Uncertain Feelings

Part 3

Love me without fear; trust me without questioning; need me without demanding; want me without restrictions; accept me without change; desire me without inhibitions, for a love so free…will never fly away.

By: Apherion

Chapter 5: You Don't Seem to Understand

The trial had been set. Two days from the day Sakura woke up. She had finally learned the date: January twelfth. That meant January fourteenth he was going to be tried and sentenced. Her stomach twisted into a knot. Two days; forty-eight hours; two thousand eight hundred and eighty minutes; one hundred and seventy-two thousand and eight hundred seconds; it was short and the seconds were whizzing by as she tried clutching to them like water or air. Impossible to do unless you had a jar and time can't be bottled up.

The date was absolute, and the chains around her heart tightened as the sun poke through the curtains of her room.

The day was upon her. Cold washed over her as she lifted herself from the bed with difficulty.

She looked into her mirror; physically cringing at the image she saw staring right back at her. She looked like she hadn't slept in days. To tell the truth, between the time lapse of her finding out the date of the trial and the trial day itself, she hadn't slept. The bags under her eyes made that apparent.

She walked into her shower, and with it being five in the morning; she needed something to wake her up. She barely even recognized herself as she washed her entire body. She didn't feel alive, just a body harboring a will that was forcing her onward. She didn't have the tears to express how dead she felt.

The water turned cold, but she stayed inside the water's spray. She held her breath underneath the stream of water. She coughed when she accidentally breathed in the water. She shut off the freezing water, spluttering.

She groped for a towel and dabbed at her face, coughing less frequently now. She dried off her form, ignoring everything that she took in after her showers. She wiped away the condensation off the mirror, staring at her face. She added the makeup, just to cover up how bad she looked. She wouldn't cry.

She breathed deeply, and with her lips parted, put on her mascara. She powered her face, covering up the lines under her eyes and the slight blemishes trying to form. She put on some lipstick before leaving the bathroom to change.

She didn't even notice the folded up note that Rin had written Kakashi still on the sink.

She put on her bra and her panties and pulled a black shirt over her mid-drift. She stepped into her black, drawstring, cotton pants, tightening them around her waist tightly. She studied herself.

"I will not be defeated by this." Her inner-voice had its say next.

"I will be dignified and I will not lose pride." She walked from her house with sandals on her feet for shoes. She came to a stop at the ANBU center. She clenched her fists and her jaw was set as she strode the threshold. She saw Naruto; she had her gaze adverted from her traitor, bastard of a friend.

Ino and Hinata were nowhere to be seen. Tsunade must've thought it was for the better. She didn't see Sasuke, but all for the better. He was in with his brother. Evil was too tempting for him to fight it. It consumed him whole. I could've stopped it too, she thought bitterly. She remembered how she wasted her time chasing after his affection. He had none, so she had gone to another.

Kakashi, she thought blissfully, seeing him for what seemed like the first time in years. She came to a halt beside him and wrapped her arms around him. He returned the gesture. It was apparent both needed the contact, no matter how minimal it was. She let him go, swallowing her tears when she heard Tsunade come in.

"Kakashi, you have been accused of transactions with the minor to your right," Tsunade inclined her head at Sakura. "We've had the evidence medically confirmed and witnessed. Temari gave confirmation, under the order of her Kazekage, she had spoken truth." She paused for a breath at which Sakura interjected.

"No, Tsunade," several gasps formed from within the crowd that was around for Sakura's informality address of the Godaime.

"What do you say is not true, my student?" Her teacher gave her a loathing stare, daring her to address her commonly again.

"I say that I am not a minor." Tsunade stared at her and someone, who happened to be Iruka, spoke the question.

"What's your authorization for that?" Sakura kept her voice even, and despite how hard it was to speak in formalities, she continued doing so.

"I say that I am not a minor for these reasons thus: I have no family; I killed my parents, no one has been my guardian since I was eleven, and I have been holding my own since twelve. I think that gives me"-Tsunade stopped her speech.

"It still does not matter, Sakura. You are fifteen and you have no say in matters." Anger flared immediately upon the sentence.

"Who says I have no say? Damn the whole order! I don't care what the hell you think you have over me, but news flash! I am human and so is Kakashi, we're entitled to pursue what we call 'paradise'." She breathed deeply, glaring at the panel of jurors and the judge. She broke inside without showing anything; her face was as neutral as it could ever have been.

"Shinobi aren't allowed to feel anything, Sakura. You, still being an adolescent cannot pursue 'paradise' as of yet. Kakashi," she said the name like a curse, "you are an adult and I wouldn't have pinned you to be the one to fall backward with the young." Sakura blinked profusely, trying not to cry. The tears stopped coming on and Sakura's stony gaze fell upon her 'superiors' once again.

"Tsunade if anyone should be allowed to follow whomever they wish it should be the shinobi of Leaf!" Sakura called from where she stood.

"The life of the ninja does not call for love, Sakura. You are too young to know."

"Do not tell me that I am too young to know love." She said it in the same dark tone that Sasuke had used before. "Experience ages the mind, bringing people into different levels of maturity. You should judge us by our maturity level and not our ages! Shinobi do not know when they shall breathe their last breath. Look at my parents! They loved and in the end I killed them. I don't know the full story to it, but I do know that I had shed their blood across my hands."

"It's true, Sakura, that you shed their blood. That's probably why Itachi attacked you several months ago."

"I know it wasn't that long ago when he tried to rape me when we went looking for Sasuke!" Tsunade looked at the girl with pity, as if Sakura had lost her mind.

"Itachi is dead, Sakura, so is Sasuke, the last remains of the Uchiha clan. Kina, I'm sure you remember her, is also dead. Many sound-nin and missing-nin are dead as well. Temari, Naruto, Hinata, Ino, and Shikamaru are to be thanked for that." Sakura shook her head.

"No, Itachi stole me away from the battle that battle and almost raped me! Kakashi followed and saved me! Did you not see how badly he was wounded?" She yelled hysterical.

"That does not matter. He manhandled you"-Sakura interrupted rudely.

"Like hell he did! I consented to it, I wanted it." She lowered her voice, not wanting to go into detail about that night.

"Be that as it may, you were not authorized for that decision and Kakashi should've had more control"-Sakura yet again interrupted.

"He had control!" She breathed deeply. Here it would come, she would be asked to make her final statement in his favor.

"State your ground or be content with what we decide." The words struck a cord in her and she began to speak a speech from the heart. In short, she hoped it would have everyone feeling guilty, if anything.

"You say shinobi aren't allowed to have emotion, then what of Naruto? What of my parents, Tsunade? You say I am too young to make decisions for myself, but I have for the last four years. You say Kakashi should not have taken my innocence, and he didn't. I gave it to him. You say I wasn't authorized to make that choice. I didn't see anyone there to stop me.

All my life I have had things taken from me. Things no one would tell me about. My parents' death-murder, Kakashi protecting me from myself from the day my parents left, and I know I didn't even have a chance with Sasuke. Yet, Itachi took that away from me indirectly. He was the one who forced Sasuke unemotional, like the perfect ninja.

I won't let you take away the one thing that I know I should be allowed." She sighed and continued.

"Someone gave Kakashi a note before she died. I am not going to mention her name because if you already didn't know her before," Sakura stared hard at Tsunade, "then you will never know her." She closed her eyes seeing the note that she had read.

"'To you, you may find this hard to read, but I don't want you to feel abandoned, I did this for me and I know that I am being selfish. I know you Kakashi, and I know why you wear the mask. It's just another wall that one must penetrate to get to your heart. I was fortunate to see behind it before now. I want you to promise me that you will live like you never knew me. There will be someone else for you I promise, everything will be all right and you will have a home, just not with me there for you. You just have to trust me.

I will no longer be there for you, and I want you to know that turning your back on the world won't help. Time will heal the pain that's infinite; my death will not scar you forever. As much as I hate to say it, I am not long for this world. It's not your fault. You did all you could. I hold no grudge to you. You, who didn't want to fall into your father's footsteps but finally gave way to, came to rescue us. I'm sorry I was such a burden, but a medic-nin should always accompany jounin on their treks.'" Sakura drew in breath, faltering-the hard part coming. "'And I had to be near you on that journey.

I wish I could tell you these things in person, but I'm afraid it would be harder on you. I must bid you adieu soon though. I feel my legs going numb with emptiness, as I know your feet are going cold as you read this. My arms are getting heavier as my eyes are with sleep. Drawing breath is getting hard too, but then again, nobody's really noticed me pull the IV from my arm. I'm sure they'd have let this go on if I lived.'" Rin…well Sakura didn't know too much about her, but she wondered why the woman had written the last line. What would have stopped Rin from being with Kakashi? They were the same age were they not? All the same, Sakura produced it with conviction.

"I could easily have killed myself to escape coming here today. I could've taken Kakashi with me, but he has shown me what no other has. He's shown me the greatest thing any shinobi could hope to have in their life. He's shown me love when no one else would. When the one I loved was consumed with darkness and the one who loved me gave up hope, he took me by the hand and led me into the best thing anyone could ever have. And when I thought I needed no one, he proved me wrong. Love was wronged when it began to be judged by age and not how much a partner cared for their counterparts. He treated me as he should have, and I did the same." She watched on tenterhooks as Tsunade and the others collaborated in hushed tones.

She felt Kakashi's hand enclose her own for moral support and she smiled half-heartedly at the contact. It should be me comforting him, but he's as cool as water with this. How can he be like that? Always hiding his emotions away…? She remembered her vow to herself. I won't cry; I will hold myself up properly like 'young lady' should.

"With the evidence presented and with avouchment from five minors, the sentence will be less harsh." Tsunade spoke the words with an unconvincing thrill. Her eyes looked hard at Sakura then to the one still holding onto her hand. Sakura tightened her grip on Kakashi's hand unconsciously.

"Where you would've been presented with death for your treason and the fact that you and Sakura have been in each other's company for about twelve years, the first three you weren't present for, you are now presented with banishment for seven winters in Leaf." Sakura felt her body grow cold as if presented with winter to clothe her body. The silver lining was he wasn't going to be killed and he would only be gone seven years. Seven years was a long time though. It would be seven years wasted without him.

"S-seven y-years," she choked out. She felt his thumb rub softly against her flesh sending fresh torrents of affection inside her heart.

"It will be all right, just as Rin had said so long ago to me, but I will be back to reclaim what's mine, so don't get comfortable in my bed without me," the huskiness in his voice arched her breathing for a minute, spiking her heart-rate. They ignored the powers looking on with greedy eyes it seemed like.

"I'll be around," Sakura stated matter-of-factly. She looked at him over her shoulder and saw the look in his eyes.

"Will you?" He asked the soft question and pulled her into a hug, resting his head on top hers. "I love you, Sakura," he whispered the words so only she could hear. Sakura closed her eyes and hugged him back, taking in the scent that she would miss profoundly for the next seven years.

"I love you too, Kakashi. Write to me, I know you'll be allowed to send letters." He chuckled and let her go, looking her in the eyes.

"I was planning on it. I couldn't leave you completely." She blushed, catching his implement suggestion in his voice.

"You could never leave me like that." She hugged him again, knowing it to be her last touch to receive from him for the next seven years. He let her go and followed the ANBU leading him to another country outside of Leaf.

"I love you," she whispered watching his silhouette disappear from view. She felt someone put his hand on her shoulder and she looked at the blonde Naruto.

"C'mon Sakura, I'll take you to Hinata's." She gave a weak smile and followed behind her friend that now understood her position and accepted it. She was meant for Kakashi and he now knew why she loved him so much. It was good that Naruto had sat through that trial. I wonder why he was even there if Ino, Hinata, and Shikamaru weren't there, Sakura thought bemusedly.

Hinata and Ino were at the door when Naruto knocked on it. They dragged Sakura in and told Naruto to meet Shikamaru at his house, saying that us girls needed our time together. For weakness too, thought Sakura as she sank into the couch and started crying like a newborn child.

She fell asleep soon afterward and had a dream, which was odd because she hadn't dreamed in a long time. She drifted into it, wanting to know what was happening, but she regretted it as soon as she was indulged in it.

"We're sorry Sakura, but we have to," her mother whispered as she began to attack the genin-in-training with abnormal pink hair. Sakura ran from the jutsus coming her way. She fired back with what she knew. Her father came up behind her.

"It's either you or the whole village. It's a choice a shinobi has to make for the best of its village. We have to do this," he caught her in the back with a kunai, but it was pulled out almost immediately.

"Sakura," a voice that was so familiar to her…she couldn't believe it. "Don't be afraid." She fought back, something in that man's voice sparked something for her. She didn't realize that her parents were dead and that she was being pressed against Kakashi's chest, soothing her.

She woke in a cold sweat, alone in the living room. Ino and Hinata must've already gone to bed. It was then that the heaviness of the seven years she had to go without Kakashi began to linger on her form and she dreaded waking in the morning without him for the next seven years; three hundred and sixty-four weeks; two thousand and five hundred and fifty-six days; three million six hundred and eighty thousand six hundred and forty minutes; two hundred and twenty million eight hundred and thirty-eight thousand four hundred seconds.


A/N: There you go! The last chapter of UF. I know, it's sad eh?There will be an Epilouge, so don't worry (eyes everyone warily)...I know horrible way to end it, that's why I'm making the Epilouge. It was extremely fun while it lasted. Thank you very much to my faithful reviewers:

SweetAssassin, xXAngelic1ZXx, nlightnd, Kakashi's Sakura, andbakasake

You've all been real great. Check out my other stories, like my new oneshot 'All In One Moment'