Disclaimer
I do not own Holes, yo.
Giorgio, Alice and Adrienne sat on the couch in the wreck room whispering among themselves as Juliana walked in with a blank expression on her face. She sat down next to them staring into space and scratching her head.
"Hey, Jules, what did Miss Gene want?" Adrienne smirked.
Juliana didn't answer.
"Jules?"
Nothing.
"Yo, did a leech eat your brain or something, Jules?" Alice waved her hand before Juliana's face.
"Gina wants me to kill the warden," Juliana frowned.
Giorgio laughed out loud, "Amazing! You killing someone? I can't believe it!"
"Hey, she did ask me, so she must think I can do it!"
"Juliana, you can't even kill a spider, let alone a person."
"I don't like spiders!"
"Let's just drop it, okay?" Adrienne smiled. "Now, back to our plan to get Zero to escape."
"Yeah, I'm concerned that we won't be able to reach him," Alice bit her lip slightly. "I mean, he only talks to Caveman."
"I think he might have talked to me, but not much. I don't quite remember because, oh my god, the kid is incredibly creepy. It was like talking to Tap when she thinks that a room is bugged," Giorgio cringed.
Adrienne, Alice and Juliana all shuddered at the thought. Tap was like a zombie when she thought a room was bugged. Half the time one of them thought she would start eating brains at any moment.
"Speaking of Tap, where is she?" Juliana looked around the room.
"I have no idea," Adrienne and Alice said together.
"I think she went out with Zigzag a little bit ago. I don't much want to know what they are doing," Giorgio kept his cringe.
Greg slammed down onto the couch just then, his face looking incredibly mean.
"Hey Greg," Juliana smiled slightly as she pushed away from him.
"What does Armpit have that I don't have? Really, what is so great about him?" Greg crossed his arms as he stared at Trixie and Armpit laughing about something or another.
"Well, he doesn't lunge for a gun every other day," Giorgio gave a cheeky smile.
"Trixie and I have been friends since we were kids! How can she just pass me over!" Greg threw up his hands.
"Because you are friends and dating a friend is skeevy?" Adrienne leaned on her hand with an amused smile.
"Adrienne, would you act like my girlfriend to make Trixie jealous?"
"You're gay."
"Oh yeah."
Giorgio burst out laughing, "YOU'RE GAY? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!"
"Look what you did, Greg! You made him laugh!" Juliana covered her mouth in horror.
"Deplorable!" Alice cried.
"Hey, Ade, what was in that letter from Cecil, anyway?" Juliana asked.
"I didn't read it," Adrienne answered.
"Why not? Don't you love this Cecil fellow?" Giorgio asked with a wide smile.
"That's exactly why I can't read it. I'm confused right now. I don't think that we should talk about it anymore."
"You know, I doubt that this Zero thing will work. I really doubt it," Alice mused.
"And why is that, Alice darling?" Giorgio asked, having lost interest in Adrienne.
"Because, I just don't."
"We'll see tomorrow what happens. If he still seems dead to the world, we'll leave the kid alone and make a new plan. Ok?"
"Ok."
And what happened the next day was the most amazing thing that could ever happen. First, Greg decided that he would shoot himself and found out that his gun was, in fact, not loaded. That set the stage for everyone waking up to Greg trying to hang himself, from the tent top, with a small ankle sock. Trixie laughed at him, called him a "fucktard" and left without a second thought. That led to having to drag the poor boy out crying. Then, while everyone was digging their holes coughtalking about the pros and cons of life as a lizardcough Zero escaped.
Now, one would think that Giorgio would flaunt the fact that Zero not only escaped, but escaped by smacking Pendanski in the head with a shovel which he pseudo suggested. One would be right in that case because, well, Giorgio did not dig his hole at all because he was harassing Alice, who was digging her hole.
"Leave me alone, Giorgio!" Alice snapped as she got out of her hole.
"You are just mad that I was right! I WAS RIGHT! ALICE WAS WRONG! WOOO!" Giorgio followed her with a wide grin.
"What was that 'WOOO' thing?" Adrienne smiled up from her seat by Juliana's hole.
"A sound of triumph!" Giorgio responded with his grin intact.
"Well great, Zero escaped. Now we have to find him so he doesn't die!" Alice turned on Giorgio, nearly knocking him over from surprise.
"I don't think that is our mother fucking job, darling," Trixie smiled as she jumped into her hole.
"Where were you?" Greg asked from his hole that was three times deeper than it should have been.
"Would you god damn stop digging your fucking grave, Greggy, and leave me the hell alone?" Trixie replied as she dug her shovel into the dirt.
"What are we going to do about Zero? He'll die out there!" Alice nearly yelped.
"Again, not our fu… falafel," Trixie's eyes grew wide as she looked behind Alice. "Hello, X-Ray!"
"Hello," X-Ray nodded. "Hey, Captain, did you see what Zero did? It was amazing!"
"I did see it, actually. And now I must make a case to Ms. Gene for a search party," Alice replied grudgingly.
"Or an escape party," Giorgio smirked.
"A what?" Squid asked as he walked up.
"Don't you see? If Zero could do it, anyone can do it. Don't say it came from me, but I'm suggesting we all escape," Giorgio's smirk grew to a new degree of cockiness.
"No," Squid immediately replied.
"Why not?" The smirk disappeared.
"Well, Zero escaped because he is stupid. I am not and will not escape to die."
"That can be debated," Juliana said under her breath.
Adrienne kicked her as X-Ray started laughing.
"Did you just call me stupid?" Squid asked.
"No, no, I just said that your intelligence is debatable," Juliana crawled out of her hole, "which may or may not be calling you stupid."
"I think it would be hot for someone to escape. I mean, Zero looked pretty sexy hitting Pendanski with that shovel. Don't you agree, Alice?" Adrienne nudged Alice.
"Of course I don't…. Yes, definitely. Risking your life is so sexy. Like, 50 Cent? Sexy!" Alice nearly gagged from the lie.
"Yep. So, we should get going. Have some things to do," Juliana gave a slight smile and pushed her friends to their tent.
Giorgio leaned on his shovel, smirking at X-Ray and Squid as they exchanged looks, "So, did you guys hear about Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn? Isn't that crazy?"
"We have to do something," Alice slumped down on her cot.
"I know! This Greg trying to kill himself thing is starting to fucking annoy me!" Trixie paced at the entrance of the tent.
"It's obviously because he is in love with you, Trix," Adrienne said into her pillow.
"Are you sleeping? Zero could be dead out there!" Alice shouted.
"I'm not sleeping anymore," Adrienne rolled over.
"I'm sure he's not dead," Juliana said as she ate some of the chocolates that Giorgio had been harboring for Glenn.
"Yeah, Alice, stop going batshit," Trixie frowned.
Just then, Magnet burst into the tent. Trixie screamed and fell onto Alice, who had shot up.
"Hello Magnet," Juliana greeted.
He nodded at her, looking nervous.
"Want to sit?"
He shook his head.
"Want some chocolate?"
"No, no," he responded.
Giorgio came into the tent just then looking satisfied.
"Well, I should be going," Magnet nodded and rushed out of the tent.
"What did you do to him?" Giorgio asked, looking after Magnet.
"Have no idea," Juliana frowned.
"Are you eating Glenn's chocolates! I'LL KILL YOU!" Giorgio shouted, nearly pouncing on Juliana.
"I don't like the new kid," Tap glared at the boy who had replaced Zero.
"What's his name?" Giorgio asked as he read a Star magazine.
"Have no idea," the whole group said together.
"How long has Zero been gone?" Alice asked as she stared into space.
"Oh, did I tell you guys what Zig did yesterday! Well, we were making out, you see and he…"
"Ew! I'm going to go puke now!" Juliana shot up and left the cafeteria.
"I don't want to know, but I do. What did he do?" Adrienne asked.
"Well, he put his hands on my…"
"How are you and Armpit?" Greg asked Trixie while Tap continued talking.
"We're fine," Trixie took a bite of the unknown substance that was lunch.
"Good. I'm glad for you."
"I'm sure you are."
"You don't have to be mean."
"You're the one who is being fucking mean! You're treating me like shit!"
"I am? You are treating me worse!"
"I am not, you fucktard!"
"You know how I feel about you, and you flash him around!"
"Excuse me? How do you feel about me?"
"I love you, Trixie! I love you more than he ever could!"
"What?"
"Ew! Oh, Tap, that is nasty!" Alice shrieked.
Giorgio and Adrienne just laughed as Alice shuddered.
"I liked it," Tap gave a small smile.
Juliana walked to her tent with a smile. She had to admit that even though Tap and ZigZag were experimental at most, they were cute. Insanity to the max always makes for a good relationship. She walked into her tent and immediately went for "Glenn's" chocolates. As she came out from under Giorgio's bunk, she was scared out of her wits to see Magnet in the tent. She smacked her head against Alice's bunk in her surprise.
"Hi, Magnet," she said, very much in pain.
"I have a confession to make. Although you are socially awkward and not as pretty as Adrienne or Alice," Magnet started.
"Well, thank you for that, Magnet," Juliana rose up and opened the chocolate box.
"I love you," he said quickly.
She nearly choked on the chocolate she had just popped into her mouth, "What?"
"I love you, most ardently."
"Do you even know what ardently means?"
"I love you, Juliana."
"Yeah, I got it. I'm just a little confused."
"Why?"
"Well, you insulted me and then you said you loved me and, like… whenever I would try to flirt with you, you would turn me down. So… yeah, I'm a little confused. And I'm a little upset because I just spit out that chocolate, and it was delicious."
"I couldn't just flirt with you! The boys think you are inferior to us!"
"Where are you coming up with these words? You aren't smart!"
"You'd be surprised."
"I am surprised! I have no idea what is going on right now!"
"You have to marry me."
"No! Just… no! What is with you? You're acting like you are in a fanfiction, and I am a Mary Sue!"
"What?"
"I can't have this conversation right now. I have to go."
Juliana rushed out of the tent incredibly confused and still grieving for the chocolate.
Heh, I totally stole Magnet's crazyness from Pride and Prejudice. I love that movie. Anyway, sorry that is has been a while since I posted. I've been busy and had writer's block. Thanks to LeMoNsOuR (heh, you are awesome. I very much liked that review, really), BrokenAngel1753 (Gina is insane. That's why I like her), and Montelijao (uh… okay. I'm going to assume that you said: Delete this shit and get a life; it's too messed up and corny. If that was what you said, I tried to not make my story corny, and I'm sorry if it seemed like it to you, but I will not "delete this shit." Also, if you were trying to hurt my feelings, TRY USING PROPER ENGLISH! I only laughed at you because you made soooo many mistakes in that whole illiterate rant. Also, please don't write any fanfiction until you learn proper grammar. So, anyway, thanks for the laugh!). I will try to post sooner! Really! I will try! Right. Review if you feel the need, kthnx!
