Disclaimer: Shut the up. You and I both know I don' t own these characters (cause if I did I wouldn't be writing fanfictions).
Uncertain Feelings
Part 3
Love me without fear; trust me without questioning; need me without demanding; want me without restrictions; accept me without change; desire me without inhibitions, for a love so free…will never fly away.
By: Apherion
Chapter 1: Shadows
He awoke long before the sun had decided to show its perky face. He tried sitting up, but stopped and settled back down realizing Sakura had a firm hold on his body. He blinked in surprise at the warm blush heating her face. What is she dreaming about? He thought with a smirk as he heard a slight moan in fantasized ecstasy.
Kakashi smiled at her, feeling her right leg hike up his own to rest lightly on his thigh. He shuddered to the sensation her hot, tingling breath made on his skin. He bit his lower lip to stop the groan emitting from him. He did not want her waking up tangled up in him. He didn't want her to feel thoroughly embarrassed before heading out to search for Sasuke.
"…Kakashi…" he heard her voice animate his name with a breathy sigh. Oh god, he thought, trying his best not to look at her while fastening the reigns of his self-control down as best he could. He nearly lost himself when she practically rolled on top of him with her arms encircled around his waist.
His breathing hitched terribly. As awkward as it may be for her if I wake her up, I don't want to have to explain why she feels fatigued if I don't wake her. With that logic, he brushed back her hair and put a hand on her shoulder, shaking her lightly.
He didn't even have to say her name, her eyes opened blearily as she looked about the room. She didn't seem to be aware of where she was or who she was on top of, straddling his waist no less. She unwound her arms from his waist and rubbed her sleep-filled eyes with her hands.
Sakura Point of View
She yawned and stretched lightly. It was then she noticed her pillow had been something a bit more…full of life. She leapt and toppled off the bed. She heard Kakashi laughing at her expense. What a fine way to start your day, Sakura.
"Good morning to you too," she said grumpily standing up. He just chuckled amusedly throwing the covers off himself. He sat up in the bed and pulled her by the waist into him.
"I don't think you want to be unconscious when you and I play," he whispered in her ear. She remembered her dream vividly and blushed automatically. She could feel the warmth spread all the way to her toes.
"W-who s-said we were…playing?" She stammered chastely, feeling his hand take hold of her hips. She already felt jumpy as it was. He brushed his lips over her ear as he spoke in the husky whisper of his.
"If you want to; we have a good few hours before Tsunade asked us to meet up with her to begin the mission." Her legs wobbled dangerously, threatening to collapse on her. He pulled her into his lap feeling him against the material she had worn yesterday. She gasped and fought out of his hold, not that she minded him holding her. That wasn't the case. It was just…soon and…
Kakashi just stood up and wandered over to her, encircling her waist, laying his chin on his shoulder. The fear evaporated. Why, she requested an answer. Why do I always flip out when we get that close? I'm not afraid of him, am I?
"No," she heard him speak in an undertone. "You're not afraid, Sakura." She felt his lips connect with her skin, flooding her body with a soft mellowness. She leaned into his touch, egging on the contact. It stopped and she felt the warm, firm body holding her against him disappear.
She turned around, blinking away the things that had stirred up. She watched his every move. Sauntering over to the dresser, he opened a drawer and pulled out a shirt that seem to be a little too small for his frame. Getting a closer look at it, Sakura realized that the shirt wasn't his. She took nervous steps towards Kakashi.
"Who's shirt," she asked softly, touching his shoulder, longing for the feeling of his arms around her once more.
"Mine from a long time ago; I knew there was a reason I kept it," he laughed handing it to her. It was blue, something that had completely contrasted with his normal attire of black, green, and red. She smiled weakly, taking it from him. He touched the back of her neck and guided her to his mouth, kissing her softly. Sakura moved into the sweet gesture, but he broke it.
"You shower first while I make breakfast," he ordered in a light-hearted fashion. Sakura pouted at him, giving him a hurt look. Though, her expression did a complete one-eighty when Inner Sakura came up with something clever to say.
"Aw, Kakashi, how 'bout we shower together and I'll help you make breakfast." She flushed red, smiling at the stupid comeback. Kakashi just ruffled her short hair, kissing her on her nose.
"It is tempting, but I don't think you're ready for that." Sakura folded her arms across her chest, returning to her little pout. I was hoping you'd have a bit more of a reaction to that, she thought about saying, but held her tongue.
"Don't tempt me, Sakura," the decisiveness in his voice was alarming. "I only have so much restraint inside me, don't push yourself into something you're not ready for." He smiled genuinely at her, kissed her briefly on the lips, and strolled from the room as if nothing happened. God, the nerve of that man!
"I was only joking…it wasn't like I was being serious," she mumbled irritably stripping her day-old and slept-in clothes. She let a hand drift unconsciously to her chest, tracing her curves down her stomach to her fit stomach. She tensed the muscles and felt the curves of them as well. She turned the cold faucet on and gradually added hot water.
Steam rose inside the bathroom as Sakura lathered his shampoo, an earthy scented mixture, into her blossom head. She accidentally poured too much for her short hair to take in. She grinned sheepishly. It's not like he has to deal with a lot of hair himself, no harm, and no foul. Sakura ran her wet head underneath the curtain of warm, tickling water. She began to wash out the suds from Kakashi's shampoo.
She almost dropped the soap as she picked it up, full realization taking its affect on her. She scolded herself. It was his bathroom; she would've been shocked if he hadn't used the most of the stuff inside it before.
Get a grip, Inner Sakura yelled shrilly. Using his soap makes no difference whatsoever. It's not like you haven't touch him before.
It's not like I've used his soap before either, she said, trying to rationalize somewhat. It was true, as many times as she and Kakashi had together, it was normally him at her place, not the other way around.
"It's still his soap," she whispered, getting the soap to a foamy state. She set the soap down and ran her hands over her body, letting the water wash off what she put on as she went along. The minutes passed by with a calm serenity about them. She smirked crookedly when she heard Kakashi bang on the door.
"Don't use up all the hot water," he called over the sound of water hitting porcelain. "Cold showers are reserved for special occasions." She laughed, rinsing the rest of her body off once more before turning off the water. What he said didn't make sense to her just yet, but eventually she would figure it out.
She wrapped a towel around herself and opened the door to let the condensation disappear from the room. It was too stuffy to stay in the bathroom, so she tiptoed out of the bathroom and leaned heavily against the wall, her eyes closing just lightly as she dripped to some extent on the carpet beneath her feet.
"Don't fall asleep on me now." Kakashi's voice was somewhere close to her. Then it occurred to her that she was all in his arms, still in the towel (amazingly). Yet even that was being considerably overrated as it was beginning to fall off her frame.
"Reh," she started, pushing away for a second, but stopping as soon as she came to her senses (or rather her senses came to her). Kakashi laughed and kissed the top of her still wet head.
"I said not to tempt me," his voice had turned from soft and light to hard and dark. Sakura clutched the towel to her as she backed away from him, frightened just by the sheer sound.
"I was just joking though…" Sakura said, barely above a whisper. The towel was slipping down in the back, but she was facing him in the front.
"It doesn't really matter," she said mostly to herself. Her gaze had traveled to the floor. The sun was still hiding beneath the horizon.
"It does matter, Sakura," Kakashi said exasperatedly, sliding down the wall to sit on the floor. "It makes a difference. Would you rather me just screw you now and it not mean anything?" Sakura didn't say anything; she just bit her lip guiltily. Her grip tightened around the front of her towel. Inner Sakura was definitely tempted to pry the white-knuckled fingers from the front of the towel and let it drop to her feet, but for once Sakura didn't know what to say to it.
She took tentative steps towards him, looking down at him when she got a foot away. Her body was still soaked, not being properly dried off. Kakashi looked up at her, his lips…oh his lips weren't happy. His white hair fell over his gorgeous face (that could've passed for eighteen). Tears threatened to fall…he was disappointed with her…in her.
He patted the carpet beside him, motioning for her to sit. She bit at her lip again and did as he wished, but he stood. She looked at him, wounded, as if she had done something wrong just by sitting by him. His face broke the cold façade, giving her a smile.
"I'm getting you another towel," he stated as if it were a good explanation. Sakura gave him a 'for what?' look and he chuckled to himself walking into the bathroom and coming back with a shocking pink towel. Sakura mouth fell open.
"Where you get that? All of you stuff is black or white!" He laughed and attacked her hair with the towel. "AHH," Sakura screeched, jumping up, and losing the hold on her towel front. It slipped considerably low, but Sakura yanked it up. She huffed, blushing madly seeing that her arms looked sunburned from the warmth spreading through her. She glared at Kakashi.
"And you talk to me about restraint."
"How was I supposed to know that you'd lose hold of my towel? Besides, I'm sure you look better without it, but hey," he received a bop on the head for that comment.
"Hey now," he said smiling. "That's the Sakura…that's my Sakura that I like," he softly spoke to her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. Chills ran a rampage throughout her body. She loved the feeling of Kakashi so close to her, but she knew she wasn't ready for anything that intimate yet.
"Breakfast is ready you know," he whispered to her, his lips and hot breath were tickling her skin thoroughly. He was avoiding kissing her directly, she could tell. And who's to say that I'll stop him if he decides to go through with his Icha, Icha 'practical experience'. I have no self-control, god!
"All right, Kakashi," Sakura whispered, as if defeated, but all the while willing him to just take her into the kitchen with him. She felt his arms pull her into a standing position. He let one of his arms go off her so he could wrap it around the point where her knees bent, picking her up gently as possible, as if he were carrying something fragile and needed to be handled with extra care.
She blushed, looking up at him without his help in supporting her neck. He looked down at her, he still hadn't put his mask on and Sakura wished he wouldn't. The familiar swooning of her stomach hit her when he smiled his handsome, slightly suggestive grin. He sat her down on the stool and she adjusted her towel as best as she could. Her eyes widened with what she saw.
"Kakashi, you made me anko dumplings?" She asked awed at his audacity to make something that really wasn't a breakfast meal.
"Of course, what did you think we were going to have?" Sakura couldn't believe he was acting normal, pouring syrup over the dumplings quite thoroughly. She put her hands on the countertop.
"You made one of my favorite dishes like it weren't a problem at all, what's gotten into you?" She inquired, completely stunned and nonplussed.
"You," he stated, looking her in her eyes with his mismatched ones. He was being utterly serious about it, and Sakura couldn't laugh it off. Taking silence, she picked up a fork and stabbed at one of the dumplings. She brought it to her mouth and bit into the piece of food. She felt the watering sensation that created in her mouth, dissolving the tasty morsel of a bite. She had forgotten what a good cook he was.
"Kakashi, why did you make this? It's not that I'm not grateful-I am; I love this-but why?" She was trying not to sound too offhanded, but it still came across as such. He just smiled at her, walking around the counter towards her. Before she knew it, his arms were around her waist and his chin was resting on her shoulder.
"Because," he said, tickling her ear with his breath, "I know how much you love this and I wanted you to enjoy your last home-cooked meal before this mission. Now, it's just cup ramen." He let out a chuckle, once again tickling her ear.
"I could make you your favorite if you'd like while you're taking a shower, as you cooked for me," Sakura noted hopefully. It was sweet what he did, and she knew for a fact that he had always like miso soup. Kakashi just shook his head though.
"No, Sakura, you don't have to if you don't"-Sakura kissed his cheek and he stopped.
"Of course I want to, why else would I ask?" Kakashi didn't answer her at first, but he sighed.
"I just don't want you to waste your time with this old man," she could hear the sour tone when he used 'old man' to talk about himself. Thirty wasn't old though! What's he complaining about? Inner Sakura laughed, asking the rhetorical question.
"Kakashi," Sakura said, looking at him as seriously as she could. "If I didn't want to be with you, or as you put it, if I didn't want to 'waste' time with you," she refrained from calling him old. "I wouldn't be here." He squeezed her middle in his arms.
"I know Sakura, I know. It's just, you know I have a dangerous reputation and I go on missions like these as if they were going out of style…I-I just don't want you to live for me," Kakashi's voice was slightly strangled, trying to say the personal words that Sakura knew she wouldn't have heard if she didn't already know the truth in them.
"Kakashi, I wouldn't want anyone else to be with." Sakura took his face in her hands and kissed his lips softly, pulling away before leading him into temptation.
"Promise me something Sakura," Kakashi started after a long pause of Sakura thoroughly enjoying her breakfast. She made a noise, indicating that she was listening as she stuffed another syrup-covered dumpling in her mouth.
"If this mission fails and you get away, don't dwell on what happened in what will be the past. Don't just love me and cry over my name." He tone wasn't pleasant; it was a heavy issue that they were discussing. Sakura knew what happened on these missions. It wasn't uncommon for someone to die during one. Yet this was Kakashi they were talking about. Her Kakashi, her protector…
"I-I…" Sakura stammered after swallowing. She felt Kakashi lie his chin back down on her shoulder.
"Promise me that if you live and I don't that you'll live like I never existed." Tears formed in her eyes, listening to Kakashi prematurely talk about his death like it was something casual to throw about.
"But, Kakashi, I," she tried once more to get it out, but Kakashi turned her around to face him.
"Promise me," he said it like he demanded it of her. She nodded, crying into the hug he gave her. She couldn't though; the promise she had just made wouldn't be kept up on her part. She couldn't handle the fact of his death. What would she do? She would have nothing…without him. A hollow spot inside her chest formed. It would belike he was with Kina again.
His hands touched her deeper than they had last night, and she let the sobs wrack her body. His fingers ran through her short tresses, drawing more out of the situation. She wanted to feel him, but she knew he wouldn't let her. Yet she could care less.
He kissed her tears away.
"Sakura, don't cry," he whispered his lips brushing over her skin, sending tendrils of sensations flowing through her body. It wasn't her fault that she started to smile through her tears. Her sparkling eyes focused on him, inviting him to kiss her without words.
He pressed his lips to her softly at first, and then it felt fevered and rushed. She kissed him back, allowing him to open her mouth with his tongue. It felt hot in the kitchen suddenly, but his body was pressed into hers so much, the towel wouldn't be coming off. I guess he wants it to stay like that, she thought, feeling the warm flush fill her cheeks with the passion she was feeling.
Hands still in her hair, she felt his lips pass from hers to tracing her jaw-line and lightly sucking on her neck. Sakura gasped in surprise with the awareness of the experience she never had. He stopped abruptly, bringing forth a moan of disapproval to the break.
"No," he looked into her eyes with his; hard and focused, "not yet, Sakura. She could feel her lip tremble, but she prevented it from twitching too much.
"Why not, Kakashi, we've been waiting for"-he stopped her from saying anymore by touching her lips with his fingertips.
"I know, Sakura…I just don't want to feel like I did it to you. I want you to truly need me. Not just out of lust." Sakura nodded and he removed the tips of his fingers from her mouth. She licked her lips, biting her bottom lip softly.
"Who knew that you were such a romantic?" Sakura said dryly, getting Kakashi to laugh out loud.
"I wouldn't tell you, even if you really wanted to know." She smiled sardonically at him, and laughed as well.
"Persuasion has always been my favorite part of being a kunoichi," she grinned wildly, touching his neck lightly with her lips. He stiffened underneath the contact she had made with him.
"Sakura, don't," and with that, he walked away from her, towards his bathroom. Damn it all! Inner Sakura screamed, stamping her foot into the ground.
A/N:Didn't you people love the poem? Yeah, I found it on romantic-lyrics .com. My friend was all like 'You've gotta be kidding me' when I told her about it.
Congrats, you all have seen the first chapter of the last part! Mwahahaha...I mean...Hi...how you doing? LOL. Well, I hope you are enjoying this fic, sorry, no lemon in this chapter...I understand that we are now in part three, but seeing as it's a first chapter, I couldn't put it in. See, read here:
Apherion's Guideline Book
Rule #78: No lemons in the first chapter, limes accepted.
Flips through pages
Rule #90: No lemons in the first chapter of any part, book, etc. You are allowed as much fluff and lime until it gets to graphic.
(points at now closed book) I had no idea what a bother it would be until now, but at any rate. Review, and prompt me to write more!
Read, Review, I take flames too.
.:..:.(Apherion).:..:.
