she'd seen hit the target first-time around. He was tall, blonde, with a closely shaven head, and well-built. He extended a hand.
"Chase Edmunds."
Michelle was a little taken aback by his demeanor towards her. She offered her own hand. "Michelle Dessler."
"Don't worry," Chase assured her. "We're not all like that...you're just stuck being surrounded by a very outspoken minority..."
Michelle laughed. "Are you Field Ops?"
He grinned a half grin. "Not yet, but with a little luck, maybe in a few months."
Michelle smiled and Chase gestured for her to take a seat. He handed her a bottle of water, for which she was grateful.
"I take it you're not exactly new to this?"
"Not quite..." Michelle shook her head. "I work at CTU...my boss just decided he wanted me re-trained for field work..."
Chase swallowed a mouthful of his own bottle. "Who?"
"Ryan Chappelle, he's -"
"I know Chappelle." He cut her off. "Well, not personally...but everyone knows him I guess...he's your boss?"
"Not directly...but it was his decision..." That was definitely a gross understatement.
They each took sips of their water.
"What about you?" Michelle queried.
"I was SWAT..." Chase informed her. "I decided I needed a change though. They sent me out to LA to be trained but I'm hoping to get a job back East..."
"You live there?"
"My girlfriend's out there. We live together."
The label on Michelle's water bottle was coming undone, she fingered it delicately. "And she doesn't mind you doing a job like this?"
He chuckled. "She hates it..."
"That doesn't surprise me." Michelle smirked.
Chase then noticed the cell phone still clutched in Michelle's hand.
"Sorry, were you trying to call someone?"
"Oh!" Michelle placed the phone down beside her. "Well actually I was calling my office to see if they could get me out of that theoretical part of this, I mean I'm not really getting evaluated so I figured I'd be more useful..."
"I wish I could do the same thing..." he sighed. "I'm going insane in there..."
She nodded. "It's fine though, I call afterwards..." she checked her watch. "I think we have to get back anyway..."
The remainder of the evening passed much more enjoyably than the beginning had. If Michelle herself was not intimidating to the loudmouths of their group, Chase certainly was. As the night neared to an end she decided she'd make them wish they'd been a hell of a lot nicer to her, some day...
Finally, her first day behind her, Michelle and Chase collected their belongings and headed out into the parking lot. Michelle just about froze when she saw Tony's car parked in the front row of spots, he climbed out as soon as she emerged from the building. Chase gave her a puzzled look.
"Who's that?"
"That's uh..." Michelle didn't know how to answer the question. "That's my...boyfriend..."
Convinced she was about as believable a liar as Pinocchio, Michelle was relieved when Chase did not say anything more and instead wished her goodnight. She returned the gesture.
"Hey sweetheart." Tony smiled and Michelle immediately didn't care if Chase could see or hear anymore. After this week she would never see him again anyway, if he wanted to ask questions fine, but she needed Tony to be her Tony right now, not Tony Almeida, Director of CTU. His use of the term 'sweetheart' reminded Michelle how many times she'd been called that today, albeit, in a much different manner...
"Hey, what are you doing here?" she smiled tiredly back.
"Well I was leaving work and I thought I'd swing by and see if you wanted a ride home..."
"So, how was it?" Tony grabbed the bag out of her hands and found her fingers with his as they started to walk.
"Do you remember what you were like at twenty?"
Tony grabbed her ponytail, and tilted her head back so she could see the disgusted expression on his face.
Michelle continued, "I'm in a room full of egos, none of which can keep their mouth shut long enough to figure out what the hell they're doing..."
Tony chuckled. "Well see, I wasn't like that at twenty, I knew what I was doing..."
She rolled her eyes but laughed.
"Did you call Chappelle?"
"Yeah, he said you can skip the morning since you're not getting any credit for this anyway..."
"Thank god."
"How am I gonna get here tomorrow?" she asked as they climbed inside the car.
"Take one of the cars from CTU; yours'll be fine here overnight..."
Tony slid his keys into the ignition without starting the car, he turned to Michelle. "How'd you do?"
She tried to conceal her own pleased grin but Tony called her on it.
"I mean it wasn't that hard to do..." she explained after telling him the story. "But it's been a while so I mean..."
Tony kissed her cheek. "See now I know I'm rubbing off on you..."
As they continued to drive Tony continued to prod her about the experiences she'd had that day. Shaking his head when Michelle told him about the guys she was taking the class with.
"I thought we outgrew college..." she commented dully.
"We did...they didn't..."
She nodded in exasperated agreement.
"There was one nice guy though. I didn't meet him until the very end of the day but he seemed smart. He was SWAT before; left to come here and get trained...anyway no one bothered me after that..."
Tony smiled casually, feeling a slight twinge of something in the pit of his stomach. He wasn't sure if it was jealously or guilt.
Tony had thought he'd played the whole thing off rather well. Not letting Michelle see that someone else looking out for her was bothering him. In fact he was convinced she would never know any better when she stopped him on the way inside his apartment.
She grabbed his hand and kissed his jaw with a loud smack, her hands ran through his hair and Tony grinned at her.
"But I'm really glad I'm going to work with you again tomorrow."
As he closed the door behind them Tony pulled Michelle into his arms and rested his forehead against hers.
"So ya want me to pay a visit tomorrow and teach those guys a thing or two? Rough 'em up a little?"
Michelle giggled and shook her head, drawing Tony in more tightly towards her.
"C'mon..." she teased. "You know I can take care of myself..."
"You're dating Tony Almeida?"
Michelle's jaw dropped and she turned to face Chase incredulously. How did he know who Tony was? Chappelle yes, but Tony? The thought had never occurred to Michelle. What had she done now? What if someone else had seen them? What if someone knew who they both were?
"You know who - ?"
"He was at Division last week and one of the guys knew him..."
Chase seemed to pick up on Michelle's anxiety at this observation.
"I take it no one knows..."
Michelle blushed and nodded, covering her mouth with a hand.
"I got no one to tell." Chase assured her. "And it's none of my business anyway..."
"Thanks."
The remainder of the course passed on much more eventfully than the first day had. Michelle was actually enjoying it now. She was starting to remember why she wanted a chance to be in the field again, the rush, the adrenaline...it definitely had its appeal.
After their last set of drills on the Friday, an exhausted but happy Michelle accompanied Chase outside for the last time.
Tony had promised to pick Michelle up, insisting they at least go out for drinks in celebration of her completion of the course. Tony exited the car as soon as he saw the pair again and grinned at Michelle. As Chase made to leave Michelle held him back, insisting he at least stay and be introduced.
Tony seemed to pick up on Michelle's intent and shook Chase's hand the instant he arrived at them.
"Tony Almeida."
Chase nodded seriously. "Chase Edmunds."
They exchanged a few pleasantries and Michelle thanked Chase once again for sticking by her all week.
"See ya around Michelle." he called with a casual wave as he headed back over to his car.
As soon as she turned back to face Tony, he delicately planted his lips on hers.
"Tony..." she warned, be smiled anyway. He tugged her towards the car.
"I know I promised you a drink..."
Michelle laughed and climbed in beside him, a little surprised that he was refusing to let go of her hand, but delighted just the same.
Tony raised his bottle of beer and clinked it with Michelle's self-proclaimed 'girlie' martini. They both took a sip and Michelle closed her eyes, truly glad she would be going back to work for real the next day.
"Listen Michelle," Tony took her hand off the table and played with it gently in his fingers.
"I know I wasn't exactly thrilled when Chappelle told me he wanted you trained...and I'm still not...But..." he kissed each of her fingers consecutively, spending dubious amounts of time on each one. "I..."
Michelle leaned her head to one side and smiled as Tony blushed and bit his lip, trying to figure out how best to describe what he was thinking. Michelle cupped his cheek and forced him to look at her. She was smiling that smile that Tony really couldn't resist for the life of him. How many times had she taunted him with it at work, before the bomb? How many times had it made him feel a little queasy, ever more thankful he was sitting down? And now, he could kiss her when she did that. He didn't have to turn away and beg for her smell dissipate more quickly than the last time she'd lingered beside him...he didn't have to fight the urge to smoother her lips with his...or run his fingers all over her face...he could do it...
So he did.
As they left the bar later that night Michelle caught Tony staring at her, and looked at him curiously.
"What?" she waggled her eyebrow teasingly.
Tony looked away, ahead of them, and shrugged it off. "Nothin'..." he was starting to smirk.
"Tell me..." her fingers traced the inside of his palm, tickling it, and sending a few shivers throughout him in the process.
Tony kept walking, eyes straight ahead, lip bitten. He would not give anything away just because she did that...just because she looked at him like that...though god knows how badly he wanted to...It would be worth the wait, he promised himself. Well worth the wait...
"Tony..." she tried again, digging her nail a little more deeply into his skin as they continued to walk.
Tony stopped suddenly, holding her back and pulled her lips to his in the middle of the parking lot, rendering Michelle so breathless from the shock of it all, that what she had been probing him for was entirely forgotten.
"I was just thinking how lucky I am..." it was all he could give her right now, so she'd have to be happy with it.
She was. Michelle smiled and kept walking.
Tony couldn't shake the feeling of how badly he wanted to tell her everything, how badly he wanted to see the expression on her face... how infinitely happy Alicia had assured him she'd be...he hoped she was right.
Michelle wondered what he really was thinking about as they continued to walk, but knew not to ask again. It would come out when Tony was ready for it too, he was lucky like that. He could keep things hidden until he wanted them known. He'd been different since returning from New York, she couldn't quiet place how but something had definitely changed. Perhaps the distance had intensified his feelings; they seemed so much closer all of a sudden.
As they crawled into bed that night it was Michelle's turn to stare. Words were so horribly inadequate and she cursed herself for not being able to come up with something more original. The one time words failed her was the one time she needed them the most...Instead she simply settled for snuggling further under the blankets and against Tony's body and wrapped her hand around his as they dozed off to sleep. She sighed...good thing actions speak louder than words anyway...
