Describe a dream that you've had. How did the dream make you feel?
He fell asleep in the on-call room, he was sure of it but there he was laying awkwardly across a table in the OR, fluids pumping in and out of his veins like fire or acid, or maybe his imagination was just a little over-active lately. He blinked his eyes open groggily and heard the shouts; felt the pain sear across his skin as the drugs started to wear off. He shook his head violently and then heard the voice.
"Dr. Shepherd, calm down, we need you to move your hand. Can you do that Derek?"
It was Burke that much he was able to discern through the cloudy fog in his brain and he knew this was familiar. He'd operated on Burke and had been worrying himself sick over the possible damage to his fellow surgeon's nerves.
Now here he was on that same table with a man he had never been sure he liked that much cutting into his arm to remove a blood clot. It was a strange kind of clarity that came over him as Addison walked into the room and looked him over, she started cooing to him in the way she has that used to relax him without any problems. Now it just made him want to fall back into unconsciousness. He wasn't ready to face the truth here and now. So he closed his eyes and when he opened them again she was gone, Meredith was standing in her place with a smile that was hidden by the mask on her face but one he knew was there anyway.
Derek fell into her eyes and listened to her voice, she asked him if he could move his fingers, could he just move them a little. It took him a full minute to process her request through the haze of drugs and pain before he silently commanded his hand to move. He couldn't tell if it had but he heard a collective sigh of relief from Burke and the others and then she was gone again. The room was suddenly dark and he was alone, or at least he'd thought so until he heard the sound of footsteps coming closer.
"You know, I never trusted you to do it. You opened up my arm and ruined my career, you know that deep down inside don't you … Derek."
Burke's face was close to his ear now, he would have felt the warmth of the other man's breath on his cheek if it weren't for the mask. Derek turned his head slightly and saw the rage in the other man's eyes.
"You ruined me and now I'm ruining you."
In one instant the haze of the drugs was gone and he could feel the scalpel press into his shoulder, feel the searing pain across his nerves until he couldn't feel anything anymore. His entire arm felt like it was gone, no feeling, nothing left of his million dollar hand.
So he screamed.
Derek awoke with a start, clutching at his shoulder frantically. It took him a minute or two to shake away the dream, a second later the fear clutched at his chest again. What if he had ruined another man's career? He wasn't sure he could live with that.
