A/N: Hi! I'm so glad so many of you enjoyed the first chapter of this story. I've had a lot of fun writing it, so I really hope you continue to enjoy it. Thank you so so much for all your kind words!
TW: brief mentions of past childhood abuse
He didn't have a lot of beer or whiskey the night before, but it was enough to leave a lasting impression on his brain.
Jay pushed out of bed just after his alarm went off and made his way to the bathroom. The hot water could erase all the flirting and booze, but it couldn't take away the memory of Hailey's smile all night.
They had walked into the bar together after a long day with a promise to buy each other a drink. She'd taken the day's case pretty hard, so he stepped up to help her process the entire thing without going over the rails. It was part of this thing they created together - they could always lean on the other when work and life got a little heavy for one person to handle.
He appreciated it more than he could properly say.
In doing so, though, he began looking at her differently. Now she'd put her hair in a ponytail in his truck and he'd watch out of the corner of his eye or completely face her if they were parked instead of ignoring her and continuing the conversation. Now she was more than just his work partner.
He needed her, and he liked to think they needed each other.
His phone rang while he was shaving, and, while he'd probably usually ignore it, he couldn't help but think of Hailey walking out of the bar with a new, random man next to her, so he quickly dropped his razor, nicking himself in the process, and gripped the towel around his waist to run to his phone on his nightstand.
"Hey."
He was practically panting from the short sprint, but it was Hailey which meant the running was worth it.
"Hey, I'm grabbing a bagel for breakfast, you want one too?"
Jay smiled at Hailey's voice and nodded. She was okay. She was talking to him and eating. She was okay.
"Yeah, yeah, sure. Everything okay?"
Hailey laughed, "Yeah, I'm great - just craving a blueberry bagel."
"Okay, good."
Hailey hummed in response. "So, salt bagel with butter?"
"You know me so well."
It earned him another laugh. "Yeah, maybe too well. All right, see you soon."
"Yup, bye."
Jay tossed his phone to his bed and took a deep breath.
She was okay - maybe even good. That was enough for now.
She was already eating her bagel at her desk with a coffee when he walked in the bullpen half an hour later.
"Morning," he said as he passed her.
"Good morning," she replied with a smile once he sat down.
"Good night?" he asked before even touching the brown paper bag waiting for him at his seat.
Hailey laughed, "Nosy."
Jay smiled and shrugged, "Ditched me for another guy. Just curious about what happened after you left."
"I wouldn't say I ditched you," Hailey wiped her face with a napkin, "We were all going home anyways."
"Yeah, well," Jay shrugged again and finally opened his bag.
"Well what?" Hailey said with a smile and a tilt of her head, "Jealous?"
Yes. Yes he was.
But god forbid he actually say that out loud.
He'd just spent all night imagining eating hot fudge cream puffs with her and maybe splitting an order of fries as well. She would have gotten some of the chocolate on her chin and he would have wiped it off for her. It would be the exact opposite of what he usually eats, but it would have been perfect because he would have been spending time with her. Listening to her talk has become one of his favorite past times, so yeah, he would eat junk food in a greasy diner with her.
Thinking about it, he realized that perhaps the slight headache wasn't just from the alcohol. Maybe the blonde in front of him that caused him to stay up all night dreaming of potential date nights could be to blame as well.
A headache well worth it though because they were some pretty nice dreams that, unfortunately, couldn't come to fruition any time soon. He couldn't even tell Hailey about them.
So he just laughed under his breath and said, "No, of course not."
"Ouch, Halstead," Hailey winked.
He smiled, "What I mean is, how'd it go? Especially since I was the one who set you up with the guy."
Hailey hummed, "I see. Right. Well, he was nice."
Jay waited for her to say more, but she just bit into her bagel and then replied to an email. He raised an eyebrow and, after a moment, asked, "Nice? That's it? That's all you're giving me?"
"Yeah," Hailey shrugged, "All you need to know."
"Okay," Jay chuckled and shook his head, "Thanks."
She sighed and leaned against her desk as she said, "You really want to hear about the guy I spent the night with?"
Jay's ears perked up and the smile froze on his lips. "What?"
Hailey looked around then said quietly, "Yeah, I went back to his place after the diner and spent the night there. He was nice."
So 'nice' got you in his bed?
The tease was there. It was on the tip of his tongue. It was something he had tossed back and forth with Mouse often when they first came back after the war.
"She touched my arm. I made her laugh. We had sex in the back of the bar an hour later."
"So she laughed and you were like 'yup, gonna sleep with her tonight?'"
"Don't judge. I know you had that redhead over the other day. What was her name?"
"We're not talking about this."
"Exactly."
It was always in good fun because they were guys. They were good friends who barely survived a war together. They earned a good one-night stand every once in a while.
Sure, every once in a while usually meant every day that ended in Y, but still. It seemed natural for them.
Suddenly, listening to Hailey tell a story about her own one-night stand felt the complete opposite.
So Jay swallowed the joke and cleared his throat before saying, "That's…great."
Hailey looked amused at his response and just shook her head. "I knew it'd be weird."
"It's not weird," Jay sighed, "It's just different, right? We've never really talked about sex before."
"Who said I slept with him?" Hailey asked.
Jay felt like a rock dropped in his stomach. "Um…you did? You…you said you stayed the night at his apartment."
"Doesn't always mean sex," Hailey said with a shrug.
Jay stared at her as she continued to eat her bagel. As fast as he'd felt the conversation was weird, he now felt embarrassed. He guessed that she was technically right. Sleeping at someone's house didn't always equal sex. Now he was sent into a spiral that maybe she thought he was judging her. Maybe she thought-
Hailey then burst into laughter as she said, "I'm just kidding."
Jay blinked and stuttered, "What?"
She smiled, "We did have sex, but you should have seen your face when I said we didn't. You looked pretty scared like you insulted me."
Jay weakly laughed, "Good one."
Hailey continued laughing as she stood up, "Dumbass."
Jay rolled his eyes after she passed him on her way to the break room. He could still hear her laughing to herself behind him. It felt cruel. He didn't want to be the one who shamed people for sleeping with others – it would have been one of the most hypocritical things he'd ever said – especially to Hailey, so yes, his heart at stopped for a second at her words.
He just…wished she would have gone home with him instead.
Once she returned to her desk with a bottle of water, Jay felt like he'd composed himself enough to ask, "Are you going to see him again?"
Hailey glanced at him as she scrolled through her computer. "Uh, maybe? Like I said, he was nice and pretty funny. I did have a good time after the bar – obviously. And then back at his place…it was good. We can leave it at that." She winked and sipped her water.
He just nodded a few times and said, "Cool."
Hailey laughed again and shook her head.
Jay let out a slow breath before finally biting into his bagel and sinking into his own emails.
The conversation needed to end. If they were going to continue talking about sex, he knew his mind was going to wander.
So he threw himself into his work. The slow start to the day began to pick up before lunch causing them to actually skip the meal and spend the afternoon walking up and down the streets of a nearby neighborhood in search for any information about the sudden disappearance of a young couple.
It was tedious, exhausting work made worse by the weather. The sun was beating down on them with each step and never seemed to let up. There wasn't a cloud in the sky to provide any sort of relief. They could only imagine the amount of people at the beach or even sitting in the air conditioning doing all the things they wished they could do right then.
Jay's stomach was growling by the time he got into his truck late in the afternoon. He groaned and used his t-shirt to wipe the sweat from his face once he cranked up the air conditioning.
"Holy crap," Hailey breathed as she swung herself into the passenger seat.
"Right?" Jay tried to laugh, but even that seemed like it would waste too much energy when he needed to be conserving every drop right now.
Hailey lifted her ponytail up sit on the back of the seat while she tilted her head back. "I feel like I'm melting. I think I am." Closing her eyes, she let out a long breath followed by a soft groan.
"I need some ice water," Jay said as he started the car.
"Yes, please," Hailey whispered.
Before Jay could drive away, there was a soft knock on his window and he turned to see Kim standing outside.
"Hey," he said once the window was rolled down, "You okay?"
She nodded and held up two Ziploc bags filled with ice and paper towel. "Gift from some concerned neighbors," she explained.
"Oh, that's perfect." Jay grabbed them from her and passed one to Hailey. "Thanks."
Kim nodded again and stepped away. "See you back there."
"This is heaven," Hailey moaned.
Jay glanced over as he started driving to see her wiping down her face and neck with the damp paper towel. He chuckled and asked, "Mind opening mine for me so I can get in on that?"
Hailey smiled and teasingly groaned at having to stop, but laid her own paper towel on her chest while grabbing out Jay's. Once he was rubbing at his forehead, she returned to cooling herself off.
The entire drive back to the district didn't involve any talking. The only noise was the sound of the air conditioning and the quiet music just underneath it. Talking seemed like it would waste what little energy they had left, so they were better off in silence.
Jay didn't even look at Hailey until he parked his truck near her car in the district parking lot. When he did, though, he noticed something he hadn't before.
At the edge of her t-shirt close to her collarbone was a small bruise shining from either the water or her sweat. He knew it was a hickey; he just didn't want to admit it. He was also confused. In the last year that he'd known Hailey, he assumed she had to have at least made-out with someone on either a date or in the back of a bar – he didn't think she was completely innocent – but he'd never seen her with a hickey. She didn't exactly seem like the type of person who would let a guy give her a hickey. She was always very responsible and presentable at work. He knew she wanted to appear professional as a woman in a male-dominated field, so hickeys didn't match.
Swallowing against his dry throat, he said quietly, "Hailey?"
"Yeah?"
She turned to look at him with tired eyes and he instantly felt bad for what he was going to say; however, it was kind of like having food in your teeth – you'd want to know if it was you.
"You have a hickey." His voice was barely heard above the air conditioning in the truck, and yet it still slipped across the console into Hailey's ears.
She raised an eyebrow as if in question, but her eyes still seemed to freeze as she stared back at him. She then turned away and pulled down the visor to look in the mirror. Her fingers ghosted along her collarbone to trace the small bruise.
"Do you think it-"
Hailey didn't wait for him to continue his question. Instead, she dropped her hair from its ponytail so it covered her shoulders and chest before pushing open the truck door and jumping down to the pavement. She rushed inside leaving Jay confused and, admittedly, hurt.
Hurt not because she left him, but because he hurt her.
The look in her eyes as he said it had gutted him. It was clear she hadn't wanted him to say anything about it, and yet he couldn't stop himself. He couldn't even imagine the amount of teasing she would have endured had Adam or maybe even Kevin and Kim had noticed. He thought he was doing her a favor.
Slowly, he got out of his truck and made his way inside the building. Passing the locker room, he briefly wondered if she was in there, but just continued walking up to the bullpen.
Kim glanced up as he settled in his desk. "Where's Hailey?"
"Uh, bathroom?"
Jay rubbed the back of his neck then opened his phone to start sending the voice recording he'd gotten to his computer. Kim shrugged as if she barely heard the question in his voice and returned to work.
"Anyone get those pictures back yet? I want to take a look at their office space again."
Jay's head snapped up as Hailey walked toward him. Her hair was back in a ponytail and there wasn't a hickey to be seen on her skin.
She sat in her desk and accepted the flashdrive from Adam. "Thanks."
Jay couldn't help it and let his eyes scan her collarbone even further. If he squinted, perhaps he did see the shadow of a bruise on her skin, but he couldn't tell if that was because he knew there was a hickey or not. Had he imagined it earlier?
"Halstead," Hailey snapped.
He blinked and met her eyes, "Yeah?"
Hailey waved her hand around in annoyance and her eyes widened when she asked, "Did you hear what I said or were you just staring at me?"
Feeling everyone's gaze turn to him, Jay tried to laugh it off: "I…heard you."
"Then send it to me, thanks," Hailey sighed.
Jay bit his lip and glanced over to Kevin who smirked and held up his own phone.
"Oh," he said under his breath and quickly sent her his recording.
Kevin nodded and winked at him.
"Thanks," Hailey mumbled once her computer chimed. She rubbed a hand over her face, and if Jay saw her play with the edge of her shirt, he didn't say anything.
He couldn't stop sending her quick glances the rest of the day, but she never again met his eyes. She managed to avoid him until that night when all of them walked out together and he followed her to her car.
"Hailey," he said quickly before she could even unlock her door.
She closed her eyes then turned to him to say, "Yeah?"
"Hey, I'm sorry." He stepped closer to her and lowered his voice, "If I said something that crossed a line, I really didn't mean to hurt you."
"Hurt me?" Hailey's eyebrows scrunched together and she put her hand on her door. "You didn't hurt me."
Jay glanced over his shoulder before asking, "Then what's been going on today?"
Hailey let out a slow breath and looked down at her feet.
"Are you okay?" Jay asked.
Hailey smiled slightly and looked back up at him. "Yeah, I'm okay. My ego's bruised, but whatever."
Jay relaxed with a laugh and shook his head, "What're you talking about?"
"I don't…" she sighed and crossed her arms, "I don't like that you saw it. I haven't had one in forever and I asked that he didn't do it, but…it happened." She shrugged, "So thank you, Covergirl, for saving my ass at work."
Jay smiled slightly, "It happens to the best of us."
"Yeah, well, I hate it," Hailey said and turned away again, "No one will respect a cop with a hickey, so now I'm back to hiding bruises."
Jay's face instantly fell and he took another step toward her.
"Okay, so," Hailey cleared her throat and glanced back quickly, "See you tomorrow?"
Jay took a deep breath, "Yeah, but-"
"See you," Hailey said and stepped away. She dodged any more questions by jumping in her Jeep and bringing the engine to life. Once Jay was out of the way, she drove off without even a wave.
He stood there staring off in the twilight before seemingly getting his courage and running to his truck.
"I'm back to hiding bruises."
Over his dead body was he going to let the conversation end like that.
He didn't bother calling her as he drove toward her condo – he knew she wouldn't answer.
Her words haunted him.
Back.
Hiding.
Bruises.
In his mind, hickeys weren't really bruises. Bruises were caused by pain – sometimes the pain was accidental like running into the corner of his desk, but it was still painful – hickeys usually felt good. It was a type of soft pain that he didn't want to end, and yet Hailey did want it to end. She didn't even want it in the first place.
And then there was the whole "I'm back to hiding bruises."
I'm back.
It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that she'd grown up in an abusive situation where she had to hide bruises on her wrists or arms or maybe even her face so that no one would rip her family apart despite its disgusting history. It felt even more unfair that she was equating all of that to a hickey of all things in the present day.
And to have to hide it?
He understood for sure. No one really wanted to show off a hickey – especially at work – but at their root, they weren't necessarily bad. People might just tease you about them and poke fun for a few days.
Of course, that's what he assumed because he was a guy and that was always his response and experience. Once, he gave Erin a hickey in the summer and Antonio made more than one joke at her expense when she'd slipped her jacket off to expose it for everyone to see.
Then again, that was Erin. She'd never had to prove to people that she didn't sleep her way to the top.
Hailey did.
He remembered the story and how people assumed she was promoted because of her relationship with her sergeant. He'd even heard Al make a comment about it. He knew what it did to her and her path at work – the limited relationships, the dotting every I and crossing every T, closing herself off. He understood why she wouldn't want to show off a hickey at work no matter who gave it to her.
Perhaps his words wouldn't matter, but he needed to try. He needed to help her through this.
He wasn't far behind her, and her headlights actually turned off as he turned onto her block. Just as he parked across the street from her condo, he could see her closing the blinds to her front room. Within seconds, he was hurrying up through the sticky air to knock on her front door.
The sound of the deadbolt unlocking broke through the air and suddenly Hailey was standing in front of him.
"What're you doing here?" she asked softly.
"We're not leaving off on hiding bruises, Hailey. We're not," he said quickly.
"Jay," she whispered and shook her head.
He just shook his head as well and put a hand on her door. "I want to talk."
Hailey stared at him for a moment, her eyes searching his, and then she let him in.
They were then on her couch and she talked. She let him in. She told him about her father and the bruises she'd hide at school, about the way her mom always caked on the makeup along her jaw after a rough night, and about the rumors that surrounded her within the police department. As she talked, it became clear that it wasn't the fact that Tarik gave her the hickey that bothered her, but that she didn't like hiding a bruise again. It reminded her of her past and she was still trying to process it all and that was okay. She needed to let it out, so he simply listened – it was all he could do right now.
In the end, she quietly asked, "How am I ever going to tell him?"
Jay breathed in, "Well, do you want to tell him?"
Hailey closed her eyes and tilted her head up to the ceiling. After a minute she shrugged and tugged a blanket over her legs.
It pained him and caused his heart to twist, but he still found the words: "Do you plan on spending more time with him?"
A ghost of a smile crossed her lips, and she whispered, "I think so."
Jay nodded and rested his elbow on the back of the couch as he said, "Then maybe just talk to him about the hickey thing. I don't think you need to tell him everything right off the bat especially since you're saying you think you want to spend more time with him. I'd want to know the bare minimum."
Hailey's head moved slightly as she picked at her fingernails.
"Up to you though," he nudged her shoulder, "If you want to talk to him about it or not, I'm on your side."
"Thanks," she breathed. She looked up at him and took a deep breath, "It's not like he knew, right? I mean…I don't like that he still did it after I said nowhere visible, but it's just a hickey. He didn't hurt me and I had a nice time – I really did like him."
"Then go for it," Jay tried to smile, "Have another cream puff with him."
Hailey laughed and shook her head looking away.
Jay's smile widened, and he brushed his thumb over her arm before pulling his hand away. "Sounded really good."
"It was delicious," Hailey said softly.
"Well, then, he probably knows some other good restaurants. Maybe he'll take you somewhere I've never been before."
"Oh, so I can take you on a date?"
Jay smiled and tilted his head to the side before saying softly, "Yeah, our own version of a date."
"Deal," Hailey smiled back.
Keeping his eyes locked on hers for a moment, Jay hesitated before standing up. "Are you gonna be okay?" he asked.
"I think so." Hailey stood up and tossed the blanket over the back of the couch. "Actually, I know so. It was just a rough day, right? It's a hickey."
"But if he does it again, I'll kick his ass," Jay said.
Hailey raised an eyebrow, "Jay."
"I'm partly serious," he chuckled, "If he hurts you, I will kill him."
Hailey rolled her eyes and put her hand on his back to walk him to the door. She opened the door for him then said, "He's not going to hurt me. Hickeys don't lead to hurting people. Drinking and abusive families lead to hurting people."
Jay shrugged slightly, but was filled with too much fear to argue with her. He hated to even speak the words into existence.
"Go home, Jay," Hailey said softly, "I'll be okay."
He smiled slightly and nodded before stepping out onto her front steps. He breathed in the hot air then said, "Goodnight, Hailey."
"Night," she said and reached out to squeeze his arm before stepping back.
He nodded then turned and began walking back to his truck. With one last glance toward her condo, he could see the lights turn out in her living room indicating she probably went up to her room. He smiled to himself knowing that she was going to be okay.
They talked through it.
Just like they always would.
