Disclaimer: I don't own Ruroken, but at the moment you're probably a little more interested in what I do own, this story. So without further ado...
Burden
Why do you torture yourself like this? You shouldn't have to—I hate to see you like that, eyes empty to reflect a broken soul, because you don't deserve that damage. You never have and never did and never will, but you blame yourself for it anyway because it was your own mistake that caused it. But we all make mistakes sometimes, and I can't help but think, it's such a shame—a shame that yours had such fatal repercussions that you still haven't gotten over them. Still, to err is to be human.
Can't you see that you are only human?
Always taking the blame on yourself, pushing us away because you don't want to taint us… I can't stand it sometimes, because you don't see that right in front of you are just a few of the people you've saved. Just a few. Don't we make up for the lives you took? You were never the demon they said you were, and yet a decade later, after so much atonement, you still seem to think that you don't deserve the little human happinesses you fought so hard for—that you're somehow evil.
I know better.
A sinner, maybe, but never evil. Never.
You are such a good man. Too good for your own good, I've realized.
But one of these days, I'll get through to you. You need to know, after all. I think somewhere deep inside you, you do, even if you keep pushing the thought away. But you have to know that you don't need to fight alone like this anymore. You are not alone—you have us, and we'll never let you be alone again. I will never let you leave us, because… I think I might die if that happened again.
I know you were trying to spare us the pain. But you've been carrying that burden alone for so long… Please, let the rest of us share it.
Together, we'll be stronger… and happier. I promise.
Author's Notes: So I found this old notebook on my desk at home the other day—it used to be my diary a few summers back, you see, so I was flipping through it, rereading snatches of old entries and reminiscing. What I'd forgotten was that I'd used it just a year ago as well. Last summer, the one I spent about half of reading the Ruroken manga… Mostly it was just song lyrics written out, lists of all the random Japanese words and names I'd learned since the renewal of my previously long-lost obsession with anime and manga. But there was this one page filled with something that, unlike the rest, I really cannot recall writing. It was a bit of a rant, I suppose, in the third person about Kenshin. When I came upon it, it made those rusty gears in my head start turning. I've been lacking inspiration of late, but seeing this old thing just made me start thinking. I put it in a combination of second and first person instead of third, and changed it around, fleshed it out, just trying to recapture all of the ideas I'd put down there more eloquently, more poignantly. It was really spontaneous, but I think it worked—I hope so, anyway, but I need you guys to tell me if it did! Not entirely satisfied with the ending myself, but it came out that way and I don't think it's too bad. Also, I have realized that, though I was writing this as a jaunt in Kaoru's shoes (probably at some point in the Kyoto arc), it could be from the POV of other members of the Kenshin-gumi. Heck, if you changed around a few lines, it could be from Misao (or another of the Oniwabanshuu) to Aoshi! I'd love to hear what you were thinking of when you read it, before I told you my own thoughts. So thanks for reading, and please review!
Laura
