Disclaimer
I'm running out of witty things to say up here. Also, none of them were really witty in the first place, but I will humor myself and say they were. Anyway, yeah, I don't own Holes.
Dear Loving Sister,
I'm glad that you take joy in my misfortune. Really, I am. I'm sure that you can tell how excited I am that you think that I am feminine! Thank you for being the best sister in the whole world. Oh, and by the way, die a thousand deaths.
Thanks,
Greg.
Dear Mom,
I know! My blister count is amazing! I have so many now, you don't even know. My life as a hand model is over for good. They won't get infected, and if they do, I can come home. Please do not let Dad do anything rash! It would be quite valiant of him to come and save me, but I really do not wish it. Well, I do wish it, but I don't want him getting in trouble. I'll be home soon, I hope. I met a guy here. It's a pleasant little fling, I think. I like not having the constrictions that home gave me in relationships. You know, everyone thought of me as a certain way, and here I can be someone else. I'm missing Cecil a little though. He broke up with me, you know. Juliana thinks that I broke up with him, but I didn't. Oh well, I guess. Juliana and I aren't really talking. She's mad at me and all we do is fight, so I decided to just not talk to her. Suzuki is not helping because everything I do is like an insult to her. It shows that you can be friends with someone forever and then still have some brittle friendship. It's kind of depressing. Oh! Did I get my Yale envelope? Did I get it? I really want it, Mom, so please send it if I got it. I need it now! Okay, I'm done. I need to count my blisters.
Miss you too,
Adrienne.
Family:
Gosh, I miss all of you so much. I can't write the business letter right now. I'm kind of emotional. You get the drift. There is no lake. If there was, it would be some horrible mess. This place is just a mess. Miss you, miss you, miss you.
Love,
Alice.
Dad,
Fuck, Dad! I miss you now! Before I just had so much hate for this place, but now I really fucking miss you! How could you do that to me? Now I'm turning batshit, Dad! Fuck, I miss that stupid fucking bitch of a dog too! And I'm using mother fucking exclamation points! I'm like some god damn pussy now. Look what you did, Dad! You made like an emotional fucking girl! I don't know if I will forgive you, but, fuck, I miss you.
Trixie.
Comrade Dad,
The toaster is in the oven.
Frying on a hot skillet,
Tap.
My darling Glenn,
You are so funny! You make us sound like crazy love struck lovers or something. I think that is incredibly amusing. Of course, I also thought it amusing when that angry guy was chasing us when we threw our Starbucks at him. I need a Starbucks! I am going crazy, or how Trixie says, I'm going batshit. Hah! You are a moron sometimes, Glenn! But I laughed, a lot, at that story. Greg is not coping well with being a gay man at all. He probably won't come to Starbucks with us. He has had enough of me, I think. Mostly because I laugh at him, a lot, and he doesn't like it. But, on another note, I am in the process of getting out of here. All I have to do is talk this one cat into it, and we are set. You will see me at Starbucks within a week, I figure. Soon, soon my friend, I will be at Starbucks with you.
Loves loves,
Giorgio.
p.s. I know, aren't I?
Dear Mom and Dad,
I am sending nothing to Adrienne from you, but I will send something to Alice because I love Alice. Adrienne, though, we are, how to say this, at odds. She is taking Gina a little too seriously. She is making out with some random guy all the time! I can't believe her! And you know what? She broke up with Cecil! Can you believe that? Adrienne and Cecil were going to THE couple at Yale, and look at them! They are broken up! And then she keeps making us do Suzuki. What the hell? Sorry about the cursing, but I am so pissed at her right now. Oh, got to go, a certain someone just walked into the tent.
Love,
Juliana.
Dear Mr. Boss Sir,
Camp Green Lake should be called Camp Sucks-a-lot, cause it does. It sucks a lot. A LOT. Get me out of here!
Sincerely,
Gina.
Juliana stood by her not yet started hole, staring over at X-Ray as he talked to the Warden. Alice chewed some gum she had found in the bottom of her bag.
"What is going on over there, I wonder?" Juliana leaned against her shovel.
"Something dastardly, I'm sure," Alice narrowed her eyes.
"Hey, guys, did you know that Tom Cruise is going to be a father? Isn't that wrong?" Giorgio said, looking at a magazine Glenn had sent him. "Ooh, and Jessica and Nick are breaking up."
Greg snatched the magazine and started demolishing it with his shovel while Giorgio yelled at him.
"Oh, get a life, man," Greg rolled his eyes as Giorgio picked up the remnants of his magazine.
Giorgio stomped his foot down on Greg's toe and walked away to where Adrienne was digging her hole away from the group, trying to read the magazine still. Juliana watched him only slightly and looked away as soon as Adrienne looked up to look at him. Trixie walked in between Alice and Juliana and knocked on her canteen, trying to get the last remnants of water out of it.
"Fuck man, they do not give us enough water!" Trixie frowned, throwing down her canteen.
"You just drink it fast," Greg said as he walked up. "What are we looking at anyway?"
Tap appeared out of nowhere, "Caveman found something!"
"What?" the group asked together, though Trixie was too busy cursing about the water to know why she was saying what.
"Yeah, he found something and X-Ray took it and now X-Ray is getting the day off," Tap said knowingly.
"But Caveman found it! That is shit!" Alice stomped her foot.
"Utter bullshit. Utter fucking cock in ass bullshit," Trixie ran her tongue over her teeth.
"You only said that so that you could cuss," Alice turned to her. "You don't actually care."
"You're right! I don't! I'm going to go talk to Adrienne and Giorgio now. Screw you kids," Trixie walked off to wear Giorgio was reading Adrienne a story about Tom Cruise. Greg shrugged and followed her.
Juliana narrowed her eyes as she watched Trixie go, "Well, that's pleasant. Everyone loves Adrienne now."
Alice wasn't paying attention, moreover watching X-Ray get carted away for his day off, "Dastardly, dastardly business."
Then the diggers were told to dig one giant hole where X-Ray had "found" whatever it was he found. Tap said it was a waffle iron basted in bacon, but she was talking in code speak again, and no one knew what the hell she was talking about. Adrienne didn't mind digging another hole. She had become to like digging just a bit. Juliana, although she had not started her hole, was not happy about the big hole arrangement. Especially because she had to dig with the livid Alice, who nearly smacked Juliana with her shovel and/or dirt as she dug, saying, "dastardly," under her breath.
Juliana moved to dig next to Tap, for Tap was the only other person who wasn't digging with Adrienne. Tap dug slowly and carefully, always checking the dirt thoroughly for spying devices, bombs, or a key to freedom.
"I know I will find the key eventually," Tap said, sorting through the dirt on her shovel.
"What?" Juliana frowned, moving around the dirt in front of her instead of digging.
"The key to freedom, my friend! The key back to the real world!" Tap preached.
"Uh… right. Why is it a key if we, you know, aren't locked in. We could leave at any time."
"You know what, if you are going to condescend me, you can dig with someone else," Tap said harshly, surprising Juliana.
"Oh, come on, Tap!"
"Go dig with Alice."
"I did. She nearly gave me a concussion."
"Then dig with Adrienne!"
"Right… that's not going to happen."
"Well dig with someone else!" Tap yelped, thrusting her shovel into the earth.
Juliana frowned and went off to find someone else to dig with.
MEANWHILE AT ADRIENNE'S HOLE…
"Ick, I think someone used this as a bathroom," Trixie frowned, careful not to cuss with D-Tent so close to them.
"Oh my god, Katie Holmes is totally brainwashed! And how is she that fat when they just announced that she is pregnant? Seriously man!" Giorgio seethed, looking at his torn magazine.
"Giorgio, you can't see how fat she is. There's a hole where her stomach should be," Adrienne said lightly.
"Oh yeah. Thanks Greg!" Giorgio hit Greg on the shoulder.
"Don't mention it, Giorgio," Greg grumbled, digging into a specifically hard patch of dirt.
"Gosh man, how long have we been doing this for?" Trixie asked, staring up at the sun.
"Judging by the size of this huge hole… well, I'd say forever," Adrienne nodded.
Giorgio looked up from his magazine with a smile and noticed Juliana stomping away from Tap with her shovel slung over her shoulder, "Oy, Juliana! Where are you going? Why don't you join the jamboree?"
"Giorgio, don't," Adrienne said softly.
Juliana stopped and glared at Adrienne, "I don't think I'm wanted."
"You're the one who is mad at me," Adrienne said to herself.
"What?" Juliana snarled.
"She said, 'join the jamboree!' Now join or I will be forced to make you!" Giorgio broke in between the feuding friends. "Come here, between me and Trix."
Juliana shrugged and joined them. After another hour, the warden called it quits and everyone climbed out of the hole. Juliana avoided Adrienne on her way out, but Adrienne had about had it with being ignored.
"Hey, Jules, what is with you?" she asked Juliana point blank.
"Nothing is with me," Juliana responded.
"It sure seems like it. You're treating me like I am the scum of the Earth or something."
"Oh look, your lover boy is coming."
Adrienne turned to see Squid, Armpit and Magnet coming and then smirked back at Juliana, "So is yours."
Juliana nearly tackled her, but the boys got there first.
"Hey, Brazen," Squid said to Adrienne, ignoring Juliana like she was not worth to be talked to.
"Hi Squid," Juliana said loudly.
"Hey," he nodded lamely and turned back to Adrienne with a wide smile. "Hard work that was, huh?"
"I have practice. My dad is in the mafia," Adrienne smiled slyly.
"Really?" Armpit asked, mystified.
"No," Adrienne shook her head.
She and the boys laughed, but Juliana did not.
"I'm going to the wreck room," she grumbled, pushing in between Squid and Magnet.
"What is with her?" Armpit asked.
"Probably your smell man," Squid said and Magnet laughed.
Adrienne smiled slightly, upset about what Camp Green Lake had done to her friendship, but hid it well and walked back to camp with Squid's arm around her shoulder.
Oy, I am lame. I am really not good at this whole "updating in a timely manner" thing. I have been slightly busy coughwatching TVcough and quite stressed coughcouldn't find remotecough but I am trying. Give me that much. Kudos to Nosilla (dude, I didn't even remember what you said, but, yeah, they are doomed. Hella doomed. Heh, hella. Okay, let's pretend I never said hella, okay? Okay), BrokenAngel1753 (I did update soon! If soon means two weeks later… yeah, I'm sorry), LeMoNsOur (I am psychic and OMG please be my friend because that story was seriously funny. Kthnx), and emddozen12 (Let Suzuki die a thousand deaths and then one more) for reviewing this here story. I will try to be a better updater in the future, but there are no promises. Promises and me are like oil and water, we don't get along well at parties. So, yay! Review if you can, but if you can't, NEVER READ MY STORY AGAIN! I kid, I kid. Review, okay? It will make me happy and maybe I'd be a better updater, but probably not. Oh wells.
